magnificent7

A few explanations needed for this one. There was a total of 22 episodes of this made (one of them a double) so both seasons fit on one page. Also, this is one of those lovely shows that's been scheduled by region in the UK, usually on a Sunday. It hasn't been shown every week, it hasn't always been shown in order and if the Grand Prix overrun, it sometimes hasn't been shown at all. So, where there are episodes missing, blame Luciano Burti and whoever failed to teach Michael Schumacher how to use his launch control. Hopefully they'll be repeated at some point and we'll try and catch up then (or if anyone out there has them on video and wants to make a fringedweller very happy...)

GHOSTS OF THE CONFEDERACY (PILOT)

Now that's a convincingly distressed looking woman giving birth. Don’t fan me, invent the epidural!
Is it just me or is there something romantic about a flag that's ragged and holy but still in use
He wasn't told to dismount too
Are remnants of a defeated army just allowed to roam the countryside? Shouldn't they have been disbanded or disarmed or something?
Ghosts can't die, they're already dead
So the person selling the bullets would be turning lead into gold?
Surely that cannon barrel's going to be kinda hot?
You know, I always thought red-eye was a description, I never knew it was a brand name
Conversely, having just done nine hours of 'Dark Skies', I want to pull off Eric Close's hair extensions. You can have the extensions, I want to pull off his clothes.
Chris has got to be good, he's a bourbon drinker and I'm still prepared to respect him, amongst other things
Ooh, a mysterious stranger dressed all in black smoking a cigar. It’s Mr.Western Stereotype!
Glaziers must have made a fortune in this town. Perhaps this is where Methos got his start?
Fair's fair, he does look good in a pinny.
God, Eric Close is attractive.
Yes, but hanging gangrene's very difficult. Where would you put the noose?
Okay, this kind of thing always really annoys me, we're supposed to think she's a strong independent woman because she waves a shotgun at that guy. A real independent woman would have shot him in the balls and had done with it
She’d do better without the bustle.
The pale trousers look good on Eric Close too, they give him the appearance of having long legs
Due to the bright sunlight, Chris and Vin have developed the thousand yard squint
"Anyone think to reload?" that's a damn good bit of strategic thinking from Chris
Nothing like wearing unrelieved black to give a man a reputation, what as is up to him
Not out of his bed, out of somebody else’s bed.
No, not the wrong room at all, come on in…
Oh, no woman could resist that, the pink long johns alone...
Should she not recognise her husbands voice? I mean, I know prison can change a man, but honestly...
Been to hell and got the beard to show for it
How did Ezra get six shots out of that? Because he didn't reload after he put one in the duck.
I suspect a fairly clever scam.
You weren't hustled, you were outwitted
I wonder how many times he's pulled that trick
The fact there was only one bullet in the dartboard would have helped too
Poor JD, the only difference between him and me is that I'd know that I'd make a prat of myself and not have tried to show off. I did exactly that, only instead of a nice clean trough it was the pond they drained the cowshed into. (I wasn't showing off though, it was just kind of an accident)
Are there lots of long shots to hide the fact that the actors couldn’t ride very well yet or are they there for arty reasons?
Chris glowers at the old Indian guy, thinking 'you didn't mention that either'
Or have folded the corner over when you were stacking the deck
Do they have enough ammunition for a training session?
Isn’t time a bit too precious for arts and crafts?
Ivanhoe moment, Ron Perlman was the deformed monk in ' The Name Of The Rose'
Two one track minds at work. "Can you just cut me down please?"
Not a bad way of getting a husband, laying a spring trap for them on the trail
He was nowhere near you, you wuss
"Crime of not being white," oh come on, I'm sure they fabricated a much more convincing charge than that...
It might be the last laugh, but it'll be a quiet one
Ezra was the Old West equivalent of a televangelist!
Since when was there a fashion for buzz cuts in the old west?
Those are very nice leather gloves that Darragh O'Malley's wearing
They all seem to be hitting what they aim at, so why is no-one aiming at the Colonel?
That's a very tuneful 'retreat'
You'd think he was being generous by taking first watch, he isn't because it means he gets to sleep for the rest of the night
What’s stopping the army coming back?
Ow, that shoulder relocation must have hurt
JD, the trick is to drink it, not spill it
You are only allowed to turn to that bad a pun when drunk or sorely wounded
El Dorado? Not quite Ezra, there's more gold on your teeth
Shouldn’t Ezra fasten that horse to something?
It's a shame we didn't get a hint of Ezra's nerve going before they used it as a major plotline. It would have been a nice story to work up to
Ezra up for an early watch? They should have known something was the matter
Oh, here’s the army.
That’s a nice trail of snot coming down the colonel’s nose during the ‘sons of the south’ speech.
Here it comes, Tobin’s Old West Pun Of The Week - It’s the Battle of Wounded Knee!
Christ, that much laudanum and he’d be unconscious.
He can't, Chris left the medallion in his coat
Were there many Irishmen in the Confederate Army?
Colonel he may be, but in any other man's army he would have been made to get a haircut
How many decks did Ezra bring? Because his last ace of spades had a hole shot in it. Although, it's not unlikely that he's got a few extra aces snuck away somewhere
They've been trained and have already discussed it
Is the keg really empty or is Ezra getting bluffed?
Rabies shot?
That flag really isn’t at all impressive. If I'd have been about to be executed under that flag, I would have insisted on a new one without the holes
How come Ezra didn't need six ranging shots before he hit the flagpole?
“He’s dead.” Yes, being stabbed in the thigh and then shot at close range will do that to a person.
It's gold Vin, you could split it with a butter knife if you wanted to
You'll notice their sitting trots get much better as they go through the season

