Study No. 14
THOSE FRUSTRATED VICTORIANS.

The Victorian Age taught the body is sinful. It ignored the fact that when God made the husband and wife naked, He said that was "good". (Genesis 1:31) It further taught that the body should be totally covered and it added drastic legalistic additions to the Puritan ethic. It said:

1. Sex for women is something to be endured because men are weak and evil and can't control themselves; so, to keep a husband, sexual intercourse must be endured.

2. Sex for women is an evil, dirty, awful thing.

A WOMAN SHOULD ENJOY SEX.
1. In Genesis 18:12, while Sarah was considering the promise that she would have a baby within a year, she laughed and said, "After I have become old shall I have pleasure?" Here she directly says that she has had sexual pleasure in younger years. Sarah is God's choice of model for all wives (1 Peter 3:6). Undoubtedly, she discovered that sex with old Abraham still brought pleasure -- and it did bring the baby, Isaac, too. Think of the faith that act took! Hallelujah!

2. It can well be said that a woman is much more sexual than a man. A woman can have multiple climaxes. Few men can.

As for the charge sometimes made that sex is an "animal thing", humans and animals differ greatly in their very reason for sex. Animals only mate when it is possible to impregnate, and pleasure for an animal is merely a by-product of the act. However, God has made pleasure a chief ingredient of the husband-wife sex relationship.

SEX IN MARRIAGE IS ABSOLUTELY NORMAL.
Few subjects are as emotionally charged as the subject of sex. Because of the very nature of the subject and because of the twisted way both the world and even the Church has handled it. Sex is usually something most Christians feel should be talked about in an extremely private atmosphere. You have your own attitude toward the whole subject of sex in marriage. That attitude has most likely been shaped by somebody's opinion - or just your own opinion - unless, of course, you have already seen what the Bible says on the subject. Even then, I've found that the particular Bible teacher or Pastor who has taught you on this subject from the Word often shares (whether he realizes it or not), his own opinion about how he (or if it's a woman teacher, she), feels about sex in marriage. You can find anything from the most liberal view ("anything goes!") to the most narrow view (Victorianism saying, "If you must do it to please a husband, be in bed, fully clothed with blankets up and lights out -- and think about vegetables while you do it!"). The truth God brings you in His Word is much closer to "anything goes!" But there are a very few limits He does present through implication. If you know that you, by very nature and up-bringing or by dreadful experience, are ultra- conservative and tend toward Victorianism, then you need to remember that "God's ways are not our ways" (Isaiah 55:8), and He invented sex for marriage. Remember that if your mate is eager for you to do more, or receive more, then they very well may have a real need that you should fulfill. In that fulfillment, you could find your fulfillment. You may very well need to "die daily" to your own ways, so that you can discover real life together. Sexual incompatibility is the second major reason for divorce in this nation and sexual unfaithfulness is sixth. Surely, then your sex-life and marriage is worth every bit of working together to make it good and fulfilling to both. God would have no other way than that you work together with His plan -- in fact, with all of His plans, including His plan for sex in marriage.

THE "SEXUAL LIMITS" IN MARRIAGE - SEX AS GOD DESIGNED IT.

1 Corinthians 7:2
"But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband."

NOTICE: One of the major reasons for marriage is to avoid immorality. Paul has said (paraphrase), "Because of the temptation toward immorality avoid immorality by getting married."

Hebrews 13:4
"Let marriage be held in honour among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled for fornicators and adulterers God will judge."

NOTICE: The word "undefiled" meanda - "without blemish, complete, full, perfect, sincerely sound, without spot, upright; that which is not dirty, foul corrupt or unclean." Marriage makes sex a pure experience between the married couple, but fornication (sex outside marriage) and adultery (sex involving a married person with anyone other than their mate) is sin.

