Study No. 2
GOD HAS THREE VIEWPOINTS TOWARD DIVORCE.
1. A viewpoint toward two unsaved persons married to each other.
2. A viewpoint toward a believer married to an unbeliever.
3. Christian marriage - two that He has put together.
FIRST, GOD SAYS NOTHING TO THE UNSAVED COUPLE ABOUT DIVORCE.
As long as two unsaved persons are married to each other, they are not under the covering of the Lord.
C.S. Lewis once said that marriage is a Christian institution, and if a couple aren't Christian, then they might as well live together and not be married at all.
The Bible simply doesn't recognize the world in the same light as it's own. There are the children of darkness living in the "Kingdom of Darkness" and the children of the day "who have been translated into the "Kingdom of Light" Col.1:13. There are the children who are "blinded by the god of this world" 2 Cor.3:14, and all Christians who are no longer citizens of this world, but "appear as lights in the world in the midst of this wicked and perverse generation" Phil.2:15. Though the tragic statistic lists in the beginning of this chapter are accurate and up-to-date, they could almost be expected. Lost people act lost. How long will it take the church to realize that Christians are the only ones who can live the Christian life? (John 15:4-5).
The Bible has only two things to say to the heathen (unsaved people).
1. God loves you (John 3:16)
2. God sent His only begotten Son into this world to save you IF you'll repent and be saved (John 5:24; 2 Peter 3:9)
A lost couple's marriage never had Christ's sanction, nor does He recognize their divorce. It is as if they had never been married. A lost person becomes a totally "new creation" when he or she is saved (2 Cor. 5:17). If they had a tragic past filled with marriage and divorce, they are still new creatures and absolutely able to marry a Christian, should they desire. It is not a case of "remarriage", it is the first marriage when a new creature marries for the first time as a Christian.
Q. "What if the person who has now become a Christian had several marriages prior to their salvation, it is still true that they are as if they had had none?"
A. Certainly, because they are a new creature or new creation. The past is still covered by the blood of Christ. However, a person who comes from one or more bad marriages before they were saved had better take a careful and adequate amount of time to grow in the Christian faith and become strong before they give any serious thought to marriage.
SECOND: GOD'S WORD DOES SPEAK TO THE CHRISTIAN MARRIED TO AN UNSAVED MATE - FIRST AND FOREMOST, GOD SAYS, "DON'T DO IT!!!"
2 Corinthians 6:14
"Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?"
The answer is obvious - "None!!!"
A Christian marrying an unsaved person is entering a forbidden marriage and complete sin. No Christian should perform such a marriage. But, often a person who is unsaved becomes a Christian after they are married, and to them God writes through Paul:
1 Corinthians 7:12-13
"But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, let him not send her away. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, let her not send her husband away."
When Paul writes, 'I say, not the Lord', he's saying, "The Lord never taught on this during His earthly ministry, but now He has shared this truth with me and I will teach you about it." That's extremely significant, because the Lord did teach on husbands leaving wives or wives leaving husbands (Matthew 5:31-32; 19:3-12; Mark 10:2-12; Luke 16:18).
Jesus did teach on divorce. But He always taught concerning people "God had put together" - Christian marriage. Even then, He did give one reason for divorce - "porneia" (Matt.19:6 and Mark 10:9).
So, Jesus taught on divorce between people who both called themselves people of God. Paul taught on a believer being married to an unbeliever.
THEREFORE:
1. The believer is to allow the unbeliever to live with him or her if the unbeliever wants to do so. There's no rejection of the unbeliever as a mate. That is, the Christian wife is to submit to her husband whether he is a believer or not (1 Pet.3:1-6), and the Christian husband is to lovingly lead his wife whether she is a believer or not (Ephesians 5:25-33).
2. However, if the unbeliever wants to leave the believer, the believer is to "let the unbeliever go".
Corinthians 7:14-15
"For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. Yet, if the unbelieving leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace."
Q. "Yes, but shouldn't the believer continue to wait forever if necessary for the unbeliever to be saved in any circumstance - whether the unbeliever leaves or not?"
