Premier League Pub Guide (Issue 4 February 1990)

This is just a light-hearted look at some of the clubs, Pubs, hotels and hovels that the boys have frequented over the years in the Premier League. Our away-day excursions have taken us to many excellent peeve houses, so if youre ever in the area some day, pop in and make your own assessment on some of the following pubs.

TYNECASTLE

We'll start our tour at home in Auld Reekie. Auld Worthies used to be the jewel in the crown of haunts for Hearts supporters; good beer, great atmosphere and the Hearts song to boot. Alas since it got new owners, the pub has gone downhill but it is still worth a visit.
Another popular boozer is the "Diggers". Best pint of eighty in the town but don't ask for Lager as this is looked on as sacrilage!

EASTER ROAD

Across the City at Easter Road have you ever had the feeling youre not wanted, with most pubs harder to enter than Fort Knox! After getting the knock right one day at the Regent Buffet, then fighting our way to the bar like Indiana Jones we discovered that they had no pint tumblers. Enough said!

PARKHEAD

Through at "no soap city" where you're always made welcome (Ha ha) and into the Springfield Vaults at Parkhead. The first thing that strikes you (apart from a Celtic supporter) is that the windows have bars on the inside! Hard to say what the beer tastes like because one drunken colleague decided to sing the Bangers and Mash, and as they say in the Harp advert, we made a sharp exit.

IBROX

Across to Ibrox, and just where they park the buses was a wee club called St Anthony's (an oasis in a desert if ever there was one!), right in the hearts of Blue nose country. The person I am about to talk about wishes to remain anonymous. Anyway, into the club the troops march to be greeted by a boy on the door. The aforementioned person asks in a lodge number is required; after picking ourselves up off the floor we had a quick pint and away to the game.

PAISLEY

Down the road at Paisley, the obvious place right at the ground is Stringfellows, a rip-off joint if ever there was one, well named as they charge night club prices!
Further down the road is the Caledonian Bar, a quaint wee place that comes recommended. Going back a few years there was an old dear serving well into her seventies. When Ordering a pint of Tartan, the old dear would disappear through to the lounge to pour it. The boys would then take bets if she would ever make it back. When she did return, you were guaranteed a head on your pint her hand shook so much. Recently the pub has been refurbished and now has two fonts and a choice of three types of bottled beers, aren't they coming on through the west!
Of course if you don't want a pint, you could go to the off-licence which has more bars on it than barlinnie!

MOTHERWELL

A depressing place, and not easy to get a pint within walking distance of the ground. Suffice to say, this trip is one where the bus never leaves early.

DUNFERMLINE

The Dunfermline Social club is the only shop close to the ground, but you have to turn up early and hope the guy on the door is in a good mood. Unfortunately this is another trip where the bus rolls up to the ground just before kick off.

DUNDEE

Up to Dundee, and years ago we would take over the Ambassador Bar. I could never take to this place as they hung curtains on the wall, and they were always closed as there's no windows in the pub. Pretty stupid if you ask me.
Nowadays we stop at Bally's Bar, and a bad word cannot be said against this boozer; great selection of beers, cheap meals and no hassle. What else could you ask for. Let's hope Dundee avoid the big drop, as this could wipe out two of the best days in the calendar.

ABERDEEN

Up in Aberdeen and alas nowadays it's hard to find a pub that welcomes you. Maybe theyre all just a wee bit sheepish. Its probably easier to get a drink behind the iron curtain.
These days we head for Stonehaven and start at the New Inn Hotel. This place must have the smallest lounge in Scotland two bar stools in a Dookit at the side of the bar with a sign above "lounge". One day after an excellent bar lunch we (as in two) decided to try the lounge out, but we didn't last long as the lounge prices were dearer.
On the road home, the final watering hole is Montrose. There are plenty good pubs like the Market Arms or the Royal Arch, but the place most Hearts fans head for is the Links Hotel Disco. All the local talent congregates here, bul it's no use to our guys because by 10 oclock at night they're all well past it, and as the song goes "Comatoes in Montrose".

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