Below are listed some Skits and Sketches some of which I have used in my campfires. If you know any that you would like adding please email me (mike@campfirechaos.org.uk)

Paul Smith SuicideDonkey Submarine Bus Six a Side

Father Ted on Camp Blind Date'98 Run On'sSaloon Bar

(The froms are were I came across the item)

Man enters wearing a shirt; Compare asks, "Were did you get the shirt from?" The man answers "Paul Smith" and walks off. More Scouts enter one at a time each with a different piece of clothing. They all are asked the same question which is followed by the same answer. Finally a Scout walks on in just a towel and the compare ask who he is …he answers "Paul Smith".

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A News reporter enters the stage and complains that there is no news. He sees a cliff and decides to jump off. He stands on the edge of the cliff ready to jump; he begins to swing his arms and to count to three…. 1…2…as he gets to two a Second person runs on shouting STOP! What are you doing? The new reporter explains. The Second mans decides that he'll Jump too, as he is the sheriff of this small town and there is no crime and his cell is empty. As they both prepare to jump a third man runs on…1^st and 2^nd men explain what they are doing…. He decides that he will also jump because he is a Doctor with no patients. Then a Dairy farmer runs on as he has an udder disaster because his herd has no milk. Finally they all jump except for the reporter…he shouts excitedly " wow! Now I really have a story to write about! Four People jump from a cliff in mass suicide!"

From: D-Bar-S Scout Ranch, MI, 1994

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Campfire leader announces that due to a shortage of food we need to pray for a donkey, Kneels down and starts praying…

O Lord give us a donkey

O Lord give us a donkey

O Lord give us a donkey

A that point he decide that he is not loud enough and needs some help (Pull some people out of audience and repeat). (Repeat until happy you have enough people) Then turn to you Asst. and say "any donkeys" he replies "no but we've got a lot of asses"

Andy and myself have used this sketch a few times and it so far has always gone down well.

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One: Spotted targets (passes down the line one)

Last: Okay (passes back up the line)

One: Load torpedo one (as above)

Last: Torpedo one loaded (as above)

One: Fire

Last: Fired

One: Missed. Load torpedo two

Last: Torpedo two loaded

One: Fire

Last: Fired

One: Missed. Load torpedo three

Last: Torpedo three loaded.

One: Fire

Last: Fired

One: Hit

Altogether: We sunk a rowing boat, we sunk a rowing boat.

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(Similar to above but this time sit four or five cubs in a line like a bus with a driver a the front)

Cub at the Back: I Need a Wee, Stop the bus (each cub passes it forward)

Driver: I'll stop as soon as I can (pass back)

Cub: I really need a wee

Driver: Okay I am stopping now

(Bus stops, cub rushes forward and jumps of the bus and turn's around shouting weeeeeeee.)

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Enter left six very despondent players. Five are in very large oversize shirts. Luke is wearing a very small cub jersey back to front. The Team is very varied in size.

Ed: That's it then. We're out of the six a side competition for this year.

Adam: What a beating, seven- nil in the first round.

Harry: It was a disgrace.

Luke: What will the rest of the pack say at next Wednesday's meeting?

Chris: it's not the rest of the pack I'm worried about, what's Akela going to say?

Owen: Akela said he would be here in time to watch us in the second round.

Ed: He's giving up half his Saturday overtime just to come and see us play. He'll murder us!

Harry: Do you think we could have a collection towards his lost over time pay?

Chris: Perhaps we could bribe him not to mention the score.

Adam: You must be joking. He wouldn't keep this quiet if we paid him a thousand pounds.

Owen: It wasn't our fault. We were just unlucky.

Luke: Other teams have been unlucky before to lose seven - nil.

Ed: Yes, but not when they only played five minutes each way.

Harry: They were tougher than us, and at least twice our size.

Adam: That goalkeeper was massive. At least six feet tall, and almost as wide as the goal.

Owen: It was impossible to get a shot through.

Ed: Getting a shot through! The ball was never out of our half.

Luke: And that striker, so fast we didn't stand a chance. I never saw the ball going past.

Chris: That's because you had your eyes shut for most of the game.

Adam: The referee was bent! There was tripping, kicking and shoving all through the game.

Chris: And that was just their linesman!

Ed: I was the only decent player in our team. It was just I never had any passes.

Chris: It would have been better if you had come down the field and helped us. You spent all your time chatting to their goalie.

Ed. Akela said I'd got to keep up the pressure. I couldn't do that by staying in defence.

Owen: All the goals were offside for a start. He should never have allowed any of them.

Ed: But the rules say you can't be offside in a six a side game.

Luke: Nobody told us. If we'd known that the result would have been different.