With the above verses being very clearly understood, there is obviously nothing that could be considered "immoral" between a married couple as long as:

1. BOTH (not just one) ENJOY THE SEXUAL EXPERIENCE.
2. IT IS EXCLUSIVELY THE MARRIED COUPLE, COMPLETELY ALONE WITH EACH OTHER.
3. THERE IS NO PAIN INVOLVED.
4. IT IS AN ACT OF "GIVING" AND NOT AN ACT OF "FORCING".

MARRIAGE IS FOR LOVEMAKING.
Hebrews 13:4
"Let marriage be held in honour among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled for fornicators and adulterers God will judge."

The Greek word for "honour" is "timios" and means "held as of a great price, esteemed and especially dear". In other words, God says that marriage is to be treasured as sacred and beautiful. The natural result of this will be that neither those married nor those unmarried will be able to disturb it. There is no temptation when a person is fully satisfied -- so, "the body of the husband belongs to the wife and the body of the wife belongs to the husband" (1 Corinthians 7:4). Hebrews 13:4 totally condemns fornication and adultery which obviously includes wife-swapping, making it clear that these things are going to be judged by God (and that they are absolute grounds for divorce).

SONG OF SOLOMON - A VIVID PICTURE OF MARRIED SEX

HOW FAR CAN A MARRIED COUPLE "GO"?

Joseph Dillow in his brilliant exegesis of "Song of Solomon" describes the joyous participation between two lovers and they fondle and intimately explore the body of their partner.

Song of Solomon 1:2
"May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine."

Is that how you feel about your mate? God wants us to enjoy "love better than wine." Routine sex without excitement, tends to kill the joy of marriage especially for husbands, but also for wives.

Song of Solomon 2:4-6
"He has brought me to his banquet hall, and his banner over me is love. Sustain me with raisin cakes, refresh me with apples, because I am lovesick. Let his left hand be under my head and his right hand embrace me."

Gordis, the Jewish commentator observes, "Raisin cakes, which were used in fertility rites (cf. Hos.3:1), served like the apples as an erotic symbol on the subconscious level. They were considered the aphrodisiac of their day.

The Hebrew word for "embrace" is "chabaq" and means "to fondle and titillate". Here is a clear picture of the husband holding his wife and petting her -- and she loves it! Tender, intimate exploration of the body is joyously being described.

Here in this second chapter of Song of Solomon, the husband is touching, petting and discovering -- and the wife loves it.

NOTICE: According to 1 Corinthians 7:4, ALL OF THE BODY OF THE WIFE BELONGS TO THE HUSBAND AND ALL OF THE BODY OF THE HUSBAND BELONGS TO THE WIFE. NO PART OF THE BODY IS UNCLEAN TO GOD.

Throughout Song of Solomon both the wife and the husband have sex with each other continually on their minds.

Song of Solomon 3:1-4
"On my bed night after night, I sought him whom my soul loves: I sought him but did not find him. I must arise now and go about the city; in the streets and in the squares I must seek him whom my soul loves. I sought him, but did not find him. The watchmen who makes the rounds in the city found me and I said, 'Have you seen him whom my soul loves?' Scarcely had I left them when I found him whom my soul loves; I held onto him and would not let him go until I had brought him to my mother's house and into the room of her who conceived me."

Every husband dreams of a wife who will think this way! Marriage should never be able to be defined as the time when a guy starts turning off the lights for economical rather than romantic reasons!

NOTICE: She had sex with her husband on her mind when he wasn't even there -- and she didn't rebuke the devil -- she could hardly wait! Christians have often been told to reject all thoughts of sex in order to please God and then wonder why they can't be aroused when the chance for real sex comes. She rejects no thought of him.

Q. "Why does she take him to her mother's room?"
A. Because variety is the spice of life -- especially when it's variety together!

HUSBANDS NEED TO DATE THEIR WIVES WEEKLY (NOT WEAKLY!).

Romance does not die at the altar. What about a dinner date or a night at a motel? Find a new spot for lovemaking; search for it and be creative. DO IT!! You can afford it. Philippians 4:19 promises: "And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

THS IS A NEED! Your wife needs to know that you treasure her. Dating her should NEVER stop. (A lot of adventures can be experienced at home, too!)

