the fringedweller's guide- pirates of the caribbean

BATMAN
LOTR
fellowship
two towers
rotk
PotC
TROY

PIRATES of the CARIBBEAN

Fringedwellings are arranged around the chapters from the DVD (which are possibly the most bizarre and randomly selected chapters even seen on a DVD release, but that's not our fault). Quotes have been checked with the DVD,, and with the transcript at http://www.hostultra.com/~vampfiles/piratesscript2.html

We also have to add an apology to the audience in the Cardiff cinema that had to watch this movie with seven assorted fringedwellers during our grand meet-up in August, and to everyone trapped on the train with us for the journey back to Tobin's house. We're very, very sorry.

Chapter One - Flashbacks and the Governors household

As Diminuendo can testify, I managed to solve the logistical problem of balancing notebook, pen and (most importantly) my ice cream in the cinema in such a way that I could jot notes without dropping anything. This is an achievement in no way lessened just because I'd finished the ice cream before the film started. Go Me! And whilst Heather is reminiscing about the cinema can I take this opportunity to rain deadly fire down on whoever decided it would be a good idea to embed the 'Bruce Almighty' trailer into the DVD menu so that you have to sit through (or fast forward) it every time you want to change the DVD options?
Ah, note how this film cunningly beats the colon rule ("No film where the title contains a colon can ever be good") by opting for the last resort of punctuation, a dash
It's the obligatory flashback scene. This time complete with Mist on the waters and a rather cheesy Aztec soundtrack. Through the mists, a lone Peruvian pipe band... This sounds less like pan pipes and more like someone spitting into a bottle
Elizabeth was an alarmingly sinister child wasn't she?
Where did the ten year old daughter of a governor of an island learn pirate songs? Does she hang out in pirate bars or something?
Children shouldn’t be allowed to sing at all, regardless of pirates.
Whee! Jack Davenport! I feel he gets overlooked due to him not having a jaunty and piratical air, so I will endeavour to remind you all about him at regular intervals. Jack Davenport is only ever pompous and English. Just once I’d like to see him playing an evil, uncouth Jamaican or something.
Everything's unlucky on a ship, women, dogs, singing, flying squirrels...
"Mired in this unnatural fog..." That line alone tells you this is going to be good
How do you mark a word?
Gibbs wins the award for most syllables in the word "miniature"
Why is there a small child on this ship anyway?
Do we know why Mr Gibbs, who is a sailor here, suddenly becomes a pirate by the time we reach the 'present'?
Elizabeth: "I think it would be very exciting to meet a pirate” Oh, it will be, especially when they look like Orlando and Johnny.
“Vile and dissolute” Just the way we like Jack Sparrow
"A short drop and a sudden stop" Hee, Good phrase. Somehow, I get the feeling he isn’t really a big fan of pirates. Just in case Elizabeth doesn’t get Norrington’s meaning Gibbs does a helpful mime.
Boy overboard. He's a long way from being a man
Um, they call for hooks when they see Little!Will’s body, but where did they hook him? Because that sounds painful.
How the hell did all those experienced sailors miss the literally flaming big boat? Even if they couldn’t see it they must have smelt it.
Nice how that ignore the poor recently rescued boy to gawk at the wreckage
Bit of a classic fringedweller line, "Everyone's thinkin' it, I'm just sayin' it"
“It was probably an accident.” An accident? It was blown to smithereens and the contents all stolen!
I know this film isn’t trying for historical accuracy, but they really didn’t say ‘OK’ then.
Young Elizabeth, and young Will aren’t really that similar to their older counterparts. That child looks nothing like Orlando Bloom does he?
Random five seconds of consciousness from Will, to allow for the convenient exchange of names.
Tiny Will doesn’t seem overly impressed by that.
Ooh, shiny. Did anybody else think of the ‘Mysterious Cities of Gold’ when they saw that coin? Or was it just my addled brain?
Hmm, Elizabeth needn’t have worried, he’s a bit small for a pirate.
Oh, the little thief!
How do the Black Pearl's sails work exactly?
If Elizabeth had lobbed that damn medallion overboard none of this would have happened
Those freckles disappeared, didn’t they.
That girl needs to dust her drawers more often, or at least employ more thorough servants. How does the false bottom get covered in dust if it's sealed up?
She’s still kept hold of the coin? I could understand hiding it initially, but she’s never had a chance to give it back since? And why the sudden need to wear it today (I know, I know, because otherwise there’d be no plot)
Ah, you can see the passage of time, Governor Swann’s wig has changed colour.
"Does a father need an occasion..." Yes. Absolutely
Nope, Dad’s are free to spoil their daughters at anytime they feel like, go right ahead.
See. I told you there was a reason
See, women have always had to suffer to be fashionable. Some things haven’t changed a bit. Thankfully, corsets are no longer compulsory.
How old is Norrington? Because she was a little girl last time we saw her and he was at least twenty five.
Orlando Bloom * sigh * Sorry, where was I?
Oh Will, just don’t touch!
That light probably just slots back on to the bracket
Will sensibly employing the ‘it was like that when I got here’ approach. Oh Will, some poor maid is going to get hell for breaking that light fitting now
Talk to me about swords Will, I could listen all day.
The wispy moustache definitely needs to go.
Ooh, call me silly, but I get the feeling that it’s Will that makes the swords isn’t it? The gritted teeth as the Governor complements his ‘master’ are a giveaway.
That is a horrible dress and a worse hat. That dress and that hat make Elizabeth look like one of those porcelain shepherdesses.
OB does ‘lovesick’ rather well. Not that I was paying lots of attention. Ahem.
Ah bless, Will reminds me of an over excitable puppy
"How could I forget?" Because you were unconscious? How much could you remember?