ONE DAY OUT WEST

WORKING GIRLS

Of course it's run by a man. If it was run by a woman the place would be tidier and there would be solid walls and roofs for a start. That’s not a town, it’s an adult scout fete
Gosh, Chris' hair's grown out since the pilot
Buck must have some nice strong stomach muscles there
JD’s whore has nice teeth.
It's a good job nothing ended up happening or Buck would have told the story of 'how bad JD's first time was' to everyone, up to and including his grandchildren
Nathan didn't think out the location of his surgery well did he? You have to climb a huge flight of stairs and walk along a rickety balcony to get there, which is a bugger if you can't walk. Or if you're the poor guy doing the carrying
Must be wash day, Chris has run out of black
Bless his innocent heart
'Spiritual' well, he just means it ought to be good, and he's right. There’s a fairly sensible way to look at sex if you subscribe to the ridiculously misogynistic retarded dogma that is Christianity.
Hell, I'd be tempted to give him a go for dinner and a decent movie
JD you'll have to put up with it until you can draft in someone younger
With all this advice flying around, someone should take the time and show JD how to shave
Uptight little cow. Yeah, she never shuts up. That blonde piece is awfully full of herself for someone whose eyebrows don’t match her hair.
Feeling the competition bite Mary?
Which would be more valid if you were raising your child there
God bless Ezra's little dramatic streak
You’ve got to admire a man that knows the power of the simile.
Chris, you were married, you had to know you wouldn't get anywhere with that conversation
He's not really playing that mouth organ
They don't make Buck pay? I can believe that
No wonder he knows so much about it
I want to make a crude remark about the number of positions Lydia has to offer, but I can't seem to find it
"Fair game" meaning that Mary wants to shag him blind but the emotion can't fight its way to past the starched collar and up to her brain
If this isn't the greatest line ever written I don't know what is. "How hard can it be to find a wagon load of whores!"
God that shot makes Anthony Starke look short. And what about Eric Close? Is he just not there or is he too short even to get into shot?
My expectations have been action film trained. That wagon should have burst into flames
Oh dear, can’t any of those men say “diversionary tactic”?
Chris really enjoyed doing that
Got to admire a man who can make a point by sanding
Ezra hadn't thought of it like that. If he could make a little profit off their good fortune where was the harm? Well, the harm is in the ideology, it usually is
Oh gee, Nathan's subtle isn't he? And not setting Mary up at all
Fight, scream yell, chuck at that big kettle of boiling water at him! Do something woman!
Yes, distressingly, he does walk "awful graceful"
The bustle I can understand, but he hasn't got enough chest to adjust. He should have borrowed a pair of Buck's socks
Always worries me just how little convincing it takes to get otherwise completely straight men to wear a dress. I wonder if they got him in the underwear as well? Because that's usually a stockings and corset job
I don't know how much I should be saying about a man who carries a gun, but he looks like he's done this before
Falling prey to the James Marsters folly of trying to sing and do the accent at the same time. Although poor AS has to do it in falsetto, a corset and yards of black lace as well
Ezra can defend his virtue, but not apparently give as good an account of himself as some of the whores. Although they probably aren't wearing as many petticoats as he is
Love the piratical, dying "arrghh!"
The bit you can't figure out JD, it's called a corset

SAFECRACKER

I do love Buck's big grey horse, he's got big floppy horizontal ears, just like a horse I used to ride
Kid's got a good point
It's handy how Michael Biehn 's name starts with a 'B', so they can credit everyone alphabetically and still have him first on the titles. Same goes for Eric Close coming second
Olivia asking the question of millions
Buck's really not thinking that long term
Buck love, we don't just start young, we start in the womb
She's not a hellion, she's just the first female in quite a while that Buck can't charm
"Cheated badly" and that makes all the difference. Of course. Cheating well would just mean that the guy was a professional, and Ezra would have mostly been impressed. The fact that he thought he could get by Ezra with a cheap trick is just insulting
There's an old argument, "I did have a life before I met you, you know"
Kid's very good
That's just not sporting, they should at least have waited for him to come off the crutches
Chris and Buck have done this little scene before haven't they?
Does Chris normally go around firing blanks? Not a question I'd ask to his face mind you
Does everybody get to wear a sombrero in this episode? It's Buck, JD and Ezra so far. Surely the question should be is everybody forced to wear a sombrero. I don't think sombrero wearing should be viewed as a privilege
Josiah falls victim to the age old problem of falling asleep to your own bedtime story
And to keep her presence a secret they shout Olivia's name all over town
"Don't have time to explain," but just enough time though to tell her who he is, what he's doing and what happened to Buck. Wasn't that explaining?
Nice shot Josiah!
It's a western, somebody had to be lassoed

