Sesame Street

Rangers are planning to launch their own TV channel. In order to attract new young fans to follow the lovable teddy bears, the TV Channel would have to show some kiddies TV programmes. One of these could be SESAME STREET. Instead of employing the services of Jim Hensons' Muppets they could use some of the muppet men already at Ibrox. Unfortunately Kermit the frog Would not be able to appear as wee green shits are not allowed near the stadium. However, we preview here some of the hopefuls wishing for stardom.

COOKIE MONSTER: Who else? Andy Goram is the only one who would fill the costume. All he would have to do would be to stuff his face and to shout a lot. Basically the same he does every Saturday.

BERT & ERNIE: Bert is the older one who is always moaning. Richard Gough would love this he is always shouting at the ref. I thing Ernie was the younger one, with the red face. Obvious choice Alan McLaren.

BIG BIRD: Big, yellow, gangly and clueless. Erik Bo Andersen is the nearest to that description. He is certainly clueless with the ball at his feet in front of an open goal.

THE COUNT: This bloke is still learning to count. He has to use his fingers. The man for this role has to be thick as mincet Hopefully, learning his lines wouldn't tax tan Ferguson's brain too much. Fergie said he liked the job as the crowd were always calling him a "dirty count"!

OSCAR: He is loud, grumpy, obnoxious, big-headed and lives in a trash can. There is only one person for this role - Gazza. Living in a trash can is where this misfit belongs.

Sesame Street helps kids to read, write and speak by singing songs etc. one kiddies song "Ten Green Bottles" could be altered for minihuns. It could now be,

10 green bottles sitting on the wall
10 green bottles sitting on the wall
along comes Gazza and goes and drinks them all
then there'll be one fat bastard pissing against the wall

Every episode of Sesame Street would finish the same with some kid proudly announcing "thank you for watching hun-TV, the non sectarian channel and we'd like to inform viewers that there were one thousand six hundred and ninety people watching todays programme"

Big Al

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