To most cyclists July is the month of the Tour de France but this July also saw a rare act of co-operation between the two great cycling adversaries - Epsom CC and Becontree Wheelers. Teaming up for a stage race through Brittany (dubbed: 'The Race To The Bar') top riders from both clubs, (and those with £75, a bike and a one week of annual leave to spare) headed off into the hail storm for some fast and furious action.
The prologue from riders' home towns to the pub in the Portsmouth ferry terminal did not bode well, with many allegations made that some riders had avoided the gales and driving rain by taking the train to Portsmouth Harbour. Certain Becontree members also appeared to be under the influence of alcohol - confirmed when their urine sample overflowed.
Prior to embarkation a clash with the Middlesex Road Club proved acrimonious, when views were exchanged over the amount of luggage being carried. The last word went to Brendan of Becontree Wheelers who observed that he didn't need to worry about his spare clothes getting wet, because he wasn't carrying any.
The unseasonally cold weather and tension within the peloton also caused the first 'chute' when a Becontree rider (known as 'Lloydy') misjudged the distance between himself and a Range Rover that was queuing to board. Race officials decreed that the Range Rover was not to blame as it was stationary (and had been for some time) and was positioned in a long line of other stationary vehicles, well off the route.
Shortly before the first cases of hypothermia had been confirmed a spokesman for the race managed to blag both teams onto the boat, allowing a sprint for the stage finish - up to the cycle locker in the bow of the ship.
The riders were later to be found taking on richly undeserved carbohydrates in the restaurant while getting to know their main opponents for the week. As this was the evening of the world cup, and this being a French boat, some crew members had decorated themselves with their national flag. In contravention of sponsorship rules all riders accepted the offer of similar decoration from the attractive young crew member.
· No results returned due to widespread cheating
· Stage declared null and void
Stage 1 took the riders the 90 miles from Saint Malo to Pontivy in the heart of Brittany. As the peloton rolled out on to French soil for the first time there was an air of tension with breakaways constantly developing on the smooth as silk roads. A high average speed soon brought the riders into Dinan and the first feeding station of the day. A short unscheduled criterium round the town centre took the riders onto the spectacular viaduct over the river Rance.
Continuing almost in the right direction the peloton were soon joined by the fourth Epsom member (Pascal Gorman) who had elected to start from the finish and finish where he started. This show of strength called for another cafe stop, just as the temperature was creeping into double figures.
Navigation improved with the presence of Pascal as the riders continued together through the undulating and deserted countryside. The absence of human life in the towns and villages was attributed to a national hangover following the World Cup win.
By midday riders were becoming restless for the next feeding station so when the blackboard announced a FF55 three course meal the decision to stop was swift. This meal turned out to be the bargain of the tour with the courses interspersed with isotonic house red. During the meal the tour cavalcade (disguised as a wedding procession) passed through the town with blaring horns and much waving. Such was the length of the delay at the feeding station the cavalcade was seen for a second time returning in the opposite direction, also with much sounding of horns and waving at the seated riders.
The whole meal was completed within three hours and with the temperature rocketing towards the seasonal average the final 50 miles was got off to a slow start. The peloton had completely fragmented when one of the pre race favourites (Neil Crozier) pulled in to inspect an exploding rear mech. The rear dropout had sheared and Neil's race appeared to be in jeopardy.
By complete fluke Pascal had a spare frame 'in the back of his van', which was parked in the hotel car park in Pontivy. Pascal was paced the last few miles to the Hotel by an Epsom domestique, and returned to the stricken rider in the Mavic neutral service AA van. Rider and bike then returned to the Hotel through the scattered remnants of the peloton. Forgoing an early shower and leg massage ace mechanics then proceeded to strip the broken bike and rebuild a new one using nothing other than a set of hex keys, a hammer and three glasses of Kronenbourg.
The day was completed with another large meal in the town.
. The stage 1 winner was Pascal Gorman - for covering 70 miles more than anyone else and taking a spare (rusty) Colnago frame on holiday with him.
Stage 2 was a split stage with each leg officially recorded at 20 miles. With the weather set fine and sunny the peloton cruised out of the town and up the first of many hills. Within minutes Becontree's world famous hill climber (Gary) went on what was to be a series of attacks just as most of the riders were digesting their hearty bread roll and coffee breakfast. The peloton was happy to continue at a steady pace taking advantage of the smooth, wide, French roads, and the encouragement from the occasional spectator in a passing car. Attacks were invariably hauled back in as the Epsom riders set up a rolling chase behind.
The absence of any human life in the towns and villages was attributed to a the national holiday - this was Bastille Day.
The final run in towards the morning's finish at Guidel was completed before 3.00pm, allowing the riders to observe the passing of another cycle race (Le Tour de France). This race was most conspicuous in its two hour prelude during which numerous bizarre vehicles pass by throwing out sweets, videos, leaflets, maps and boxes of pasta. In addition the young lady selling souvenir Tour T-shirts did brisk trade amongst the Epsom and Becontree riders.