Owen: You must be joking! I wouldn't have gone near any of their forwards; they'd have trampled me to death.

Harry: (He points off right) Hey. Look, here's Akela.

Luke: Excuse me, I've got to go somewhere quick!

(He attempts to go off but is restrained by Chris and Adam)

Owen: You stay here and face the music like the rest of us!

(ENTER RIGHT, AKELA)

Akela: Hello boys. How are we doing then? Through the first round OK?

Chris: Well, no not exactly.

Akela: You mean you lost?

(The team all keep quiet, but nod)

Akela: Ah well, never mind. After all, half the teams in the competition get knocked out in the first round. What was the score?

(The team looks at each other)

Ed (to Luke): You let 'em in, you tell him.

Luke: Err, seven - nil, Akela

Akela: Seven - nil! Oh well it could have been worse. After all, a Brownie Pack entered a team; it's the first time it's been allowed I bet they got a right thrashing. Anyone know how the got on?

Ed: They won, actually.

Akela: They won! They must have been playing a team of deadbeats. Who was it?

(They start nudging each other, the push Luke forward)

Luke: Well actually Akela, it was us!

Akela: What!

(The team rush off right, followed by Akela)

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Father Dougle: What's this red thing here then Ted?

Father Ted: It's a cooker.

FD: What does that do then?

FT: it cooks, that's why it's called a cooker.

(Dougle picks up pot)

FD: The pot, it's bubbling, Ted.

FT: it's boiling Dougle, make sure you don't touch it.

(Dougle carefully puts down the pot)

FD: Okay Ted! (Looks at hands and screams)

(Father Jack sits up suddenly)

FJ: LEGS! Where's me legs?

FT: You're in a Sleeping bag father Jack!

(Jack pass out, back to sleep)

(Mrs Doyle enters from the Side)

Mrs Doyle: Would you like a cup of tea fathers?

FT and FD: No thanks! Were okay.

Mrs D: ah go on, go on, go on, go on, go on.

FT: No thanks Mrs Doyle.

Mrs D: ah go on, just a little cup of team.

FT: Go on then Mrs Doyle.

Mrs D: No if you don't want it, I'll take to the sub camp office, they'll want some.

(Mrs Doyle walks off)

(Enter Matt from the Sub camp team singing his annoying song)

Matt: Scarr, Scarr, Scarr, tell them who we are, S C A R R, Scarr Scarr Scarr.

FJ: Music. AHH

(Jack jumps up and strangles Matt)

Father Dougle (to Ted): Time for our Activities, Ted.

Written: By the 1st Douglas Scouts at Lough Dan'97 in Ireland

From: Lough Dan Talent Show, Roundwood, Ireland, 1997

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Blind Date'98

Presenter stands with contestant one side of a large screen and the the three Blind Dates are seated the other side of the screen

Presenter: Welcome back to Blind Date now it's time for the final question

Contestant: Number 1, I am like a shark, I am quick and intelligent, what are you most like?

Number 1: I am not an animal, I am a Pansy, gentle and sweet

Contestant: And the same question to Number 2

Number 2: Well I am an Alien so we both are intelligent

Contestant: And the same question to Number 3

Number 3: Well I work for DHL so I don't know what I am

Presenter: That was the last question, So who do you select?

Written: By the 1st Douglas Scouts (Tigers Patrol) at the Troop Camp

From: Crossags Campsite, Isle of Man, 1998

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Saloon Bar

( scouter sets the scene " the wild west saloon bar, a quiet
summer night and  no trouble for months! "


(one es or pl 4 barman)
BARMAN IN CAMPFIRE CIRCLE ASKS 4 2 VOLUNTEERS?

THEY ARE THE SWING DOORS OF THE SALOON BAR.

(barman walks in and out of the doors demonstrating how
effective they are!)

HE/SHE ASKS 4 2 MORE VOLUNTEERS ?

THEY ARE THE BAR AND BND OVER IN FRONT OF BARMAN AS IF THEY
ARE A TABLE ,  HEADS 2GETHER.

A COWBOY? WALKS IN THROUGH THE SWING DOORS AND ASKS 4 A
LARGE DRINK 4 HIMSELF  AND HIS PARDNER!!

THE BARMAN PLACES THIS ON THE "BAR" can b 2 buckets of water
or ticker tape.

SUDDENLY A CUB OR SCOUT RUSHES IN AND SHOUTS " THERE IS GOLD
IN THE RIVER !!"  AND EVERYONE RUSHES OUT EXCEPT THE
"BAR"!!!

who have a bucket of?? on their back

From: ADAM DAVIES, ASL 3RD CANVEY ISLAND SCOUT TROOP

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©Mike Davis 1997-2004