Study No. 11
CHILDREN - A GIFT of GOD!

TRAINING CHILDREN BY EXAMPLE
Scripture Reading: Deuteronomy 6

The goal of training children is to bring them to a level of maturity whereby they might be able to make responsible decisions on their own, resulting in responsible actions that reflect values and attitudes of the parents.

1. What Does It Mean To "Train"?
   
   Websters defines training as "guiding the growth of guiding the mental, moral, etc., development of; to bring up; to rear; to discipline or condition; to prepare to make fit."
   
   Ephesians 6:4 says parents are to "bring (children) up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."
   
   The phrase "bring...up..." means to "rear up to maturity; to cherish or train." God wants us to bring our children to the place of maturity through daily training.
   
   
2. Why Is It Necessary For Parents To Train Their Children?
   
   
   1. Children are born with a nature inclined to sin. It is very important for parents to "train" them to discern between right and wrong and to prepare them for the new birth experience (Psalm 51:5).
      
   2. Children are born without knowledge. The principles and concepts imparted to them from the youngest age will make up their understanding and frame of reference. (Prov. 19:2)
      
   3. Children are imitators. The lifestyle and habits of parents will be transmitted to their children. (Ezek. 16:44)
      
   4. Children are vulnerable. They need to be trained to beware of the dangers of life (Matt. 10:16).
      
   5. Children have unlimited potential. A well-trained, disciplined person can achieve great success in life. God has a purpose and a plan for your children that can only be fully realized as you cooperate in training them.
      
   6. Children are the carriers of culture. The Christian faith and lifestyle is passed down through the generations as parents train their children in the ways of the Lord (Psalm 78:4-8; Psalm 145:4).
      
   
   
3. How Do Parents Train Their Children In The Ways Of The Lord?
   
   The passage from Deuteronomy, chapter 6 (verses 5-7) gives us clear insight into the methods of training our children.
   
   
   1. "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God" - Parents themselves must have a demonstrated love for God in every area of their personal life.
      
      • Heart
      • Soul
      • Might
   2. "These words shall be in thine heart," - God's principles must be a part of every parent's life. A father and a mother must know God's Word personally and be able to share it. This necessitates attending church, receiving teaching, reading and studying the scriptures and applying God's principles daily.
   3. "Thou shalt teach (these words) diligently unto thy children" - it is a divinely established responsibility of parents to constantly give positive scriptural input into the hearts and minds of their children. Parents are to verbalize God's words continually...
      • "When thou sittest in thine house"
      • "When thou walkest by the way"
      • "When thou liest down"
      • "When thou risest up"

It is obvious in this passage that the predominant means for training up children in the ways of the Lord is the lifestyle of the parents.

We can only train our children (whether directly or inadvertently) to be what we already are. "Like begets like". We are compelled to closely examine our lifestyle and consider whether or not we are properly serving our children as adult models of the Christian way of life. (Read 1 Cor. 4:16; 11:1; 1 Tim. 4:16; 2 Tim. 3:10)

TRAINING CHILDREN BY INSTRUCTION
Sripture Reading: Proverbs 1:1-19

Perhaps the most difficult area for parents to assume their responsibility in raising their children is the area of instruction. Feelings of inadequacy, misunderstanding or parental teaching responsibility, over-dependency on educational institutions, and improper values may all undermine a parent's sense of responsibility for the life education of their children. Many parents feel that living an exemplary life coupled with sending their children to the right schools will ensure a good upbringing for their children. However, though these are very important, nothing can replace in a child's life the value of the personal instruction of their parents.

1. What Does It Mean To Instruct Our Children?

1. A dictionary definition of the word 'instruct', is "to teach, train or educate; to give directions, or to inform". The word teach means: "to show or help to learn how to do something, to cause to know or understand."
   
2. The words used in Scripture for teaching or instruction mean "to cause to understand; to admonish; to chasten; to reprove; to warn; to restrain; to point out; to enlighten; to cause to ascertain by seeing; to educate; to disciple; and to indoctrinate."
   
3. As parents we are to give our children a basic life education to prepare them for the responsibilities of adult life. We are to personally impart to them what we have learned in life as well as oversee their educational experiences.
   

