No Idle Talk

Issue 41 (February 1999)

The Front Cover

The Boring Bit...

Editors Whinge

Carlos the Jackal

Jambo Tit Bits

Hugh Dallas - An Apology

The Jambo

All the lads are cheering, get the ******* beer in!!!

Scotland - Successful?

Houstie

We are the famous football hooligans

Storm in a teacup

Hearts Live

Tynie Park Cartoon

Issue 40 Competition Results

We are a right shower of Bastards when we lose (or draw)!

Tribute to THE GORGIE WAVE

Five a side tournament

Our honeymoon in Majorca

McCann for Sale

HEARTS AGM

(Not) the green green grass of Home

Manchester Hearts Quiz

A tribute to something we all hold dear - drink!

Letter from Alex Jones

...ONLINE...

Rant On

A couple of jokes to cheer you up

Fan Profile

Jim Jefferies - the knives are out

Fact or Fiction?

The making of a front cover

League Reorganisation

The season after - A deja vu reminder from the late Tommy Walker

Weir's Away

Readers Letters

The Back page

THE FRONT COVER

DON'T BUY THE RECORD!!!

NEIL McCANN

Hard as it may be, Neil McCann had to go to Rangers. He would have been locked up in the Asylum if he had refused their offer. Look at the facts. Neil had no emotional attachment to the club (apparently he was a Celtic/Morton fan as a boy), he was offered a chance to move to a club that is guaranteed European football every year, was given a massive signing on fee and a vastly increased salary. Perhaps more importantly was the fact that as a Rangers player he is almost certain to become a regular member of Craig Brown's Scotland squad. As we all now Brown does not have any interest in giving Hearts players there chance but he will have no problem in picking McCann now that he is a Ranger. There is no way that Neil could have turned down this offer and I for one wish him all the best. He was one of the Legends who brought the Scottish Cup back to Tynecastle and that is what I will remember him for.

SKY GAMES

Hearts have only been on SKY for two league games up until the mid winter break. Nearly every other team in the Premier league have been shown in more games that us. Now its great for us guys that go to the games because I would much rather watch my football at 3pm on a Saturday as opposed to 6pm on a Sunday, BUT, the money that SKY are given to the SPL clubs is split according to the number of games that each team has appeared in. It don't take a genius to work out that Hearts aint going to get much of a cut out of the first batch of money.

ROBINSON

So Chris Robinson is taking a salary of Ł95,000 pounds each year. That's Ł25,000 more than the new Chief Executive of the Scottish Parliament is going to get according to the recently published advert for the job. If my memory serves me correctly, shortly after Robinson's takeover he slated Wallace Mercer for taking a salary of Ł100,000 from Hearts. Okay the pieman is taking Ł5000 less but as far as I am concerned its still a case of the pot calling the kettle black. Looking at it in another way, take the price of an adult and child season ticket in the Roseburn stand. It costs Ł395 so in effect the first 481 people to buy tickets for that stand are paying for his salary (thats 4.5% of our season ticket holders). Now I wouldn't quibble about this money if I felt he was doing a decent job but what has he really achieved? He claims to have turned around the business but lets face it, it was really us fans who contributed to the share issue and the 500 clubs that helped raise the money for the stands. He hasn't been able to attract any real investment into the club. On the other side of the coin he doesn't have a good relationship with the Hearts Federation or the supporters (also known as Parasites in Robinsons eyes). So its up to you Mr Robinson, tell us what you do to justify this massive salary in this time where the club is struggling financially.

NEW STRIP

Last season the club announced that it would be changing ONE strip each season. Then they went and changed 2 strips for the start of this season. Ok the away kit remained basically the same design but the badge changed and the Olympic sport logo changed and if you ask any Jambo kid, last years white strip was not the current strip and so it was out of date. Now assuming that the club sticks to its promise this season we will presumably be changing the away kit. Would it not be a good PR exercise to follow Sunderlands lead and let the fans vote on the strip that they wont for next season. Over 12000 Sunderland fans voted on the 4 options for next seasons home kit through the club shop, their website and by post. They gave their fans 4 options to choose from and one strip got 56% of the vote, therefore the fans get the strip that they want. Now the verdict on this years home strip is that it was alright apart from the blue and white stripy bit and shaded writing (oh yeah and that bloody horrible BADGE) so in future why not let us vote on what which strip we wear? Makes sense if you ask me.

TICKET PRICES

Given our success last season, Hearts should have being playing to a full house of season ticket holders every week. We have seen over the past few years that when people buy a season ticket, they are reluctant to give up their seat. Ok, we got over 11000 season ticket holders but this could have been 15 or 16000 if the pricing policy hadn't been so wrong. Look at Motherwell, they are encouraging 10000 fans through their gate because of their pricing policy. If Motherwell can attract that kind of crowd then Hearts should be able to attract 20000. Its not going to happen if fans think that they are getting shafted at the turnstyle and that exactly what I think is happening at Tynie. No doubt the board will be looking into their pricing policy for next season in the next few weeks. My message to them is, even the most loyal Hearts fan will eventually decide that a season ticket is too expensive if you keep the increases going the way they have been.

Thornie

Hugh Dallas - An apology

At the recent Heart of Midlothian FC vs Dundee FC Scottish Premier league tie played at Tynecastle Park, Edinburgh, owing from certain decisions in said game by Scotland's top rated referee, Mr Hugh Dallas Of Motherwell, it way have seemed to Mr Dallas that certain sections of the Heart of Midlothian support were vociferously signing the "Dallas. Dallas. get to f*ck'. We at NIT would like to reassure Mr Dallas that this refrain was in fact "Dallas, Dallax we wish you luck" referring of course to Mr Dallas's forthcoming ventures in the world of football as a FIFA ranked official. OK? Happy7 Maybe now the myopic weegie **** willl give more than one decision a game our way!
While l'm here I'd like to point to to Celtic fans that owing to the state of our pitch we are in fact lammenting that "we're up to our knees in freezing mud" and not expressing any Sectarian sentiments.

THE JAMBO

Normally when clubs produce their own official magazine subscribers get a discount for putting their subs up front. In the case of the JAMBO a 10 issue subscription costs Ł 30 whereas to buy the magazine from the newsstands for 10 issues would set you back only Ł 25. Considering the Magazine only seems to be available in Edinburgh no wonder it loses money.

Unrealistic Expectations

It takes a sassanach to point out that though Jim Jeffries has bought well for Hearts many Jambo's appear to labour under unrealistic expectations regarding the club's championship chances. Looking up from south of the border Scottish Football is simple to understand. The Old Firm with ground capacities of 60,294 (Celtic) and 50,411 (Rangers - though soon to increase to) generate far greater spending power than their main rivals Hearts (18,000), Aberdeen (22,199) and Kilmarnock (18,128). Put simply they get 3 times the crowd.

It is stating the obvious but should Dick Advocaat or Joseph Venglos need to strengthen their squad they simply open the chequebook. Jim Jeffries has to look around for cut price bargains like Gary McSwegan. Although McSwegan is a free transfer his wages will eat into the transfer budget. Fans often forget that such a transfer is "free" only in the sense that Hearts did not have to pay Dundee United for his registration. To have a quality squad as Jeffries is trying to create costs money hence higher admission prices. The limitation on Hearts capacity means that as fewer fans come in comparison to the Old Firm then those fans have to pay more to cover the wage bill as gate receipts are a bigger source of revenue for Hearts than for the Old Firm with their greater merchandising outlets.

Those who believe that the solution would be to knock down the Roseburn stand and increase capacity need to bear in mind two things. Firstly, Hearts need a Sugar Daddy" to fund the stand. Secondly the club would suffer a loss of revenue wile this was under construction.

Given the constraints on Hearts the best chance for success lies in the Scottish Cup and League Cup. On their day Hearts have proved the can compete with and beat the Old Firm, Indeed, I would go as far to say Ignoring the League table Hearts are the best team outside Glasgow. That is why the exit to St Johnstone in the League Cup semi-final was disappointing in the extreme.This represented one of Hearts realistic chances of Glory and the insipid display at Easter Road in which to be honest Hearts never looked like scoring has cast a cloud over the season. If there is an Scottish Cup exit then it could be a long time until the end of May.

ALL THE LADS ARE CHEERING GET THE ****** BEER IN!!!

As soon as the SPL announced a three week shutdown, I should have known that we wouldn't be able to do without our footy for that long. Where can you go in January? A quick look at the fixtures revealed a pretty tasty looking fixture (Sunderland vs Ipswich) on Saturday 16th January. We took names and had 14 definites. Then, disaster - Sky was to show the match on the Sunday at 1:00pm. Undaunted we went ahead with the trip. After all, it meant we were going to get two bevvies instead of one because we were going down on the Saturday anyway. Goader agreed to drive there and back so the Lithgae boys were set for another famous beano trip. Not counting European ties, this was the first overnight beano since Derby.

We had booked into the Ł19 per night Pullman Lodge Hotel in Seaburn and weren't really expecting that much For the price.

When the hotel came into view the first Thing you see are railway carriages and little else. One of the less enlightened among us pipes up with "I'm no fucking sleeping in a train - no way!" Cheers Bobby. Actually the carriages are only the reception and the restaurant. The chalets are out the back and very impressive too.

I had arranged for an acquaintance (Dave) to meet us and act as our guide. There's nothing worse than wasting good drinking time looking for a decent pub, when a local lad can take you to one straight away. "Roker Avenue is OK" said Dave "Start at the Wolsey"……Taxi! Bloody hell. Bit of a ropey start, when we arrived we were the only customers. Still, it was early. We moved on further up Roker Avenue. A couple of games of pool later the boys started with the comments. "Whaur's the burds" in true Frank Macavennie style. Time to head for the centre and find some action.

The centre of Sunderland is similar on a Saturday night to what Derby was (for those of you who were there). For those of you who weren't there it means there were scantily clad women everywhere. Minus two degrees, no jacket, just blouses and low cut dresses, you know what I mean? Monkeys toes and all that. My wife works beside a Geordie and she has said in the past that she didn't own a jacket until she came to live in Scotland. I don't know how they do it! Their nipples must be made of leather!