Chapter Two - Jack's entrance and Elizabeth's fall

It’s Captain Jack Sparrow! Yay. On a rapidly sinking ship however. Johnny Depp does look mightily attractive right from the start.
Did they have waterproof eyeliner back then? And if they did, why don't we have it now?
'Ye be warned', is it just me or is that comical? Hmm, what was the literacy rate for the pirate population? Just asking, because that carefully hung sign “Pirates Ye Be Warned” might mean nothing to them.
In true Comic Book Guy style, Jack’s entrance onto Port Royal’s dock was the Best. Entrance. Ever. Only Jack could carry off something like that with such aplomb. I think it’s the complete nonchalance as he steps onto the dock that gets me though. And the oh-so casual swiping of the purse later on. I wonder how many times Johnny Depp missed the step and got all soggy?
I'm sure the portmaster used to be the camp one in ''Allo 'Allo'
"Boat? What boat? I never tied up a boat."
Johnny Depp really is channelling someone there. Not quite sure who at the moment.
I wonder if Jack could tell how much money was in that purse just by shaking it
Wow, the navy made sure that their men wore bright red coats so the enemy could see them easily, didn’t they?
The first time I watched this, I was about to comment that I didn’t think that the song the band was playing would have been written yet. Then Tobin pointed out that we were watching a pirate film with a ghost story, and I would be onto a losing streak if I were looking for that kind of historical accuracy.
That is an impressive wig on the governor.
That's some dreadfully uncoordinated marching
It's a good job Norrington (remember him?) isn't an inch or two taller, or those bayonets would have knocked his head off, or worse, his hat...
Norrington's doing some very fancy sword-work in the background of this shot which needs some recognition
Gary and Graham! It's Gary and Graham of the Caribbean! Ah, the first comedy double act in the film, the Comedy Exposition Guards.
Jack Sparrow sounds permanently sozzled. I really didn’t think a camp, swaggering pirate was going to work, but Jack is already my favourite pirate ever.
“You’ve seen a ship with black sails, that’s crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that Hell itself spat him back out?” Good description there, if a tad melodramatic. Did someone have to give hell the Heimlich, or did it spit Barbossa out all by itself?
The guards conversation about the Black Pearl is reminiscent of the Robert Young conversation.
“It’s such a pretty boat. Ship.” Well; it’s as good a way of choosing which to purloin as any other. What is the difference between a ship and a boat?
And Jack obeys Tobin’s Rule Of Life No.3 here, “Always mess with their minds.”, as he further confuses the Comedy Exposition Guards on the Interceptor. It’s the classic double bluff from Jack there. He’s running rings around the pair of them
Wow. What a lot of hats.
Actually, she looks like she's dying in that corset. Is Norrington daft, that he doesn’t notice that Elizabeth is looking decidedly close to fainting?
Oh poor Elizabeth, she really is a victim of fashion here.
I would love to hear the story Jack's telling Gary and Graham
Was Jack telling the soldier comedy duo (who are a different comedy duo from the pirate comedy duo we see later) his life story or something? He’s certainly not achieved much since the last time we saw him.
If I were Norrington I'd have moved away from the precipice and pretended to know nothing about it
Classic eye roll from Jack there as he realises that is going to have be him diving into the rescue. “Pearl of the King’s Navy you are” And that wasn’t sarcasm, oh no.
How come bits of those pirates don't drop off in the strong breeze?
The ability to undress a woman whilst underwater. Jack just knew that talent would come in handy one day. The stripping off of the heaving clothes is just to make the rescue easier, isn’t it? That is not a proper life saving technique. Jack’s obviously never had to rescue a rubber brick whilst wearing pyjamas.

