Early morning, I got up way before everyone else, had a drink read a few magazines etc, I then decided Daves stash of roysters should get some of my attention. I thought eating the entire box would be quite a good trick so I set to work. The first three packets went down easily, I even sliced some cheese to eat with them, however it soon became obvious that I was going to struggle to get through another 40 or so packets. By the finish of the fourth packet my munching and crunching had awoken Paul. Paul looked at me quite scared, he thought that the sound of crunching roysters would surely attract an angry Dave. I agreed so we carefully hid the rest behind the sofa, leaving a trail of empty bags to the empty box. Dave was not amused.
Paul being Paul, was his usual morning after drinking self, kinda quiet, bit bleary and not very enthusiastic. I gave him my hat to cheer him up.
The plan for the day was to go on a whisky tour, that was the only plan at this stage so natually I was very excited about it. The others realised it was still early morning and tryed to ignor my bouncing. After waking and recieving his due dose of coffee and bacon, Dave listenen to my story about the evil tv screen. He studied the remote for a while before informing me that indeed there was no auto button, this I explained was what my theory has predicted, I should be a physicist.
At some drunken stage of the night before, two christmas crackers had been distributed to myself and Paul, I knew this by the fact that I woke up with a cheap plastic shoe horn wedged in my ear. Paul on the other hand recieved a far more interesting mini picture frame.
Paul decided the closest thing he had to a tiny picture, was the queen on his two pence piece. He spent about 10 mins fighting with it, but he did manage to secure the queen in place. The bonus of this exercise was that it kept Dave quiet throughout. I missed most of the action as I tryed to find instructions for my shoe horn, I never did find any making my prize virtually impossible to operate.
I can't express just how upset I am that this picture did not capture the number of animal Paul managed to pull out of my hat. The noahs ark of hats it should have been labled. Dave looks terrified here, in all honesty I can't remeber what was said or done at this point.
Or here, I think I may have been taking a picture of the wrong side of the room. Either there was a clown, which I doubt as Dave is afraid of them, an almost naked chick, possible but not likely or someone was offering drinks. Looking at the desperate nature of the begging from Paul it could only be option 3, another option could have been God anouncing judgement day, which would explain why Dave has a crap in pants yet accepting the fate look, however I discount this option due to the fact I'm still here. The thought that I could have missed an offer of drink still brings a tear to my eye.
Hey hey! everyone called as Jen finally appeared, as she brought with her new music, as well as knowledge of how to operate the new music playing device. Note how Dave has casually slipped into a couple of puppies in order to preseve all important toe temperature.
Maybe I was juggling with the camera? managed to get quite a good shot of the colourfull caterpillar, thats about it. by this time of day the drink really starts to hit.... 10:30am?
Paul is informed that we are going shopping, Paul adopts fetus position, Paul is buckarooed with puppie. I think he still had a bit of that I was drinking last night feeling. Anyway it was decided that before the (all too often talked about and all too little embarked upon) whiskey tour, we would so some shopping get some supplies and whatnot.
Paul still didn't want to move but he did make it onto the floor. We hatted him and dragged him out.
The shopping centre, it's a weird one, never before have I wheeled a trolley through what appears to be a mall style place. Sainsbury's was the biggest store in there and as such all the other smaller shops had just got used to people walking in with a trolley full of food, as they are on the way back to the car. I bounced and I bounced after we got out of the car, Dave or Paul (I do not remember which) placed the car keys in my hat to stop me bouncing, this was ok until they slipped near a stack of champange and my drunken save attempt nearly netted us all a high velocity cork death.
This happy looking chap was spotted just outside sainsbury, on a big blue climbing frame. on closer inspection I was astounded to find that he did not really have a beard, he had just eaten santa and the remainder of santas beard was simply protruding from the sides of his mouth, this explains the crazed psycotic look in the (otherwise rosie cheeked and happy) lil fellas eyes
The sad look in Dave eyes tells of a man about to shop, I wondered if it was the shopping, the thought of santa being eaten by the rosie elf or the fact that I was exhurting glee everywhere that could do this to him....
