Study No. 4
THE CHRISTIAN WIFE
- Part 2

A wife's goal is to present her husband and her children to God for His glory. And this goal is never to be neglected by a Christian wife for outside work.

Proverbs 31:25-30
"Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her, saying: 'Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all'; charm is deceptive and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised."

Although it may not sound too impressive to you to read that a homemaker is an "economist", it can really be true. For example, the American Banker's Association points out that if the wife, in a family of four, will save 5 cents on each place setting -- three meals a day for a year -- she'll save $219.00!!

(For some beautiful tips on how to save big money when shopping, buy a copy of Malcolm MacGregor's book, "Your Money Matters", published by Bethany Publisher in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and available at your local Christian Book Store.)

Proverbs 14:1
"The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands."

Barbara Cook, who does a marvellous Christian radio programme for women in Portland, Oregon, called, "A Touch Of Beauty" says, "The Bible places the responsibility for building or tearing down the home on the woman. God holds the bride responsible for the emotional atmosphere of home. The house is the wife's domain. It does not depend on the husband's attitude when he comes home, or the children. If the wife decided the atmosphere is going to be happy, she is to relinquish that control to any member of the family who decides to be unhappy. In most families, it's the person's negative emotions that set the atmosphere."

Someone has added, "If King Solomon had so many wives it probably was because he wanted one in good humour when he got home!"

Betty Esses, a constant speaker to women's groups, says, "Joy comes from knowing Jesus, not from circumstances around us. Fulfillment and happiness are only found in Jesus because He left a void in our lives that only He can fill. When we allow Him to fill that void, then we can find happiness and fulfillment in marriage."

That's the very meaning of Matthew 6:33, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you!"

A husband is like a mirror; if you frown at it, it frowns back, if you smile; it returns the greeting!!!

Winkie Pratney says, "Mother is to be the inspirer. She should stand behind Dad and encourage him on in his work and leadership; be there when she is needed for comfort or advice." (Col.3:18)

Proverbs 17:22
"A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bone."

Here's a tip - If you start to feel depressed, smile! You can't feel down in the mouth when its corners are up! Smiling freaks your brain out! If most people in most church choirs would smile when they sing, the whole church service would be far more effective, and that goes double for soloists, duets, trios etc. Not only will smiling defeat depression in you, but will make good medicine and bring healing to a sick situation. Smiling is the facial attitude for praising the Lord: see Ephesians 5:18: "And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord."

Again, are you fun to live with? (Proverbs 5:18)

Marriage teacher, June Nichols says, "A wife's major role is not to make him 'good', but to make him happy -- then God can make him good!"
...Don't be a prude.
...Don't correct him.
...He doesn't need another mother -- he needs a wife!
(If he's way out of line, tell Jesus, but do it quietly and not when your husband is listening!)

One husband complained, "The trouble with wives is that they'd rather mend your ways than mend your sock!!!"

Romans 12:15
"Rejoice with your husband whenever he's feeling happy. Comfort him whenever he's discouraged over anything. When he's sick, lay hands of love and pray for his healing. Love him! Love him!"

Remember, a friend will see you through after everyone else sees that you are through!

Colossians 3:23
"Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than men."

Don't be a wife who holds back. Be a wife who loves the Lord more than she loves her husband and willingly serves her heavenly Lord by serving her earthly Lord.

Ephesians 5:22 (AMP Bible)
"Wives, be subject -- be submissive and adapt yourselves to your husbands as a service to the Lord."

Are you aware of your husband's needs and interests? Does he love cars, sports, gardening, restaurants, movies, etc? Whether the "perfect wife" really exists or not, the heart of Proverbs 31 is summarized for all men in the one desire written in verse 1: "The heart of her husband trusts in her, and she will richly satisfy his needs."

Ephesians 5:22-24
"You wives submit to your husband's leadership in the same way you submit to the Lord. For a husband is in charge of his wife in the same way Christ is in charge of His Body, The Church. (He gave His very life to take care of it and be its Saviour!) So, you wives must willingly obey your husbands in everything, just as the Church obeys Christ."