Alan Johnston is a cult hero down there and the locals Seemed to appreciate that we had made the effort. Even the DJ gave us a plug, much to the amusement of all the girlies. We visited 3 pub/discos and they were all loud and crowded. Best was the last one - Idols. Seven semi naked barmids doing the timewarp, at least two of them simulating lesbian sex which is the kind of thing I could watch regularly, despite the Ł2.50 per drink. The problem is this is England and we were all chucked out at 11:00pm. At that time you are left with 2 choices. Go to bed or go clubbing. It costs a fiver to get in, plus the extra for the drink so all but two of us declined- we'll get drink in the hotel if we go back now was the general consensus, plus we had been bevvying since eleven this morning.

Disaster! There wasn't a light on in the place. We tried a Greek restaurant - it was only 12:15am but their kitchen was closed. The staff were game when we ordered two bottles of wine and some bread. "kitchen's closed - sorry" said the miserable boss. We had to settle for the Sunday morning's carry out in the room. I don't think the other residents appreciated our company much especially as one of the groups decided to stay up for the Tyson fight.

Sunday morning, and following a confrontation with one of the other residents due to the singing it was time for a clear-the-cobwebs walk along the seafront after a superb heart-attack-on-a-plate breakfast allowing us to reflect on the drink, the singing, the food fight and the hacket birds. You know, it's funny, but in all seriousness I had never in my life associated Sunderland with sea. I don't know why. Walking along the front at Seaburn was not unlike any other seaside resort (apart from the fact that the wind was cutting me in two). It had a few amusement arcades, several restaurants and a permanent funfair, as well as a pretty good looking beach and rockpools further along! It was a revelation, believe me.

We parked up at 11:30am near the stadium. First impressions were a little disappointing. The ground is built in the middle of an industrial estate and from the outside it is nothing special. The one impressive think about the exterior of the stadium was that the ticket office was a separate building. Surely Hearts could take a leaf out of their book. It also had a sports bar and a superstore (which you could access from outside the stadium). A 1 oclock kick off doesn't give you much time to wet your whistle, since there is a strict 12 oclock rule. Still, we got a pint in the Wheat sheaf and a quick beer inside the ground which probably explained why there were no queues at kick off. They were right, it is impressive inside. 39k plus were making a noise but it was bitterly cold and even though the whole stadium was enclosed, the wind was circulating nicely inside. My feet were friggin freezing!

For the record, Sunderland went 2-0 up which was a little unfair on Ipswich. We were happy because Magic was playing and he did lay on one of the goals. Ipswich pulled one back and maybe just deserved an equaliser, although the Sunerland fans were screaming for two penalties near the end. I've seen them given for less. Magic wasn't that impressive but it was his first game for a while. He played as well as any I saw.

All the boys got a beer at half time with the locals and we gave them a couple of Hearts songs and sang "there's only one magic Johnston" with them. There were a few bears about but every one I met seemed pleased to see us. That doesn't go for the people who were sitting in the two rows directly behind us who I think were getting a bit annoyed with us. Talk about weans! Up and down to the toilet, late for the start, leaving early. If anybody suggests that they re-introduce alcohol at Scottish grounds vote against it unless your seat is row 1 and you are in the aisle! It's a pain in the arse.

After the game there were many people commenting to us about our scarfs but no derogatory comments, apart from one fanzine seller who proclaimed "I love Celtic and hate Rangers". We let him off when he quickly covered himself by saying he hated Hibs. We rounded off the day by watching the Toon drawing with Charlton and Malky watching his fixed odd burst in injury time.

I'd like to thank the locals for their hospitality and for not showing any animocity towards us despite the fact we wore maroon all day, and thanks to Dave and Rachel for putting up with Brian. I'll be recommending this trip to others in the future.

Craig/Thornie

SCOTLAND - SUCCESSFUL

Pardon me but should Rangers (like Chelsea in England) win a European Competition how can this be classed as being good for Scottish Football. The Rangers side contains only Barry Ferguson who is a first team regular with even Hendry having a hard time getting off the subs bench. The trend naturally continues at Celtic Park but also more alarmingly amongst other teams in the SPL. I watched Motherwell v Dundee United earlier in the season not only was it one of the worst games I have endured but featured about 6 Scots out of 22 players. Although things have changed at Motherwell since with the departure of Harri Kampman there are still too many journeymen playing their trade in the SPL.

A similar situation exists in the English Premier League but there are more clubs and therefore more of a pool of players to draw from. one thing that is missing from English football these days is the Scots now outnumbered by the Norwegians. Time was when the term "Anglo" referred to Scots players plying their trade in England rather than English people such as myself with Scottish Grandparents playing for Scotland. The pool of talent has dried up along wHh the lack of opportunities.

At Hearts you have to say that of the regulars Rousset is a good reaction keeper but in typical continental fashion chooses to punch rather than catch crosses and in swinging corners. This is not without its drawbacks as the game against Real Majorca proved. When Roddy McKenzie replaced him against Motherwell he gave a much safer performance in this respect. Stephane Salvatori always looks a cut above the rest of the Hearts midfield. and Vincent Guerin takes a mean free kick but Stephane Adamfito my mind could easily be replaced by a Scot who could do an equally good job leading the line. Certainly against Mallorca Adam's poor delivery of corners was quite noticeable. Jose Quitongo is a mazy but aimless dribbler and a spectacular diver in the box. you gain a reputation in this game and probably this was the reason why a stonewall penalty was denied him in the home match v Dundee United. Mind you if the referee felt he had dived in the first hag then a more spectacular effort in the second half could have earned him the red card if the referee was consistent. Again you would not put him ahead of McCann in the team. Lee Makel - Sorry but like most Englishmen who have gone north Lee who ? would be the response down south The only "name" Englishman north of Hadrian's Wall was Gascoigne who time in Scotland was noted down South for all the wrong reasons, (Wife-Beating, Sectarianism, getting pissed, and getting sent off).

What of Gary Naysmith reputedly watched by Crystal Palace. Certainly Alan Mcinally on Scotsport advised him to go and improve himself down south. But I can tell you this. If Naysmith was being targeted by a Premier League team (i.e Palace's tenants- Wimbledon) then yes, his game would improve. But Palace is the Nationwide ? Iet me tell you the standard of play in the Nationwide First Division is no better than that of the SPL. Naysmith would learn more staying at Hearts.

HOUSTIE

It must be difficult for all Hearts fans right now because like you, I am baffled by the poor form shown this season. We must however try to continue to support the team because the players need all the help they can get from you the fans. To be fair you, the fans, could have given the team a rougher ride than they have had so far. Please keep up your support. However I'm not here to talk about the first team but to let you know about how the young Hearts teams are doing. I'm pleased to say that both the Under 21's and the Under 18 teams continue to progress. Perhaps you might ask why haven't more been thrown into the first team? Let me try to explain. When the likes of Paul Ritchie, Alan McManus and Allan Johnson were put into the team they were 19 years of age going on 20. Our good youth players are just turning 18 years of age and are just physically short at this present time. There time will come because Jim and Billy are not afraid to give youngsters a chance.

As you will know there was a mid-season break for both U21 and U18 teams but I will give you an update on some of there most recent fixtures. The Under 21's have only lost 2 games this season out of a possible 14 games and in those 14 fixtures both Roddy McKenzie and Myles Hogarth have had 7 shut outs between them. This says a lot for not only them but also for the defenders that play in front of them i.e. Robbie Horn and 17 year old Darren Goldie have just about played every game as central defenders. It is unfair maybe to single out particular players but to lose few goals in such a difficult league speaks volumes for their desire and application. The under 21s have recently won 3 on the trot with victories at Dundee, Kilmarnock and a home win against Dunfermline. Indeed we have to go back to October 13th to find the last time our 21s lost and that was at Motherwell.

Looking at our Under 18 side you will probably have known that the gaffer recently brought John McGlynn, who was our U16 coach, on to the backroom staff on a full-time basis to look after both our U18 side and U16 team. John had a big say on who came onto the groundstaff as coach of the U16 team and he will continue that job. He is looking forward to meeting Hibs in the Quarter Final of the BP and is hopeful of a big Hearts support at Easter Road. He has been reminded by another member of the backroom staff, I wonder who?, that he is under pressure to retain this trophy. Seriously, John works hard to improve the young players and is desperate to do his utmost to get young players through at Tynecastle. In the league the U18s form has been good and at present they stand in third place just behind the Old Firm. Please try and get along to Easter Road on the 16th as your support would be welcome.

Finally, the interest shown on Pat Begley's health from Hearts fans has been overwhelming. Pat has been discharged from hospital and will be joining us at Tynecastle soon to work in the gym to regain the fitness he lost after his accident. He still has a long way to go before he pulls on a Hearts strip again but he's a fighter and I'm sure he will.

Cheers Houstie

WE ARE THE FAMOUS FOOTBALL HOOLIGANS

The following is a page taken from a book of the title above written by Oldham fan Carl 11 Spiers which was sent to us by one of our readers. The piece is about an Anglo Scottish tie in 1974 at Oldham which was about a year before my time. Is there someone out there who was at the game and can verify what really happened? Or is this just artistic license, I mean, shotguns?

