The Darwin Award is given to the person each year whom, by removing himself from
it, does the most to improve the human gene pool.
The latest nominees for the 1999 Darwin awards:
(October 22, 1999, YOSEMITE NATIONAL PARK, California (AP) - A 60-year-old parachutist plunged to her death when her chute failed to open while jumping off
El Capitan Friday during a protest of park rules banning such jumps. Jan Davis was the fourth of five jumpers off Yosemite's most forbidding peak, a protest
organized in response to the June 9 death of a jumper, Frank Gambalie III, 28, who successfully parachuted off El Capitan, only to drown in the river below
while trying to flee rangers. "The first three were beautiful. And then she jumped. Everybody thought it was OK, and then people said 'Open up! Open up!'
Then we heard a splat and the whole place turned quiet," said Paul Sakuma, an Associated Press
photographer. The protest was meant to demonstrate that such jumps can be made safely.
(September 23, 1999, London) - Two women, both of Chinese extraction and in their twenties, were found dead beneath a tree in Hyde Park after being
struck by lightning. The bodies were found close together, fully clothed. One woman was lying on her back and had most of her hair
burned away. A police source said: "It is thought the two women must have been holding hands
for the lightning to have killed them both. The lightning has struck the tree and shotdown the trunk. One of the women had her back to the tree trunk and the
lightning has gone down her back, ripped open her shirt and come out through her
feet." A source said: "We cannot be sure what they were doing there. It is likely that they took shelter from the storm." The Rose
Garden, popular with tourists and Londoners by day, has a reputation as a night-time gay haunt.
(September 14, 1999, Daily Telegraph) - A JAPANESE woman suffered a fatal skull fracture after toppling from her 5ins platform shoes. Misayo Shimizu, a
25-year-old nursery school worker, was found dead in her car on Aug 26. The left
side of her skull was cracked and she had scratches on her left foot. She was barefoot but the platform sandals with cork soles she had
recently bought were in the car. The left sandal was scratched. On the evening she died, Miss
Shimizu met a male friend and complained that her head hurt. It is thought she had her
accident before the meeting. The man saw her to her car but left in his own. The
shoes have even inspired an academic study. Professor Teruko Ishii of Aoba Gakuen Junior College surveyed her women students and found that 23 per cent had
fallen off their platforms. Half had suffered fractures or other injuries for the sake of fashion.
(27 August 1999, Mississippi) - A George County (MS) man was killed and another seriously injured when the four-wheelers they were riding in collided head-on
Thursday on Red Creek Road in Northwest Jackson County (MS). Jason Moss, 23, of Lucedale (MS) died in the emergency room od Ocean Springs (MS) Hospital from
multiple injuries suffered in the accident, which occured about 9:30 p.m., Jackson County Coroner Susan Cunningham said. Fearon James, Jackson County chief
sheriff's deputy, heard reports from others at the scene that Moss and Stewart were "playing chicken" when the accident occured.
(21 August, 1999, Hastings, England) - A 17-year-old girl died after an operation to remove a giant hairball from her stomach, the result of her habit
of chewing her hair, an inquest has found. Rachel Haigh was rushed to Conquest Hospital in this southeast England town after complaining of stomach pains.
While recovering from surgery, she suffered internal bleeding and died on New Year's Day. Pathologist Dr. Nera Patel said the hairball, technically called a
trichobezoar, was a 1 foot long, 10 inches wide and 4 inches thick. "It was closely compacted and intertwined in the shape of a rugby ball," Patel said. "No
one in our medical team had seen anything like it." Dr. Annabel Moore, who carried out the operation, said the hairball filled the
entire stomach cavity. The girl's mother, Norma Haigh, testified at the inquest that she thought
her daughter had grown out of her hair-chewing phase. "She used to chew her hair
when she was younger, but had it cut short when she was about 10," Mrs. Haigh said. "She began to grow it long again about 5 years ago, but I have not seen
her chewing it recently".
(28 July 1999, Switzerland) - An unusual sport called "body-canyoning" claimed the lives of 19 people in Bern, with two more missing and presumed dead.
Practitioners of "body-canyoning" don life jackets and leap into white-water rapids, swimming and climbing through narrow river
gorges in a race to go the farthest the fastest. Outfitting companies in the Swiss Alps provide
river guides for body-canyoning excursions. On this day, the unfortunate daredevils were
woefully underprepared for the weather. A flash flood swept through the Saxteen River canyon,
burying them under mud and debris. The victims were from Britain, Australia, New Zealand,
South Africa and Switzerland.