Chapter Three - Elizabeth's rescue and the day Captain Jack Sparrow almost escaped

I dread to think what he saw in Singapore, from that comment... You can just see that poor guard worrying over that Singapore reference for days.
What do you mean shoot him!?! He just saved her you ungrateful bastards!
"Do you really intend to kill my rescuer?" I think he's strongly considering it, yes.
Oh, I wish I could brand people.
Gillette "The best a man can geeeeet" Surely with a cutthroat name like that, Gillette should be a pirate, not a Navy officer?
He’s very insistent that they recognise him as a captain, isn’t he?
I love the compass that refuses to point north. It's like it's going through some kind of teenage rebellion
And fame, it appears, really is its own reward, "But you have heard of me." Can’t argue with the man’s logic there, can you? If you haven’t fallen in love with Jack by now, the “Ah, but you have heard of me!” line will do it.
He wants his hat back doesn’t he? The hat is obviously very important to Jacks self-image. I bet it’s to help keep the pesky cattle of the deck of his ship.
I’m sure that’s Jack copping a feel as she dresses him
Those soldiers jumped straight into that hole.
If Jack didn’t spend five minutes swinging around the wooden swingy thing that would have been a very cool escape.
Norrington noticeably not moving his arms from around Elizabeth.
How did the chain get over the rope to slide down? I know it’s a cool stunt, but please tell me I wasn’t the only one to notice this little technical impossibility? When you look carefully, he doubles the chain up, and throws the loop over the rope and grabs it on the other side, I only noticed that the third time I saw it, but it is possible. Ahh. Now I see.
What was that model blacksmith meant to be holding?
That would be Will’s drunken boss that takes all the credit for the swords then?
This is the reason why I love this character, when things don’t go Jack’s way (like removing the chains) he has a temper tantrum.
I like the speculative expression on Jack's face as he singes the donkey. Awww, poor donkey! That was rather mean.
Orlando Bloom looks wrong without pointy ears
Love the way Will figures out that something’s not quite right. Well, this is what happens if you don't tidy up after yourself
Ah, the Pretty Boy fight! Just don’t hurt the faces, boys.
Will’s going to fight for Elizabeth’s honour? Bless. Mind you, I still think Will and Jack are flirting ever so slightly as they fight...
The whole fight scene is stupendous. It reminds me a lot of the old Swashbucklers you used to get, as well as the fact that Orlando Bloom is very Errol Flynn like.
He must have thrown that sword pretty hard. It’s the cross-eyed look from Jack that really cracked me up
Look, another temper tantrum, this time at the door when the sword traps it shut. Although, thinking about it, what is probably cooler is the way that Jack turns, takes a moment to collect himself and starts again.
The donkey wisely moves out of range of the hot sword, although he moves in for a better view a bit later on in the scene.
Out of good faith, and in the spirit of the movie, I'm not going to mention just how unlikely it is that the red hot sword didn't just disintegrate, or bend at the very least
Makes all those swords and practices three hours a day? Where the hell does Will find the time? Hmm So many jokes I could make, but I do believe Captain Jack beats us to the punch line of most of them. I have such a twisted mind. Will may practice three hours a day, but who taught him? He could be doing loads of things wrong and never know it.
"You're not a eunuch are you?" It's Jack glance down to check that makes that moment priceless, Oh god, I hope not, otherwise a lot of fantasies based on this film are going to have to be revised. Will, sensibly avoiding the eunuch question. We never do get a satisfactory answer to that.
God, I've missed good sword-fighting movies. I wonder how these two guys would feel about a remake of 'Zenda' or 'Scaramouche'...
Jack making good use of the Indiana Jones defence.
Jack shoots Will a “Well duh!” look as he’s accused of cheating. Oh poor Will, he looks so downhearted when Jack cheats during the fight. Bless him, Will really did expect a pirate to fight fair
“This shot is not meant for you” Oooh Ominous Foreshadowing ^TM
Will’s got a ‘bloody typical’ expression on his face as his boss takes the credit for all his hard work stopping Jack Sparrow.
"The day that Captain Jack Sparrow almost escaped" It's a shame Jack wasn't conscious to hear that line, since he was the only one who would have got the reference.

Chapter Four - The 'Black Pearl 'attacks Port Royal

A dog? What kind of security system is that? The keys would be safer just lying on the table.
Another question, where exactly did these guys get that bone?
Johnny Depp does an odd Black Country accent in this scene.
Elizabeth gets all jealous at the thought of anyone else fancying her man. Sorry to break it to you Lizzie, but there’s hordes and hordes of ravening fangirls out there that would quite happily take him off your hands. And me, but I’m not ravening. “Well Miss,” says the maid, “If you don’t want the pretty blacksmith, can I have him? Please?”
"I beg your pardon, it was not my place." This phrase must be to service what 'with all due respect' is to the military
I’m sorry, as lovely as he is Orlando Bloom just doesn’t look like a blacksmith. Despite the sheen of fake sweat they’ve sprayed him with.
Oooh, there are those menacing pan-pipe players again.
How has no-one noticed the Black Pearl yet?
Bleak? Bleak? They’ve never experienced a winter’s day on the seafront at Aberystwyth, then they’d know what bleak really was.
That is a good point Jack makes. Dead men tell no tales.
Hey, there’s the obligatory random screaming child, in this case rescued by his mother.
Will gears up for a bit more derring-do. A little dishevelled, but we’re not complaining. That's it, dash out into the burning town in the middle of a pirate attack. Any sensible person would have armed themselves to the teeth, and then hidden under the bed
Well, it’s not a decent attack if people don’t fly through the air.
The governor's not much cop fighting is he? All he seems to do is get in the way, looking bewildered. Say yes to the hiding, you stupid man! I’m surprised he hasn’t done so already.
Stupid butler! The town is being invaded, so of course you open the front door!
That’s right Elizabeth, scream so they really know you’re up there. Honestly!
"You're the Governor's daughter." Why does the maid think this is significant?
Any respectable member of the upper class would use the servant as a decoy.
Was Elizabeth wearing trainers when she ran across the hall?
Damn that ornamental weaponry. "I think that's meant to be decorative..."
"It calls to us..." "Yoo Hoo!"
Honestly Elizabeth, stick something sharp through the gap!
I never understand why evil has codes and rules, there doesn’t seem much of a point.
Oh, poor Will! He looked so annoyed when he was knocked unconscious. That must have hurt
Jack really is having a shitty karma day. If he's really unlucky he'll end it by stepping in a dead pigeon (don't ask)
Jack does his best Dickensian orphan peering through the gap impression there. Not having much luck really is he?
Johnny Depp is skinny, he could have got through that gap