WITNESS

"That there is proof there is a god." And that there is proof he has a sense of humour. "Mother?"
Wolves don't gamble, It's against their religion. Ezra's not nearly rugged enough to have been raised by wolves, and he's made no attempt to found the city of Rome either. As far as we know
Sorry, but it looks like a cow
It’s the evil Dr. Kelso from 'Scrubs'!
Devil's gonna get her? We can only hope
I love the way the kid's at boarding school so they don't have to write storylines for it every week
Okay, okay, so they are trying to found the city of Rome (or rebuild it in Four Corners). Honestly, what were the ****ing chances of me getting caught out on that remark! Bloody Ezra
But not on luggage straps apparently
Chris is being approachable in grey today
Poor JD
I have to say, my parents are very good at not doing this reciting the baby stories thing. Or possibly, I just wasn't a comical child
Strange name for a lady
'Wanted: Outlaw for long to medium term prison sentence, genuinely guilty replies only'
When did those two manage to get on the coach, and why couldn't Mary have gotten off and out of danger at the same time?
Yeah, but a) you're special and b) the devil's got patience
Someone else having an attack of the Bart Simpsons
Stick to your story and you've got a chance
Chris completely fails to get seven shots out of his six-shot revolver, possibly a first for Western television...
Good man JD, good man. Best five dollars he's ever spent
My copy of this has no end titles whatsoever, were HTV really that short of time?

NEMESIS

THE COLLECTOR

That old woman, or at least her voice, is really familiar and I can’t place her at all.
Saving the last bullet for yourself is stupid, honorable, but still stupid
She doesn't need to take them all mate, just you
I know Casey's nervous, but she's another of these women who flutters about rather than blowing the guys balls off
It’s not her virtue she cares about, it’s that chair.
Now, if she'd aimed that a little higher it would have hit him in the spine and he'd have been uncomfortable at least for days. Go for the head! Aim for his head!
Hang on to that land whatever you do Nettie
JD caught in the battle between his boyish pride and his manly dignity. Care to place bets on which wins out?
Buck 'Show of force' Wilmington. It works for me
Vin getting his dander up, but making JD carry the awkward, bulky chair back to town
Curly? Where’s Larry and Moe?
"I only hope he cooked it well/ Boiled heart can be as tough as hell." I don't have a boiled liver quote, sorry, you'll just have to make do. Although I hope he just fries that liver for a minute on either side, or stews it for a decent length of time with a large onion and some bacon rolls.
“Do you know what this is?” Well, it appears to be a grant deed to me, but I’m just going off the really big bold black letters at the top of the piece of paper.
That's a good line Ezra's got, not to mention a good lounge, but the obvious reply is, 'you don't work, you don't eat, now get up off your arse'. Ezra's helping, just in more of a supervising capacity
He only saw her four times, always with a chaperone, and Nathan's surprised that they didn't get married?
What was a mistake, the two years of study or asking the girl to wait?
I love Josiah's grin. You really wouldn't want to start a fight with anyone who grins like that
Nice boots. Those boots are really well fitted. How can he fit $300 down them and still flex his calf muscle?
Vin didn’t agree to those terms though. Ezra’s going to be unpleasantly surprised in an hour’s time.
Removing money at gunpoint, no of course it's not a robbery Chris... Vin doesn't look at all devious does he? I'm so proud of him. It's not a robbery it's a donation!
No, it's going straight back into Ezra's boot for his saloon
Ezra, you said 10% interest, but Vin never mentioned it. He's having a good day today
Buck, you'd better watch yourself or you're gonna get your head cracked. Laugh if you like, but laugh quietly
Hey, isn't someone going to stop them stealing Ezra's coat? Apparently not. I suppose he needs some motivation to help with the fight, and also to remind him to insult people out of the reach of their fists
Buck frequently talks through his socks
Criticising his hat was just a step too far. "Seems to me a man would remember an ugly, one-eyed coward, six and a half feet tall with no hair and a sissy hat." Good line but how has Buck not got shot before this?
Well, you could tell him then kill him
The word is 'dead' and a gunfighter really ought to be able to remember it
"Welcome to any part of his anatomy you choose." Does that go for me too?
Does Buck keep women's clothing hanging around for just these occasions? Thinking about it, is this where they got the purple for Ezra? 'Buck 'Show of force' Wilmington. Ladies Attire Ltd
“Kid” is correct, she can’t be any more than 14. Buck shouldn’t be encouraging them.
That would happen to me too. Nearly did the last time I wore heels
Poor Josiah, he really should have had his trousers cuffed
It didn’t take much to entertain them in the Old West, did it?
There it is, Chris has his little Top Hat Bob Ivanhoe moment. I can’t believe one of their villains goes by the name of Top Hat Bob.
Rail splitting contest? One question, well, two but this is just a preliminary question, this is a contest for splitting rails, as in post and rail, not as in small brown water birds, right (now that would be a spectator sport)? So, my question is, why? What on earth are they proving in a contest like that and why would you be proud if you won one?
Of course he can take Top Hat Bob, to dinner, a show...
Well, at least he remembered to do the girth up
Ezra getting his priorities straight
He's not wearing Ezra's coat now, you can blow him up if you like
It would look friendly if you etched a smiley face on the patch
Royale is a crap shot
Putrid fever? Ech.
He's a big, strong man, so we'll let Josiah have his little delusions