(15 July 1999, Tennessee) - Seven Sequoyah Volunteer Fire Department firefighters decided to impress their Chief by surreptitiously setting fire to a
house, then heroically extinguishing the blaze. The men apparently hatched the plan in order to help Daniel, a former firefighter, return
to duty. Unfortunately, Daniel's career plans were irreversibly snuffed when he became
trapped while pouring gasoline inside the house. Surrounded by smoke and flames,
he was unable to escape, and died inside the burning house on June 26. His six accomplices are facing 87 years in prison for conspiracy, arson, and burglary.
(15 July 1999, Alabama) - A 25-year-old soldier died of injuries sustained from a 3-story fall, precipitated by his attempt to spit farther than his buddy. His
plan was to hurl himself towards a metal guardrail while expectorating, in order
to add momentum to his saliva. In a tragic miscalculation, his momentum carried him right over the railing, which he caught hold of for a
few moments before his grip slipped, sending him plummeting 24 feet to the cement below. The
military specialist had a blood alcohol content of 0.14%, impairing his judgment and
paving the way for his opportunity to win a Darwin Award.
(July 08, 1999) TOPSHAM - Internet romance ends with chain saw suicide - A Missouri man who came to Maine to pursue a relationship with a woman with whom
he corresponded on the Internet died after using a chain saw to cut his neck on the woman's front lawn, police said. James Dinardi, 44, of Columbia, Mo., was
pronounced dead Monday night at Maine Medical Center in Portland, about an hour after police arrived at the woman's home on River Road. Police said he moved to
the Brunswick area on June 23. "The distraught individual had met the individual
lady on the Internet, started up a romance,'' Police Chief Paul J. Lessard said
Wednesday. The woman apparently wanted to end the relationship, but Dinardi, who
had a history of attempted suicide, didn't want to take no for an answer, the chief said. Topsham police, who are still investigating the couple's
relationship, declined to release the woman's name at her request. The woman's son came to the door when Dinardi arrived Monday evening and asked him to get
his mother, Lessard said. Dinardi pulled a chain saw from the trunk of his car
and the son went into the house and locked all the doors. Then, according to the
chief, Dinardi cut part of his neck off with the chain saw in an effort to show the woman how much he cared for her. The call was recorded in the Topsham police
log as a "man with gun,'' and that there was a "possible man down.'' Lessard said Fourth of July firecrackers added to the confusion.
Neighbours ordered their children inside and locked their doors. Sagadahoc County Sheriff's
Department deputies, along with Brunswick and Topsham police, responded to the call.
Topsham police Cpl. William Robbins said he arrived at the scene to find Dinardi
on the front lawn bleeding profusely. The woman and son, he said, were hysterical. "There was blood all over. I couldn't see where that wound actually
was,'' Robbins said. A spokeswoman at the state Medical Examiner's Office said Wednesday the cause of death had not yet been released.
(July 6, 1999) ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) The nude body of a SeaWorld visitor was pulled
early Tuesday from a killer whale pool, where he had apparently gone swimming with one of the black-and-white orcas after the park had closed. The man's
identity and the cause of death were not immediately known. "There was no obvious signs of
trauma.'' sheriff's spokesman Jim Solomons said. "He was not chewed up. He could have been pulled under by the whale's vortex, or the whale
may have considered him a toy.'' Investigators believe the man hid in the park until after it closed.
(July 1, 1999, England) A divorcee smitten with love for her next-door neighbour
killed herself in carefully planned attempt to play on his protective instincts.
Kathleen Yeoman (46, mother of two) trashed her house, tipping out drawers and throwing her valuables onto the bed in order to make it look like a burglary had
taken place. She then apparently taped her mouth up, tied her hands together, placed a plastic bag over her head and lay on the doorstep - waiting for the
neighbour to return from the local pub where he was drinking and rescue her. It seems that complications arose and she ended up choking to death before he
returned.
(May 1999, Spain) Two German tourists were enjoying the last day of vacation at Safari Park, a wild game park in Alacant. Safari Park is a controlled reserve
hosting a variety of wild animals living in natural habitats. Visitors driving through the park are cautioned not to open the windows, and to remain within
their vehicle at all times. Frequent warning signs were posted in many languages, including German. While driving through a tiger grotto, Willhelm and
his companion parked the car, emerged from it for reasons that are unclear, and locked the doors behind them. They were set upon by three Bengal tigers lurking
in the brush nearby. The big cats, two males and a female 10 to 12 years old, pounced on the unfortunate couple, breaking their necks and quickly silencing
their screams.
