Dodgy Stands

Is it my suspicious mind or is there something strange happening in the new stands which are being built nowadays? While some stands being built look nice from a distance, when you are sitting in one, you start to wonder.

The first thing I noticed was the speed at which the stands are built. In about the same time it took Hearts to build the Wheatfield stand, three stands sprouted up at Rugby Park. When Hearts were building the School End Stand, two stands were built at Fester Road. Two stands were knocked up (and I mean knocked up) at Starks Park over the summer. Do they not allow their workers tea or lunch breaks? Do they use more prefabricated its that Hearts did? How do they do it? Who knows?

Rugby Park looks impressive on the telly but it isn't. Legroom wasn't on the blueprint for their new stand. Cramming in as many fans as you could was, though. You'll never get cold ears at Killie mainly because your knees will be keeping them warm. When the full time whistle goes at Rugby Park, the stewards open the gates with a tin opener. When you go for a pie you are exposed to the elements. Killie couldn't afford a back wall to their stand. If it is raining it will take an hour to drink your bovril. It has now been revealed that the away stand sways when the fans jump up and down. It is a design fault but it is perfectly safe. Design defect? Isn't that what Jumbo Jets are said to have when they crash. Didn't the Challenger Space Shuttle have a design defect? Who designed the stand? Del and Rodney Trotter?

Over to Fester Road and another masterpiece. The away stand is ok but it wasn't when it opened at first. Going up the stairs to the upper tier there was a six inch gap between the back and side walls. The worst thing was a piece of the roof was tied up with a piece of steel wire which was swaying about in the wind above the Jambos heads. The exits aren't very big either. No one wants to stay in Leith any longer than they have to. Hibs fans say our stands look like Blue Peter stands but I think you'll find some sticky back plastic, old bog rolls, pritt sticks and double sided sticky tape all over their "new" stadium.

Over to the kingdom of Fife to Starks Park and the new stands are fine until it rains. Sorry to shatter the illusion of Kirkaldy being a seaside resort but it rains a lot in Kirkaidy - like every day! The roof in the away stand leaks. The roof in the old Tynecastle stand leaks but it is over 80 years old. The away stand wasn't even 80 days old before it started to spring a leak. Three new stands, three problems. Couldn't be that all three new sets of stands were all built by the same outfit could it????

Big Al

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