On the following Tuesday we were due to play Hearts in the quarter final of the Anglo-Scottish cup. At 2.00 PM in the afternoon I was in lessons at Grange School and my classroom looked over the main Rochdale Road towards the town contra We could hear all this chanting so we all rushed to the window to see what was going on. The teacher was going crazy at us to sit down; he grabbed me by the ears so I told him to fuck off. He slapped me across the face so I smacked him back. The class cheered and he ordered me to the head masters office. I thought fuck this I'll face the music tomorrow. I left school and went up town to see what was going on. By this time there were at least a hundred Hearts fans all over town and they were being really rowdy. A few got arrested for drunkenness. I d never seen anything like it before. I was buzzing. At 5.0Q PM I called for Paul and we went straight to thc ground, there were already hundreds of Hearts fans milling about outside. At 6.30 PM the gates opened and Hearts went straight in the Chaddy. They were smacking everybody, women, kids, old blokes and coppers. Thev were loonies. They took the Chaddv but by kick off the word must have spread around Oldham like wild fire because by the time the match kicked off Ol&am had retrieved the Chaddy with one of the biggest mobs of lads they ever had but Hearts kept in the Chaddy and there were some major battles. It was said that one Hearts fan had a double barrel shotgun. I didn't see it but plenty had coshes. At three-quarter time the gates opened and another mob of Hearts came piling in. My mate Phil Heeney got a house bnck right between his eyes. After the match there was scrapping deep into the night but Latics hammered them and we nicked loads of scarves. I got one, a maroon and white bars one. I realised that over the years Scottish hooligans where mainly just drunks who liked brawling and wrecking things. Your English thugs were much better organised. I used to hate seeing Scotland take over Wembley smashing our stadium up, but bv the 80s England would kick fuck out of them home, away and abroad. The Hearts game though was one of the best ever for violence; it gave me such a buzz all this football violence and Oldham was definitely one of the best grounds in the country for trouble. The police just kept putting fans in the Chaddy end.

STORM IN A TEACUP

There I was, sitting down to my breakfast with just enough time to read the back page of the Daily Ranger before going off to work. "Hearts fans want Robinson out" was the banner headline. I read on. "The association are furious at comments made by Robinson in last months Hearts fanzine 'No Idle Talk'". I nearly spat my tea onto the floor! A mention in the press is a rare thing indeed, but to have it a full six weeks after the issue date took me by surprise. The interview had been full and frank and I had half expected a letter from Tynecastle noising me up for not giving them a copy of the interview before it went to print, but what happened next was completely unexpected.

The phone rang. "It's John Borthwick (federation seccy) here, I'm a bit perturbed by your article". Perturbed? He was furious and complained we had not followed protocol and I had abused my position as a federation delegate by taking information from a Federation meeting without permission. My presence was requested at the next Federation meeting on the Thursday.I couldn't attend, but sent poor Eric instead. They agreed to write to me.

Meanwhile I must have missed the phonecall from the Daily Record requesting a full interview with myself and the editorial team - ha ha, some chance.

I waited with fear and trepidation for The letter . Nothing. Then the letter arrived (not sent to the NIT address) and my presence was requested before the next meeting (along with Linlithgow committee members). I went into the room alone and there were at least six committee members sitting in a row a la job interview. I realised I wasn't there for a social visit. The gist of the problem in their eyes was that the Federation of Hearts Supporters Clubs voted overwhelmingly for a vote of no confidence in Chris Robinson on Thursday 10th September. Unknown to them, Chris Robinson had arranged to do an interview with us on Tuesday 15th September. During that interview (which was conducted by someone who was not present at the Federation meeting), he was asked what his reaction was to the vote of no confidence (you'll have to dig out issue 40 for more details). To cut a long story short, a full six weeks after the interview we went to print thinking nothing of it. The Federation view is that as I had attended the Federation meeting as a delegate for Linlithgow Hearts I should have followed a protocol and liased with the committee first before revealing information to the Chief Executive before the Federation had informed him themselves. During the interview I found myself unable to promise not to do anything similar again, although I did promise to liase more as long as it was a two way thing. I was accused of only attending meetings when there is some kind of scoop to be had which is rubbish. I personally have attended almost every Federation AGM since about 1980 because I am interested in what's going on. I had no reason to believe there would be anything of interest at the meeting. I was there because I am there every year. I now miss regular monthly meetings because, anybody who attends monthly meetings will have seen me sit through the most tedious hour possible in years gone by, and that has got more to do with my non-attendance than anything else. I realise we done wrong, but the way things turned out it brought a few things out into the open, not least the fact that some board members and "money" people had no idea just how bad things had got in terms of the relationship between the Federation and the Chief Executive. In my defence I will say the following…

1. The only information I took from the meeting was the result of the vote of no confidence. It is a piece of information I would have found out even if I had not been at the Federation meeting. It was mentioned in issue 39 but nobody complained then.

2. My understanding taken from the meeting at the time was that a letter was to be sent immediately to the Chief Exec. Had I realised this process would take weeks and not days, I may have acted differently. Nobody told us to keep anything secret.

3. The timing was perfect. Five days after the vote who wouldn't have been tempted to ask him the question given the opportunity?

4. No Idle Talk exists to provide a forum for Hearts-minded people to debate important issues. If this isn't important then what is?

Having said that, I realise my actions initially put the Federation in an awkward position and it gave Chris Robinson a brief position of strength going into his agreed meeting with the Federation and I would like to apologise for that. I'm the ed, I'm to blame.

So, what came out of it that was positive?

Ian Shiells has a new nickname. GOADER! For the chief executive of Hearts earning Ł100k per year to say in a newspaper article he was goaded into answering these questions is nothing short of criminal. I have the full interview on tape and if you read the interview again, a lot of Chris Robinson's more controversial points came in response to the question "well, thanks for your time, it was much appreciated". Goaded? Give me a break!

I believe that Chris Robinson has been forced to make himself more accountable to those around him. Without the public controversy caused by NIT, he may have been able to keep any rift quiet unless the Federation went public.

I have promised to liase with the Federation more and they promised to let me have information on request so that there would be no repeat of this incident. To this end I sent a copy of this article to the Federation to offer them a right of reply. I also asked John Borthwick for an update of the situation.

This incident "should" lead to a more open relationship between all parties, and increase our ability to keep the fans informed, particularly those who are not priviledged enough to ever meet directly with those and such as those.

Craig Young

PS - the word "scoop" has been used to criticise NIT. The dictionary definition of scoop is "a news story reported in one newspaper before all others". In our case, we shared this information with another Hearts fanzine, so there was no scoop there, and on reading John Borthwicks response on the next page, unless the Willie Bauld Memorial Club was set up the same night as the Federation meeting, I fail to see where that scoop was either.

Dear Craig,

As General Secretary of the Federation of Hearts Supporters Clubs may I thank you most sincerely for the copy of the article 'Storm in a Teacup' to be published in the next edition of your fanzine 'No Idle Talk'.

Although I fully appreciate that your intention is to make the article humorous my initial reaction on reading it was one of concern at the tone of some of your comments and to deduce from the article that it is not a fairly balanced account of the issue in question. Indeed, in my view the article has a certain slant' on it that requires clarification.

'It is a piece of information I would have found out even if I had not attended the Federation meeting' - a total contradiction on 'I was accused of only attending meetings when there is some kind of scoop to be had'. Why your attendance that particular evening?

'Unknown to them, Chris Robinson had arranged to do an interview with us on Tuesday 15th September' - was that information shared with ourselves at the meeting? - No!

'During the interview' - No, not an interview, merely a request to explain your reasons for utilising information for the benefit of your fanzine - the word scoop now does spring to mind!

'Anyone who regularly attends Federation meetings will have seen me sit through the most tedious hour possible in years gone by' - I, for obvious reasons, am a regular attendee at Federation meetings and from a personal point of view do not deem them to be tedious. Perhaps discussions on ticket allocations (insufficient or otherwise), liaison with various police forces regarding routes and parking arrangements and in particular the safety of supporters, the organisation and involvement in Testimonial / Benefit matches, discussions on 500 clubs and share option schemes, amendments to the 'Articles of Association' (instrumental in giving Wallace Mercer and then Messrs. Robinson and Desns the opportunity to 'acquire' Heart of Midlothian Football Club) and other topical issues are not subjects suitable for inclusion in your fanzine. Personally, I would have thought that these would be ideal subjects to, and I quote ' increase our ability to keep the fans informed'

At the Federation meeting you attended on the Thursday evening it was agreed that the Federation Executive would arrange a meeting to decide the way forward (i.e. to approach the Chainnan of Heart of Midlothian Football Club, not the Chief Executive, and inform him, in writing, of the view of the vast majority of member clubs. The exact content of the letter would be discussed at that meeting) Given the timescale involved, what right did you have to approach the Chief Execative with the question other than a 'scoop' for your fanzine?. (At the same meeting you also discovered that there was a Willie Bauld Memorial Club and spoke to their Chairman personally - another scoop perhaps for the next issue? A tedious meeting that night? Surely not - Two scoops in the one night!

'Unless the Federation went public' - it was always our intention to "go public' (substantiated by Subsequent press coverage) after we had been given the opportunity to take the issue forward in the manner agreed at the meeting - your fanzine's intervention deprived us of that opportunity.

'The public controversy caused by NIT' - this again illustrates a 'scoop'.

'This incident should lead to a more open relationship between all parties and increase our ability to keep the fans informed' - yes, but not at the expense of other supporters clubs who have the same information but do not use that information for their own or own club's personal gain whether it be via a fimzine or other method.

Your interpretation of the meeting bears no resemblance to the actual dialogue we had and it is fair to say you give a very differant account in this 'article'.

The Federation will always endeavour to achieve its main objective, one of which is to promote the interests of it's members.

Unfortunately, on this occasion, your won self interest intervenned.

For and on behlaf of
The Federation of Hearts Supporters Clubs

John N. Borthwick
General Secretary.

TYNIE PARK CARTOON

HEARTS LIVE

Hearts Live has been up and running now for five months and we've had a great response from Hearts fans all over the country - and in fact we've had good feedback from Jambos in Australia and Canada!! However it's pretty hectic behind the scenes and we tend to decide everything a week in advance. Here's how the week usually goes:-

WEDNESDAY - we hold a production meeting where Campbell Gray, the show's producer, Mandy Henry and Veronica Cleary, our reporter / presenters, Alex Aitken, the trainee Prouction Journalist and myself decide what features we're going to do the next week and who'll report on this weekend's match. Then it's back to work with Veronica out reporting and Mandy writing her script for a report for Friday's show.Meanwhile Alex is looking out tapes for the reporters which have the pictures needed to illustrate the reports, Campbell is beginning to put together the script for Friday's show and I start ringing around trying to get hold of the people we need to interview the following week, to get them pinned down to a time and place.