GIVING IN TO YOUR HUSBAND IS ACTUALLY GIVING IN TO JESUS!

The major reason any wife refuses to submit to her husband is because she's afraid her life would then be dull, tasteless and frustrating. That's the devil's lie. Instead, "wearing the pants" in the family leaves a wife bitter and disappointed. Listen to a rebellious wife. Her bitterness may have started toward her husband, but very soon she begins to find others that don't please her either and she lets it be known.

Hebrews 12:15
"See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled."

The Bible's classic illustration of submission and what it can do for a wife, and ultimately, for the Lord:

Esther 1:1-12
"Now it took place in the days of Ahasuerus, the Ahasuerus who reigned from India to Ethiopia over 127 provinces, in those days as King Ahasuerus sat on his royal throne which was in Susa, the capital, in the third year of his reign, he gave a banquet for all his princess and attendants, the army officers of Persia and Media, the nobles, and the princes of his provinces being in his presence, when he displayed the riches of his royal glory and the splendour of his great majesty for many days, 180 days. And when these days were completed, the king gave a banquet lasting seven days for all the people who were present in Susa the capital, from the greatest to the least, in the court of the garden of the king's palace. "There were hangings of fine white and violet linen held by cords of fine purple linen on silver rings and marble columns and couches of gold and silver on a mosaic pavement of porphyry, marble, mother-of- pearls, and precious stones. Drinks were served in golden vessels of various kinds, and the royal wine was plentiful according to the king's bounty. And the drinking done according to the law, there was no compulsion, for the king had given orders to each official of his household that he should do according to the desires of each person. Queen Vashti also gave a banquet for the women in the palace which belonged to King Ahasuerus. On the seventh day, when the heart of the king was merry with wine, he commanded Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar, and Carkas, the eunuches who served in the presence of King Ahasuerus, to bring Queen Vashti before the king with her royal crown in order to display her beauty to the people and the princes, for she was beautiful. But Queen Vashti refused to come at the king's command delivered by the eunuchs. Then the king became very angry and his wrath burned within him."

Notice: King Ahasuerus, a "heathen" king, had one thought in mind. He wanted to show off all that he had. He wanted to make the people in his land wish that they were in his place. He had saved "dessert" until last...now, with all the pride a king can muster, he planned to bring his wife, Vashti, out before "all the people who were present in Susa the capital." He wanted to make the men drool! (NOTE: he did not ask her to come before the men naked, as has been occasionally taught.) He simply wanted to have her come out wearing the magnificent crown that gave her the high honour to being his Queen. "But Queen Vashti refused to come." There may well be someone who, in reading this, will do nothing but applaud Vashti. Surely all of us can see her reasoning. She thought, "He's got drunken friends over here again. If he thinks I'm going to lower myself...!!!"

Esther 1:13-22
"Then the king said to the wise men who understood the times -- for it was the custom of the king so to speak before all who knew law and justice, and were close to princes of Persia and Media who had access to the king's presence and sat in the first place in the kingdom -- "According to law, what is to be done with Queen Vashti, because she did not obey the command of King Ahasuerus delivered by the eunuchs?"

And in the presence of the king and the princes, Memucan said, "Queen Vashti has wronged not only the king but also all the princes, and all the peoples who are in all the provinces of King Ahasuerus. For the queen's conduct will become known to all the women causing them to look with contempt on their husbands by saying, 'King Ahasuerus commanded Queen to be brought in to his presence, but she did not come! And this day the ladies of Persia and Media who have heard of the queen's conduct will speak in the same way to all the king's princes, and there will be plenty of contempt and anger. If it pleases the king, let a royal edict be issued by him and let it be written in the laws of Persia and Media so that it cannot be repealed, that Vashti should come no more into the presence of King Ahasuerus, and let the king give her royal position to another who is more worthy than she. And when the king's edict which he shall make is heard throughout all his kingdom, great as it is, then all women will give honour to their husband, great and small." And this word pleased the king and the princes, and the king did as Memucan proposed. So he sent letters to all the king's provinces, to each province according to its script and to every people according to their language, that every man should be the master in his own house and the one who speaks in the language of his own people."

