Children - guidance & discipline

Study No. 12
CHILDREN - GUIDANCE & DISCIPLINE

What Is The godly Prescription For Disciplining In The Home?

Make sure that your discipline is motivated by love and concern for the child.
Make sure that your discipline is administered with a view to instruction and training your child in the right ways of God.
Make sure that you have laid the proper groundwork for discipline. Before correcting a child, ask yourself the following questions:
1. Have I ever given them specific guidelines in this area?
  Before wecan discipline our children for wrong behaviour, we must be sure that we have taught them what we expect. They must have truth to draw upon. They must know what is expected of them. God always gave instruction to His people before He held them accountable.
2. Have I made my instructions clear and understandable to their level?
  When we give instructions to our children we cannot take for granted that they know all the things that we know. We must make sure that we show them exactly what we expect. We must be careful to communicate it on their level, otherwise their error may be a sin of ignorance. Have them repeat your instructions to you, to make sure they understand.
3. Am I being reasonable in my request of them?
  When parents ask their children to do things, many times they expect things from their children that they are not mature enough to handle. The child may respond by acting silly or childish. Parents must be sure that their children are able to handle their requests.
4. Have I been consistent in the treatment of this area?
  If parents are inconsistent in their discipline in an area the child will be insecure never knowing when the parent is ready to back his word up with discipline. In this case the child's disobedience may be the fault of the parent.
Make sure that you follow certain basic guidelines. (It should be noted that many of these guidelines apply specifically to small children, but the principles behind them apply to all ages.)
1. Do not wait until a child's behaviour is wrong to teach correct behaviour.
  - If the parent has not taught truth all he can do is wait until a wrong behaviour arises and react to that.
  - A child learns security when he has basic truths to guide him.
2. Be in agreement with your spouse before you discipline.
3. Never use humiliation as a means of correction.
  - Never embarrass a child by disciplining in public.
  - Never call them names (stupid, nit-wit, brat, etc.)
  - Never talk down to them.
  - Never attack the child, attack the problem!
4. Teach them that "no" means "no".
  - Don't continually warn them. At the most you should only give one warning and that is in cases where they may not have understood the command.
  - Don't threaten your children, especially in regard to things you have no intention of fulfilling (ie. ringing neck, slap silly, etc.)
5. Never raise your voice in instruction or command.
6. Establish your child's personal responsibility. Have them tell you what they did wrong.
  - Don't ask, "Did you do that?" You will give them opportunity to lie.
  - Don't ask, "Why did you do that?" You will encourage them to compose an excuse.
  - Ask, "What did you do that was wrong?"
7. Explain again to the child the reason for discipline.
8. Sit in silence a few moments before you correct for their personal reflection.
9. Correct with a rod, a neutral object. Prov. 23:13.
  - Never correct with your hand. Use your hands to show love.
  - Never use the "eye for eye" method (ie. biting, pulling hair scratching, etc.)
10. Apply the board of education to the seat of knowledge.
  - God has provided the perfect place for discipline to avoid injury
  - Never slap in face, or on hands, or anywhere else on the body.
11. Correct firmly and do not let their crying stop you. Prov. 20:30; 19:18.
  - The child must associate wrong-doing with pain.
12. Do not over-correct - no more than is necessary.
  - Hard spanking and consistency break the will, not the length of the spanking.
13. Show love without nullifying discipline.
14. Do not degrade the child but encourage them in right behaviour patterns.
15. Pray with your child and help them to pray for forgiveness.
16. If there is a need for restitution, have the child follow through.
17. Be consistent!

PROVIDING GUIDANCE FOR YOUR CHILDREN
Scripture Reading: Proverbs 4.

From the day that a child first arrives in the home, parents are preparing them to leave. This will either be done by intelligent design or the lack of it. God has given every parent approximately eighteen years in which to plant in their children the wisdom, intelligence and know-how to face life in such a way that honours God, contributes to society, blesses the church, and as a by-product, meets the deep needs of that individual.

Guidance is an extremely important part of that preparation process. Parents institute by their actions the whole idea of guidance. The child in later life will often fail to seek guidance if his role models stated by their example it was unnecessary.

What Is Guidance?
"Guide" - one who leads or directs another in his way; something that provides a person with directional information; signpost; one who directs a person in his conduct or course of life.