THURSDAY - normally a quiet day, the reporters are out and about while the editors - Gav, Phil and Colin work on the Hearts show on a rotation basis - are putting together the finished piece that you will see on the show. Some of these pieces are quite simple for the editor, such as the View from the Streets and View from the Dugout. Others however are more complicated, like the Manager's Lookback each month, which uses graphics and other pictures as well as the interview and sometimes a package which lasts for four minutes in the show can take up to five hours to edit. As well as our two Hearts shows each week we also have to put together a general sports show for a Tuesday night and a three minute sports update for the news every day so we spend some time on those features as well.

FRIDAY - Friday's and Monday's are our most hectic days frantically trying to get packages edited in time for the live show at 6-30pm and get the script finished in time.We also have to confirm our guest for the evening and make sure that the Transmission controller, Dyane, who is the one who makes sure that you can see us ( it's all very technical and I don't understand it at all but Dy assures me that's what she does) has all the packages in the correct order that you will see them in. We also generally attend Jim Jefferies pre match press conference on a Friday and still try to do at least one interview or profile. At 6pm, once the news is done Mandy goes into the studio to read through her script and chech that her autocue nad microphone are working. The guest normally arrives at 6-15 and goes straight into the studio. 6-30 we go On Air and it is all LIVE.From transmission the packages are played as Mandy links into them and then each chat is timed by the producer in the gallery - either myself or Campbell - and at the end of the show Mandy gets a count to tell her when to stop speaking. We have to come out at a precise time so its normally touch and go at the end, but after nearly two years you can count on Mandy to help you come out on time. However work doesn't stop for the Hearts Live team on Friday...

SATURDAY - Mandy gets a slight lie-in then she meets up with the camera-person for the day, as with the editors our canera staff- Louise, Tom,Phil,Paul and Iain-work on Hearts on a rotational basis. They travel to the ground and get the predictions from the fans, then film our pre match warm up shots and settle in to watch the game. After the game its hanging around to get the post match interviews and if Hearts have been beaten it can be a long wait in the cold. Sunday is a day of rest for everyone involved in the show.

MONDAY - another hectic day for all involved as we try to get our interviews done for Tuesday night's Sports Central and get all the packages cut for tonight's show. The process of the show is exactly the same as on Friday and as soon as we come out, on time as ever, it's home to face another day and a different show.

TUESDAY - we begin doing interviews and features for Friday's show today as well as editing packages for tonight's Sports Central, which is presented by Veronica. Although this show is mainly about Hibs and Livingston we do also give Hearts another mention as we rerun the match report and View from the Dugout from Monday night's show. This show is a bit faster than a Hearts Live as we have so many topics to discuss but the way we prepare and present the show is the same.

Then we're back to Wednesday and it all starts again with a production meeting. So it's not all glamour,although there are admittedly a few perks like going to the match every week and getting invited to Player of the Year dinners and awards ceremonies, it is quite hard work but everyone involved enjoys what they're doing and gives 110 % to the show and I think that shows in the finished product.

Lisa Doherty
Assistant Producer

ISSUE 40 COMPETITION ANSWERS

Firstly, thanks to all those who entered (eleven)! Actually it was a very difficult competition because nobody got 34 out of 34. Sorry about the fact that dumb Bart spoke near the endl we gave a half point for FOREST although the answer we wanted was MANSFIELD. Also, we gave a half point for UNITED, because we were looking for MAN CHESTER UNITED.

2 Winners - win a CD

Gavin Aitchison from Edinburgh 32 points
Gordon Hanratty from Prestonpans 31.5 pts

Close third - no prizes

Lorraine Blader from Glenrothes 31 points
Colin Brown from Berwick 31 points
Stuart Skakle from Edinburgh 30.5 pts
Hamish Reid from Edinburgh 30 pts
Mrs J Skakle from Edinburgh 30 pts
Brian Ramsay from Edinburgh 28.5 pts

Editors decision is final - we will not enter into any discussion

ANSWERS

The sun shone BRIGHTON the day my sister, my mother and I set sail for the ORIENT in a very cold ship, it's HULL full of holes.

The CREWE members, who were new were Don, Rex, Chester, Mont, Kirk and Bart (who unfortunately could not speak).

Not having been paid FORFAR too long they were unhappy and disillusioned and on the third day of the voyage they obtained arms by breaking into the ARSENAL and mutinied.

Although they treated my MOTHERWELL they didn't take to my sister at all and DON CASTER adrift on a raft. I was terrified and hid in my cabin with the BOLTON in case they wanted to BURY me at sea.

The crew raided the larder because they were as hungry as WOLVES unfortunately they found only an OLDHAM.

So hungry were they that they nearly ate the FULHAM before seeking to quenchv their thirst by forcing open the drinks cabinet.

Finding that we did not STOCKPORT they opened a bottle of whisky. Not long after that, Kirk climbed the rigging with TOT AND HAM in hand. "ALLOA''. I think I can see land in the distance" he shouted. "Watch you don't "FALKIRK " said his mate.

Meanwhile the others had found a CHESTER treasure which was easy to open as the chain securing it had only one LINCOLN.

At this moment the ship began to sink. MONTROSE quickly, "Get DUMBARTON deck to give me a hand" he shouted and together they Iifted the LUTON to a raft. Then we PRESTON.

We drifted for days before seeing an island with a harbour. After locating the PORTSMOUTH we went ashore only to find the island uninhabited. There were signs that someone had been there recently as a splendid NEWCASTLE had been built overlooking the harbour.

There had obviously been a fire as there were BLACKBURN marks on the buildings and a horrible smell of smoke hung in the AYR . It broke our HEARTS to see the disarray. "I wonder where this road LEEDS us" enquired Kirk? "It probably goes right through that MANSFIELD" said Bart, pointing in the distance.

We argued constantly and suddenly found ourselves falling into a deep pit with a BLACKPOOL of water in the bottom of it. Fortunately, that MAN CHESTER UNITED us and we all became friends again.

At this moment I woke up, LEICESTER be any of you worried. I realised that I had been having a terrible nightmare caused by READING Treasure Island before going to sleep.

WERE A RIGHT SHOWER OF BASTARDS WHEN WE LOSE (OR DRAW)!

Fans who followed the not so mighty Hearts back in the dark days of the later Division I campaigns will remember the words in the heading to this article vividly as it was a line of a song sung at every away game. "We're the best behaved supporters in the land, when we win" preceeded that line and must have brought a rye smile from the forces of Law and Order, as back then Hearts fans had the reputation of disorder and taking no shit from anyone. Win, lose or draw opposition fans and Police who got in the way were dealt with quickly and effectively. Just ask the fans of Motherwell, Airdrie, Falkirk, Kilmarnock, Queen of the South etc. and numerous Police forces including Cumbria Police who were drafted into Dutnfries from Carlisle on the few occaisions the Maroon and White hordes descended.

We were arrogant with a swagger and hated the length and breadth of the land. Best supporting days of my life (Cup Final win excepted), coupled with watching some of the worst football of my life.

Nowadays I'm sorry to say we have an apathetic support who make no noise, are happy to take shit from other fans and did I hear right at the the last Dunferrnline home game cheered when they heard that Celtic had beaten Rangers 5-1. I'm sorry but cheering Celtic is well out of order and one the lowest things a I learts fan can do. Hearing someone explain their actions away by saying "but we are now closer to Rangers" was unbelievable. They seriously have to take a look at themselves. I) we are not going to catch Rangers this season 2) we should not even be acknowledging any Celtic scurn victory. Now before anyone says "piss off you closet hun" (as the "New" Hearts fan is likely to say) remember I was at Tynecastle with the other 1,200 when we beat Killie 1-0 at the end of Premier League Season 80/81 in front of one of the lowest crowds ever to watch Hearts at home. Now it doesn't make me a better supporter than most of you out there but it certainly doesn't make me a hum I've been to the depths with Hearts unlike the glory hunters we're now attracting.

I apologise for classing all Hearts fans as apathetic because lots of you out there are not (you all know who you are) but sadly the majority do not have the passion for the club that existed when we were so piss poor that the like of East Stirling, Dumbarton and Forfar beat us at Tynecastle and Queen Park took home a point. We still turned up no matter how shite Hearts were. I wonder how many of you out there would do that now! ! !

Now I'm not expecting Hearts fans to suddenly change their attitude from what is recognised as being a boring support to a moody support causing mayhem everywhere but it would be nice to see them getting an attitude of taking no liberty's from the Wedgie, Jute and Granite scum that we do now. Remember when we played Rangers in the League Cup Semis (Home & Away) and Celtic away in the Scottish Cup in Season 82/83, lost all 3 but no-one who tried to take the piss survived.

This is not a hooligan thing but it is about respecting Hearts, their fan history, making a noise and noising up anyone that gets zippy with us. Be Proud to support the greatest team the world has ever seen and take no shit from anyone afterall

WE ARE THE HEARTS.

TRIBUTE TO THE GORGIE WAVE

FIVE A-SIDE TOURNAMENT

22nd November 1998

A five a side tournament for Hearts fans sounded a great idea so we gladly paid the Ł35 entry fee and travelled to Sighthill to commence battle. We had managed to scrape together(and I mean scrape) 7 volunteers to represent the fanzine at short notice. I was pleased we managed to get seven cos it meant I didn't have to play myself.

We were speculating on the way about how many teams would turn up, since the last Pitz event only attracted two teams. We were surprised to see about 30 teams there. We had been led to believe this was a Federation tournament but along with the supporters clubs there were several other hastily put together teams all looking skinnier and fitter than us (I mean, Unreal Madrid and Houdini Hearts?)

We were in Section A and our 4 opponents were Glasgow Hearts A, The Gorgie boys, Portobelloe Hearts and Ace of Hearts. The Gorgie Boys were 5 teenagers with not an ounce of fat between them. They proceeded to run rings round us while we ran around like headless chickens for a while. Well, run around might be a bit strong. I've seen a lamppost run faster then some of our players. Anyway we salvaged a 2-2 draw.