Paul had a similar look on his face, I wondered if I was doing something terribly uncouth, I thought maybe I had something stuck in my teeth or that I had grown a racist birthmark overnight. Neither would tell me, I was left feeling very paranoid. Still I continued to bounce (carefully until the keys and champagne incident).
As we 'shopped' I came across one of the greatest things I have ever come across, a security guard in a scary outfit! This guy probably wouldn't look very mean in normal life but he was wearing a sabre force brown kick ass uniform, he looked like he'd just been refused by the sas for being too scary - I liked him, I wanted a photo but was too afraid.
Shopping almost done, from all that we purchaced I really only remember Gin and Champagne, funny that. Seeing as it was a party weekend we also perused the party section, jen found something she liked.
Paper party hats, we had seen such things on a dog in a tourist broshure, doubled up, I think jen attempted it but failed to read the instructions causing a level one hat emergency.
We scarpered as far as stationary, there safe from the security guard we could mock Jen and her hat catastrophy.
Why was no one else wearing a hat? this question I ask now... maybe thats why Dave and Paul were giving me strange looks, maybe it was pure jealousy?
Whisky tour time!
With food and drink purchased, we returned briefly for a quick top up and to collect Ffion. We journeyed by foot to the whisky heritage centre, it was a long and arduous journey but our spirits were high. I bounced a lot and hatted Dave, Dave seemed suitable impressed.
I tried my hand at shoulder mounted photography, this attempt to capture Dave, Jen and Ffion not only marks my inability to guess a cameras ability while shoulder mounted but also Ffion's ability to avoid even the slyest photo attempts by simply judging my inadaquacy.
Bouncing ahead without hat may seem crazy but I felt the risk worthwhile, I discussed major philosophical issues with Paul most of the way, the rest of the time I bounced and took photos. Once again note Ffion's CLEver Anti View camoflAGE which allows her to fade into the background just as a photo is taken.
Ah the great fire of Edinburgh, someone claimed it ripped across a major section taking out many buildings. Personally I think it's a media stunt, all done with mirrors and 'Ronseals burnt smell in a tin', what with the holidays upon them they needed a tradgedy to add to the mix.
Anyway this is the view off a bridge so you can't see the lower two floors of the burn't things. We walked past quickly, whisky was on the brain.
At last we arrived, this is my ticket / discount voucher, the tour cost either £7 or £7.50 I cant quite remember, as you can see we arrived just before 3.
Our group gathered in a waiting room, the walls were covered in labels from every whisky you can think of. We were greeted by our guide and each given a dram to warm us up. To describe the tour in detail would spoil things for those wishing to go, I shall refrain from detail but I will say it is definatly worth it, especially if you are with a few whisky loving friends. The tour includes a history lesson, the making of whisky, a presentation by a hologram and a wild Barrel ride.
It was requested that no pictures be taken during the Barrel ride, this is because the barrels use a secret military guidance system to keep them on track, I attempted to work it out (head under the barrel before I got on) but I was caught by our guide. The ride was as I said wild, especially for Dave, Jen and Ffion whose barrel went crazy and began ramming the barrel infront. I was distracted by the numerous hatting opportunities posed yet somehow managed not to lose my hat.
Ride over, we sampled some fine whisky at the bar, Dave, Jen and Ffion accepting an out of court free whisky settlement for their trauma. Myself and Paul became members of the whisky appriciation society, entitling us to lots of whisky and a membership card.
This is what you get for a £6 membership fee:
A membership card (just behind the water).
A fine tangy single malt Highland whisky.
A smokey single malt Islay whisky.
A smooth lowland single malt whisky.
A full flavoured Speyside single malt whisky.
And a discount on any whiskey purchaced in the shop.
By the way those are big glasses, I was pretty woosey by the time we were ready to leave.
Too much whisky and not enough water makes Dave crazy, Jen had no idea that Mr Hyde was behind her, she had had enough free whisky to not care.
Woo hoo a photo, whisky does the trick, whisky is good, the main topic in the whisky bar was the traumatic wild barrel ride, but as we finished out drinks it moved on to where we could get more. Fortunatly the next room was a whisky shop, featuring a 65year single malt for just £10'000. I was tempted to try distraction tactics, but decided to live a little longer.
We got back to the flat and decided to do a little drinking, so we drank.