2. What Does The Bible Say About Parental Instruction?

Deut. 4:1-40	Parental instruction is the key to the success of the next generation. Parents are to teach their children and grandchildren
Deut. 6:7	Parents are to be diligent in teaching their children the commandments of God.
Deut. 11:18-21	Parents are to be continually teaching their children the Word of God.
Prov. 1:8	"My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother."
Prov. 4:1	"Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father."
Prov. 13:1	"A wise son heareth his father's instruction."
Prov. 15:5	"A fool despiseth his father's instruction."
Prov. 19:27	"Cease, my son, to hear the instruction that causeth to err from the words of knowledge."
Prov. 23:22, 23	"Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old."
1 Cor. 4:14-21	Paul's role as a spiritual father included instruction.
Eph. 6:4	Fathers are to raise their children in the nurture (education) and admonition (confrontation) of the Lord.

3. In What Are Parents To Instruct Their Children?

1. IN THE REALM OF KNOWLEDGE.
   
   Parents are responsible to pass on to their children facts and information in all the basic areas of life. This should include areas such as natural life, spiritual life, people, nature, communication, finances, social customs, etc.
   
   
2. IN THE REALM OF UNDERSTANDING.
   
   Parents are responsible to impart insight into life to their children. This would include explaining the reasons why things happen and how things work.
   
   
3. IN THE REALM OF WISDOM.
   
   Parents are responsible to develop in their children the ability to make right decisions. This includes developing skills in various areas of life as well as learning how to use knowledge rightly.
   

TRAINING CHILDREN THROUGH DISCIPLINE
Scripture Reading: Hebrews 12:1-29.

Parents are given a charge by God to train their children. Part of that training involves the exercise of discipline. In order to receive the desired results, however, we must be sure that we are following the godly pattern.

1. Where Do We Have The Pattern For All Discipline?
   
   God Himself as our Heavenly Father furnishes the best and primary example of all discipline. (Deut. 8:5)
   
   1. God chastens His children out of love. (Prov. 3:11-12; 13:24; Rev. 3:19)
   2. God chastens because He is faithful to us. (Ps. 119:75)
   3. God chastens as a form of instruction. (Ps. 94:12)
   4. God chastens but afterward re-establishes His love to us. (Job 5:18; Jer. 31:18-20; Ps. 89:32-33)
   
   
   
2. What Is The Purpose For The Father's Discipline?
   
   God never disciplines His children to avenge or vindicate Himself. He only disciplines for the good of His children.
   
   
   1. To keep them from going astray. Ps. 119:67; Hos. 7:11-12; Jer. 10:23-24.
   2. To keep them from the calamity of the wicked. Ps. 9:12; 1 Cor. 11:32.
   3. To draw them closer to Himself. Isa. 26:16.
   4. To make them wise. Prov. 22:15.
   5. To bring them into the experience of life. Heb. 12:9.
      
   6. To produce righteousness and holiness in them. Heb. 12:10-12; Mal. 3:3).
      
   7. To teach them the right ways of God. Ps. 119:71.
      
   8. To produce greater fruitfulness in their lives. John 15:2.
      
   
   
3. Why Is The Disciplining Of Children Necessary?
   
   
   1. Children are born in sin and naturally gravitate toward the exercise of self-will. Ps. 51:5; Eph. 2:3; Prov. 22:15.
      
   2. Children do not know that which is right. Jer. 10:23-24.
      
   3. Children left to themselves will not fulfill God's purpose in their lives but they will bring shame to their parents. Prov. 29:15.
      
   4. Children who have learned through discipline to respond to the authorities in their lives will also respond to the voice of the Lord. Prov. 23:14.
      
   
   
4. What Is The Primary Cause For The Exercise Of Discipline? - Disobedience.
   
   
   1. God brought discipline to his children when they failed to obey His commands, statutes, precepts and ordinances (Is. 42:24-25; Lev. 26:27-28). When we walk in a way contrary to God's commands, we can expect to be chastened by him.
      
   2. Parents of children are also to discipline for the primary cause of disobedience (Eph. 6:1-3; Deut. 30:2; Col. 3:20).
      
      • They are not to discipline out of personal frustration.
      • They are not to discipline out of wrath or anger.
      • They are not to discipline out of a personal discomfort caused.
   
   
5. What Is To Be The Response To Godly Discipline?
   
   It is possible to respond improperly to discipline. Parents can respond improperly to the discipling of the Lord and children can respond improperly to the discipline of their parents (Jer. 2:30; Hag. 2:17; Prov.15:10; Jer. 5:3).
   
   If children, however, have a proper understanding of godly discipline, they will:
   
   1. Be happy (Job 5:17)
      
   2. Not despise it (Heb. 12:5-6; Job 5:17-18)
   3. Embrace it (Prov. 15:10)
   4. Endure it and learn what they are to learn from it (Heb. 12:7)
   5. Repent and turn with zeal to the ways of God (Rev. 3:19)

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