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From the
Manse April 2003
Lots of things have come home to us in a fresh way over the past few months. Let me mention three. First, we’ve been reminded what a blessing it is to live in a country where there’s skilful medical support so readily available. We received a letter from Migena Shulla in Albania a few months back. She wrote to tell us that she’s expecting and commented: “You have heard but can't imagine what the conditions are like in the maternity hospital. I'm reading a book about pregnancy and birth (an English one). When it does speak about conditions, doctors, the way they treat you, the choices you have to make and how the whole process of birth is looked after, it makes me laugh when I compare it with nothing having here”. The judgment that came on Eve at the fall was indeed dreadful: “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children” (Genesis 3:16). Every pregnancy is accompanied by unpleasant symptoms; every birth is painful and dangerous. Anne and I have learned to love the poetry of Anne Bradstreet – a seventeenth century Puritan housewife living in the newly founded colony of New England. We were moved reading the poem she wrote for her husband “Before the Birth of One of Her Children”. It was a farewell poem. She accepted that childbirth was dangerous and could end in death.
“How soon my dear, death
may my steps attend, No-one knows what proportion of women down through the centuries have died in childbirth. Some estimate one in five, others more. In the past hundred years, God has enabled doctors (often motivated by Christian concern) to make huge progress in alleviating the curse – and we are the beneficiaries. Yes, there is still pain in childbirth and there are still tragedies. We still pray daily that Anne and the baby (and other unborn children within the church) will be kept safe. But we also give thanks that we live in such a blessed place and time. Secondly, we’ve been reminded what isolated lives many people live. Anne has been going each week to “Aqua-natal” – a swimming club for expectant mums, run by the midwives. As she’s chatted with the other women there, it’s become obvious that many of them have no family at hand, and no friends around them. They come to the club because it’s the only way they’ll meet other women who are also expecting. Without the club (and other organised ante-natal activities) they’d have no-one to talk to, ask advice, look to for support. It’s made us realise what a privilege it is to belong to a church. Anne’s parents are wonderfully supportive but they’re two hours drive away. Most of my family are even further. But we have around us the family of the church. When Anne has needed advice, she’s been able to turn to any one of a dozen women who have been this way before her. Folk in the church have encouraged us, advised us, prayed for us, knitted for us, passed on baby-clothes, supported us in a hundred ways. Jesus promised his people “homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields”, a hundred times over “and with them, persecutions!” (Mark 10:30). Within the church, that promise is fulfilled. What a family the baby’s coming into! From the beginning, s/he will have a circle of brothers, sisters, grandmas, granddads, uncles and aunts at hand. The world has nothing to compare with the happy unity of Christ’s church. A third thing we’ve realised is how quickly fashions change in the baby-world as in everything else! Till quite recently, there was no place for fathers in the delivery suite. Birth was a female mystery into which men must not intrude. Now, a dad who said he didn’t want to be there would be frowned on as uncaring. A couple of generations ago, it was rare for babies to be born in hospital at all. Then, hospital births became the norm – and mums would often stay in for a week. Now the fashion’s swinging back – more and more mums opt for home-births, and those who do go into hospital may be sent home six hours after the baby’s born. Should a baby lie on its back, on its side or on its front? Experts disagree. When I was in Kosova, I was amused by the way that my hosts put their ten-month old baby girl to sleep. They laid her, wide awake on a floor-level rocking cot; strapped her down so she couldn’t move hand or foot, tied a bandage round her head from the crown to the chin; covered her face with a cloth and rocked her for five minutes, by which time she was fast asleep. Should you vaccinate against A, B, C and D? One expert says yes, another says no. Should you leave a baby to cry? One expert says it’s the only way they learn independence, another says the baby needs to be given immediate reassurance. Should babies be fed on demand, or at scheduled times. It depends what book you read. In a way, it comes as a great reassurance when you see how quickly fashions change and how often the experts disagree. If they can’t agree on these straightforward matters, why should we listen when they start giving us advice about far more complex matters of child raising? Experts tell us that children should never be slapped. They tell us that it’s impossible for a child to sit still, be quiet and listen to a teacher for more than ten minutes. They tell us that if children behave in anti-social ways, they don’t need punishment but ‘understanding’ and ‘help’. They tell us that children should be encouraged to develop their own opinion on all matters. They talk with horror about ‘Victorian’ ideas such as ‘children should be seen but not heard’. It would be easy to be intimidated by such nonsense. Bible-believing Christians who are determined to bring up their children by biblical standards are often made to feel ignorant, out of touch. They may worry that their children are missing something, that they’ll grow up repressed and inadequate. Why? Because the ‘experts’ don’t like what we say and do! Benjamin Spock was perhaps the best-known of all the experts on child rearing. According to Chambers’ Biographical Dictionary, he was the American pediatrician who “transformed the attitudes of the postwar generation to their babies”. His book The Common-Sense Book of Baby and Child Care became the world’s no 2 best-seller (after the Bible) selling more than 30 million copies. He argued for a ‘child-centred’ – ie permissive – approach to bringing up children, never punishing them, always allowing them to express their feelings, never forcing them to do anything against their will. And millions of parents followed his advice. But when in later years, Spock was forced to withdraw much of what he had taught. He saw the results of his own permissive methods – and he was horrified. In the end, there is only one expert on child-raising. God invented babies! He knows the human body, mind and soul through and through. The best and safest guide we have to child-raising is the book that he has given. Human ideas come and go. The Bible’s wisdom never changes. I’d rather turn to the book of Proverbs for advice than to Benjamin Spock, Penelope Leach or any of the other self-appointed experts. How blessed we are! We have all the benefits of modern maternity care. We have a church around us. We have God’s book to guide us through all the years ahead. And we have a Saviour who has promised that he will never leave us nor forsake us. How good is the God we adore! With our love to you all, Stephen and Anne. |
We’re counting the days. As I write this, it’s only ten
days till Anne’s due date (9