Famous Jambos Versus Famous Hibees

Let's start with the vermin because let's face it, this is the only time that they'll be above us all season.

JOHN LESLIE.

Here is a man (allegedly), who dumped the gorgeous Katherine Zeta-Jones after she asked him to marry her because he was scared of the commitment. A normal red-blooded male, I think not!

GRANT STOTT

Famous for being John Leslie's brother. Likes working with children. Nuff said really.

TOM FARMER

Three words are all you need to know about him. Used car salesman.

Farmer is the man who saved Hibs from bankruptcy and then ploughed (no pun intended) millions into the slum dwellers new stands, however he is now refusing to give them any money for players. Ha ha. His company is currently involved in an insurance deal which offers cut price car insurance to the evil, bigoted followers of the forces of darkness.

LLOYD QUINANN

The STV weatherman (still at least he's got a job unlike most Hib's fans). Ginger.

GORDON STRACHAN

Another ginger, what's going on here? Strachan is a little gnome who's only contribution to Scottish football was his (crap) goal in the 1986 World Cup. He has just been made the manager of Coventry City so we can look forward to seeing them in the First division next season.

IRVINE WELSH

Some people say this man is a literary genius. He writes about the city where he was born in and swears a lot . What a talented guy. He was recently arrested for being drunk and disorderly at a Hibs Partick game (Still you could hardly go to that game sober, could you?). The man is so proud of his country that he now lives in Amsterdam, presumably so he can get some research done for his latest novel about a junkie (No not Barry Lavety!)

THE PROCLAIMERS

I know I said famous but I'm really struggling. These two ugly so and so's are the people responsible for that abomination that is "Sun Shite on Leith". Lets be honest here, does anyone actually like any of the Proclaimers songs? I don't think so.

Now on to the important bit. Famous Jambos.....

STEPHEN HENDRY

The world's number one snooker player and a loyal jambo. What else needs to be said?

TOM WILSON

He combines a successful career as a DJ on Forth FM with his work as a famous techno DJ in Scotland's club scene. He also is a recording artist and several of his singles have charted in Scotland.

SEAN CONNERY

Without doubt the worlds greatest actor. Easily the best James Bond regardless of what the English say. He is also a huge sex symbol, was recently voted the worlds sexiest man and he's still pulling birds at the age of fifty-something (Typical jambo then). Although he was spotted at Ibrox for the Juventus game, and all the papers claimed he was a hun, everyone knows he was pissing himself when the huns got murdered 4-1 by Juve.

RONNIE CORBERT

Quite possibly the funniest comedian of modern tome. His legendary double act with Ronnie Barker earned him all sorts of honours. He is currently the presenter of that hilarious game show "SmallTalk".

WALLET MERCENARY

No comment!

As you can see from all the unbiased information above there can be no doubt that the famous Hearts fans are far more talented and, basically, famous than their Leither counterparts.

So from one Jambo to another, see you at Hampden in May.

Malky.

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