MANHUNT

It never occurred to me (and obviously to him) that the things you use to obscure your tracks can actually leave tracks. Makes you wonder why he bothered
Is this the 'Northern Exposure' Old Boy's show or something?
It's unlike Ezra to be that judgmental, or to well, care
JD taking the rare opportunity to call someone 'sonny'
Chris having a quality loom there
Save the bravado for when it counts JD
Oh, poor Vin, see this is what happens when you start thinking the best of people
Never ask. Told ya! Skunk a l'Orange
Eric Close's hair is starting to grow out properly now isn't it?
Wanting you to know, but insisting you figure it out for yourself. That's bloody inconvenient
"They're sinners, all of them!" Thank God for that (no pun intended (for once))
Oh, if you're wondering why there are so few fringedwellings to this ep, it's because the sound quality on this copy is appalling and we can only hear about a quarter of the dialogue. I still haven't worked out if it's a good or a bad thing that we can still tell exactly what's going on

INMATE 78

They're four nicely matched mules
Ooh, I know him, it's the evil not-a-swami with the fishing rods
Appellation, "proper what?" Although technically he means title, rather than appellation
Attitude problem? Chris? Whatever gave you that idea?
Chris follows in the specific Judd Nelson tradition of cutting off your nose to spite your face
I know my sense of humour is unreliable at best, but I love JD's paw joke. My Dad loved it too, but that is usually more of a warning than a recommendation. It's not your fault JD, they have no appreciation of a really good bad pun
Of course Chris is having fun, he's pissing people off
What are they sieving that soil for? I mean I knew American archaeologists were fussy, but honestly...
Chris' memory really is going isn't it? I think he should be starting to worry
Naked Michael Biehn
I'm fond of the idea of keeping the medicinal brandy for the doctors, they probably need it more
Shouldn't they be leaving someone behind to protect the town? Which is what they're hired to do
Maybe Chris wants to go back in the hole. I expect it was just starting to get homey when they took him out
From Buck's reaction, that would be yes
Proof that God's running the world as a non-profit organisation
It's still funny!
Chris it would appear has worked in a fast food outlet
I have plans for Chris too, and one of them involves him shaving
Good cowboy/bad cowboy
Ahh, it's Tara's dad, I knew I knew him from somewhere
I wonder when Vin had time to pose for a photograph?
They gonna kill him first or just shove him in a Postpak and send him first class?
I'm not entirely sure that getting someone pissed counts as subtle
Once again, Chris seeks enlightenment through the path of Judd Nelson
See, I told you it was funny
Vin, the man with the most dangerous count in the west
For the first and only time in his life Chris wishes he was Steve Irwin
Do they know they're being referred to as 'The Larabee Gang'? Ezra at least would be pretty pissed about that

THE NEW LAW

Chris is playing “my gun is bigger than your gun” with the gang leader.
Love the little spinning dismount from Ezra, how to come off a horse facing forwards without trying to kick it in the head first
I know they saved the town, but at least they should offer to fix what they broke. Are they saving the town or trashing it?
Yay for the excellent Peter Firth
I like the old law!
If they want badges, well hand them out to the boys and tell the railroad company they've got seven marshals
Well, fair's fair, you're not being paid to take it anymore
At what point did they invent blu-tack and save people from having to nail their posters to the wall?
Buck is going to spend most of this episode in prison, isn’t he?
Can I just say that, whilst against the suppression of gambling and drinking, I'm all for a 'no spitting in public' law. Also one against people blowing their noses out onto the ground because it's just disgusting
Sounds like a breakup to me, you get it all the time, the band pursuing solo careers
Course he wants to join, he got his arse kicked last time
Oh, so finally Nathan remembers the poor woman who's patiently waiting on the reservation for him to quit playing his little boy's-own gunslinger games and actually pay her some attention
25 men and 100 guns. So when they grow two extra arms each, that'll work out for them
I admit that was unkind. I wonder if he arrested Millie as well?
Which way is Texas? Where's this set?
Oh great, Buck just challenged her feistyness, It'll be bobby pins at dawn now
"I'm shaking so bad I can't move." Bullshit, anyone can fall off a horse
Love JD's undercover hat. What is JD wearing on his head?
See what I mean about the spitting? Even on Eric Close it's not attractive
Marshal Bryce? Not for much longer
Ezra doesn't slither, he might have sauntered, or even sashayed in a manly way, but he doesn't slither
God, dog, that's not a riddle, that's dyslexia
Well, you could wear them
Was there any way our Ezra wasn't going to get to be an officer?
Love Ezra's exceptionally poor 'Spanish' accent
That’s a very manly carpet bag one of the looters is using.
The Blue suits him though
No, not the army, they're much worse then that
Now you got him
And apparently we're not in Kansas either
Love the way they drop everything and just go for a drink. Does board include their bar bills? Because that's not such a bad deal