Chapter Five - The Curse, and Elizabeth on the 'Black Pearl'

Well, you called him a mangy cat, Jack, you can't be surprised that he ran away
Ah, ethnically balanced pirates.
The deepest circle of hell should be reserved for Celine Dion fans, people that paint over screws and the parents of my class from hell.
The special effects on the crew of the Black Pearl are effectively creepy.
"Interesting" would not have been my first response
Just how many cloudy, moonless nights do you get in the Caribbean?
I know dressing-up animals is wrong, but the monkey-breeches are really amusing. “I mock you with my monkey pants!” Monkeys in clothes are just freaky
Oh, and isn’t Geoffrey Rush having the time of his life as Captain Barbossa?
“I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request” That’s it; I’m using that one at work. I wonder how many years Barbossa has been waiting to use the word 'acquiesce'
She's very well dressed for a maid
Of course she’d choose the absolutely worst name wouldn’t she? They shouldn’t get too excited, Turner is quite a common name.
Actually, she did steal the medallion, but that's not the point
They're not that far out, she could just swim for it
At times like this, I'm glad I'm cynical and suspicious of people: I would have negotiated not just the cessation of hostilities, but also a boat ride to shore; a large bag of gold as a reward for keeping the medallion safe; and they wouldn't have got the medallion until I was safely back on dry land
The rule/guideline debate could easily be solved by getting someone to check the top of the memo
The distinction between rule and guideline is subtle but effective, and the pirates use it as well as Terry Pratchett’s wizards do.

Chapter Six - Jack's escape and the commandeering of the 'Interceptor'

‘Orlando Bloom pecked to death by chickens on set of latest film’
Poor Will, left out all night with only the chickens for company, it's a crime I tells ya. You mean no enterprising young woman dragged him into her room?
I assume everybody else noticed that Will always has something covering his wrist (where Orlando Bloom’s LOTR tattoo is, I believe).
Will getting all fired up and wanting to rescue his Ladylove. It’s terribly sweet.
I would imagine that they know Elizabeth is missing, Will. They were probably planning the rescue whilst you were still unconscious
They might need that chart Will
A blacksmith whose facial hair has doubled in thickness overnight
Ah, the last comedy double act after the guards and the pirates, Jack and Will.
"An island that cannot be found except by those who already know where it is." Well, that's basically the same as any location isn't it?
Jack sounds quite pleased that it is because Will’s found a girl. I think he’s a romantic at heart.
You have to admire a man who knows his hinges. But that's a gate hinge, why would you use that for a cell door?
I’m sure I could think of a proper application of strength... Oh sorry, are my hormones getting the better of me?
Will’s got that you’ve got to be kidding me expression all over his face. Hee.
Got to admire the comedy boat shuffle. Honestly, is there anything funnier than people carrying boats on their heads? I maintain that there is nothing more comic than a normally inanimate object suddenly growing legs and moving, and the comedy is only improved by adding more legs.
If madness and brilliance often combine, does that mean we’re all geniuses?
Damn lobster pots
Avast! They actually said ‘avast’! Poor Will apparently commits a pirate language faux pas there; doesn’t he know that “avast” is so last season? Will's completely innocent look after his "Avast" is priceless. Bless, well at least he's trying.
I love how the one moment Norrington takes to look over at Jack and Will is the moment that they both start having temper tantrums about sailing the Dauntless. Why do I get the feeling that all the gesturing and shouting on the boats as they try and launch it wasn’t entirely unfeigned? It’s hilarious
I really want to swing on a rope now.
Do they have to chop at the ropes with an axe like that? Look at the mess they're making of that lovely black finish on the sides of the Interceptor
Commodore Norrington’s Bad Day just got worse as he realises where the fearless duo now are... The abrupt stop and the pained look on his face say it all. While being on the side of Will and Jack, of course, I can’t help feeling a little bit sorry for Commodore Norrington as he watched the Interceptor sail off.
Jack rubs it in with his thanks to Norrington
He was a random Australian deckhand
Norrington's subordinate makes a politically unwise statement