NOTE: The truth is spoken here by Memucan when he said, "Queen Vashti has wronged not only the king but also all the princes, and all the people...for the queens conduct will become known to all the women causing them to look with contempt on their husbands" (Heb.12:15, Jam.3:3-6). Just as witchcraft has spread around the world today so, too, does rebellion spread. Rebellion is contagious and will destroy a nation. Our nation is becoming terribly in danger of destruction now because of the constant rebellion that continues to spread. When on woman sees her friend rebelliously fail to respond to her husband's leading, it is great temptation to think, "If she can do it that way, so can I."

Few things can ruin the testimony of a Christian home more quickly, or stop an unsaved husband from ever wanting to be saved. Wives, be "subject to (your) husband, that the Word of God may not be dishonoured." (Titus 2:5)

Esther, not Vashti, has her name given to this book of the Bible. Again, as Memucan had pronounced, Esther was the woman "more worthy than she" (Prov.12:4). Esther was quite a woman. She had been raised by Mordecai, an extremely godly Jew, who undoubtedly raised her as a strict Jewess. King Ahasuerus' body would have been "unclean" to her because he was uncircumcised. His lifestyle was certainly different from her own. But Esther did the thing a wise wife does -- she began restoring this king's self-assurance and it cemented him to her.

Esther 5:1,2a
"Now it came about on the third day that Esther put on her royal robes and stood in the court of the king's palace in front of the king's rooms, and the king was sitting on his royal throne in the throne room, opposite the entrance to the palace, and it happened when the king saw Esther the queen standing in the court, she obtained favour in his sight..."

Esther was "looking good". It's a good thing she was. The king hadn't summoned Esther, and had he been displeased with her coming, she could have been sent back to the harem for life, divorced, or hung! She obviously didn't come before him in something that didn't please his eyes. "She obtained favour in his sight."

True, this thing of "beautifying yourself" can be overdone. Today the movies show us a woman who falls 180 floors from a towering inferno and after hitting the cement gets up without one pin-curl out of place! But at the same time remember the days when you used to get ready for him to call for a date? Remember how you used to prepare for his eyes and wore what he could admire??? Well, why stop just because you're married? Prepare for his homecoming daily with a shower or bath, the perfume that he likes, and the clothing that he likes, too. If you have something he really doesn't like, burn it! Don't even give it to someone else for fear he'll have to see it on them! (If it's really nice, give it to the missionary clothing drive and send it far away!) And don't be chewing gum, wearing hair curlers, in your grubbies, etc., when he comes home from work.

Obviously, there will be exceptions -- times when you're both working hard in the garden, camping etc., when it will be right for both of you to be "blessedly sloppy!" But make it the rare exception, not the way of life at your home. Look good for your husband.

Esther 5:2b
"...and the king extended to Esther the golden scepter which was in his hand..."

NOTE: The king's scepter was his symbol of rule and authority. How many wives do you know who, if their husbands extended some authority to them, would seize the authority and demand their way with it forever?!!

Esther 5:2c
"...So Esther came near and touched the top of the scepter."

That's sexy! She was "looking good." She came toward him as he held his scepter out and you can just see her giving the king all she had as she smiled an "I'm yours whatever you want kind of smile". Notice the king's immediate response.

Esther 5:3
"Then the king said to her, 'What is troubling you, Queen Esther! And what is your request? Even to the half of the kingdom it will be given to you."

Don't miss the fact "even to half the kingdom" -- the two of you shall be one. God wants you to have your half of the kingdom and so will your husband want that for you if you keep reassuring him and taking your cue from Esther. Notice, that the king has held out full authority to his wife, but she never seizes it. She continually lets him know that he's still in full charge.

