1995-96 Readers Survey

The results of the readers survey from issue 30 of No Idle Talk

Once again, thanks to all those who responded to our survey. As predicted, Jim Jefferies supplied us with a roller coaster season with extreme highs and lows, and this is reflected in the poll returns.

PLAYER OF THE YEAR 95/96

1. Gilles Rousset 47%
2. Gary Locke 34%
3. Paul Ritchie 8%
4. Neil Pointon 8%
5. John Robertson 3%

A two horse race in the end, and despite his mistakes in the cup final, Le Chateau fully deserves the honour; It's a shame for Gary Locke because he ranked highly in the young player category. I was suprised Neil Pointon didn't receive more votes, and I was also a little surprised that Allan Johnston didn't get a mention even if it was only for his performance against Rangers.

YOUNG PLAYER OF THE YEAR 95/96

1. Paul Ritchie 50%
2. Gary Locke 22%
3. Allan Johnston 14%
4. Allan McManus 14%

Paul Ritchie was magnificent last season, putting in some very solid displays (ask Paul Gascoigne). All our young players seem to appear in batches. Let's hope we see some new names appearing in this poll at the end of this season.

BEST HEARTS MATCH 95/96

1. Ibrox 3-0 71%
2. Semi Final 2-1 19%
3. Motherwell 4-0 6%
4. Rangers 2-0 4%

Overwhelming result (and rightly so). Hearts exploited the over rated Rangers defence and Allan Johnston took the complete pish out of Andy Goram.

WORST HEARTS MATCH 95/96

1. Partick 2-5 33%
2. Cup FInal 1-5 30%
3. Brockville 0-2 13%
4.= Parkhead 0-4 6%
4.= Easter Road 1-2 6%
4.= Fir Park 0-0 6%
7.= Dens Park 4-4 3%
7.= Celtic 0-4 3%

Considering that Hearts had such a good season, you'd think we'd struggle to come up with eight really crap games. Some of the poll results were received before the Cup Final was played, so in all reality, the Cup Final would probably have won.

BEST GOAL SCORED BY HEARTS PLAYER

1. Johnston's 2nd at Ibrox (lob) 26%
2. Pointon against Rangers 23%
3.= Fulton at Brockville 10%
3.= Johnston's 3rd at Ibrox 10%
3.= Colquhoun's in the final 10%
3.= Locke at Starks Park 10%
7.= Johnston's semi-final winner 6%
7.= Johnston's v Motherwell 6%

One thing seems certain - no matter what you say about him, Allan Johnston had an eye for a spectacular goal. Every goal is special in it's own way. Hearts fans have been starved of goals in the last two or three years so let's hope last season was just the begining.

BEST GOAL SEEN ANYWHERE (INCLUDING TV)

I should have known better! There were some spectacular goals shown on TV last season. In this category there were 15 goals voted for. The highest number of votes was three and there was a 3 way split between:

1. Gascoigne vs Aberdeen (last game)
2. Johnston's third vs Rangers
3. Kinkladze's run & chip for Man. City

Other of note:
Yeboah for Leeds vs Liverpool
Suker vs Denmark (Euro 96)
Jess at Ibrox
Steve Fulton at Falkirk
Cantona vs Southampton
Laudrup vs Celtic
Paul Wright to put Hibs out of the Cup
Guy Whittingham vs Man Utd
Jackie McNamara at Fester Road
Craig Brewster vs Dunfermline
Gascoigne vs Hibs
Alan Johnstons chip over Andy Goram

BIGGEST DONKEY IN THE PREMIER LEAGUE

1. Steven Tweed
2. Darren Jackson
3. Pierre Van Donkey
4. Brian Irvine
5. The Hibs Team
6. Ally Graham

These were the clear winners, there were single nominations for many others includng Joe Tortolano, Joe Miller, Henry Smith, Duncan Shearer, Gordon Durie, Craig Nelson, Keith Wright, Hans Eskilsson, Dave Winnie, Richard Gough, Peter Van Vossen, Stephem Pressely and Gordon Petric.

BEST PLAYER IN PREMIER LEAGUE

1. Paul Gascoigne 48%
2. Brian Laudrup 43%
3.= John Collins 3%
3.= Tosh McKinley 3%
3.= Cadette 3%

Predictable. Most Hearts fans hate the fat geordie twat but at least we can admit he is a pretty decent player.

THE BEST PART OF THE SEASON 1995/96

1. Getting to the Cup Final
2. Winning at Ibrox and watching the Huns leave early
3. Rangers 7 Hibs 0
4. Finishing above Hibs after looking down and out earlier in the season.
5. Hibs being kocked out of the Cup early (again)
6. The semi final over Aberdeen.
7. Scoring a penalty at the School End.
8. Celtic winning nothing.
9. Seeing the youngsters establish themselves.
10. The Gareth Southgate penalty miss.