A. 1 Corinthians 7:16 "For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?" The Apostle Paul, the greatest teacher on faith who has ever lived, outside of Jesus Himself, point blank says, "There is no way to know whether the unbeliever who walked out on your marriage will ever be saved." The unbeliever, like the believer, has "free will", and the unbeliever may have, with their own free will, locked into the death position of total refusal to come to the Lord and be saved.
There are some people who so harden their hearts against God that the Holy Spirit has totally stopped striving with them (Genesis 6:3; Jude 12,13; Heb.6:4-6 etc), and Paul says if such a person wants to quit the marriage relationship, "Let them leave...let them go."
Q. "How can the believer really 'let the unbeliever go?'"
A. By divorcing the unbeliever. The Greek words in 1 Corinthians 7:15, "let him leave" imply "cut the tie", "put the marriage asunder". One may find it difficult to believe that God would ever sanction divorce, especially when He hates divorce, but there are certain people God gives over to a depraved mind (Romans 1:28-32).
Q. "Then if my unbelieving mate is like any of what is described in these verses now, should I leave him or her?"
A. Absolutely not. Not unless they are into sexual or spiritual "porneia" (see definition later in this chapter) or are such extremely sinful situations in the home that your pastor agrees you should not continue unless there. NB. God knows how hard it is to be married to a backslider (Jer.3:14) and He gives special grace. Remember, the believer "sanctifies" the unbeliever ("sets them apart for His special attention") so expect a miracle unless they depart.
Q. "What is the status of the believer left by an unbeliever - must they remain single for the rest of their life?"
A. No. Paul said, "The believer is not under bondage in such cases, but they've been called to peace" (1 Cor.7:15). The believer can stay single or be married to a Christian, whichever will bring them most peace of mind and freedom to serve God.
Q. "But isn't that divorce and remarriage, which Christ forbade because it would be committing adultery?"
A. No. In 1 Corinthians 7:39 and 40, Paul wrote, "A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord." The only reason the unbeliever would depart is because they are "dead in their trespasses and their sins" (Ephesians 2:1). It isn't remarriage because the first marriage was invalidated by the unbeliever departing.
Q. "But what if it's a husband that has been left by an unbelieving wife? Is he free to marry?"
A. Absolutely. 1 Timothy 5:6 tells of a woman who "gives herself to wanton pleasure" and "is dead even while she lives."
Q. "But what if the unbeliever should later be saved? Would that mean the believer who had been left would have to reunite with them in marriage?"
A. That would depend on the situation and the desire to both. Obviously, if either had remarried after their divorce, they would not divorce again to get back with each other. And it must be remembered as has been mentioned before that when a person is "born again", they become a new creature (2 Cor.5:17) and "all things have become new" - so they are like one who has never been married.
Q. "But what of the many beautiful stories I hear of the believers who hung on through years of a bad marriage and finally saw their mates saved?"
A. I applaud such commitment to marriage and so does God. That's God's will. The Pauline privilege of divorce is granted only in those cases where the unbeliever has departed. By all means, stay married if possible and do your best to be a good mate. A christian will not seize upon this teaching and launch a campaign to drive the unbeliever out!
Q. "What if the believer realize they were causing much of the problem that caused the unbeliever to depart?"
A. Then they need to seriously repent before the Lord because they've grievously sinned, and they need to make whatever restitution is possible with the unbeliever who left. At the very least, they need to let the unbeliever know they realize that they, as the believer, wrecked the marriage. They need to ask the unbeliever for forgiveness. And since they have not fulfilled the exemption qualifications of 1 Corinthians 7:12-13, reconciliation would be the best solution.
DIVORCE IS A TERRIBLE THING
Never look at divorce as something that you'd want. Divorce is dreadful, painful: it leaves ugly scars. God hates it as much as the Christian does. It's almost always hardest on the children. You can't tear down the family and build the Church because the Church is a collection of families. But, the Bible is clear, after all attempts at really following God's Word on the believer's part have failed and the unbelievers walks out - 'let them go!' ie. Unbeliever plays up.
THIRD, GOD'S WORD SPEAKS TO CHRISTIANS MARRIED TO EACH OTHER, AND WE'VE JUST READ WHAT IT SAYS, "LET THE UNBELIEVER DEPART" (1 Cor 7:15).
