Sarah Bottlebank. One of the new breed of Speleogirls, Sarah is this year's president, thereby acting as our figurehead, an inspirational touchstone, a guiding light in moments of darkness. In her position as president she is responsible for absolutely everything (in the world).
	Chris Zebedee. Standing astride the club like a mighty colossus in denim, Chris's even keel and unflappable nature has guided the club firmly by the hand for several years now. A good person to stand on in moments of difficulty, Chris likes to spend his spare time hugging rocks.
	Tom 'Model T' Foord. An energetic and openly enigmatic member, Tom's sense of direction is peerless, whether he is leading a group through intricate underground passageway or finding his way to the nearest gents. Surprisingly unco-operative when drunk.
?	Ru 'You want what?' Taylor. Less of a Tackle Master, more of a Tackle God, Ru is owner of the worst job in the club, if not the world. He is of course responsible for keeping, maintaining and checking all of the club's gear. Amazingly he never complains or resorts to violence. Often found in a tree. Oddly no photographs of Ru exist on our files, possibly for security reasons, but he knows who he is. If by any chance he doesn't I've no doubt he'll be in touch to find out.
	John Mzzzzzzzzz. Social secretary to the club, John holds many secrets, including the real spelling of his own surname. Has grown a beard especially to "help fully immerse himself in the traditions of the subterranean underworld." John is also a part time member of the Speleolabs minibus stunt display team.
	Lisa 'Left, no, right. Yes, left. Hang on, yes, right' Bates: The club's equivalent of the Queen Mother (Gawd bless 'er), Lisa has a wealth of experience that belies her tender years, having been lost down most of the caves in Britain at some point. One of the club's old hands she is always up to her neck in it and does much of the leg work. Using her head she has helped put the club on a strong footing by always having her elbows to the grindstone, her hands greased and her nose to the pumps.
	'Dr.' John Methane. An ace caver, John spends his time outside caving being very tall and blond. John is a legend in the club for his uncanny ability to know exactly which road to take, regardless of where you are (e.g. Skipton, Vienna, Chesterfield.) Reads Road Atlases for fun. Laughs in the face of danger. Roars at the armpits of fear.
	Andy Rummage. A former president, Andy is a young caving elder and an active member of the club's 'Salon des Vomiteurs'. In his less-than-spare time Andy also runs the vast Speleolabs conglomerate. He also knows a lot about cows, which sadly isn't that useful in the caving context. Following the club's recent acqusition of Vicki fresh from Exeter University Andy recently departed to live in the town in line with the club's exchange programme.
	Mark 'During the War' Horswill. With his winning smile and magic fingers Mark has been a bright yet shadowy figure in the club for many decades now. One of caving's Old Guard he remembers the days when there was "none of this fleecy stuff, we used to go down in swimming trunks you know, and climbed pitches using just the suction from our our lips, none of this SRT nonsense. And we were happy back then."
	Everyone Else. Look, we know we've forgotten most people. Our Secretary Marina for example who has escaped only because we have no photo of her. We had to draw the line somewhere and it was only the people above who fell below it. So, if you'd like the chance to be rude about your caving comrades please drop us a description, and if possible a photograph to speleostuff@shifter.demon.co.uk Please let us know if you wish to remain anonymous.