IF HEARTS HAD 500K TO SPEND WHO SHOULD THEY BUY?

Here the list of realistic suggestions.

Mark Hately, Paul Bernard, David Weir, Barry Laverty, Scott Crabbe, Paul Wright, Darren Jackson (WHAT?), Gary McSwegan, Stevie Crawford, Phil Scott (St. Johnston), Super Ally, Kevin Harper, Linberg (Morton), Spackman, Durrant, Charlie Miller, Andy McLaren, Brian McLair, Michael O'Neil, Shearer's Big Toe, Klinsmann, George O'Boyle, Graham Hide (Sheff Wed), Ian Cameron, Paul Lambert, Ian Marchall and Alex Mathie (both Ipswich), Craig Brewster, Robbie Winters, Stuart McCall.

Needless to say, some of these players have moved on, as the poll results came in before most of the summer transfers took place.

ON A SCALE OF 1-10 HOW ARE THE NEW BOARD DOING?

The average score is a kind of "must improve" 5.773 out of 10.

This ranges from 1 to 8.5.

WOULD YOU INVEST MONEY IN HEARTS IF ASKED?

Yes 74%
No 22%
Not Sure 4%

Some of the yes answers were accompanied by the obligatory "if I had it" statement. Clearly, Hearts fans are willing to contribute, yet they have been asked twice (share issue and 500 club) and neither have been an overwhelming success. It is a strange phenomenon at Tynecastle that they are unable to attract decent sums of money in from businesses who must be looking for opportunites. It is clear that the pockets of the fans have been emptied. This current version of the 500 club has been partially successful ( it will probably realise a profit after expenses which would compare with the share issue. The problem is , the small investors can only put in £500 maximum and that can only provide a third of the funds needed. Where are the bigger investors and why are they not coming forward? Is it the Mercer factor. I hope it isn't true, but could there be a Robinson factor? He's not very high profile doesn't seem to communicate information very well. Why do big companies not want to get involved with him? Has he asked any of them? I don't mind sitting in the "Royal Bank of Scotland" Stand.

WHERE COULD HEARTS GET FUNDS FROM? (SERIOUS SUGGESTIONS PLEASE)

A company takeover (possibly a brewery)
Stephen Hendry
The 500 Club
A Lottery Win
The Bank of Scotland
Standard Life
Royal Bank of Scotland
An Edinburgh Festival Cup Competition
A 100 Club
Sell all the overpriced players
John Hall
More merchandise and official outlets
Improve the Jambo Jackpot
Graeme Souness
Rent the facilities out more
A national lottery grant
Pre-Season tournament
Rock Concerts
A decent club magazine

Plenty of suggestions there for the board to consider. You would have to assume that the Hearts board have already investigated all these options and for whatever reasons have been rejected.

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE BITS OF THE FANZINE?

1. Jokes
2. Slagging off Hibs
3. For the Record
4. How we see it
5. Cartoons
6. Interviews
7. They Graced the jersey
8. Any witty/funny stuff
9. Arguments
10. Pannini Stickers

WHAT ARE LEAST FAVOURITE BITS IN THE FANZINE?

1. Match Reports.
2. Spacefillers
3. Things to do with English teams.
4. The "Darren Jackson is nice" story.
5. Hand Hedghog rambles on a bit!
6. Pro Mercer articles.
7. Diary
8. They graced the jersey.
9. Book reviews.
10. Articles saying the press are biased.

ANYTHING YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE IN FUTURE ISSUES?

We received no fewer than nineteen different suggestions as to what we should include. These range from seeing BEV on page three to starting a dream team/fantasy league. One of the suggestions was a fan file, which we have kicked off in this issue. We shall endeavour to include some more of the suggestions as the season progresses. I like the idea of regular songwords, so if anyone would like to supply some unusual or new ones, lets have them.

DO YOU HAVE A SEASON TICKET?

Yes 81%
No 19%

WHERE DO YOU NORMALLY SIT?

Wheatfield Stand 68%
School End 24%
Old Stand 4%
North Enclosure 4%

GIVEN THE CHANCE WOULD YOU STAND AT GAMES?

Yes 67%
Never 30%
Sometimes 3%

This category is one which interests me greatly. It's a real shame what happened at Hillsborough, but I don't know of a ground in Scotland which was built in the same style (ie 3 different pens behind the goal each inaccessible from the other), and therefore I have a problem understanding exactly why all grounds had to be forced to become all seated. I can understand increasing the number of seats in all grounds but I do wish we had complained a little more about the content of the Taylor Report. All seated stadiums have succeeded in doing two things; Firstly, they gave the board of directors license to increase the price of watching without increasing the quality. Secondly, it has all but killed off the atmosphere at mediocre games.

Once again thanks a milion for completing the questionaire.

Craig

Take me back to the issue 31 homepage