Chapter Seven - The 'Interceptor' sails to Tortuga

Scallywag is a word not used often enough nowadays. It has such a ring to it ‘One who is playfully mischievous’, don’t you know.
Try not to stab the man steering the ship Will
Yes Orlando, put it away.
"Can you sail under the command of a pirate or can you not?" Since Will is actually a blacksmith, I doubt very much that he can sail at all
“Curse you for breathing, you slack jawed idiot!” I really really really want to use this against someone one day.
Huh? Did any body else understand a word of what Jack just said to Gibbs?
The word "drink" slowly filters through...
Will just enjoys chucking buckets of water over people. It's a rush
Look at how wide-eyed Will is during his time in the bar! It’s so funny!
It’s very bad form to make someone choke on his or her drink with something you’ve said. Fun though.
Jack really shouldn't have used the word leverage then
Oh, go on Jack, nod more subtly in his direction why don't you. It can't be easy for Jack to nod subtly with all those jangly beads in his hair

Chapter Eight - The 'Pearl', Aztec gold and Jack's crew

It's almost sweet that the pirates were surprised that Elizabeth agreed to wear the dress
Elizabeth, hunger is no excuse for atrocious table manners.
Geoffrey Rush manages to make those lines about food extremely pervy.
What’s with Barbossa and the apples? Is that ever explained?
Did they have Granny Smiths in the eighteenth century?
Elizabeth's reactions are coloured by too many retellings of Snow White
Does the number 882 have any significance as a number?
"Find it we did." Gee, Yoda much?
What did the monkey spend his share on? Trousers, obviously
Oh, it's the monkey. I thought that noise was a duck
Take the fork! It’ll be far more effective than a blunt knife.
The first "Arrghh!" of the movie! I swear that Geoffrey Rush only took this job so he could shout “Arr!” while chasing pretty girls around.
"What were you plannin' on doin' next?" Jumping out of the cabin window and swimming like crazy? That would be my plan
As Elizabeth runs round the deck, and is thrown in the air, I keep expecting the musical number to start
The (literal) skeleton crew of the Black Pearl is quite disturbing.
Shouldn't Elizabeth spinning the wheel change the direction of the ship?
The monkey is seriously creepy. Shudder. Especially when seen in the moonlight.
It's going to take Barbossa forever to get that red wine stain off his rib bones
Bit of a motley bunch there.
Ah, the token comedy tiny person.
This is my second favourite line in the film, about Mr. Cotton and his parrot. That’s the confusion of a man who’s had time to think about this for years and who still hasn’t thought of an answer that will satisfy him.
Parrot! Parrot with a speaking part!
Will’s impressed by the parrot there.
I wonder what the parrot says to mean no?
Jack gets slapped. Again. At least he’s admitting fault this time.
Frustrated finger pointing from Anamaria there
Jack, for once, is completely out-thought by Will
Ah, a chance for Will to get some revenge. “That boat.” Bribery. When all else fails.
I'm slightly confused as to the prop value of that banana
Why is it bad luck to have a woman aboard? No one ever asks these questions.
For the record, I would love to know the secret of Jack Sparrow’s eye shadow, as a) it’s fabulous and b) doesn’t appear to smudge, even in the middle of a storm.
After that loud crash of thunder, Will and Gibbs follow Jack's gaze and see Rolf Harris poised with his wobble board.

Chapter Nine - Sea turtles and human sacrifice

I'm always disappointed that the island isn't shaped like a skull and crossbones
It's lucky that they're not honest sailors then, isn't it?
That's such a cool shot with the school of Hammerheads
Love the impression of Jack by Will. Never fails to crack me up.
A raft made of sea turtles would save you the bother of having to paddle. I can just see Jack now, flying through the waves, one foot on each turtle...
I love how you can see the influence of Jack is affecting Will - “Where did he get the rope?”
Will doesn’t believe the back hair/turtle story for a second.
As a safety measure I believe that no sea turtle should be allowed near The Bigger Boat in order to avoid any escape attempts. Similarly back hair should be strenuously discouraged.
“What if the worst should happen?” Think about it, they’re sailing after a band of immortal skeleton pirates to save a girl and steal back a ship, all the time chased by the British Navy. What could possibly happen to make their situation any worse?
“Keep to the Code.” Mr. Gibbs tries desperately to reconcile their predicament to the Green Cross Code, but somehow fails to see how important looking both ways is in this particular case.
That is exactly how a cave full of pirate treasure should look.
Pirates must be very afraid of cattle, given the number of them wearing various hats
I do believe that Jack's shorter than Will. How did I not notice that before? It's the hat, it gives him those crucial few apparent inches
Was that stone lid on rollers? Barbossa seemed to kick it off very easily
Again with the apples! A whole bushel? He'll get terrible gripe
Elizabeth sounds disappointed not to be a human sacrifice
All that ceremony and it doesn't work. I bet Barbossa's a little peeved.
After miserably failing to die in a horrible way, Elizabeth slinks off screen in search of a band aid
Barbossa must have good eyesight, he's standing on a mountain of gold swag and can still tell the the medallion is missing.
I'm always rather disappointed that "parsnip" isn't the magic word

