Bowl of
Chili
A man goes into a cafe and sits down. A waitress comes to take his order, and he asks her, "What's the special of the day?"
"Chili," she says, "but the gentleman next to you got the last bowl."
The man says he'll just have coffee, and the waitress goes to fetch it. As he waited, he noticed the man next to him was eating a full
lunch and the bowl of chili remained uneaten. "Are you going to eat your chili?" he asked.
"No, help yourself," replied his neighbour. The man picked up a spoon and eagerly began devouring the chili. When he got halfway through
the bowl, he noticed the body of a dead mouse in the bottom of the bowl. Sickened, he puked the chili he had just eaten back into the
bowl.
"Yeah, that's as far as I got, too," said the man sitting next to him.
Women Only
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story
hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only". Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works.
"We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide
since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thin." The friends laugh
and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here have it long and thin." Still, this isn't good
enough so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thick."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here have it long and thick." The women get all excited and are
going in when they realize that there is still one floor left.
Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to
please a woman."
The Reverend John Fuzz
The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small
congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice
a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful
and not something a member of his congregation should do, so he walked through the open door of the
bar and sat down next to the woman.
"Mrs. Fitzgerald," the reverend said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you
let me take you home?"
"Shhhure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.
When Mrs Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realized that she
had had too much to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their
balance and tumbled to the floor.
After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up lying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked
up to her waist.
The bartender looked over the bar and said, "Here, here, buddy, we won't have any of that carrying on in this
bar."
The reverend looked up at the bartender and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Fuzz."
The bartender nodded, "Well, heck, if you're that far along you might as well finish the job."
The Giant Cockroach
A man was sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, a 6 foot tall cockroach was standing there. The cockroach immediately punched him between the eyes and scampered off.
The next evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell rang again. When he answered the door, the cockroach was there again. This time, it punched him, kicked him and karate chopped him before running away.
The third evening, the man was sitting at home when he doorbell rang. When he answered the door, the cockroach was there yet again. It leapt at him and stabbed him several times before running off. The gravely injured man managed to crawl to the telephone and summoned an ambulance.
He was rushed to intensive care, where they saved his life.
The next morning, the doctor was doing his rounds. He asked the man what happened, so the man explained about the 6 foot cockroach's attacks, culminating in the near fatal stabbing.
The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Yes, there's a nasty bug going around."
More being added this week!!!
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You might even get a mention!