There is only one ground Christ ever gave two people calling themselves "Christians" to divorce - Matthew 5:31-32, "And it was said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of dismissal; but I say to you that every one who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity (porneia), makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery."
"PORNEIA" - THE DESTROYER OF MARRIAGE
"Porneia" is the ugly Greek word that gets variously translated in our English New Testaments by the words "unchastity", "adultery" or "fornication". None of these English words adequately describe "porneia". "Porneia" is a Greek word that comes from an ancient root meaning "to sell" and it was used of selling slaves for the purpose of prostitution.
Though "porneia" includes such unchaste things as fornication and adultery, it is best defined as "whoredom". "Porneia" goes much further than a tragic, foolish, temporary, adulterous affair because "porneia" includes an attitude. We get our English words "pornography", "pornographic", or "porno" from this wretched Greek word.
"Porneia" embraces every kind of perverted sex sin that's possible. It represents an immoral mind.
"The Bible is a very sexual book. Many stories and examples of spiritual truth involve some aspect of sex. (See Gen.19:1-29; Jud.19:1-30; 2 Sam.11:1-27; Hosea; Rom.1:18-32). God's intention is that one man is the only sexual provision for one woman, and vice-versa. God has specifically condemned and forbidden the following sexual acts:
1. ADULTERY - the willful violation of the marriage contract and covenant by either partner by engaging in intercourse or desiring to be with a third party: extra-marital intercourse. (Matt.15:18-20; Ezek.16 & 23, Ex.20:14; LEV.20:10; Prov.6:23-25; Matt.5:27-32).
2. FORNICATION - illicit sexual intercourse with an unmarried woman; pre-marital coitus, sexual lewdness (1 Cor.6,9,15; Ex.22:16; Deut.22:28-29).
3. HOMOSEXUALITY - sexual relationship with a person of the same sex; lesbian, gay or bisexual. (Gen.19:1-13; 1 Cor.6:9; Lev.18:22, 20:11; Rom.1:27-28; Jud.19:22).
4. SODOMY - unnatural sexual relations, especially between male persons; having sexual relations with any animal; sexual acts with animals. (Lev.18:23; 20:15-16; Deut.27:21; Ex.22:19).
5. INCEST - (Intercourse) with a forbidden person, ie. mother, stepmother, sister, half-sister, grand-daughter, daughter of stepmother, aunt, wife of an uncle, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, with a woman and her daughter, or a woman and her grand-daughter (the woman participant is also considered guilty). (Lev.18:6-18; 20:11-21; Deut.27:20-23).
6. RAPE - the act of forcing a woman to have sexual intercourse against her will. (Jud.19:22-30; 2 Sam.13:1-29; Deut.22:25-26). (NOTICE: the Bible does not include the possibility of a husband "raping" his own wife.)
7. LASCIVIOUSNESS - unbridled lust, lacking in moral restraint; sexual lewdness; excessive, unrestrained, malicious sexuality. (Prov.2:16-18; 5:3-13, 7:6-27; Gal.5:19-21). Lasciviousness always refers to sex outside marriage.)
SPIRITUAL PORNEIA
There is also another kind of "porneia" - "spiritual" porneia. The husband or wife, whether they claim to be a Christian or not, commits spiritual porneia by giving themself to the occult or to a religious cult or false religion. It includes joining or giving one's time to study for the purpose of getting life's answers from:
...Bahai
...Jehovah's Witnesses
...Islam
...Unification Church
...Unity
...Transcendental Meditation
...Children of God
...Christian Science (and all Science of Mind cults)
Jesus clearly said that "porneia" is total grounds for divorce. If God gives such a person over to their lusts (Rom.1:28), He doesn't expect the true believer not to give them up also. And this teaching is directly given to those who call themselves "people of God" or "Christian". God never violates His Word. He wouldn't say, "Be not unequally yoked with unbelievers" (2 Cor.6:14) and then yoke such a marriage together! Because God has "no shadow of changing", (James 1:17), we know He will always honour His Word.
Mark 10:9
"What God has joined together" - that's Christian marriage. Mark 10:11-12 then refers to Christian marriage.