Esther 5:4a
"And Esther said, 'if it please the king...!'"

See it! The husband says, "Take half the kingdom, honey." The wise wife answers, "I'll only take what pleases you!" Here is a husband that doesn't have to be afraid to give his wife authority in any area.

Esther 5:4b
"May the king and Haman come this day to the banquet that I have prepared for him."

What wouldn't Vashti do? She wouldn't come to the king's banquet. What did Esther do? She threw a banquet for the king!

Esther 5:5
"Then the king said, 'Bring Haman quickly that we may do as Esther desires.' So the king and Haman came to the banquet which Esther had prepared. And as they drank their wine at the banquet, the king said to Esther, 'What is your petition, for it shall be granted to you. And what is your request? Even to half of the kingdom it shall be done!"

Do you see how she had his attention? In Luke 6:38 Jesus told us, "Give and you shall receive." This isn't 'manipulation'. It's following the principle of God to its victorious result. Had Esther been sinning or doing wrong, she would not have been so highly honoured in God's Word. Submission is not manipulation, but obedience to God's will for every wife.

Esther has now been offered half of the kingdom twice! So what does she ask for?

Esther 5:7-8
"So Esther answered and said, 'My petition and my request is: if I have found favour in the sight of the king, and if it please the king to grant my petition and do what I request, may the king and Haman come to the banquet which I shall prepare for them, and tomorrow I will do as the King says!"

Notice Esther's words -- they are honey -- "If you like what you see" and "if you want to do what I ask." There is no demanding. There is no "But you promised me!" There is simply faith-building humility that gives the husband the total confidence he can trust his wife and she isn't going to go running off to do "her thing." She gives no "like-it-or-lump-it attitude!" She has put him totally first and he is responding to a wife who gives him that place.

So -- Should she have done it? Was it worth all the humility?

Esther 7:1-10
 "Now the king and Haman came to drink wine with Esther the queen. And the king said to Esther on the second day also as they drank their wine at the banquet, 'What is your petition, Queen Esther? It shall be granted you. And what is your request? Even to the half of the kingdom it shall be done.' Then Queen Esther answered and said, "IF I have found favour in your sight, O King, and if it please the king, let my life be given me as my petition, and my people as my request; for we have been sold, I and my people, to be destroyed, to be killed and to be annihilated. Now if we had only been sold as slaves, men and women, I would have remained silent, for the trouble would be commensurate with the annoyance to the king.' Then King Ahasuerus asked Queen Esther, 'who is he, and where is he, who would presume to do thus?' And Queen Esther said, 'A foe and an enemy, is this wicked Haman.!" Then Haman became terrified before the king and queen. And the king arose in his anger from drinking wine and went into the palace garden; but Haman stayed to beg for his life from Queen Esther, for he saw that harm had been determined against him by the king. Now when the king returned from the palace garden into the place where they were drinking wine, Haman was falling on the couch where Esther was. Then the king said, 'Will he even assault the queen with me in the house?' As the word went out of the king's mouth, they covered Haman's face. Then Harbonah, one of the eunuchs who were before the king said, 'Behold indeed the gallows standing at Haman's house fifty cubits high, which Haman made for Mordecai who spoke good on behalf of the king." And the king said, 'Hang him on it.' So they hanged Haman on the gallows which he had prepared for Mordecai, and the king's anger subsided."

Esther's submission to her husband saved the entire Jewish race -- the race that brought us Jesus. Your submission, wife, to your husband may be the salvation of the Christian race!

The world is looking at Christians very skeptically today because it sees so very little difference between itself and Christianity. You can make the difference where you live. Yes, submission is worth it.

Two things to remember about submission:

1. Submission is "an attitude of love that wants to obey."
2. Submission is the constant requirement the Lord has for wives toward their husbands no matter how wonderful or terrible that husband is.

1 Peter 3:1 (AMP)
"In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands -- subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them. So that even if any do not obey the Word of God they may be won not by discussion but by the godly lives of their wives."

