Getting
into the World. Getting
into the World.
My mother and I when I was 14 |
I was born in London in 1968. My mother and I traveled around to different places after she was divorce, but it wasn't until she remarried and settled down when I was 5 that I went to Church. But It did me little good, for as I grew into my teenage years I became rebellious and hateful. I was inspired by the that evil that I was attracted to- Nazism, Rock and Horror. But God still had his hand in my life, and He called to me when I was almost 16. But I ignored him to follow after the Devil and his evil ways. Eventually I left my home and parents to go to the sinful center of my world- the Clubs and Rock concerts of London. |
Read on below for more details
[Home] [On to The London Years]
I was born in London on the 25th of September 1968 in Forest Gate Maternity Hospital. My father and mother divorced when I was still young so have very little memories of my father in my life. My mother remarried when I was about 5 years old . My step father and my mother had settled in place called Botley outside of Southapton around this time too. I started to go to Sunday School regularly. I enjoyed hearing the old testament stories, although I didn't understand much about them. We were also taught a little about a man named Jesus. But at the time this had very little impact on me spiritually.
I also started going to Botley Church of England Primary School. But I never mixed well at school and always felt like a loner. As I grew up into my teenage years my relationship with my step-father went down hill. He became an alcoholic and abusive to me and my mother. He tried to make a man out of me- but by telling me that I wasn't to cry any more, and not letting my mother hug me. I suppose that this added to normal teenage problems. One day when I was 14, I remember clearly waking up one morning, and the world was different. I saw everything with new eyes, and everything was gray and ugly- I hated it all. The few friend that I had shared this view, and we wanted to shock and rebel. I got into Nazism as a way of shocking my grandparents and parents who still remembered the Second World War. I also became interested with anything that I found romantic and rebellious- highwaymen, Pirates and so on. Our little group of social outcasts talked only at school about what we were getting into- rebellion, horror films and rock music. I started to follow a group called "Adam and the Ants" mainly because they portrayed and fed my interest in these rebel characters. Their "Ant Manifesto" was all about native American Spiritualism, sexual perversions, and the dark side of life. One of their influences would later become a major factor in my life- Jim Morrison.
I can look back on my life now, and see the emptiness that I felt, and how I tried to fill it with anger and hatred. All of the things I was getting deeper and deeper into at this time while looking for something to satisfy me, were only making me more and more empty. I hope that if there are any young people reading this, feeling empty, that they will come to the only true source of contentment, Jesus Christ. As I turned 15 I started to get further and further from what I really needed. I started to look more into American Indian Spiritualism and surreal art. As my step-father became more and more distant to me, I looked to films for role models. Rebellious characters, like those played by Marlon Brando and James Dean became my idols. Just before I was 16 my best friend Paul (who had made me head of the school Nazi club) left for another part of the country. He was the only one that I really hung around with outside of school, and it left a big gap in my life. Then the Lord called me for the first time. A Christian family that I knew invited me to see the film "The Cross and the Switchblade". After the screening there was an invitation to talk to someone about Christ- I felt a pull in my heart, but being so shy and fearful I didn't respond. Right after that I started to get deeper and deeper into Heavy metal and horror.
So, there was I, a rebellious sixteen year old getting into rock bands like Black Sabbath, Judas Priest and Iron Maiden. But the group that really caught my attention was called "Motley Crue". Their logo was a pentagram, and they promoted a sleazy life style that attracted me, and inspired me to carve pentagrams and inverted crosses on my arms. I decided that I would no longer follow God at all, but the Devil. My moto became "I sold my soul for rock and roll", and I started to really imitate that life style. I wore the tee-shirts, the black clothes and started to drink in heavy metal pubs. I look back now, and see that right after I turnt away from the Lord, Satan really came in and started to take control. I am thankful that contracts and promises with Satan aren't binding, but can and are broken by the power of the blood of Jesus Christ. When I was 18, I was offered a job in London. I had always considered London my natural home, and without any hesitation or regret, I left Southampton for the Big city, the Rock concerts, the clubs and the center of my universe.