SINS OF THE PAST

LOVE AND HONOUR

That's not a tip, it's a proposition, tips involve actual money
Inez is a smart woman. Inez is missing a trick here, she needs to think up a much more insulting word, tell him it means something polite and wait until he gets his face slapped for using it
What is it with the old west and thermal underwear? It looks boiling hot out there and he's working
That’s a flamboyant suit for the Old West.
Rafael has missed a bit shaving.
Unless JD is planning to woo Casey by abducting her and taking her prisoner in his kingdom, or planning to gain entrance to Nettie’s cabin by means of a big wooden horse, then the Illiad probably isn’t going to be of much help.
Well, Alonzo no longer has to walk, now he has to limp
Yes, but he could sneak up behind him and kill him, that wouldn't prove anything
They're never going to let this one go are they?
Dogtanian and the apple was much more impressive
What is a frog digger? Surely it can't be for digging up frogs, and even if it is, why would you want to? All credit to JD though, he's actually put some thought into Casey's gift. Exactly, if the girl wants a frog-digger, buy her a frog-digger. It shows he's actually paid some attention to the kind of things she likes and not just got her some generic bunch of flowers from the Old West equivalent of Clinton Cards. It's only insipid little women with no personality or interests like Mary who are impressed with that. Although, this is coming from the girl who's most used and appreciated present was the box of sticky labels Tobin gave her at Christmas I’d just like to point out that the sticky labels were an incidental present, not your main one. I’m not that cheap!
Chocolate and flowers honestly. What if she's on a diet? What of she suffers from hayfever?
Buck, if you have to resort to lines like that you know you're in big trouble. You've still got to give him points for persistence though. I am fond of Buck.
No, that's an 'oh shit I'm going to die'
The fact that he's very pretty and has an attitude probably means that either he's a very good fighter or he gets someone very good to do his fighting for him. Either way you don't want to mess with him
Don't be so stupid, Buck will do anything for a woman
That hat deserved that, it’s hideous.
If I knew Ezra and in this situation he didn't open a book on me, I would be highly insulted. I'd open a book on you if you wanted, although surely Ezra can't have them both at even money, where would his cut come from?
Try it your way JD you'll get on better. It's why Casey likes you in the first place
That was EVIL! Josiah you could have told him earlier
Love this bit with Chris and Raphael in the saloon. It's like two immortals meeting on holy ground
Her only crime is not slicing that idiot’s balls off.
"Whoa! Whoa! JD!" That would be a big no then
Of course, now he has to reload
Is there an invisible-mender of hats in town (someone who does invisible mending Lizard, not a mender who's invisible)? Because JD's seems to get shot up an awful lot, and it's never any the worse for wear the next week.
Buck would have done it whether he fancied her or not
Raphael looks like he's supplying the coffins, not the weapons
They're swords Buck, get with it
Stand down? Not in the middle of the street with the whole town watching he won't
Butter knives are blunt Buck. Wonderful images of two guys dueling over who gets to spread the marmite
You'll notice Ezra never says if he won
Oh I love Buck in the background whilst Ezra's fighting (well, poncing about)
The little rapier rant would be much more impressive if he wasn't waving a sabre when he said it. Even I can tell that’s a sabre and I know bog-all about sword fighting. Except that you have to stick the pointy bit in the other bloke. Actually, once you've grasped that, you're 90% of the way there. The rest is just polishing
Poor Eric Close is a bit extraneous in this episode.
Anthony Stark so knows what he's doing with that rapier, look how neat he is with his feet. And he's got that lovely little flick thing when he first strikes at Nathan (although that's pretty much an Anthony de Longis signature move). Also notice how he's the one who gets the camera during that little sequence...
We learnt with blunt sticks, but we didn't hold back and they didn't have handguards, so every missed stroke means you get smacked over the knuckles, and yes, you learn really, really fast
To be fair, JD does mean that he'd like to win
It would have been if someone had let her shoot
There is no way Buck could wear down an experienced fighter, he's best to just attack like fury, smack the guy in the face and stab him when he's down. If you're no good, defending just gives your opponent time to decide how many pieces he's going to cut you into
Inez has a fairly good point there.
I think in the crunch, I'd rather have them. It’s good to have God on your side, but the six men with guns are a bit closer.
Oh, the honour of being a hatstand.
Derogatory spitting at arrogant little gits like that would be perfectly allowed btw. I'm not making that illegal
At least they're getting in the best, spot Tony de Longis doubling for Buck in the fight sequence. You can tell his hair alone a mile off
Even Casey got to disarm someone!
Raphael got that right!
JD decides at last to put his poor hat out of its misery
Actually, JD looked quicker than the pair of them then
Was Ezra still giving even money when he found out it was a sword fight?
There's no stopping Buck, he's incorrigible
Looked even to me
Was it worth it for one kiss?

