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The Christian Disciple and
Human relationships are part of God’s plan.
His original plan for creation.
His plan to evangelise the world.
His plan for Heaven.
IN CREATION. Genesis 1:26-31 2:18 & 24.
When God made us male and female He was creating more than marriage. He planned and created as part of His eternal purposes:
Husband and Wife.
Father and Son.
Mother and Daughter.
Mother and Son.
Father and Daughter
Brother and Brother.
Sister and Sister.
Brother and Sister.
That is eight very different relationships already, and we have not counted grandparents, cousins and others.
COMMUNITY.
When two married couples are together as friends it is the smallest complete community. All four adult relationships are in it.
Man with Man as brothers.
Woman with Woman as sisters.
Man with Woman as brother and sister.
Man with Woman as husband and wife.
When God’s Spirit flows through men and women these four relationships are bright and colourful. Without The Holy Spirit relationships become dull. People in the world are constantly trying to bring more life and excitement into relationships, often with tragic results. Only God’s way works.
In the church we have spirit-filled brothers and sisters, even if we have none in our earthly family. Brother and sister relationships are sacred. There is plenty of masculinity and femininity in them but no sex. God’s moral laws are to protect all relationships. When people who are not married have sex they are damaging both families and friendships, spoiling God’s plan for all human relationships.
People are body, soul and spirit - an outward life, a life of mind and feeling and an inner life. All three are involved in relating to others and relationships have different depths.
DIFFERENT TEMPERAMENTS.
Everything God does is multi-coloured and many-sided and He loves variety. There are thousands of possible variations as men and women have different temperaments, different cultures and different age-groups.
In Zechariah 8:4-5 a prophet thinks of his home city devastated by war and sees it at peace again, rebuilt, stable, with all generations present. He sums it up briefly by speaking of old men and old women watching boys and girls playing in the streets.
GOD’S PLAN FOR A COMMUNITY - is that it will include -
Carefree, secure, loved children (not loaded with adult burdens).
Teenagers who question and challenge:-
learning but also rethinking. Beginning to bear some responsibility, ready to make some changes but keeping continuity.
Young adults, loving, marrying, building, making a life.
Adults carrying full responsibility, bringing up families, running the community, teaching.
Senior citizens, ruling, guiding, holding it all together.
Old people, growing physically weaker, living through the countdown for Heaven with spirits younger than ever.
RELATIONSHIPS ARE EVIDENCE
We tell people the Good News, but they need to see the evidence. Paul spoke of preaching with, “demonstration of the Spirit and power”. Nothing demonstrates the Holy Spirit’s reality more than human relationships among those who have Him dwelling in them.
All human relationships need the Holy Spirit and cannot be right without Him.
When relationships are right (in a world where they are normally wrong) they are convincing evidence of the Holy Spirit’s work - evidence which brings people to Christ.
RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD
Abraham was called “A friend of God.” Jesus Christ enjoyed His friends’ company, (Luke 22:15), still does, and will throughout eternity. God made us in His own image to be His friends and He desires our friendship.
Richly varied relationships will be a feature of life in Heaven.
GOD’S MORAL LAWS.
Care for the young and the weak.
Respect for the old.
All people valued and loved.
Loyalty to leaders (note loyalty not subservience)
Faithfulness to marriage.
and with these laws - forgiveness for past sins because Jesus Christ suffered and died for them - but commitment to go God’s way in the future - also because Christ died for us and so claims our supreme loyalty.
THE WORDS WE SPEAK.
The greatest threat to good human relationships is the tongue - words - angry, harsh, condemning, bitter or just thoughtless and uncaring - words in a cruel tone of voice - words which damage another person or their reputation.
James 3:2-12 talks about the misuse of the tongue - keep it under control because it can do so much good and yet so much harm.
If we speak cruel words, they will damage our own relationship with God.
Let us bring every word under the Lordship of Christ who loved us and died for us. Let our words show the holiness of the Holy Spirit who lives in us.
Let our words bless the people nearest to us, husbands, wives, children, brothers, sisters. Use words to thank those who bless us. Use words to encourage them. Use words to say sorry, to ask forgiveness or to forgive. Use words to make others happier. Use words to build, not to destroy.
Jesus is called “The Word of God.”
LIVING WITHOUT SEX.
What follows will only make sense to those who have already found:
1/ Their personal identity through knowing God as Father.
2/ Their purpose for life in supreme loyalty to Christ.
3/ The power and purity of the indwelling Holy Spirit.
4/ A new relationship with Christian men as brothers.
5/ A new relationship with Christian women as sisters.
