The final word
Those of you who are regular readers of NIT (if there are any regular readers) may be wondering why Big Al hasn't got any articles in this edition of Hearts Premier fanzine.
Is he a part timer? No
Has he got writers block? No
Has he missed the deadline? No
Has he left the country? Not Yet
Is he a Hibby? Get Real!
Is he dead? Not exaclty
Stories of my demise are greatly exaggerated but No Idle Talk's very own Big Al ie me has been killed off, some might say murdered. If you are confused then read on.
I was standing in Billy's Bar (now The Gorgie Arms) waiting to get served on the last day of the season, when Craig the editor said " You'll get in trouble wearing that" pointing at my new Hearts top with "BIG AL" on the back. After eventually getting served, Craig explained that he'd received a "friendly" warning from Forth FM saying that I'm to stop using the pseudonym "Big Al" or else. I wasn't going to drop a name I have been writing under since NIT 18 and writing regularly for it for the past three seasons (including 9 articles in NIT 27), without a proper explanation so I phoned Forth FM and asked to speak to Big Al. It took me a couple of days to get to speak to him because the Big Fat One doesn't believe in collecting his messages so the only time you can get a hold of him is just before he goes on air.
I eventually got to speak to Big Al who said he gets a lot of calls and comments from people who have read the fanzine and thought he had wrote my articles. Thanks a lot to anybody who did this. Obviously these people who thought that fat DJ was capable of writing for a Hearts fanzine couldn't have read my articles that well as:
(a) Some of my articles have talked about climbing over walls etc but Big Al goes on about his big belly.
(b) I have described myself as looking like Stevie Frail - who doesn't appear to have a big fat belly.
(c) My photo was/is in the cup final pictures section of NlT's internet page and anybody who has seen it will notice I do not have a big fat belly.
Big Al said that changing my name would benefit me as I would get credit for my articles. Big Al has an equity card which means his name is registered as an entertainer and nobody else can use it. Sorry but I thought writing for an unofficial Hearts fanzine, which sells only 1000 copies per issue, is hardly Hollywood entertainment.
If I couldn't be Big Al, I asked if could be Bigger Al but The Big Man with the Big Head, Big Belly and Big Ego would prefer it if I dropped the "Big Al" completely and wrote under my own name. So no "The Jambo formerly known as Big Al" then. My own name isn't unique - a managing director of Carlsberg Tetley Alloa is called Allan Hardie and I'm sure he'd love to be known in brewing circles as a bit of a Jambo nutter who writes articles for NIT.
I agreed to the name change as I had my final exams at university coming up but what could I name myself? As I look a bit like Stevie Frail (a wee bit) I could call myself Shaggy but then I'd get sued by Hanna Baberra for copying the Scooby Doo cartoon. I did get a new nickname, suggested to me by a regular in The Gorgie Arms but I still have my old nickname "BIG AL" on the back of my new Hearts top. Surely I can't get into trouble for wearing the top or else Forth FM will have to start suing everybody else who is nicknamed Big Al.
By the time you are reading this, I will have moved out of my Gorgie Road flat and will be living elsewhere. It is highly unlikely that I'll be at many Jambo matches over the next few seasons, due to work commitments and the fact I might be living in Ireland, England or America. So I might have to stop writing for NIT for a while. If I do make it to a couple of matches next season and you see a Stevie Frail lookalike sporting a Hearts top with "BIG AL" on the back, let me know what you think of Forth FM. An extended version of my story is in TAG 54.
Alan Hardie B.Sc (Hons)
THE MAN WITH NO NAME
Take me back to the issue 35 contents page