VENDETTA

Buck really does have a way with a simile doesn't he? Particularly fond of "as much chance as a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest"
Nah, it's too dry for a sewer
A matriarch. That implies trouble looming.
A very sober circus, with a few clowns but no trapeze artists.
They haven't heard of them
Oh, very well held back on Josiah's part there
Ah, no sense of humour
You don't hear the word "carouse" often enough
Not impressed by Chris' poncho. That poncho was a bit of a gamble in the fashion stakes.
I like the "walls of Jericho" confessional
"About to sin," you really can't be able to get away with that. Can you?
The bible also has a lot of crap about smiting Egyptians but it doesn’t mean we should go and do it. I hate dogmatic people who screw about with the text and only take what they want to believe in and conveniently forget the rest.
Well, I’m sure that statement will take away John’s agony completely.
Must be some horse
So hopefully God's doing the aiming as well
She knows there are sheriffs in Kansas City, she nearly had her town destroyed by one about a fortnight ago
Stay away from him Casey, he looks creepy.
"That fancy talkin' fella lied to us" excuse me whilst I channel Jack O'Neil, gee ya think?
Well, dumplings are hard work. Of course she only wanted to make them once a week. No day is right for dumplings, horrid things, especially when people put caraway in them
Don’t worry, they won’t get that smart.
The sainted Sarah couldn’t have been that good and nice. Didn’t she snap? Didn’t she pick her nose? Nobody is that good.
Poor JD
Ok, we finally get it. Hank's lost his mind. Hank's been hiding the "I'm a total nut job" thing really quite well hasn't he? He's been very convincing for nearly 34 minutes
There's not a lot of justice in the Apocalypse, it's kind of indiscriminate
Somebody shoot that woman to shut her up please, the incessant prayer is annoying.
Oh well, less birthday presents to buy I suppose.
I love the way that corpse slowly smoulders in the background.
Good man Ezra!!!

WAGON TRAIN pt I

Mr. Richmond probably has a point there
Why, what's on or under that land?
That's a very silly hat on the Irish guy.
Looks like me and Ezra have fairly similar sleep patterns
Of course she had to come, otherwise she wouldn't be in the episode, and wouldn't that be a shame...
Oh look, the very picture of a model family unit.
Jesus, that's a fat pioneer child.
Whoever he is, he's a damn good shot
Another old 'Angel' villain I'm predisposed not to like that dusty dynamite guy.
Not only did he catch it, it's already been cooked
Now that explosion was almost big enough...
I think he's a little young for those sorts of stories, Buck.
Men get very proud about fathering children, it's ridiculous. Ten minutes in a sperm bank with a turkey baster and the job's done just as well
Plus, if they stay she can keep flirting with Vin.
He can't really miss her 'charms' when they're regularly hoisted up and thrust prominently forward. .
Morale boosting spoons
Is there a reason why Buck is dancing like a chicken?
Chris is obviously far to dour and manly to dance. Just because some of us choose not to embarrass ourselves by throwing some poor soul around a dance floor it doesn’t make us dour. Just sensible.
I'm as much a culprit as anybody else, but why do people always have to shimmy across a dance floor, why can they never just walk?
All that's left of the dead guy are some clothes and his beard?
Oh no she's not going to fall off, not if she clings on to Vin really, really tightly
Much as I love Buck's big grey, Ezra's chestnut is a total star. Watch it doing it's level best to take a chunk out of Vin's black. Now that's a horse with personality
That second shove wasn't in the script was it? Or the next two
Vin's wandered down there deliberately so he can stand on the water's edge looking ruggedly handsome

WAGON TRAIN pt II

Find some ground that isn't covered with nasty, pointy bushes, please!
Dead is always quicker, you have to work to get scared
"Show yourself" as JD promptly hides behind a wagon
I've seen that on too many t-shirts under cartoons of motorbike riding sheep
She knows nothing about Brazil does she? During this speech Charlotte is getting less enthused with the idea of spending her life with Vin.
Ezra on the other hand feels absolutely fine about that
See, Charlotte's got the right idea, she manages to knock the guy senseless herself
There really should be more stringent requirements for becoming a physician than simply having a hospital
I think JD's logic is a bit skewed about Casey
Hopefully twenty men to fire them too
Don't talk to her Charlotte, she's a journalist, she'll just pump you for details.
Oh, I think she is judging her really.
We all saw her grab it Mary
Only Ezra could look that unrumpled after being fired by catapult into a tree
No, that's awful
Obviously she can't lift the massive weight of the telescope all by herself
Suddenly, Mary realises Gerard isn't all the man she thought he was
A fat angel, maybe.
Vin, love, shooting at the dynamite is never going to help
In retrospect, hiding behind the boxes of dynamite wasn't the smartest move the powder man had ever made
Tumbling down the hill in cream trousers isn't going to do anything for Vin's laundry bills.
Every now and then, they all have to line up dramatically on the skyline. Contractual obligation
Talk about boys toys, I can't believe they're firing dynamite with a slingshot. Even my Dad's never done that, although that's probably because he couldn't get hold of the dynamite

THE TRIAL

Okay, this is the week before we got the cable hooked up, and it appears to be snowing heavily in the Old West
Those are seriously ugly cufflinks.
There's a plan, break up the lynch party!
I love the escape mule, it looks silly with both of them on it.
Just breaks the illusion for a second as the grey horse in the stampede shies dramatically at the camera
Oh, I think they will. Otherwise the show will be called "The Slightly Less Than Magnificent Seven"
I like Ezra's mother's style.
Maybe it's my poor reception, but doesn't Nathan's father look like a much younger actor in make up? It's the way his skin is very smooth. Perhaps he just moisturises well
He's not as comfortable as the woman in the next cell, though.
Snap!
Ezra's having way too much fun with this
I love the fact that the qualification to be an attorney is owning a suit
That wasn't a very good idea Mr. Advocate. You're going to have to lose now.
Are there biblical parables for repentant grifters?
Flirting with Judge Travis might not help, but she's gong to give it a go anyway
Yeah, but Chris isn't in court is he?
Leave it to Ezra to invent the pre-nup
That flag in the background has too many stars on it for whenever this show is set!