Our second game was against Ace of Hearts and this coincided with the arrival of an Edinburgh Live TV crew. This affected Internet man Grant most because he salvaged a point in a 1-1 draw with a rocket shot near the end. Next up were Portobello and a stupid mix up let them get away with a 2-2 draw. Still, unbeaten after 3 games is better then we had expected. Our satisfaction was short lived as we were rogered by Glasgow Hearts who were the best team in the group. Not even the introduction of "Goader" could turn the tide. 3-1 it was and time to head fo the bar.

We decided to stick around with the promise of food at the end. At the end of the day a team calling themselves The Crown won it. They all looked fit young buggers. I can't remember who they beat in the final, but you have to question their legitimacy since one of their players was wearing a Raith Rovers top. Anyway Paul Ritchie turned up to present the trophies. By the time the buffet was served most of the players had left so we all had at least a half loaf each before returning to Lithgae.

Althogether a good day out

OUR HONEYMOON IN MAJORCA

I first went to Magaluf in 1988, when I was 17. At no time during that mental holiday did I ever suspect that 10 years later I would be back in Magaluf for my HONEYMOON - watching Hearts!

What happened was we had our wedding booked for 19th September 1998, and said we would get round to booking the honeymoon 'some time'. Then one night I was reading through the 'Gritty, Gallant, Glorious' book and I was noting that the dates for European games might coincide with our honeymoon. There were a lot of 'ifs' and 'buts' but we thought we might as well wait and see what happened, if nothing then we could get a last minute holiday somewhere exotic. Hearts weren't even guaranteed a place in Europe when we decided all this (it was pre Scottish Cup Glory) - such optimism.

So then we won the cup and knew we'd be in the Cup Winners cup so I spent a lot of time on the Internet trying to get the dates and lo and behold – the first round proper was two days before the wedding and a fortnight after that. Perfect - IF we got through to the first round, IF the home leg was first and IF it was a decent country.

So after we dismissed Lantana, I was very nervous for the draw for the firstround.

I'd looked at the possibilities and I think that Mallorca, Lazio or PSG were the only possibilities. We were even considering going somewhere exotic for 10 days then travelling to wherever the game was ... daft or what. It would have been a nightmare if the away had've been first as we'd have missed both legs.

But as luck would have it we got Mallorca, home leg first. I was amazed at how lucky we had been (so my first thoughts definitely weren't going to be if we could win or not). We booked up the next day to a luxury hotel, and found out all the boys I go to the football with were going across as well, in fact quite a few from our wedding party were coming over to join us !! It was going to be some trip.

We got married, it was a great wedding (lots of Hearts - Hibs banter as the best man was a hibby) and the next day flew over to Majorca, we were a bit worried as to whether we would get a ticket or not - ha, there were guys buying their tickets on the night of the game.

Anyway, we had a great first week, doing all the things people on their honeymoon do ...... like going to see football stadiums and we went to the Mallorca - Oviedo game ! One of the first things I noticed was the state of the goalmouths but I assumed that they must be legal as they had obviously been in that state for a while and no-one has saying anything about it. I was thinking it might go against us if the game had to come to penalties, their goalie would be used to the bumps.

Then the 2nd week all the Jambos started arriving and it was mental. We were really excited to see them all arriving as we'd been looking forward to it the whole of the first week - and it was so mental. I think what made the trip was the number of Jambos there, I'd never seen so many on a European trip.

If the honeymoon is meant to be the time when you really get to know each other then God help us - there we were surrounded by Jambos, steaming drunk, bouncing up and down singing Hearts songs. What a honeymoon, not very romantic but neither of us would have missed it for anything. Everyone we spoke to was amazed, the guys all thought it was excellent and girls all assumed that Murray had bullied me into it - but it was maybe a bit more the other way round ...

We were really disappointed with the way the game went and that we went out of the Cup Winners Cup but we are still left with loads of brilliant and hilarious memories from our honeymoon and I'm sure it will be a great story to be told for many years.

McCANN - FOR SALE

This is a heart-felt plea on behalf of my 10 year old daughter. To put you in the picture, my youngest (aged 7) is turning into a hun, so I was delighted when my eldest decided (in her wisdom) to follow Edina's dalings. Even more delighted was I when she asked me if she could get a Hearts top for her birthday. "Certainly, what name will I get on the back dad"? Obviously there are some names you just wouldn't get so we narrowed it down to Ritchie, Locke, McCann, Fulton and Weir. Weir's away, I said so I decided McCann was a sound move as he had just signed a new contract. It cost over Ł30 including the lettering, and she wore it for a month. It now sits in a drawer, wasted. What do I do with it? Does anyone know how to get the letters off? Sometimes I feel like putting it in a packet and sending it to Hearts and asking for a refund, I mean, I only got McCann on it because I knew he was staying. I think we should have been informed of the wee "get out" clause, 'cos it would have saved me and many others a good deal of greif.

Craig Young

HEARTS AGM

Although the Hearts AGM was held back in November, for completeness sake I thought I'd recall some of the things that were said by both Chris Robinson and Jim Jefferies. There's been a lot of water under the bridge between then and now so it will be interesting to see if they have carried out any of their promises. The meeting started with the usual election of office bearers and followed with a log drawn out debate on the merits of paving the way for a shere issue. I swera only about 10 of the hundreds present knew what they were taling about. The motion (whatever it was) was carried as we were assured it was "standard practice". The most interesting part of the meeting was the question and answer sessions.

First up, Chris Robinson the chief executive

Q: Can you outline the financial status A: We lost Ł1,939,000 this year and Ł1,536,000 last year. Hearts are currently Ł8 million in debt and it is essential that Hearts cut down on this debt. Part of the reason was the inflated player wages and signing on fees. Hearts will have to major on youth development from now on.

Q: How's the superstore doing?
A: All the projections are being met

Q: Why did Bobby Jenks leave?
A: He left because he wanted to (Motherwell). Things have to move forward. The job will attract somebody with a market rate salary.

Q: Don't you think it's time to build bridges with the federation following your comments in No Idle Talk?
A: I agree. A meeting has been agreed. We're not perfect. We are happy to have discussions and we will work hard to build bridges.

Q: What did Hearts think about the "dope" comment in the Record?
A: We blank the Daily Record now, we can use other papers to get messages across. Simple answer is - don't buy it.

Q: What about the state of the pitch?
A: It cost Ł325,000. We'll have to live with it till next summer. European teams training on it haven't helped.

Q: What about the David Weir situation?
A: I'd like to sidestep that question - we won't talk publicly about it.

Q: Whan is something going to be done about the corporate area in the Gorgie Stand?
A: Some of them like a little more hospitality than others, some misbehave and cause a reaction from hearts fans. We have employed "blazers" to sit with them and have sent someone downstairs for his own good. There are leaflets on every table and there are tannoy announcements. It's difficulat to know what else to do.

At this point someone in the audience asked everyone to show their appreciation for the job Chris Robinson was doing. The applause was fairly lukewarm but not hostile.

Then it was the turn of Jim Jefferies..

Q: What did you think of Alex Miller's comments regarding Guerin
A: He should be the one to apologise directly to Vincent

Q: Given the huge potential in China, do we have a scout across there?
A: yes, her name is Linda Aoki and we are kept up to date in this area

Q: What are we going to do about the right back position?
A: Dave McPherson is the best we've got. We're going to have to use our youth setup. There is a youngster who plays in that area. We don't have the money so we'll just have to wait for the youngster to be ready.

Q: After the semi final, did you really threaten to get rid of some players?
A: No, that's not my style. Things will go from strength to strength once some of the other things clear up.

Q: Why are there so many long term injuries?
A: The game is much faster these days and players are much more committed. In Colin Cameron's case we saw two specialists and they both disagreed with the diagnosis. It is very difficult sometimes. We thought we were doing everything right.

Q: How many staff there there?
A: there are currently 63 members of the playing and coaching staff. 42 are players.

Summary

It was a bit of a tame affair, but they did have the Scottish cup sitting to the right of the top table to remind us that all is not doom and gloom, and they did let everybody come up and touch it before and after the meeting, so my journey was worthwhile!

NOT THE GREEN GREEN GRASS OF HOME

After a couple too many "diamonds" one Saturday night, I heard myself say I'll write you an article for the fanzine .The reply "aye right if I'd a pound for every drunk who promises to write an article , I'd be able to buy a new Right Back". So here I am writing my first article just to prove him indoors wrong! As a new season ticket holder this season I'm amazed at the number of girls who go and watch the Jambos, do they have the largest proportion of female supporters in Scotland ? or Britain for that matter , does anyone out there know?

Anyway what I really want to write about is the state of the pitch. As a not very regular attender up until this season, I as most of you have seen the pitch go from being one of the best in the country (remember the Hearts cut into the grass) to a complete shambles.

During the winter shut down about 60% of the pitch was re turfed which has made the area between the 18 yard boxes look better than it was but what about the other 40% ? I would say it is much worse than before. Is it because our winger was sold that they have economised on the quality of the playing surface in that area?

What we are reading in the papers is this is a temporary fix until the end of the season when more extensive work will be carried out. I think some serious questions need to be answered. Souters the company awarded the contract for maintaining the pitch have already had to re lay the playing surfaces at Old Trafford and Hillsborough should this not tell us something ! ( they have recently laid the new turf at Hampden although it doesn't get used half as mutch as a premier league pitch) Do Hearts still have full time groundsmen ? There were no fewer than 6 Souters overals on the pitch at half time during the Motherwell game . Could someone out there who knows what's going on please tell the rest of us? We even managed to get a few lines in the March edition of 442.

Annie

MANCHESTER HEARTS QUIZ

We have teamed up with Manchester Hearts, who are running a fund raising quiz aimed at getting some Hearts-daft Partizan Belgrade fans over to Scotland to see a game. You can send your Ł1 to the NIT address or hand it to a seller (or just send it to the address below. We have had the deadline extended to 14th March specially - go on take part, it doesn't matter if you get some wrong.