Chapter Ten - Elizabeth's wound and Jack's deal

"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow." That's not an answer
If the pirates changed Jack's name by deed poll, they wouldn't have that problem any more
Orlando Bloom has beautiful hands. That was a random observation, I now return you to the fringedwellings
Will has very clean nails for a blacksmith
Aww, who could resist the puppy-dog eyes on Will as he binds Elizabeth's hand.
You know, if Elizabeth has waited a bit longer to own up to being a childhood thief, she would have pulled then. His hand was not headed towards the medallion to begin with.
Poor Will. He thought he was going to be getting a handful of something entirely different then
Let's be honest, the name 'Will Turner' is probably something they could have worked out for themselves. Barbossa needs to bargain for a location and a brief description as well
I was expecting Jack to start juggling those apples
Jack sounds rather smug at the way he managed to avoid the curse. Not that it's really an achievement to be overthrown in a mutiny, but then beggars can't be choosers.

Chapter Eleven - The battle with the 'Black Pearl' and walking the plank

Jack, helpful as ever, points out the minor DIY that needs doing. “Apparently, there's a leak.” Yes Jack. That leak would probably the hole that you're currently looking out of.
"Haul out the mainbrace, ready the guns!" Geoffrey Rush is having the time of his career. I bet he has no idea what a mainbrace is
Will looks very dashing standing on the deck of the Interceptor, being all take charge.
You’d think that they would have chucked all the useless stuff overboard and kept the gunpowder and cannonballs and cannons.
How much cutlery does one Navy ship need? There are barrels of it!
How do Elizabeth and Will know so much about ships all of a sudden?
Jack, either they blow holes in the ship, to help enable a rescue, or they don't and you stay stuck there. Take your pick
I so want to fight with cutlery.
It's not wrong to laugh at the fork stuck in the wooden eye is it? Oh, there’s always time for a comedy fork in the eyeball joke. I'm sorry, but that fork in the eyeball shot is really unpleasant
I think they're a little busy right now Will, also it's kinda noisy up there. You'll just have to be patient
That monkey smirked!
"Will!" "Elizabeth!" "Monkey!" Snigger. Anybody feel like joining in?
Jack's scrambling across the plank to the Interceptor looked rather like the way the monkey scrambled across. I’m just saying.
It's possible. Will could have held his breath that long
Shouldn’t Will be crushed to death by the force of the water during that explosion?
Poor Anamaria, she doesn’t seem to have a lot of luck. Jack steals her boat and then her new one is blown up. I don’t think that women are bad luck at sea, I think that men are destructive thieves.
Ah, here he is, in true Errol Flynn style! Will scrambles heroically into shot. *swoon*
No, please don't do anything stupid. When will people learn that saying "don't do anything stupid" is a trigger for foolhardy actions? Like Will threatening to shoot himself in the head. Which would be such a waste.
Is the "eunuch" part (or lack of parts) related to the lovely singing voice?
If Will is the spitting image of his father, then why has nobody recognised him yet?
Will, and his one-track mind. And *not* in that way, you naughty people. "Elizabeth goes free." "Yes, we know that one"
There's some quality wild gesturing going on from Jack. "Don't forget to ask about me!"
Will is really going to learn the value of being precise in a minute.
Orlando Bloom's pretty good at the impassioned anguish as they make Elizabeth walk the plank
Why is that pirate smelling Will's neck? And why isn't Will more freaked by it?
Jack, ever hopeful as he's made to walk the plank too. "I'd really rather hoped we were past all this.” Fine print gets you every time
I keep being out-fringedwelled by Jack.
That gun barrel is going to take ages to dry out. Isn't the powder in the gun going to be a little wet, considering the amount of times they've been dunked in the water? That pistol's been slung overboard twice now, it's never going to fire again