CHINATOWN

This is the infamous German Grand Prix episode, the fact that it also happened to be Ezra's big showcase doesn't irritate me at all. Or not in any way that shows. Much. Really

ACHILLES

"Drinkery" is a lovely word, I'm going to have to use it myself
"Happen to have a fresh deck..." gee, that was handy Ezra
Criminal or not, it's still a hell of a place to catch a bullet
This is the obligatory "young person learns a lesson" episode.
Nice to see Ezra rushed out to protect the town from the bank robbers
What, the big bullet hole in her chest didn't clue her in to the fact that she's about to die?
I detect a Classical theme.
Nice bit of posturing from JD, "I didn't mean to shoot her"
Does anyone ever get taken away so they can make sure they have a pagan burial?
Ezra plays a substitute for the insult round
There's not very many threats the comedy villain can make, but he can bleed on things.
Oh, you can't blame poor old Ez for laughing, I think I'd be fighting back a giggle or two myself
No shit Sherlock
If all it takes to impress Vin is the ability to write, can I just take a moment to point out my occupation.
I can understand him being able to sneak away with the body, but what about the cart and the two mules? Isn't somebody going to be missing them?
I love this poor guy in the prison
She's not going to smell too pretty in that coffin.
Nathan's really misreading the level of Ezra's petty rant here
Sudden attack of the dialect, "JD done run off with the body"
I hope that's a good solid casket he's sitting on, because that could be unpleasant
So they're not in Missouri, they're not in Kansas and they're not in Texas, so we're slowly narrowing it down
I wonder where Achilles' father heard stories from Ancient Greece?
Okay, so where the hell did they find the Scotsman?
Not in Kentucky either
Well, it's certainly something you don't see nearly often enough
She must write quickly
I'm a bit worried about his use of imagery in that poem.
If he can't read, how did he know it was a poetry contest from the poster?
Oh poor, boy, not only did he have to wear the dress, but he was the one who had to walk down the street in just his boots and a tablecloth. And a hat. Yippee!!
Not even going off to his beloved Rangers
The poetry was embarrassing enough all by itself
That would have scanned better without the "write" in the last line.
"Count to three" then what? Chris really needs to be backing that up with some kind of threat
And that's Colorado out
JD has a moment of panic as he realises the other six are going in the opposite direction
He's serious about the roulette isn't he?

LADY KILLERS

There's always one got to show off and get their horse standing on its hind end
What's the phrase, "I've given birth to eight babies, don't you talk to me about getting hurt"
Obviously not, that's why she warned her.
Buck seems very confident that he's going to find out
Maddie picked the least aesthetically pleasing of the seven to announce that to.
You've got to admire Maddie's technique
"What I have to offer" oh please, don't give me lines like that, there's just too much opportunity
Ezra turns into Josh Lyman for a minute, "Wow, that happened fast..."
Buck is only talking about thin women here, and notice how he plans to spend his life pleasuring women plural.
Whatever injury these people get, they always end up with one arm in a sling, Vin's got cracked ribs here, Ezra gets shot in 'Serpents', JD in 'Safecracker' and Nathan's treatment for all of them is to tie an arm up
"Every time a preacher's around somebody dies," now we've got Father Dougal impressions, "have you ever noticed how it's always sick people who end up in hospitals?"
Maddie, if you go around shooting people then you should expect to get hanged.
Vin really should be taking the opportunity to back out now. That or tell Casey that Ezra's the guy she should be talking too
Whilst I admire her taste, her style needs a little work, a nicely timed trip would have helped her along a lot
Terrible thing when nobody's interested in your oats
Always wondered about these bird signals. How do you know it's not a bird? I just always imagine them being rumbled by some wandering ornithologist who's fascinated by the sound of a ring ouzel out of season
I would have been tempted to smack Del over the head with the butt of that pistol
Oh! Poor JD!
I'm amazed JD's still on the horse
Not terribly capable looking hands
Then that's your own misogynistic problem, isn't it.
Men will always put women into this Madonna/whore classification and it always bloody annoys me! We're not saints and we're not evil bitches from hell either. We're somewhere in the middle, depending on caffeine intake and how badly the men in our lives have annoyed us that day. Accept and move on.
Shot one or two as well, but I think we're ignoring that
How the hell did they get that wheelchair up and down a flight of stairs?