Believers can't divorce each other and marry someone else unless one of them has involved himself or herself with "porneia". NOTE: Jesus said if "porneia" is the reason for divorce, then the woman doesn't involve herself in adultery if she remarries. Why not? Because, as in the other exceptions for divorce, the New Testament brings, "porneia" nullifies the marriage as if the marriage had not existed in the first place. Thus, a faithful believer who suddenly finds their mate caught up in "porneia" and divorces them because of it, is free to marry another Christian. The first marriage is rendered invalid and not a marriage in God's eyes.
Q. "Well, can a Christian marry a Christian who has divorced another Christian?"
A. Absolutely not. Jesus said in Luke 16:18, "Every one who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery." Nothing could be clearer. Divorce and remarriage are never allowed for any Christian. However, the New Testament gives three situations that invalidate marriage, making the marriage as if it had never been.
1. FIRST, in Matthew 5:31, Jesus said that if either mate entered into "porneia" the marriage is invalidated.
2. SECOND, in 1 Corinthians 7:15, Paul said that if the unbelieving mate leaves the believer after the believer has tried to be a good mate, the marriage is invalidated.
3. THIRD, if a marriage ended prior to salvation, then it was washed away in the ood of Christ.
God gives no other situations where divorce would be allowable. If a person divorces for any other reason and then remarries, they are committing adultery and so is their second (or third, etc!) marriage partner.
GOD HATES DIVORCE
The fact remains, God hates divorce (Malachi 2:14). He knows what it does to the Christian testimony; He knows what it does to two people and to their children; He hates it. Every attempt at reconciliation must be made. But He has left three exceptions.
LOVE IS ATTRACTIVE
Worship, true worship, in a church attracts crowds. Love, true love, between a married couple attracts crowds.
Kneel side by side,
See eye to eye.
Talk face to face,
Walk hand in hand.
GOD HATES 'COVENANT BREAKERS'
Happiness is not the main goal of the Christian. Happiness is a by-product that comes through being obedient to the Lord. The Christian marriage must include the understood clause, "For better or for worse, as long as the two of us shall live."
In Malachi 2:14, marriage is called "a covenant". In Romans 1:31, the Greek word for "untrustworthy" or "conscienceless" is "covenant breakers", and it says that "God hates covenant breakers" - because they can never be trusted to keep their word about anything.
GOD WANTS TO BLESS YOUR MARRIAGE
You may question certain aspects of God's will, but on things is sure - it is God's will for your marriage to succeed, and when you co-operate with Him, He'll move heaven and earth to see that it's done.
Remember - if you decide to make a new world together, the material is ready; God made the first world out of chaos!
REMEMBER - SUPERNATURALLY THERE'S A WAR ON!!!
Can you see that "we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood?" So, marriage problems are not simply problems between two humans. We are fighting the devil and his host with every marriage problem. As Dr. Billy Graham recently said, "I believe a whole new league of demons has been unleashed on this generation."
Stop the devil - defeat his host - come together, in Jesus' Name.
HOW TO END ALL ARGUMENTS
When arguments arise, realize you've been attacked by the host of hell and stop. Immediately husband, say to your wife, "I'm sorry, honey." As husband, you're the leader, so it's up to you to lead in prayer together. Begin by confessing that you've got a big mouth! Confess to the Lord that you shouldn't have been fighting with your wife. Hold her as you pray. Promise the Lord in front of your wife that you will not decide on the issue you've been in controversy over until you hear from Him and get His Word on it.Then lay your hand on your wife's head and ask the Lord to wash away her hurts in the blood of Christ. Pray for God to give her peace. After prayer, enjoy each other once again.
Agreeing prayer brings forth the strongest power in the universe - Matthew 18:19 - Amplified Bible "Again I tell you, if two of you on earth agree (harmonize together, together make a symphony) about - anything and everything - whatever they shall ask, it will come to pass and be done for them by my Father in heaven."
Start singing!!!
A TIP TO THE WISE
If this is the first time you are beginning to pray out loud together, keep your prayers short. This is the number 1 objection Christians make to praying with their spouse - "Their prayers are too long!" Also, never preach at your mate and call it "praying!" If you are going to "tell God on them," don't do it while they are within earshot!!!
Previous | Index | Next