COST - ONE POUND

PR IZE 50% OF ALL MONIES TAKEN WILL BE GIVEN TO THE PERSON WHO GETS THE MOST CORRECT ANSWERS. ANSWERS TO BE WRITTEN ON THE BACK OF THIS SHEET AND SUBMITTED BY 1st MARCH 1999 TO TO THE FOLLOWING ADDRESS: 1 HOLLAND HOUSE ROAD, WALTON, LE DALE, PRESTON, LANCS. PR5 4JH. IF YOU REQUIRE THE WINNERS NAME AND A LIST OF THE ANSWERS PLEASE SUBMIT A SAE.

1 What was the name of the stadium where the first World Cup Final was played?
2 Who scored Manchester United's first ever goal in the European Cup?
3 In which countries premier division do Lawn Tennis play?
4 Who was the first player to be sent off in the World Cup Finals in France?
5 Which player scored the firstgoal in tbeWorld Cup Finals in France?
6 Who scored the first own goal in the World Cup Finals in France?
7 Which two countries had the most players sent off in the world cup Final in France?
8 Who is the only British official to referee a World Cup Final'?
9 In 1998 Liechtenstein wo their first ever international match. Who did they beat 2-1?
10 Which player missed a league game through injury due to a collision with a rocking horse?
11 Which club is knicknamed the Cock & Hens?
12 Where would you find Solitude?
13 Who are the current African Club Champions?
14 What was the full original name of the current Vauxhall Conferance League when it was formed in 1979?
15 Who in May 1998 became the youngest player to be capped by Wales? 16 Of the 64 Portuguese League Titles 63 have been won by either Benefica Sporting Lisbon or Porto. Which club won the one other League title?
17 In the early 1950s when a number of top British players went to play for the rebel breakaway Columbian League clubs e g Neil Franklin & Charlie Mitten which Heans player signed for Millionarios?
18 Name the traditional 3rd Club in the following cities; Madrid, Lisbon, Rotterdam, Belgrade, Vienna, Athens, Oporto, Barcelona Istanbul.
19 Who was the first Peruvian player to score a goal in the English Premier League?
20 What is the Official name of the Spanish Cup?
21 Up Until May 1998, who were the only Premier League club to have an all-time win record against Manchester United?
22 For which club does Paraguayan World Cup goalkeeper Jose Luis Chilavert play for?
23 Name the club which appeared in this years European Cluunpions League qualifiers who are owned by a UN citied war criminal?
24 Who scored the winning goal for Wales in the recent Euro 2000 qualifying game in Demnark?
25 Who scored the only goals of the game when Michael Owen made his England debut?
26 Who was file first player to captain both a Scottisb and English FA Cup winning team?
27 Outside which stadium was a fan stabbed to death in a recent UEFA Cup third round tie?
28 Which country are the current European Under 21 Champions?
29 Who was the only player to score a hat-lrick in the World Cup Finals in France?
30 In 1996 the Aztec Stadium in Mexico City was renamed for a twelve month period before reverting back to it's original name. What was the name of the stadium for those 12 months?

A TRUBUTE TO SOMETHING WE ALL HOLD DEAR - DRINK!

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. --FrankSinatra

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. --William Butler Yeats

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. --Ernest Hemingway

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.--Ernest Hemingway

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. –Dean Martin

Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it. –Anonymous

No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink. --G.K. Chesterton

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. –Catherine Zandonella

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. --Ambrose Bierce

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. --Anonymous

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? --W.C. Fields

Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder. --Anonymous

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. --David Daye

Work is the curse of the drinking classes. --Oscar Wilde

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. –Henny Youngman

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.--Anonymous

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. –Tom Waits

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? --Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven... -- Brian O'Rourke

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline –it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. --Frank Zappa

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. --Winston Churchill

He was a wise man who invented beer. --Plato

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. –Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. --DeepThought, Jack Handy

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was alsoa fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. --Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. --Humphrey Bogart

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. –David Moulton

A LETTER FROM ALEX JONES

At the height of the controversy over our interview with Chris Robinson, occasional Contributor and ex Federation secretary Alex Jones wrote to David Provan in response to one of his articles. Alex has kindly a/lowed us to print his letter.

Loanhead
Midlothian
EH20, 9DN
27t' November 1998
For attention of Mr. David Provan Re article - Badge of Courage.

As one of the Johnny Jobsworths to whom you refer in your article, might I please correct a few maccuracies included (the result of lack of research), which trouble me both as a paying spectator and devoted fan of my club HMFC. Let me also say that to criticise the fans for trying to improve their club is rather out of order given your own articles on Fergus Mc Cann and Jock Brown at Celtic. I would accept Mr Mc Cann without consideration he at least can financially support his club independently.

First of ail, the Club badge scenario had little or no bearing on the vote of no confidence, indeed it was irrelevant in this instance.

The main grounds for the no confidence vote were many, and clearly detailed to the Chairman, Mr deans and his Board Members in a letter forwarded by the Federation after the Annual General Meeting of HMFC plc. you Mr Provan can I am sure ask and will be provided with the relevant data

As regards the building of a new Tynecastle, I implore you and other journalists to give credit where due, to Mr Mercer. Heo built the Wheatfield Street Stand prior to the Deans1Robnson takeover. Indeed their first act in power was to watch the final bolts being input to the main beam, and then sack Sandy Clark before giving him a chance to speak., hardly courageous . The 500 Club started by Mr Mercer, Mr Kitson and some of the Johnny Jobsworths, built that stand not Robinson as he and you mistakenly state.

The Scottish Cup success is due to the football management team of Jim Jefferies and Billy Brown , who despite lack of cash had built a side capable of the task. Messrs Robinson and Deans cannot like myself supply the funds needed to let us join the Cettic Rangers elite but then that is suitable to you people in the west as you so often remark.

Bef re criticizing in future Mr Yrovan, please think of your own petty accusations at Fergusy and perhaps consider if Johnny Jobssvorth had the cash would Mr Robinson and his Band of Courage? be there now. Dave I tell you now, no chance.

Thank you for accepting if not reading the letter, print it if you like.

Yours in sport

Alex Jones (sony, Johnny Jobs vorth)

...ONLINE...

The leaders in the NIT…Online… man of the match competition are now opening a bit of a gap from the others. Gilles Rousset and Stevie Fulton are currently out in front although its now several games since Fulton picked up any points. If you want to take part in this vote all you have to do is send an email to tomheaney@hotmail.com with the SUBJECT as MOM SUBSCRIBE. You will then receive an email after every competitive Hearts match asking you to vote for your man of the match. To vote simply reply to the message with you man of the match in the subject box. Anyone can join in, you dont have to go to the game. Simply vote on what you have seen at the game, watched on TV, read in the newspaper, heard on the radio or seen on HEARTS LIVE. The voting will take the form of 5 points for the MOM , 3 for second and 1 for 3rd. In the event of two players tying for a position they will both get the amount of points for that position. It will only take a few seconds to take part each week and we will make a presentation to the winning player at the end of the season.

Now by the time you have read this the award winning Official Hearts website should have been re-launched and who better to tell you about the changes than Scott Wilson who runs the Official Site.

The Official Hearts Website is re-launched on 15th February 1999. The new look includes new page styling and images, a classic watermark with the Club crest on all pages and new buttons.
The on-line store has also undergone a radical re-write and the software behind it is new and dynamic. For the first time the on-line store will be able to offer specially discounted sale items and items exclusive to on-line buyers.
Needless to say the news will continue to be "real" and not press speculation. Hopefully the new look will enable Hearts to stay at the forefront of the on-line football community and continue to win more awards. The site has just won another award, this time from www.planetrider.com who assessed it as the top Soccer site in Scotland.

Scott Wilson
http://www.heartsfc.co.uk.

Now for anyone who is interested in hearing all of the news, rumours and stories surrounding Hearts and has email access (no need to be on the internet) then you may wish to join the Hearts mailing list. The mailing list is free and is run by Graham Robertson. To join the mailing list send an email to Graham.Robertson@ed.ac.uk with the word SUBSCRIBE in the title.

Finally for those of you on the internet that are interested in purchasing NIT or basically any other European fanzine, you can now buy direct from the Zinescene Website. Zinescene is the UK's largest outlet of football fanzine and if you visit their website you will be able to browse through the current catalogue as well as
Visit Zinescene at http://www.zinescene.freserve.co.uk/

Cheers

Grant

RANT ON

The famous bard said that there was something rotten in the state of Denmark. For the word Denmark replace with Tynecastle. It's a few days after the second 'well disaster and I'm still angry at the performance. Can you believe that our first shot at goals was circa 89mins? However, the sarcastic crowd reaction of applauding this was spot on.

There's a guy who sits in front of me in Section G of the Wheatfield who is Mr Neg personified. He constantly berates the team and even when we score he is muted in his praise. How glad I was he was absent from Saturday for I fear he would have snuffed it with anger. The sad thing is that the Weedjie media have tried to build up Motherwell by heaping mountains of praise upon them. Let's get this straight, they are crap. Witness their inclusion of English Premiership never beens such as Teale and Spencer. However, they still did us, twice ! Sadly, I fear the worst for the season ahead. OK we will avoid the drop but what about next season when I'll wager that a vast majority of the "faithful" will cash in their yearly's and only come out for the big games? I thinks it's obvious there's no money in the pot so we have to sell before we can buy. However, I can't see a rush on to sign Mackel, Hamilton and the other usual subjects. McCanns bolted, Wier is already a bluenose and Adam may walk.

How does the song start "and so the end is near............"

Carlos the Jackal

p.s this month's weapon of choice is negative feedback.

A COUPLE OF JOKES TO CHEER YOU UP

A Hibs fan was driving down the road, when he was stopped by a policeman on suspision of drink driving. The policeman asked him to blow into the nozzle but the man said he couldn't and then pulled out a card saying that he suffered from asthma. The policeman then asked him if he could take a blood sample, but the Hibs fan pulled out another card saying that he suffered from haemophilia. The policeman then had to ask him for a urine sample, but the Hibs fan pulled out another card saying " Hibs fan, don't take the p**s!!"