And we drank.
There was some juggling, Ffion was... probably still is very good at juggling.
I quipped at just how bad Dave looked in his brown jumper, he removed the offensive clothing and thanked me for my fashion advice. Jen searched for the answer to life, it turned out not to be on the back of her head as suspected.
Aww we really were drinking a lot...
Dave and Jen did a nice mid afternoon "we are not drunk" style pose, I think Dave would have got a goot picture of Jen's ear, but the camera probaby just took green as usual.
Jen contemplates juggling, she calculates the physics involved, takes note of wind direction and speed, gravitational pull from the moons current position, combined size of all slppers in the room and....
Throws all the balls into the air! I quickly took the picture before they all fell back past her hands and onto the chunky kitkats.
Paul was tipsy, he did the funky chicken for a while as Dave talked to Jen about hygine and ears, Jen explained it had more to do with paying nothing for a digital camera.
Jen tried again, this time quite sucsessfully and Dave... well Dave continued to photograph Jens ear.
The treasure hunt
Jen being very drunk at this stage decided to go to bed, when drunk Jen is almost as bad at going to bed as she is getting up in the morning, she repeatedly dissapeared for 5 - 10 minutes before returning slightly less dressed and more nightclothed. on each return she would launch herself into Dave and Paul, with no regard for possible loss of drink. it was all very amusing.
Her third return, all pj'ed up was just a little more spectacular than the rest. Jen managed to throw open the door, reverse moonwalk, yelp like a small amimal and occasionally jump into the middle of the room.
Paul being Paul, was his usual morning after drinking self, kinda quiet, bit bleary and not very enthusiastic. I gave him my hat to cheer him up.
The plan for the day was to go on a whisky tour, that was the only plan at this stage so natually I was very excited about it. The others realised it was still early morning and tryed to ignor my bouncing. After waking and recieving his due dose of coffee and bacon, Dave listenen to my story about the evil tv screen. He studied the remote for a while before informing me that indeed there was no auto button, this I explained was what my theory has predicted, I should be a physicist.
At some drunken stage of the night before, two christmas crackers had been distributed to myself and Paul, I knew this by the fact that I woke up with a cheap plastic shoe horn wedged in my ear. Paul on the other hand recieved a far more interesting mini picture frame.
Paul decided the closest thing he had to a tiny picture, was the queen on his two pence piece. He spent about 10 mins fighting with it, but he did manage to secure the queen in place. The bonus of this exercise was that it kept Dave quiet throughout. I missed most of the action as I tryed to find instructions for my shoe horn, I never did find any making my prize virtually impossible to operate.
I can't express just how upset I am that this picture did not capture the number of animal Paul managed to pull out of my hat. The noahs ark of hats it should have been labled. Dave looks terrified here, in all honesty I can't remeber what was said or done at this point.
Or here, I think I may have been taking a picture of the wrong side of the room. Either there was a clown, which I doubt as Dave is afraid of them, an almost naked chick, possible but not likely or someone was offering drinks. Looking at the desperate nature of the begging from Paul it could only be option 3, another option could have been God anouncing judgement day, which would explain why Dave has a crap in pants yet accepting the fate look, however I discount this option due to the fact I'm still here. The thought that I could have missed an offer of drink still brings a tear to my eye.
Hey hey! everyone called as Jen finally appeared, as she brought with her new music, as well as knowledge of how to operate the new music playing device. Note how Dave has casually slipped into a couple of puppies in order to preseve all important toe temperature.
Maybe I was juggling with the camera? managed to get quite a good shot of the colourfull caterpillar, thats about it. by this time of day the drink really starts to hit.... 10:30am?
Paul is informed that we are going shopping, Paul adopts fetus position, Paul is buckarooed with puppie. I think he still had a bit of that I was drinking last night feeling. Anyway it was decided that before the (all too often talked about and all too little embarked upon) whiskey tour, we would so some shopping get some supplies and whatnot.
Paul still didn't want to move but he did make it onto the floor. We hatted him and dragged him out.
