We use massage instinctively. If we bruise an elbow we rub it, if our stomachs hurt we rub them. Parents instinctively hold and stroke their children to calm and reassure them. Touch is a fundamental part of our being. And massage is touch.

I'll tell you a true story. I visited our local zoo a year or two back. Now I know zoos aren't exactly the most politically correct of places, but the reality at this point in the world's history is that for a frightening number of species it's the zoo or death, and, apart from the odd bad apple, a modern zoo is staffed by animal lovers. The animals could do worse.

Anyway my local zoo has an enclosure for chimpanzees, and a family of chimps living in it. It struck me as I watched them they they were constantly in physical contact with each other. There were at least three and possibly four generations of chimps in that family and all of them were in near-constant physical contact. As we watched them, the chimps (quite rightly) came up to have a look at us and it struck me how odd we must seem to the rest of the family; we are the ape that doesn't touch; the rich networks of physical contact that the other apes enjoy are not just alien but taboo to us; we even shut our skin away so that we can't be touched.

I found myself wondering if it was really that good an idea to go against ten million years of evolution and a couple of hundred million years of history. I started wondering if touch and grooming weren't as much a part of us as verbal socialisation. More in fact; touch is hugely older than speech. Mercifully I've never been in solitary confinement but I've spoken to people who have, and it is no accident that it is the most severe non-lethal punishment available to the modern Western prison system. Lack of social contact drives people crazy. It leaves them scarred, socially inadequate, with a distorted self-image that may never heal. So what does lack of touch do?

As a professional the one thing that makes me feel guilty and a little bit sad is the basic neck and shoulder rub. You take hold of the muscle, you squeeze gently, you move it around a little, the muscle relaxes. As simple as that. For this I spent two years in massage school? You're working too late and too hard, your neck and the top of your shoulders ache. You shouldn't need to see a professional to deal with this; a friend should be able to do it. Everyone should be able to do this. They should teach neck and shoulder rubs in school. But I digress.

What is massage? For me it's part of our family heritage that we're suffering for the lack of, I believe apes need massage as part of our general health and self-maintenance, and by not using it we're laying ourselves open to physical problems that shouldn't affect us anywhere near as badly as they do. I believe that by not using massage we're stiffer, tenser, and tireder (is that a word? It is now.) than we'd be if we took back this ancient and essential part of our birthright.