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~ Cats And The Internet ~ |
Despite their ownership of many WWW sites, cats are unaware that the Internet is going to affect them.
It is for the best if you don't tell them about this yet ...
In The Beginning ...
Remember the Rudyard Kipling poem about the little girl with umpteen servants called How and Where and Why? I've always been curious, too. I asked my parents endlessly "How many pebbles are there on the beach? Where do the stars go in daytime? Why ...?"
Still Confused ...
What confuses me about the Internet are the very things which enable us to travel around it purposefully. Count the search engines sometime. And yet, with all this search power and the sheer size of the Net, the volume of information still not retrievable is amazing. Forget your books, the library and even that free encyclopedia you got on CD with a magazine. Try solving your Sunday paper crossword using a browser. If you persist you'll get somewhere, but you won't finish it unless you're cheating, or one of those who win Mastermind-type quizzes. Even librarians with access to areas hidden from the general public won't find all the answers.
Questions, Questions
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How much commonplace data is not in electronic form, and will it ever be? Never mind "Sneakers", "The Net" (excellent films) and so on. Who did win The Cup in 1947? Which regiments did fight at Waterloo? Who were the main characters in Trollope's novels? These are the important questions!
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If future generations rely on the Super Highway for information, will they lose their national cultural backgrounds?
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Is it possible to convert the whole of "The Written Word" for Internet use? Who might fund the undertaking to develop reliable, affordable, very fast equipment to scan the stuff into databases by the shelf-load? Anyone who does will quite reasonably want a return, so will users have to pay to access what can at present be accessed offline via libraries, bookshops etc?
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Incompatible winsocks will disappear and broadband connections will become affordable and standard. But will any local ISPs - whose staff you know and can chat to about any problems - survive? Or will they all be swallowed up by faceless telecoms multi-nationals fronted by remote call centres?
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Huge-capacity servers running at speeds we might dream of will arrive. But will size and cost rule them out for the majority of information-holding institutions, let alone individual enthusiasts?
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What will happen to the tons of published material printed daily once the world is in "Internet Mode" and stops producing hard-copy? Will everyone have to log-in, as certain bodies want us to via their planned "Internet-TVs" ? Will commercial deals make everything from newspapers to novels to company reports inaccessible except electronically?
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Will it be compulsory to publish everything except (insert your own list of material which will be exempt under an International Agreement whose creation, review and amendment will keep teams of negotiators busy for years!) ?
And what rights to censor & sanction will be given to the "Info-Police" (established under a parallel Standing Committee ...) ?
In the Future:
- There will be no more irritating times when you can't find a copy of an article you read a month or so ago.
- Newsagents, booksellers and libraries will become Cyber-Cafés for material which cannot be carried on "Internet-TV".
- No-one will believe anyone who claims not to be permanently tuned into "I-TV".
- The reduced need to chop down trees to print volumes of material relatively few ever read will benefit the environment.
- "I-TV" will retrieve and print your morning paper in time for breakfast, or read it to you in "the Voice of your Choice".
- Home printer paper consumption will soar. Large numbers of trees will need to be felled.
- I shall have to buy packs of recycled substitute-newspaper to light bonfires.
- Garden bonfires will be banned.
- Household waste services will demand that lawn mowings, hedge clippings and other 'green' waste be sorted into separate bins.
- Gardeners will stop mowing, weeding and pruning, except to maintain access.
- Disputes between neighbours will escalate. Outbreaks of "hedge-rage" will make headline news.
- The civil courts will collapse under the weight of neighbourly vegetation litigation.
- More natural habitats will encourage wildlife to return to towns and cities.
- Hardware stores will sell mouse-traps by the crate-load,
- and ...
- ... Pussy-cats will start earning their keep.
~ So now you know! But please don't warn them ... ~