Chapter Twelve- Marooned again

Ah, but now the sea turtles have grown suspicious...
What is the point of wearing a bodice if you are not going to store useful items in it?
Jack practices another silly walk in the hope of getting a Ministry grant
Hmm, trapped on a desert island with Jack and much alcohol. I’m not a big drinker, but if I was going to starve to death I can think of much worse places to do it. In fact the only way it could be improved would be to add Orlando Bloom...
They won't be that fearsome, because if Jack makes them sing all the time the crew will just kill him. And how will that make them less fearsome exactly? A singing pirate crew that killed their own captain has to be fairly high up on the list of fearsome things
Elizabeth and Jack having one of those wonderfully meaningful conversations you always seem to have when you’re drunk.
Why does Kiera Knightly get to snuggle with both of them in one film? Life is not fair, I’m telling you. (Especially when I found out that she’ll also get to snuggle with Ioan Gruffydd in a new version of King Arthur) Humph. Off on a tangent, how great would film that had Orlando Bloom, Sean Bean and Ioan Gruffudd all swashbuckling and sword fighting be?
Jack utters the question heard from many the morning after the night before. “But why is the rum gone?” I adore the agonised “But why is the rum gone?” It’s my favourite line of the year, I think. I am going to use the line “why has the rum gone?” at every possible opportunity.
Yes Elizabeth, the entire Navy. They've written home, and the defenses of Europe have been abandoned in order to search for one Governor's daughter who got herself marooned
That's not the best place be shoving a gun in anger Jack. Or does he have the un-named historical period equivalent of denim safety?
"There'll be no living with her after this" That's okay Jack, you can always live with me...

Chapter Thirteen- The 'Dauntless'

Elizabeth plays really dirty here. Poor Norrington
"A wedding! I love weddings..." Jack's going to want to be the bridesmaid
Oh dear, that stupid marriage acceptance has either doomed Norrington to die or to be the better man and release her from the engagement.
Why does Will get a special cage all to himself?
When they start talking about Bootstrap Bill’s bootstraps, I really have to fight the urge not to yell ‘Bootstrap Bootstrap Ghali’ Yes, I know I’m immature.
A downside to all this live forever cursed business is that Bootstrap Bill would have been alive until they reversed the curse at the end of the film. That’s not pleasant. Bootstrap is probably still walking to shore
I think I'm going to start signing my letters as 'The Future Mrs Commodore'
Why did they give her that jacket? It doesn’t do up, so it isn’t preserving any modesty.
“Hmm,” says one interchangable evil pirate to another, “Do you have a sense of deja-vu too?”
Ooh, the hair’s come down on Orlando Bloom. He’s even sexier with the dishevelled look. Just look at that hair... I think it's the combination of this and Jack's excessive back hair that makes Will seem so attractive for the next twenty minutes
‘Excuse me, excuse me, pirate coming through.’
I love the one slightly slow pirate who carries on chanting after all the others have stopped
The blood ritual, again, interrupted - Barbossa: " S’not possible". Jack : " Not probable." Heatherbelle: " Inconceivable!" (C’mon, nobody else thought of that? Yeah, right)
"Is in fact, a woman." Well, never let facts spoil a good cliche
Barbossa has the expression of a man who knows he's going to regret asking
Crossfire is never a good idea
OB pulls out a quality slightly- wounded whelp look
Highly significant pilfering of the coin there by Jack I think. Jack is now glad he got the Paul Daniels magic set for Christmas that year.
Jack is not going to deny responsibility for what is a very fine plan
The hat seems to be the deal breaker for Barbossa. Well the hat promise would persuade anyone. The hat is important you see, as big hat = less cattle on the ship (due to the hat/cattle vortex), thus stopping nasty accidents when trying to swing gracefully from the rigging. You really needed to hear the entire fringedweller conversation on the train home from the film to fully appreciate the problems rogue cattle could cause.

Chapter Fourteen - Taking a walk and the lifting of the curse

The undead army walking on the seafloor is appropriately creepy. I assume they left a skeleton crew back on the Black Pearl then?
Mmm, Troy, OB in a skirt... Sorry! I was in the wrong film for a moment. But I’m sure they didn’t wear dresses and parasols in the Trojan War. I have a fringedwelling here that reads "What that a 'Troy' reference?" Then has the words "Little Mermaid" in brackets. I have no idea what that means
Nobody thought it odd, either on board the Dauntless or in the boats, that two women appear from nowhere, on the island that nobody can find, for a pleasure cruise at night?
The observational skills of the British Navy have failed to improve over the past eight years. After failing to see a giant flaming ship, they now miss an army of skeletons. If nothing else, surely you'd hear them rattle?
What is Jack looking for on the bottom of that statue? Jack's checking the statue for a 'Made In Taiwan' mark
"It's the honest ones you want to watch out for." Jack has an attack of wolf logic
That's it Jack, aim for the hat
That bloody monkey finally gets its comeupance.
Governor Swann discovers an unhealthy attachment to his wig. " Not the wig, never the wig!"
Hah, this is the bit where Diminuendo squealed like a girl in the cinema. Yes, this was the part where I jumped a foot in the air and screamed like a girl and the whole cinema turned to look at me. And the worst part is, I knew that was going to happen
What did I say? I knew he swiped the coin for a reason, and I think Will was playing along as well.
That’s an impressively camp skeleton.
Arm! Arm!
And they actually said ‘Arrr’! And he enjoyed that Arrgh so much, he does it again! Was there ever a man having as much fun as Geoffrey Rush in this scene? The entire cast look as if they’re having great fun doing this film.
This lot just don’t have the hats, that’s why they are not doing very well at the moment.
Erm, shouldn’t someone put that fire out?
Like all good rules, or guidelines, the Pirates Code is just an excuse to do what you want and get shot as little as possible
Perhaps Elizabeth should point out that they're basing their plans on the opinion of a parrot
Always watch out for the backswing
Another comedy eyeball chasing scene to match the one in ' Minority Report'.
“Whose side is Jack on?” Jack has a side all of his own.
I love the smoke coming from the mouth of the pirate with the grenade in his belly
Cunning timing of the bloodlettings there
Wow, that bled fast
I still can’t hear Barbossa say ‘I feel...’ without hearing Tobin’s little comment as she sat next to me. “I feel...” pretty, oh so pretty, so pretty and witty and...
“Cold” is not a very impressive last word.