"Guidance - the act or process of leading or directing; the process of controlling the course of a projectile by a built-in mechanism.
Why Is Guidance Necessary?
1. To keep one from destruction. (Prov. 2:16-19; Matt. 6:13)
2. To receive the blessing of spiritual promise. (Is. 58:11; John 16:13; Psalm 139:2)
How Does God Give Direction And Guidance To His Children?
The pattern for man in relation to his children is given by God in relationship to us. There are four basic ways God has designed for His children to receive the wisdom that is necessary in order to make right choices in life.
1. INSTRUCTION: (Gen. 3:1-3) - God instructed Adam and Eve as to the path of life (Prov. 1:8,9; 4:11-13).
2. EXPERIENCE: (Gen. 3:1-6) - God gave opportunity for Adam and Eve to learn by experience (Gen.3:22; 30:27).
3. FAILURE: (Gen.3:14,17) - God showed the cause and effect relationship of sin to the curse in relation to their own failures and each other's failures.
  1. Personal failure - Prov. 15:31
  2. Failure of Others - Prov. 224:30-34
4. EXAMPLE: (Gen. 1-3) - God provides the example that we are to follow by virtue of who He is. (2 Cor. 6:17,18; Prov. 4:11)
5. In What Ways Do Parents Provide Counsel And Guidance?
  1. INSTRUCTION: (Prov. 5:1-5) Parents instruct their children on what choices are right and what choices are wrong. They also provide for them how to make right choices by judging and analyzing a situation.
  2. EXPERIENCE: Parents provide opportunities for their children to gain from life experiences by giving them the responsibility of making some of their own choices in areas of personal freedom. Discussing the results of their choices in areas such as use of finances, use of time, selection of friends, etc. provides an extremely relevant guidance that they can use in those areas the rest of their lives.
  3. FAILURE: One of the most valuable forms of guidance a parent can share with his child is the account of some of their own personal failures in life, the results of those failures and what they have learned through them. Parents can also provide guidance by discussion of the failures of others - this kind of discussion has a biblical base. Many biblical accounts are of failures - not in a gossiping manner, but as signposts of the wrong route to go in a specific area of life.
  4. EXAMPLE: Parents also provide guidance through their own example - making right choices automatically leads the child to do the same. The process of seeking counsel in various areas on the part of parents leads the child to believe that one does not always lean on his own narrow viewpoint - that in the multitude of counselors there is a wisdom one can gain that one may not already have. Another method of providing guidance is on matters of decision or choice. This creates an openness to receive from others.
6. In What Areas Do Children Need Guidance?
  1. SOCIALLY:
    1. The selection of friends.
    2. The principles of relating to people.
    3. The process of mending relationships.
    4. The ability to conduct oneself publicly.
    5. The ability to solve problems.
    6. The choice of a marriage partner.
  2. SPIRITUALLY:
    1. The blessing of right choices.
    2. How to make the Bible relate to life.
    3. The folly of wrong choices.
    4. Direction in ministry involvement.
    5. How to receive direction from God.
    6. How to lead others to righteousness.
    7. How to build a good relationship with God.
  3. PERSONALLY:
    1. The use of time.
    2. How to maintain good health.
    3. How to view one's self.
    4. How to face fear of the future.
  4. VOCATIONALLY:
    1. How to enjoy your work.
    2. How to choose a career.
    3. How to find a job.
    4. Should I go to college, and if so, where?
    5. How to discipline oneself in school or work.
    6. How to avoid becoming a workaholic.
  5. MORALLY:
    1. How to handle thought life.
    2. What sex is all about (appropriate to age-level).
    3. How to recognise and avoid moral pitfalls.
  6. FINANCIALLY:
    1. What place does money have in life?
    2. How to spend money wisely.
    3. How to save money.
    4. How much to tithe.
    5. How to avoid or get out of debt.
    6. What to think and do about credit.
    7. What charitable contributions should not be made.
  7. PHYSICALLY:
    1. The value of recreation.
    2. How to maintain self-discipline in eating habits.
    3. The obvious follies of drug and alcohol abuse.

The focus of guidance in the home is on values and methods. From birth to marriage the parents provide guidance as the right value system and the specific practical steps on how to reach any valuable objective. Parents are the chief source of counsel for their children. They cannot afford to leave that responsibility to others or wait always for the child to come and ask for it.

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