LESSON ON LOVE-TALK

THE HONEYMOON IS REALLY OVER FOR SURE WHEN ALL THE "BABY TALK" AROUND THE HOUSE IS BEING DONE BY THE BABY!

Song of Solomon 4:1-6
"How beautiful you are darling, how beautiful you are! Your eyes are like doves behind your veil; your hair is like a flock of goats that have descended from Mount Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of newly shorn ewes which have come up from their washing, all of which bear twins, and not one among them has lost her young. Your lips are like a scarlet thread, and your mouth is lovely. Your temples are like a slice of pomegranate behind your veil. Your neck is like the tower of David built with rows of stones, on which are hung a thousand shields, all the round shields of the mighty men. Your two breast are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, which feed among the lilies. Until the cool of the day when the shadows flee away, I will go my way to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of frankincense."

Dillow writes that if a modern husband told his wife on their wedding night that her hair looked "like a flock of goats", ... he'd either be met with tears or a purse hurled in his direction! This is a metaphor of subjective response ... In this particular case, these goats refer to black goats with long silky hair that glistens in the twilight sun. As they wound their way homeward coming down the restful slopes of Mount Gilead, they created a sense of restfulness and beauty in the eye of the beholder ... He loves to just look at her and take in what he sees ... It is very difficult to imagine that Solomon's words are separate from the parts of her body he is caressing. It would seem rather awkward to simply stare at her without caressing the parts of her body he is describing ... the imagery suggests her breasts are uncovered ... One of the most common associations with the gazelle was that it was a delicacy served at Solomon's table (1 Kings 4:23). They are delicious to eat. They are fawn in colour and when tamed are very affectionate. Furthermore, they have a frolicsomeness and gaiety which irresistibly enchants the eyes of the beholder and attracts them to come near and touch them.

Further, Dillow says, "casual reflections on the many associations connected with the word "gazelle" and "lilies" makes his description of his wife's breasts pregnant with beautiful connotations. They are very curvaceous like the lily. Their beauty creates within his heart a desire to reach out and fondle them as one would a gazelle feeding by a brook. The notion of frolicsomeness suggests sexual playfulness. The fact that they were served as a delicacy to eat at Solomon's table suggests his desire to caress them with his lips and tongue. As gazelles were warm and affectionate, so was Shulamith as a sexual partner ... praises and caresses start at her head and work downward."

Song of Solomon 4:16
"Awake, O north wind, and come, wind of the south; make my garden breathe out fragrance, let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into his garden and eat its choice fruits!"

Dillow writes, "She now responds to Solomon's praises. She calls him the north and south winds. The north wind brings clear weather and removes clouds, and the south wind brings warmth and moisture. When they blew across a garden in Palestine, coolness and sultriness, cold and heat, would promote the growth of the garden. She is asking Solomon to stimulate her garden with caresses to promote the growth of her sexual passion ... As the 'winds' blow through her garden, first from one direction and then another, Shulamith's sexual passion grows and grows until the fragrance of the garden rises in waves to become a sea of incense. She wants everything in her which pleases her lover to show itself to him in full power and loveliness. As a traveller passed by an Eastern garden, its scent would draw him to enter in. Shulamith wants her garden to become more and more 'enticing' to Solomon as a result of his caresses. She wants a 'sea of incense' to draw his interest to her garden until his passion is great! She completely accepts her femininity and is anxious that Solomon fully experience what she has to offer. She relishes the fact that Solomon is highly aroused by the sight of her garden and by caressing it. What a healthy attitude!"

Again, Dillow comments, "Notice the very erotic and sensual language they use to stimulate each other as they a making love. She speaks of the spices of her garden being wafted abroad. She asks him to eat of her garden's fruit. He calls her vagina a fruit orchard and describes her vaginal moistness as streams flowing from Lebanon (her home town). His genitals are called 'fruit' in Song of Solomon 2:3 and hers a 'garden' in 4:12-16.