Two Hibs fans walk into a sports bar giving each other high fives and screaming "51!". Another Hibs fan joins them and the scene repeats with high fives and very excited screams of "51 yea!" A bystander is so curious that he has to ask the question, "What are you Hibs fans so excited about and what does this '51' mean?" One of the Hibs fans explains proudly "We just finished a puzzle in only 51 days and the box said '3 to 5 years!'"

FAN PROFILE

(It's only a bit of a laugh - go on - get involved)
Name : Norrie Work Age : 41 Hometown : Queensferry

Describe yourself in one sentence : A fanatical Jambo, no longer a long suffering Jambo

How did you become involved in the massochistic ritual that is supporting HMFC? My brother started taking me in the late 60's

What is the first Hearts match you can remember going to? Scottish Cup final against Dunfermline in 1968 which we lost 3-1

The best ever Hearts strip (home or away)? Last seasons home strip or the CC Cup final strip

The worst ever Hearts strip (home or away)? The all yellow affair a few seasons ago

Best ever 60 seconds as a Hearts fan? Has to be the cup being raised, for the dirst time in my life by Fulton and Locke

Worst ever 60 seconds as a Hearts fan? When McCoist scored in the final, a lot of bad thoughts came flooding back

Best goal ever scored by a Hearts player? Gary Naysmith against Aberdeen last season

Do you have a claim to fame? Ever ran a player over, or spilt drink over one? I have picked up a few players over the years in my tazi. Neil Pointon is a great character and fun to talk to

Your favourite Hearts song? The Hearts song

What would you like to be able to purchase inside Tynecastle? Old programmes, fanzines and other memorabilia

Which player really get up your nose in Scottish football? Tom Boyd and Darren Jackson

Ł18 to watch Aberdeen - overpriced? (you can expand your answer if you want to) yes, because they should no longer be classed as a category A team

Chief Executive Chris Robinson - RASPS or ROSES (you can expand your answer )? Used to be roses but it's getting near the rasps now particularly with regard to ticket prices etc.

The new strip - HIT or a MISS (you can expand your answer if you want to)? MISS - I don't mind logo's or names shadowed into strips but the home strip should always be dark maroon with white trimmings.

Any story about a European trip you'd like to share with us? When Hearts played Athletico Madrid in Spain I had booked my cheap flights then the game was brought forward by 24 hours and I had to change my flights which cost me a lot of money.

What would be your all-time eleven (plus manager)?

1. Rousset
2. McLaren
3. Naysmith
4. Levein
5. McPherson
6. Fulton
7. McCann
8. Locke
9. Robbo
10. Cameron
11. Adam

Mgr Jefferies

Subs - Ritchie, Galloway, Gary Mackay

If the teams from the following years played each other at Tynecastle what would the score be?

Team of '68 vs Team of '76 2-1
Team of '68 vs Team of '86 1-2
Team of '68 vs Team of '96 1-2
Team of '76 vs Team of '86 0-2
Team of '76 vs Team of '96 0-2
Team of '86 vs Team of '96 2-2
Team of '98 vs Team of '68 3-1
Team of '98 vs Team of '76 5-0
Team of '98 vs Team of '86 4-3
Team of '98 vs Team of '96 3-2

JIM JEFFERIES - THE KNIVES ARE OUT

Most of the Hearts fans I know are split down the middle over Jim Jefferies. There are those who will not have a word said against him and blame Chris Robinson 100% for the current plight of the team, then there are those who feel that although JJ's achievements have been phenominal over the last 3 seasons, this season he has made too many gaffes and that it might not be the end of the world if he moved on to pastures new at the end of the season.

Considering the case for the "Jefferies is God" camp - nobody can question 3 top four league placings, 3 cup finals and of course the achievement of bringing the cup to Tynecastle. With little money he totally re-vamped the side, got rid of the remnants from McDonald, Jordan and Clarke's teams and brought through Ritchie, locke, naysmith and Murray from the youth team. Then there has been the inspired foreign signings, Rousset and Adam in particular, as well as quality players such as Flotel and Salvatori. If that wasn't enough, Cameron, Hamilton, McCann and Weir were all signed for less than a million pounds IN TOTAL, and you'd have to go back 30 years to find a Hearts team that played with such skill, style and commitment. This would seem overwhelming evidence to suggest Jefferies is indeed beyond criticism.

However, let's consider the other side of the argument. Last season Hearts fans could see 2 glaring weaknesses in the side. Firstly we somehow managed to play a whole season without a recognised right back. Frail, Locke, Murray and even Flogel (essenaially midfield players) have filled this position and McManus, Weir, mcPherson and now Pressley (all central defenders) have also been played there. Secondly it was also obvious, especially against the Old firm that we needed a hard ball-winning midfielder - sorry, Salvatori but clipping people's ankles doesn't qualify you as a hard man. With this in mind, what are 2 of JJ's first signings? A left back and a central defender! Okay, we needed cover for Naysmith with Pointon leaving and Pressley (if played in the right position) was also a useful acquisition but surely the first priority is to strenghten the team, not the squad. On signing Pressley, JJ almost single-handedly destroyed his confidence by playing him at right back.

As the season progressed it was obvious Cameron would be out, if not permanently, then long-term. What does Jefferies do? He buys a 32 year old ball player who states he only wants to play to the end of the season but is happy to pick up several grand a week for the pleasure. Guerin is a class act but he hasn't got pace and he's hardly a player for the future. More worrying is how many games has he actually played since he signed? Then there's Juanjo. On what basis was he given a 3 year contract when he clearly hasn't "got it"? if he was any good, why sign Jenkinson? Then there's the golden Falkirk boys, Weir and Funton. Weir should have been put up for sale in October when it must have been clear he wasn't going to sign. Now we will get fuck-all for a 2 million pound player! Has Jefferies let his long term relationship with Davie cloud his judgement? Fulton, while superb last season, now looks overweight and frankly not fit enough for the Premier League. There have been some bizarre team selections as well (Hammy in midfield, Jenkinson on from the start in his first game after not playing for weeks, Callaghan in from nowhere at Parkhead). Yes, Jim Jefferies has to take some responsibility.

Robinson has been ripping the fans off and in some ways is worse than Wallace Mercer but Jefferies is not blameless either. He has now signed 7 players since last season and we still don't have a right back or a ball winning midfield player. Who'se fault is this? Personally, I think Jefferies deserves a chance, as one bad season doesn't make him a bad manager but he has made mistakes which we (and he) should acknowledge. Hopefully this next rebuilding exercise will be as successful as the last one - here's hoping.

Craig Malcolm

FACT OR FICTION?

The article on the left was taken from the Evening News , the article on the right from the Sun on the same day. It's a subtle difference, but one of these papers is telling bullshit, the other is telling the truth - is it any wonder Hearts fans really don't know what the fuck is really going on?

THE MAKING OF A FRONT COVER

We have received hundreds of complimantery comments on the front cover of the last issue (When we're overseas, the hibs will be in Portobelly). I promised in the last issue that I would tell the story, so here it is.

Some people will say I pulled a fast one, but basically we didn't have a suitable photo with Hearts players celebrating so we had to go back to the drawing board. We had lots of photos from Majorca, but nothing that stood out except the one picture of some of the NIT team outside their hotel. Then I had a brainwave - why not split the cover and slag hibs off! Everyone thought that was a great idea. The only problem was we needed a photo with Portobello in the background and we needed a Hibs scarf!

Three of the team went through to Edinburgh in search of sun, sea, sand and…a green scarf. They searched everywhere, Portobello, Leith Walk and Easter Road. They were left with no option but to go into the Hibs shop and buy a hibs scarf. They spent a full 20 minutes in the car park arguing about who was going into the shop. Eventually Eric lost. He bought the scarf (SIX quid!). They were so polite in the shop they even gave Eric stickers, one of which Eric stuck on Grant's car.

Have you ever seen someone go so mental that you think you may have to end up taking them to hospital? The whole operation was in jeopardy until they got Grant calmed down. They spent at least an hour looking for a big enough sign near the beach for someone to sit next to wearing the scarf. Eventually, they had to sit at the Portobello Baths. "Never again" they said "next time you're doing it your fucking self" they said.

LEAGUE REORGANISATION

Those of us pushing 30 will remember the teachers strikes of the 80s. During that time there were no after school activities including school football teams. This lack of encouragement of youth football may have had an effect in the professional game - the current Scotland squad consists mainly of under 25s and over 30s, there is a lost generation of 25-30 year-olds who should now be at their peak. Not so today, Hearts have an excellent community programme and on a Saturday morning from Saughton to Leith Links the city is full of enthusiastic kids sharpening their ball skills by nut-megging parking cones. This grass-roots coaching should eventually enliven the professional game, but where will these boy wonders play?

Currently there are ten 'big' teams in the new SPL and as many full-time teams in the SFL. In terms of footballing ability and fanbase there is little between teams like Dunfermline and Motherwell and Falkirk and Airdrie, however, with satellite TV money and big gate games against the Old Firm the teams in the SPL are much better off financially. The current ground size requirements of the SPL create a vicious circle for first division clubs like Falkirk and Hamilton who need new grounds, but can't afford to pay for them unless they get into the SPL from which they are barred because they need new grounds. This could lead to a situation where only the SPL teams would be full-time and the rest of Scottish football would become semiprofessional. With the big spending Old Firm and other clubs using the Bosman ruling to bring in (often mediocre) overseas players there will be very few opportunities for young Scottish footballers to get into professional first-team football.