The shopping centre, it's a weird one, never before have I wheeled a trolley through what appears to be a mall style place. Sainsbury's was the biggest store in there and as such all the other smaller shops had just got used to people walking in with a trolley full of food, as they are on the way back to the car. I bounced and I bounced after we got out of the car, Dave or Paul (I do not remember which) placed the car keys in my hat to stop me bouncing, this was ok until they slipped near a stack of champange and my drunken save attempt nearly netted us all a high velocity cork death.
The sad look in Dave eyes tells of a man about to shop, I wondered if it was the shopping, the thought of santa being eaten by the rosie elf or the fact that I was exhurting glee everywhere that could do this to him....
Paul had a similar look on his face, I wondered if I was doing something terribly uncouth, I thought maybe I had something stuck in my teeth or that I had grown a racist birthmark overnight. Neither would tell me, I was left feeling very paranoid. Still I continued to bounce (carefully until the keys and champagne incident).
As we 'shopped' I came across one of the greatest things I have ever come across, a security guard in a scary outfit! This guy probably wouldn't look very mean in normal life but he was wearing a sabre force brown kick ass uniform, he looked like he'd just been refused by the sas for being too scary - I liked him, I wanted a photo but was too afraid.
Paper party hats, we had seen such things on a dog in a tourist broshure, doubled up, I think jen attempted it but failed to read the instructions causing a level one hat emergency.
We scarpered as far as stationary, there safe from the security guard we could mock Jen and her hat catastrophy.
Whisky tour time!
I tried my hand at shoulder mounted photography, this attempt to capture Dave, Jen and Ffion not only marks my inability to guess a cameras ability while shoulder mounted but also Ffion's ability to avoid even the slyest photo attempts by simply judging my inadaquacy.
Bouncing ahead without hat may seem crazy but I felt the risk worthwhile, I discussed major philosophical issues with Paul most of the way, the rest of the time I bounced and took photos. Once again note Ffion's CLEver Anti View camoflAGE which allows her to fade into the background just as a photo is taken.
Ah the great fire of Edinburgh, someone claimed it ripped across a major section taking out many buildings. Personally I think it's a media stunt, all done with mirrors and 'Ronseals burnt smell in a tin', what with the holidays upon them they needed a tradgedy to add to the mix.
At last we arrived, this is my ticket / discount voucher, the tour cost either £7 or £7.50 I cant quite remember, as you can see we arrived just before 3.
It was requested that no pictures be taken during the Barrel ride, this is because the barrels use a secret military guidance system to keep them on track, I attempted to work it out (head under the barrel before I got on) but I was caught by our guide. The ride was as I said wild, especially for Dave, Jen and Ffion whose barrel went crazy and began ramming the barrel infront. I was distracted by the numerous hatting opportunities posed yet somehow managed not to lose my hat.
This is what you get for a £6 membership fee:
Too much whisky and not enough water makes Dave crazy, Jen had no idea that Mr Hyde was behind her, she had had enough free whisky to not care.
Woo hoo a photo, whisky does the trick, whisky is good, the main topic in the whisky bar was the traumatic wild barrel ride, but as we finished out drinks it moved on to where we could get more. Fortunatly the next room was a whisky shop, featuring a 65year single malt for just £10'000. I was tempted to try distraction tactics, but decided to live a little longer.
We got back to the flat and decided to do a little drinking, so we drank.
And we drank.
There was some juggling, Ffion was... probably still is very good at juggling.
I quipped at just how bad Dave looked in his brown jumper, he removed the offensive clothing and thanked me for my fashion advice. Jen searched for the answer to life, it turned out not to be on the back of her head as suspected.
Aww we really were drinking a lot...
Dave and Jen did a nice mid afternoon "we are not drunk" style pose, I think Dave would have got a goot picture of Jen's ear, but the camera probaby just took green as usual.
Jen contemplates juggling, she calculates the physics involved, takes note of wind direction and speed, gravitational pull from the moons current position, combined size of all slppers in the room and....
Throws all the balls into the air! I quickly took the picture before they all fell back past her hands and onto the chunky kitkats.
Paul was tipsy, he did the funky chicken for a while as Dave talked to Jen about hygine and ears, Jen explained it had more to do with paying nothing for a digital camera.
Jen tried again, this time quite sucsessfully and Dave... well Dave continued to photograph Jens ear.
The treasure hunt
