An occasional series in which HeadCleaner picks on those that have pissed
them off...
HeadCleaner says left a bit, right a bit...FIRE.
An easy target, maybe, but not an undeserving one. These chubby dayglo
monstrosities have had their time dancing about in the limelight long
enough. Say "eh-oh" now, you fat bastards: we've got you in our
sights.
It was bad enough when Tinky Winky, Dipsy, LaLa and Ringo were confined
to early morning children's television. Here they could "eh oh" and
spout on about tubby custard to their hearts content, infecting only
the kiddies with their idiotspeak and "again again" nonsense. It was
bad enough that they were convincing the rugrats that not speaking
properly was good, and to demand something again again was the norm.
But then the students cottoned on. Waking up in filthy unwashed beds
filled with worn underpants and soiled kleenex, the student masses
decided that the Teletubbies were Kool. In the same way that they
decided that Bob Monkhouse, Tom Jones and Starsky And Hutch were Kool,
in that typically student "ironic" way. Now, I've nothing against
students - I was one myself - but there is a special breed of student;
the smug, self-satisfied, doss-about-at-college-then-get-a-job-in-daddies-company
student wanker that gets away with murder. And now they have got away
with the Teletubbies. Or so they'd like to think.
And now the ultimate insult. That record. I could almost ignore the
Teletubbies when they were kids' property - even when the students
claimed them as their own. But when they forced that hideous
phlegm globule of a single upon us - and when it got to number one -
that was the last straw. Do whatever you like in Tubbyland, but don't
do it in my world.
This must never be allowed to happen again. Forget about the students -
they're beyond hope. But if you have a young relation infatuated with the
Teletubbies, re-educate them. Play them Aqua and Spice Girls singles,
show them Simpsons and Disney videos. Lock them up in the coal cellar
if necessary. But destroy the Teletubbies' grip on our nation's minds now.
Previously on HeadShot...
Liam Gallagher