Security guards rushed to the scene, arriving to find the woman beheaded and the
man disemboweled.
(25 May 1999, Ukraine) A fisherman in Kiev electrocuted himself while fishing in
the river Tereblya. The 43-year-old man connected cables to the main power
supply of his home, and trailed the end into the river. The electric shock
killed the fish, which floated belly-up to the top of the water. The man waded
in to collect his catch, neglecting to remove the live wire, and tragically
suffered the same fate as the fish. In an ironic twist, the man was fishing for
a mourning meal to commemorate the first anniversary of his mother-in-law's
death.
Drunken Tank Mine Dare Kills Three (3/22/99)
PHNOM PENH (Reuters) - Three Cambodians were killed when they set off an
antitank mine during a drunken game at a provincial restaurant, a newspaper
reported Sunday. A local militiaman, a tax collector and another civilian were
drinking in a restaurant in the southeastern province of SvayRieng last weekend
when the militiaman placed the 25-year-old mine under the table, Rasmei
Kampuchea reported. ``They started playing with it with their feet and stepping
on it,'' the paper said. Other diners and villagers fled and the mine exploded
with a thunderous roar minutes later, killing the three men instantly, it said.
After decades of armed conflict, Cambodia remains strewn with landmines and
unexploded ordnance. Accidents are common despite warnings by the authorities
not to tamper with the devices.
A 34 yr. old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of
suffocation, police said. He was approximately 6' 2" and 225 lb. He was wearing
a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes and a woman's wig. It
appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also
wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber
hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to a hollow
wooden section of bedpost approximately 12 inches long and 3 inches in diameter.
This bedpost was inserted into his rear end for reasons unknown, and was the
cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances
of his death to his family members "very awkward".
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another
plane approached. It appears they decided to 'moon' at the occupants of the
other plane, but lost control of the plane and crashed. They were all found dead
in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
A police officer in Ohio responded to a call that was made to 911. She had no
details before arriving except that someone was reporting that his father was
not breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on the couch,
naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start CPR if
necessary, she noticed burn marks around his genitals. After the ambulance
arrived and removed the man (who turned out to be dead on arrival at hospital),
the police made a closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man had
made a hole between the cushions. Upon flipping the couch over they discovered
what caused his death. Apparently the man had a habit of putting his penis
between the cushions, down into the hole and between two electric sanders (with
the sandpaper removed for obvious reasons). According to the story, after his
orgasm the subsequent discharge shorted out one of the sanders, fatally electrocuting him.
LOS ANGELES - Police officials would not release the name of a Pacoima man
who was found dead yesterday after responding to complaints from neighbors that
a bad smell was coming from his apartment. Upon entering the apartment, officers
were surprised to see that every square inch of the apartment, including
appliances and even the inside of the toilet, were covered with pornographic
images cut from magazines. "The visual effect was very unsettling," said Officer
Hradj of the Pacoima Police. "Because everything looked the same, you could not
tell where one wall ended and a doorway began." The surprises did not end there,
however. Police described the man as having "concocted a wire frame around his
head" upon which he had taped various pornographic images, apparently so he
could freely move about his apartment without ever losing his close-up view of
nude bodies. Small slits had been cut into the paper so he could find his way,
but according to Hradj, "He had almost no peripheral vision. He could barely see
a thing." The man was found nude with this wire frame entangled in a hanging
lamp. "We think he had been dusting," said another police officer, "because a
feather duster was lying nearby, and his head gear had somehow become caught in
the lamp, which was chained to the ceiling." The man allegedly choked to death
trying to extricate himself from his predicament. According to his apartment
manager, the white male in his mid-30's never left his apartment, and had food
delivered weekly. Funeral services are planned for next week. His next of kin
requested that his name be withheld.
A young Inuit man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply because he had
no money to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this
concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The
resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his
sister.
A 27 year-old French woman lost control over her car on a highway near
Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and killing
her. As a commonplace road accident, this would not have qualified for a Darwin
nomination were it not for the fact that the driver's attention had been
distracted by her Tamagotchi keyring, which had started urgently beeping for
food as she drove along. In attempting to press the correct buttons to save the
Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her own.