Chapter Fifteen - Jack's hanging and that hat...

Hazaah! is a fantastic exclamation, and one which is not used nearly enough. The word "Huzzah" always makes me smirk. I don't know why
There was a nice lingering shot of Orlando's bum then
There was a concerning moment here, when Will and Elizabeth both have their backs to the camera and I wasn't sure which one was the woman
Jack ruining the romantic ambiance there, and he’s not even in the room! That takes skill.
I love the way Jack's crown isn't on straight
"That was it?" Jack couldn't have told him before? Or during?
Hanging Yet another fantastic array of hats.
Jack’s very insistent on the rank of captain there.
The cleric story has got to be worth hearing some day
Listen carefully to the list of crimes read out, he gets accused of some very cool things. Depravity, now there’s a great thing to have on your record. Also loitering
Oh, I’ve got a serious thing for Orlando Bloom in that hat. Oh my good grief. * fans herself * When Will walks out in the D’Artagan (which I keep wanting to call Dogtanian as my childhood reasserts itself), he is unbelievably sexy. And I swear there was an audible change of gears from a certain webmistress who suddenly realised his attractiveness. He’s so very very sexy at this point. And I’ll remind said webmistress, that I had first dibs. And that goes for the rest of you lot and all. I have no words to describe how sexy Orlando Bloom looks in that hat. This just rocked my world especially since, I have never fancied him in anything before or since. Just in that hat (and on second watching, for the ten minutes or so after the hair comes out of the pony tail). The rest of the time, nothing.
Puppy dog eyes and a declaration of love. Will’s about to do something isn’t he?
The fainting’s not going to work twice. Okay, apparently it will.
You’ve got to love that look on Governor Swann’s face when he realises why Elizabeth pretended to faint.
Will should be able to beat the guy with the eye-covering helmet a lot easier than that.
Nice summersault there from Will. How does that hat stay on during the somersaults? Is there a cunningly hidden piece of elastic somewhere?
The whole rescue and fight sequence is very old-fashion swashbuckling. In the best possible way.
I love the fighting with the feather that Johnny Depp has to do just to see in this scene.
Will’s place is with his back to Jack Sparrow? Yeah, that’s about right. Will's place is between Jack and Norrington... Oh god...
Jonathan Pryce is the only man who can say "For goodness sake" and sound like he means it
You have to appreciate the value of being at a good place grammatically
“Nice hat” Credit given where it’s due
You know, they really should put some kind of fencing up there. Or at least a sign that says “The Governor of Port Royal is in no way responsible if you’re dumb enough to fall off here.”
Oh, you just know that Jack comes back in six months to collect Will.
God bless Commodore Norrington, sense of humour, broken heart and all. Norrington shouldn’t be so magnanimous. He should stick it through his chest, or at the very least, his hat. I do believe that was Norrington giving his blessings, in a guarded fashion to Will. Aww, everything’s turning out wonderful.
See, Norrington is a nice guy really. And by nobly letting Elizabeth go, he has prevented himself from having to die in a touching way and therefore remains available for the sequel. Yippee!
Is Elizabeth a little bit taller than Will?
Was I the only one expecting them to topple off the ramparts mid-kiss?
Jack has a little private moment with the wheel of his ship. That is some incredibly phallic touching of the wheel.
"Drink up me hearties, yo ho." Oh, yeah!
This was rather a yo-ho-yay film in parts wasn’t it? Even with the ending it had, I bet Jack’ll come back. Yay! Hats, Johnny Depp and every conceivable pirate saying you could ever wish to hear. That was a good film.
There really should be warnings attached to this film. When watched, it induces fringedwellers into foolhardy acts of swashbuckling. Hence the storming of a completely random street in Cardiff. Moo-arr me hearties, Moo-arr!
Do stay for the credits, apart from the freaky monkey scene at the end, there are some truly classic comedy parts, including "Seedy-looking Prisoner" (instead of 'Unusually Debonair Prisoner'?), and a credit for Johnny Depp's dentist
I have vindication for all our hat theories people! I sat listening to parts of the director’s commentary last night, and right at the end, as we see Jack Sparrow back on the Black Pearl; he actually says, “This is a film all about hats”. Am so glad there was no one in the room at point as I actually cheered at the TV.