PENANCE

We're missing bits of this because Lizard recorded it on a tape which had been officially condemned by the fire brigade, so occasionally the video panics and refuses to play it
Surely she's seen bodies before?
Good for her, why should she wait for Nathan if he can't be bothered to put himself out for her
Buck's just bright enough not to compete with people who do this for a living, it's like gambling your life savings with Ezra
Chris is a suspicious little bugger isn't he?
Inside leg, inside leg, don't haul the poor thing round by the mouth, weight on the outside and hard inside leg, you get a much tighter turn. And you don't have to slow down at all
That's polite of Vin, "goin' a touch grey"
Oh dear, the Pinkerton's an amateur criminal profiler too
Love JD trying to preserve his horse's innocence
Pretty soon Josiah's going to be running out of things to throw
Did JD ever win his rifle?

OBSESSION

Oh, hate her on sight
Suddenly death seems like the sensible option
Death and marriage were often the same thing for a woman back then.
She's got evil eyeshadow.
Not at all unpleasant naked Chris there, very styled hair this week too
Oh yeah, cause she wants to talk
That would be the same God that miraculously saves women and children from death. Just because it's not a happy ending doesn't mean that it isn't miraculous.
It would help if he actually had coffee. Telling someone to smell it and then not producing any is just cruel
Handsome Jack, there's a properly self-promoting nickname.
That's a proper nickname, Not-So-Handsome Jack. There's a Smaller-Than-Medium-Dave Dave thing going on there
Please tell me that at least the horse had a saddle, because that would itch
Love Vin and Ezra squabbling over the chicken leg in the background
Not in Kentucky
That's my Ezra, always a giver, and I do like the way he's casually checking the silver to see if it's real
Golf is evil, golf is bad, and yes, it sucks people in just like that. Evil
A rare and bitter case of hat envy
Nice to see Nathan using the handle on that teacup...
It's not is it? My sister had it and I don't think she gave it to anybody
As the wild unbroken colt stands quite calmly tethered to the fence
I'm not sure I want to know what he's given her
He isn't thinking about her right now, because that water's quite shallow, and we'd see
I never actually heard anyone saw 'pshaw' before
Firmly believing that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach
"Something special I'd like you to wear for me tonight," and that's a phrase that shouldn't make him the least bit nervous. The eerie music doesn't help either, although he probably can't hear that
Please tell me Ezra's joking
Vin suddenly feeling very underdressed
In which case he'll just have to say it again. "I'll embroider it on a sampler for you, but it might take me a while to find some thread..."
I always think Buck's going to join in with the singing there
Those photo's aren't nearly as well clipped as our pictures of David Duchovny from which every last trace of red-haired side kick has been removed
Chris just swore! I mean I'm not surprised that he did, but this went out at 3:30pm, on a Sunday afternoon, and I'm as shocked as hell that they left it in
Being shot in the diamond, a near fatal wound
I just have to stand up and salute the writers here. Not only have they managed to get Chris naked at every possible moment, but also during several completely impossible ones as well. They have him naked during a gunfight for god's sake. Now that's caring for your female audience
I would have shot him when he holstered his guns. Would that be cowardly?
I have no sympathy for Hilda, if she'd stayed inside and wrapped herself in something big and heavy like a wardrobe, that would never have happened
Yeah until the next skinny prostitute rolls into town
Very stylish convalescent blanket
Love the menacing "next time" music

SERPENTS

Yes, but what state do you want to be?
What the hell's so good about the modern age? Haagen-Dazs. Showers. Waterstones, and Staples. Sexual equality. Loads of stuff.
I too am confused by "new, historic..."
Where have his other six dollars gone?
Cards are fine, but I'm still in favour of the spitting law
Way to sweep a girl off her feet Buck!
All that Vin and Chris wanted was a quiet drink.
"Nobody else complains." Well nobody else has just been hit over the back of the head with a chair! I'm not surprised he's complaining
Good eye
Long-Range Lucius, another cracking nickname there
The Neil Jenkins of the bounty hunting world
Chris has got some nerve, telling Ezra how to deal with money
Buck has his "I'm so sexy" face on there for a brief moment.
Vin has some serious gun envy going on here.
"Rest of our lives," bit of an exaggeration, a seventh share of $10,000 would take them about 4 years at the rate they're earning. And considering Ezra had a few hundred dollars in his boot, I wouldn't have thought it was more than a few nights work for him
"Changed my evil ways" and started misquoting Led Zeppelin tracks instead
Because in Rhode Island that would be illegal
Actually, I think she was right about the Indians
So picture me the Sunday I taped this watching a very tense rugby match (cannot describe to you quite how tense) on the other side, I flick channels to make sure I'm taping the right thing and suddenly there's floaty Greek women and clouds! My heart wasn't in the best condition anyway, I'm pretty sure after that it stopped altogether
I enjoy liver. Cooked with bacon rolls and lots of fried onions. Yes. Seriously
He was proud of how he did it
Most people close one eye when they shoot anyway
You can't blame Ezra for running off with the money, everyone think she's going to do it anyway, it's not like it's going to ruin his reputation. Although again must note that they've fallen into the 'Angel' trap where anyone in mental torment has to have stubble
Not that much profit in farming dirt, it's not exactly a cash crop
What are they chanting?
Got a few super Ezra/Chris scenes in this, they never got enough time together
They could get him a chair if he wanted
Love the subtle hint that Buck still stays single in the end
He's tantalisingly naked under that sling
What are they planning to doing with that money?