There are a few who see nothing wrong with the above situation, but I believe the majority of the followers of Scottish football would like to maintain a the broad based professional game. This can only be done with radical action. Firstly the top division should be reorganised for 16 clubs (12 is unworkable as it would mean an excessive 44 games a year) with a grace period of at least five years for ground rebuilding. An even more radical plan would merge the SFA and the Junior SFA and reorganise the lower leagues into a 16 team national lower division and three or four regional leagues with playoffs for election to the national league. The lower divisions could include the 'B' teams of the biggest clubs (as done successfully in Spain) and would play games on a Sunday afternoon to avoid conflict with the big teams. Face it, Sundays are boring and many of us may be tempted to stroll down to our local park to watch some footie in the fresh air (East Fife have upped their gates this season by doing just this).

The most radical (and difficult to have accepted) change would be in playing staff. The re-introduction of the 'three foreigners' rule would allow more room for young Scottiah players, but would be virtually impossible to get past UEFA and European employment laws. Better would be the adoption of the system used in France - a system which helped win them the World Cup with a team with a lot of talent, but few outstanding individuals. In the French top division teams are allowed only 19 first team players over 21 and transfers are only allowed during the closed season and winter shut down. This means that when injuries, suspensions or loss of form occurs young players have to be given a chance. It also prevents the richest clubs buying large squads of experienced players or bringing in new players during the season to boost their squad. This would greatly reduce the financial divide between the Old Firm and the rest of the Scottish game and would mean clubs would have to rely much more on coaching and tactics than cheque books and agents (and imagine an entire season without the papers filled with Old Firm transfer sagas).

This of course is the stumbling block. Football would have to be wrestled away from those who profit from it without putting back, the self-interested chairmen, the players agents getting their cut and the SFA/SPL bureaucrats who think change is what you get when you buy a newspaper with a five pound note. Craig Brown has spoken out in support of the sort of changes outlined here. Although often maligned he has done reasonably well with what, he in the best position to see, is an evaporating pool of talent.

So will change ever happen? If a country the size of France can I can't see why Scotland shouldn't. For now, Hearts can make a start. With a poor season to date, a string of players on the verge of leaving the club and limited amount of any transfer money available for new players once the debts are paid off isn't it about time some of the under-21s were given the chance to stop warming the bench and maybe inject a bit of energy into the first team?

Dave Greig.

THE SEASON AFTER - A DEJA VU REMINDER FROM THE LATE TOMMY WALKER

(originally printed in the 1957/58 Official Hearts F.C. Handbook)

"When I was a young boy, I could see from our Dining-room window, a range of hills and I was ever imbued with a desire to climb the highest of that range because I felt that in doing so I would have a commanding view of the landscape to the South. One day, many years later I did climb the highest hill of that range but I was sadly disillusioned upon reaching the summit. Where was the view of which I had dreamt so long? Where was the rolling landscape? the rivers? The glens? Nothing of such grandeur thrilled me, instead nestling close to this first range of hills was yet another and these perhaps even taller than the first. But therein lies a lesson.

Man, having succeeded in one quest, cannot sit back and hope to live the rest of his life in ease and comfort because of his single success. Nature, indeed, life in general, is constantly confronting man with a challenge and the successful man is the one who is ever alive to this situation. In recent years, this Club has, so to speak, climbed a few hills and, to-day, it may be true to say, that it is literally at the base of a mountain. To successfully climb this will require patience, strength and resolution. All three, we trust, will be part of our character which it is our intention to apply, as best as we possibly can, throughout this new Season. In welcoming you back to, we hope, another Season of entertaining and enjoyable football, we also look forward to your warm and encouraging support.

T. WALKER, Manager/Secretary"

**********************(sent to NIT by Hans Hogenstad)*********************

WEIR'S AWAY

The lengths some Hearls supporters well go to in order to support their team shows no bounds. Here's a letter one fan sent to the Liverpool manager. (He is still waiting for a reply, although ru mour has it that mr Houllier was at the recent Dundee home game where Davie Weir only played 17 minutes - coincidence.?)

John Stuart
South Queensferry

Mr. Jerrard Houllier
First Team Coach
Liverpool FC
Anfield Road
Liverpool

Dear Mr. Houllier,

30th November 1998

After reading reports in today's Sconish newspapers concerning the possible departure of David Weir (a truly outstanding central defender for the Mighty Heart of Midlothian) I felt that as an avid Hearts/Liverpool supporter it was my duty to inform you of the availability of the player and the outstanding contribution he would make to your team.

It has been well documented that the Reds are in the market for quality central defenders and due to the spiralling transfer fees quoted for less talented English based players (eg Dailly, Peacock etc) it has possibly been difficult for yourself to purchase real quality at a reasonable price. In David Weir you would have an established international who boasts pace, good vision and impeccable timing in the tackle, as well as great temperament, who appears to stroll through games in a style not unlike Anfield legend Alan Hansen.

I genuinely believe that David Weir will become the greatest central defender in Great Britain in the next couple of years, so for a modest fee of Ł1.5 million you would obtain a player who could slot straight into the centre of defense and provide the backbone of your team for years to come. As Hearts and Liverpool have been the two great loves of my life for many years I have decided that if one team is to suffer by Weirdos departure, then it should at least benefit from the cash raised.

So go on, take my advice, don't delay - get straight on the phone to Hearts (tel 0131-2007200). Ask to speak to Jim Jefferies (please don't ask for the Chief Executive), then make him an offer he can't refuse for a player that will give you more pleasure that a Sony Playstation.

Finally, I would like to take this opportunity to wish you and your new assistant the very best of luck in the future and look forward to the day when you have restored Liverpool FC to their former glory and Koppites everywhere can really talk about the MIGHTY Reds.

Oh, and don't forget to phone Jim Jefferies

READERS LETTERS

Dear NIT

At the time of writing, I think we're all thinking what the f**k is happening to our season?

Inconsistency seems to be the main theme of this year, when we can beat the Tims and the Forces of Darkness at home, then lose to the likes of Dundee and Motherwell. Come to think of it, we haven't won away all season (at the time of writing we haven't played Dundee on 30th December – here's hoping!!!).

After the great season we had in 97/98 (I still think we gave up on the league too early) we seem to playing well against Rangers and Celtic (apart from the 3-2 defeat on 19th December) then playing woefully against the humpty teams we were taking three and four goals off of last year. Is it that we've got worse or the likes of Killie and Motherwell have got better?

Or (perish the thought) was last season a flash in the pan? And are we going back to fighting relegation on the last day of the season like we were a couple of seasons ago? Or can we get back some of the form of last season?

The good points of this year have been (in my humble opinion) the form of Paul Ritchie (a much better player this season than Davie Weir – start panicking if it looks like we're going to lose Rich) and the fact that Jefferies has stated that he's staying at Tynecastle (did you really think he'd go to the mutton molesters?). Also, Grant Murray seems to have found his best position playing in front of the defence instead of at right back, where I think Big Slim has done well.

The bad points, apart from the obvious erratic form, have been the loss of Colin Cameron for 6 months, the loss of Neil McCann to Rangers (I wonder how much money from that transfer fee Jefferies will see), and that we still haven't found a natural goalscorer like Robbo. Stephane Adam works his arse off in every game but we need someone to score a few more goals.

In defence, should we persevere with Davie Weir alongside Paul Ritchie when it looks like Weir's leaving anyway, or give Pressley a run to let him settle in and form some sort of understanding with Ritchie? Answers on a postcard to J Jefferies, c/o Tynecastle Stadium, McLeod Street, Edinburgh…

The only other plus point is that it looks like the vermin from Leith will be back next year, and we'll be guaranteed at least twelve points from them. And have a New Year game worth getting excited about. (A derby against Dunfermline? Please…).

Yours faithfully

Dougie

I know we said we wouldn't mention the "F" word again, but this Killie fan was kind enough to send us this letter the least we can do is print it. It is always interesting to see how fans of other teams view us - for better or worse.

Dear NIT,

Just thought I'd drop you a wee letter to say how much I enjoyed your recent fanzine, the content and quality were superb.However, it's no wonder your labelled the Edinburgh huns when you have fans like Stephen Blackwood (issue 40). The guy is about as balanced and fair as Ian Paisley. Doesn't he know there is a large racist/bigoted element at Ibrox who take pleasure in singing about mass murder of innocent people. Loyaslism and facism go hand in hand. Instead of white above black, it is protestant above catholic. This is why the BNP still recruit outside their ground. We should all have a problem with that.

I'm a Killie fan and we've been called huns on several occasions although I've never heard an anti-catholic song at Rugby Park and ex Celtic players such as Burns and McCluskey have been hero worshipped. I've also never seen a union jack here in Kilmarnock which I'm pleased about.

I know you have a lot of genuine decent fans as I've met several. The guys I met in Paris were the salt of the earth but if you don't want to be tagged as east coast bigots, I'd steer clear of imperial symbols and shite like the red hand of Ulster in a saltire which I witnessed in the 3-0 game earlier in the season. Hopefully I'll not see any Union flags next time Hearts come to Killie where you'll all be made most welcome.

By the way, thanks for beating Rangers in the cup final, you made me Ł120! All the best and Soar Alba

Mac the Knife
Stevenston,Ayrshire

(full name and address supplied)

Dear NIT,

I read your interview with Chris Robinson with great interest, and I think you managed somehow to rattle the "great" man with some searching questions. I think he will be regretting the whole episode at the moment but there's no doubt in my mind that NIT were right to ask him about the vote of no confidence. His popularity (such as it was) is currently on the wane and only the influx of serious cash can give his his credibility back.

The silence around Tynecastle is deafening at the moment. There's hardly a player on our books that is not the subject of transfer speculation. Now, some of this is mischief making by the Glasgow press but clearly, the sale of Neil McCann , plus comments nade by the Chief executive at the AGM has inadvertently informed the football world that Hearts players are now available at the right price. We are already staring at the very real prospect of starting next season without Davie Weir and Stephane Adam. If Paul Ritchie comes into a rich vein of form, we can't even be sure of holding onto him for the 18 months left in his contract. Can things really be this bad so soon after everything seems so good?

Sandy Wallis,
Saughton

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Section last updated 6th March 1999

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Mail to Grant Thorburn
grant.thorburn@ukonline.co.uk