"The Song of Solomon has dealt very delicately with some extremely erotic and personal subjects and yet one can read it and not take offence."

Song of Solomon 7:6-9
"How beautiful and how delightful you are, my love, with all your charms! Your stature is like a palm tree and your breasts are like its clusters. I said, 'I will climb the palm tree, I will take hold of its fruit stalks! Oh, may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine! It goes down smoothly for my beloved, flowing gently through the lips of those who fall asleep."

Dillow explains, "To 'climb the palm tree', had a special meaning. In the ancient near east the artificial fertilization of the female palm tree flowers by the male palm tree flowers has been practised from earliest times. The male and female flowers are born on separate trees in clusters among the leaves. In order to fertilize the female tree, one must climb the male tree and get some of its flowers. One than ascends the female tree and ties among the flowers a bunch of the pollen-bearing male flowers. Thus, to climb the palm tree is to say he intends to make love to Shulamith right away! Solomon says he will caress her fruit stalks - her breasts. Now he changes images from date palms to grape clusters for breasts, which seems more appropriate. Grapes swell and become increasingly round and elastic as they ripen, similar to the female breasts when sexually aroused."

Song of Solomon 7:10-12
"I am my beloved's and his desire is for me. Come, my beloved, let us go out into the country, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us arise early and go to the vineyards; let us see whether the vine has budded and its blossoms have opened, and whether the pomegranates have bloomed. There I will give you my love. The mandrakes have given forth their fragrance; and over our doors are all choice fruits, both new and old, which I saved up for you, my beloved."

Dillow remarks, "Notice she longs to see whether the vine has budded and its blossoms have opened." It is apparently spring. They have courted and were married in the mid-spring. Perhaps, this indicates the passage of one year since their marriage...when she says, "...over our doors are all choice fruits, both new and old, which I saved up for you, my beloved, 'she is promising both new and old, things, things in their countryside lovemaking. The 'doors' refer to the fact that they are outside and their 'doors' are the branches in the trees and the open air. Fruit is a reference to sexual pleasure in general here. Thus, she has saved up some sexual pleasure that are accustomed to and with the coming of the new fruit of a fresh spring she has some new sexual pleasures she plans to offer him. She is creative! She is skillfully building his sense of anticipation by appealing to his sexual imagination."

THESE ARE MAGNIFICENT LOVERS IN THE BIBLE -- GOD'S WORD FOR YOU ON MARRIAGE.

(Joseph C. Dillow's book 'Solomon On Sex' is excellent from cover to cover. It is highly commended for you).


CHRISTIAN WIVES ARE SEXIER!
In September, 1975, Redbook Magazine shocked the world with the results of a survey they had taken among 18,349 women. The results absolutely shattered the age-old myth that Christian beliefs and disciplines tend to block sexual satisfaction. However, sociologist Robert J. Levin, writer of the Redbook article said, "Sexual satisfaction is related significantly to religious belief. With notable consistency, the greater the intensity of a woman's religious convictions, the likelier she is to be highly satisfied with sexual pleasures in marriage." The massive research project conclusively showed that Christian women are more likely to discuss intimate sexual matters with their husbands, and also are more likely to take an active part in lovemaking than are non-religious wives.

BEAUTIFUL SEX EXAMPLES.
The bible abounds with beautiful descriptions of wives eager to have sex with their husbands and vice-versa. Jacob could hardly wait until he could have Rachel, then got stuck by a crafty father-in-law into marrying Leah first. Then both wives fought who would get to go to bed with Jacob next! (Genesis 29 and 30)

Sarah thought of the pleasure she had had in former times in bed with her husband -- then had that same pleasure again to both of their joy at an age near 100. (Genesis 9; Hebrews 11:11-12)

Rebekah and Isaac loved each other and were both very romantic and very sexual in their demonstration of the fact. (Genesis 24; 26:8) John the Baptist certainly wasn't virgin born! Thus, old Zacharias still had sex relations with Elizabeth long after Elizabeth's time of menopause. It is very probable they were both in their 70's. (Luke 1)

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