The Tour itself had split in two with approximately twenty riders 2 minutes clear of the bunch. The speed was observed to be higher than the Epsom Versus Becontree race, though this was attributed to the riders not having to wait for Lloydy to catch up.
The return stage to Pontivy took off the moment the flag went down. Inspired by the speed of Le Tour and sensing they may be able to remember the route home, the riders set a blistering pace. All the riders still in with a chance on the general classification went off the front leaving the Becontree super domestique (Brendan) to haul the remainder of the peloton home. During this long slog Brendan was frequently to be seen asleep on his tri-bars.
The evening was completed with another carbo load meal made famous by Neil (I'll have two lasagnes please) Crozier. It was also the evening that Pascal first took on his worried expression, shortly after finding out that many of the Becontree riders were also policemen: "I wondered what you guys were doing checking the tyres on my van. I'll have to be careful about which crossing I use to get back to Britain, because you B******s will probably have the ports covered".
· The red race number (for the most aggressive rider) was awarded to Gary for attacking on every hill (and there were a lot of them). The prize for the best team rider did not go to Gary.
Another day of split stages caused a Becontree riders 'sleep in protest'. This left just Gary and Brendan from Team Becontree to face the full might of Team Epsom over the first two split stages.
With only the strongest riders present the average speed was high with both Peter Harries and Neil Crozier from Team Epsom taking big turns at the front to prevent Gary from slipping away. On their arrival in Plouay the riders were surprised to find they had again met up with the Tour de France. During the brief interval before the return stage they were able to observe the riders signing on along with a very loud commentary on the proceedings. It's a good thing Benny doesn't make that much noise when the riders sign on for a Tuesday evening ten, or the residents of North Holmwood might start complaining.
Epsom's finest, Neil Crozier, had to fight off requests for autographs from the young French supporters, who were obviously oblivious to the smell coming off his three day old Festina jersey.
Once Le Tour had rolled out the real race was able to begin - to the Patisserie for a large Tarte Pomme. Glycogen restored, the riders headed off for the Hotel at a fair speed. Gary still couldn't be kept under control on the hills so when the riders began the longest climb of the day Harries from Team Epsom leapt from the middle of the bunch and accelerated away into the distance. Surprisingly it was team mate Crozier who left the pack to join the pursuit with Gary. The Epsom team tactics became clear when the three leaders came together - Crozier jumped away leaving Harries to act as policeman by sitting on Gary's wheel and refusing to work. Despite a fast descent into the town Crozier remained clear to take the stage.
The final sub stage of the day was a 70 mile jaunt to Dinan. Pascal's commitments to the Mavic neutral service Transit meant he was unable to ride, though Crozier also showed 'Cipollini' tendencies when, having won a stage, he opted to take the van to Dinan while muttering about picking up some wine for his wedding.
This final stage was taken at a steady pace that held the whole peloton together over all but the steepest of hills, save for a surprising break by Lloydy and Dave from Becontree which ended in failure when they missed a crucial right turn. It was on the final run in to Dinan that the Mavic van was spotted coming towards the peloton. Bringing the race to a temporary halt Neil and Pascal explained that due to a misunderstanding in the bookings, the stage was not to finish in Dinan at all - the hotel was just outside Dinard, 25 miles to the north and on the coast. Clearly the riders were ecstatic at this extension to the day's proceedings and headed off in the right direction with the wind in their wheels.
Fifteen map stops later the peloton (still together and proceeding at a sedate pace) was met by Neil and Pascal cycling out from the finish. With these mobile route marshals on board the final run into town was much easier, despite the 'Pebblecombesque' climbs along the coast. With the bikes secured in a spacious garage, and with the Mavic van hidden from the French dope control police, the riders collapsed into their hotel. Recuperation from the days ride was then taken in the form of large beers at the bar.
Quote of the evening came from Brendan when he stated: 'I don't think I've ever done two 20 mile time trials in the morning followed by a 75 mile warm down all afternoon'.
· No overall results have been recorded as the author of this report was too exhausted to notice who won.
The final stage of the Tour was a 35 mile route round the coast to the ferry terminal. After eating the best breakfast of the Tour the peloton rolled out in the early hours, while Pascal sped away in the Mavic van to an un-stated ferry terminal, anxious to reach the UK before the Becontree policemen could seal off the British ports. Exhausted from the previous three days of racing most riders were happy to enjoy the freedom of cycling in France on a road surface that was without bump, drain, pothole or sunken trench the whole way.
The return ferry crossing was spent in a variety of ways with Stephen Yeates from Team Epsom opting to sleep through almost the entire journey in the cabin. Such are the rigours of professional bike racing at this level.
On arrival in Portsmouth the peloton disbanded as the teams headed for their transfers back home, while your race reporter elected to cycle the 25 miles to his luxury country retreat outside Winchester. It was while climbing out of Portsmouth that he was welcomed home with a horn and some verbal from a passing oil burning Sierra. I think I would like to emigrate.
· Great trip. Roll on next year.
Bookings for next years Festina training camp are to be accepted shortly.