Either you believe that or you don't. It's the Word of God. "In like manner you wives..." refers to the teaching beginning at 1 Peter 2:19.

Q. "What is the subject covered between 1 Peter 2:19 and 3:1?
A. Slavery!

Q. "Are you suggesting that I should become a 'slave' to my husband?"
A. I'm not suggesting anything. God is saying through Peter that if a wife will adopt the same attitude a slave had to adopt, she will see her husband turned around and become obedient to God's Word. The attitude of submission is the key to everything. Becoming a "love slave" to your husband will change him.

1 Peter 3:1 says that becoming a "love slave" to your husband will bring him to the place where he will obey the Lord. But if that was all there was to it -- just become a slave for the rest of your life -- who would find that kind of life "abundant?" Praise God -- slavery has been abolished! Yet, the attitude of submission is not slavery, it is a voluntary choice made by a wife who really wants to see the fullness of what God has promised for her lifetime.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time." Notice -- true submission will bring you to the place where you will be exalted. A truly submitted person is a person the Lord will honour in time with promotion. Submitted, is finding life by dying (to self!). Again, with Jesus as your example, read Philippians 2:5-8. Remember -- lowering yourself in obedience to God through being submitted, to your husband always means eventual high promotion.

Isn't it funny that so many trust Jesus in life and death matters, but not day-to-day!

Jesus is asking, "Will you trust God completely, wife? No more putting your 2 cents worth in! No more smoldering in bitterness and expecting your husband to know what's wrong by "osmosis!" But learning to pray...

1 Peter 5:6-7 (Amp.)
"Therefore humble yourselves (demote, lower yourselves in your own estimation) the whole of your care -- all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concern, once and for all on Him; for He cares about you affectionately, and cares about you watchfully!"

Notice: cast them on Him. Get off the telephone and onto your knees. Don't have a pity party with anyone who will listen. Cast every anxiety, worry and concern on Jesus. But what we say when we're on our knees is still less important than what we do when we get up!


1 Peter 3:2
"As they observe your chaste and respectful behaviour."

In this verse Peter says that a Christian wife will bring her rebellious husband to obey Christ and God's Word as he sees his wife's "chaste" and "respectful" behaviour. I sometimes say that the word "chaste" could just as easily be spelled "chased" because I believe a husband ought to chase his wife around the house often and vice versa! The Greek word "chaste" literally means "reserved", and in the case of wives, that their actions show that they are "reserved for their husbands". (A 'chastity belt' was a belt that once reserved the wife's body only for the husband.) Peter is saying that the wife is never to make her husband jealous but to let him know her first love is him alone.

1 Peter 3:3
 "And let not your adornment be external only -- braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewellery, and putting on dresses..."

A certain movement a few years ago began to teach that this verse meant that a woman should wear no make-up and no jewellery. If you force this verse to mean that, then it is obvious that a woman should also wear no clothes!

1 Peter 3:4
"But let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God."

A woman who is quiet before God is very precious to God and very powerful!

1 Peter 3:5
"For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn, themselves, being submissive to their own husbands."

We may be living in modern days, but God is telling every Christian that she or he is to live with the highest principles of former times. Only then will we get God's full blessings. Notice the words in verse five, "hoped in God", "trusted in God". When you trust in God, He will bring it to pass. When you tell God instead of tonguelashing your husband, God will do mighty miracles on your behalf.

1 Peter 3:1-6 (summarized):

1. God wants your husband more than you do. If you'll co-operate totally with Him, He'll get the job done. (Christ died for him.)

2. Therefore be in subjection, deliberately take second place in your marriage.

3. Keep your mouth closed rather than criticize. Never preach at him. If he's lost, share only the miracles with him that you're discovering as a Christian. If he tells you to stop even that, tell God on him! Praise the Lord, pray and keep expecting a miracle.

4. Let Christ be seen in your spirit. Continuously pour love on your husband. You are the wife of a husband to please Jesus.

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