Anyone who has not entered fully into the reality of these new relationships will find that, as Christ Himself said, “Not everyone can receive this saying.” He knew that the call was too hard for some. It is a call to loyalty rather than a moral demand with condemnation for the failures.
Those whose lives are based on loyalty to Christ will want to live His way, and when it comes to sex, His way can be expressed in a few simple statements:
1/ He put a high value on marriage. (Matthew 19:4-6)
2/ He put a high value on those who give up marriage for the sake of the kingdom of God. (Matthew 19:12)
3/ He included fornication and adultery in a list of things which defile people. (Mark 7:21)
4/ He required purity in thought as well as action. (Matthew 5:27-28)
and that was almost all He ever said about sex, (although he did tell the Pharisees that prostitutes who repented would go ahead of them into the Kingdom of Heaven.)
THE MEDIA MESSAGE IS WRONG.
Sex is neither a necessity nor a right, no matter how strong the pressure society may put upon us to believe it is both. Like all pleasures it becomes insipid once it is demanded. Pleasures to be fully enjoyed, need to drop from Heaven. As John the Baptist said “We can each receive only what is given us from Heaven,” (John 3:27). Anything and everything we have or do, if it does not come as a gift from our Heavenly Father will ultimately become tasteless and unattractive.
The disciple, out of loyalty to Christ above all other motives, will go one of two ways with no third option. One way is total commitment to marriage. The other is celibacy - single life with no sex. Both are high callings. Life can be very full and rich, either way.
GOD’S SPECIAL PLACE FOR SINGLE PEOPLE
The reasons for giving up marriage may be practical rather than spiritual, and often relate to the dangerous life the disciple is called upon to live. As the world gets more unstable and the number of martyrdoms increases, more and more disciples may need to avoid or postpone the responsibility of a family, simply so that they may go on risking their lives for Christ. But unlike the world’s single adventurers, they cannot have casual affairs between ventures. And those of our brothers in Christ who are homosexual have only one calling if they are to be loyal disciples. Homosexual Christians are not in any way second-class citizens of Heaven, but valued, loved and accepted. They are called to celibacy like many heterosexuals, and have therefore a special place in God’s purposes.
Jesus was not married. Peter was.
FAITHFULNESS
For those who marry, faithfulness still requires the ability to go without sex, often for quite long periods; during absences, partner’s illnesses, around each birth, longer around some surgery, and there is the ever-present possibility that a partner’s disabling accident might turn a marriage vow into a vow of celibacy.
So like money, pleasure and life itself, the “right” to sexual experience is renounced by the disciple who means to go all the way with Christ.
IS IT TOO LATE FOR ME?
God meets each of us where we are. He forgives the past because Christ died for our sins and He will never undervalue the sacrifice of His Son.
If I am already married and my husband or wife wants to stay with me even though I am following Christ - then we should remain married, and faithful, and loving and caring for each other - even if my partner is not following Christ. Maybe he or she will find Him because of my lifestyle. (Not because of my demands or constant speaking, rather because of my quiet gentleness.)
What if I have already broken God’s laws against fornication and adultery?
In that case I need more than just forgiveness, I need God to do a miracle. Sex binds people together. God means it to bind husbands with their wives. If I am bound together with anyone else I must ask God to break that bond - but He will do it on His terms - I must be genuine. He will blot out the past but requires my commitment to His way in future.
What about the baby? If I have fathered or mothered a child I have taken on a lifelong duty to God to do all I can to care for that child. It is best for a child to be brought up by his or her own parents - married to each other, faithful and loving. That may be impossible, if so I must do what is best for the child, never cease to pray for him or her and to give as much care as I am allowed to give.
What if I have already caught a disease? Most sex diseases are curable; so get medical treatment at once, not only for your own sake but that of your wife or husband. Normally by the time it is discovered, both need treatment. It is not only God’s forgiveness which is needed but your partner’s. Ask for it humbly.
But what if I have HIV/AIDS? This is not curable; so unless you are already married you are now called to celibacy. Celibacy is a high calling for a disciple of Christ. Life can still be very full and rich. Death, when it comes, means for Christ’s disciples that we shall be with Him for ever; but what is left of life can be used to bring His love to others.
AND IF IT IS NOT TOO LATE
Young people today are growing up in a world surrounded by all kinds of misery because God’s gift of sex has been misused. The sadness of broken marriages, AIDS orphans, shortened lives and neglected children are all because the last generation listened to the world instead of to God. For the young there is still another chance to build good families and good communities.
If today’s young people live God’s way now they will create a good community to pass to their children; a better one than the last generation gave to them.