Spiritual Experiences

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The doctors had warned me about Drugs when I left the hospital, and I decided to cut down.  But the people in the new house that I moved into were already heavily into drugs, and I was back into my old habits.  It seemed that as soon as I had moved in, my spiritual experiences started to intensify.  Although I had stopped combining my drugs with the anti depressant pills, I took more and more speed and other drugs.  As I did so, my interests in the occult grew.  I started to read many different horror books, and as I did so, it seemed to open my eyes to spiritual things.  I was searching in these books, and in books about conspiracies and the occult for a special reason.  I wanted to find pieces of information to get at the truth of what was going on in the world, and the way to break down that system and conquer it for the powers of goodness.  Satan uses anything that he can to introduce his evil demons into people, and all Christians should be very careful about what they are reading.

I started to have strange experiences as I moved back into a world of constant drug use and drug highs.  Some of what I am about to share may seem strange.  I cannot really explain to anyone what actually happened to me, and what I actually saw.  I cant prove that what I am going to relate to you wasn't just drug psychosis.  But as a Christian, I believe even more in the spiritual world now than I did then and don't believe that all of this was just a drugged dream.  Every Christian needs to be aware of the spiritual world and to remember that we have nothing to fear from it.  Jesus Christ is more powerful than any other power.  I can only share what happened to me and my experiences that I went through.  You may not believe it but bear with me as you read.

One night I was laying on my bed, gradually dozing off.  I became aware that I was sitting on the side of my bed, and looking down at my sleeping body.  I wasn't scared, as there had been a few times in my past I had seen myself from outside of my body.  I found that I started floating about above where I was sleeping, and started to fly around the room.  I decided that I wanted to soar into the night sky, but as I reached the window, I saw hideous faces watching me from outside.  This scared me so much that I returned to my body.  Another time I was speaking to a girl, and we were talking about what I was into.  I had taken ecstasy beforehand and found that I knew the questions that she was going to ask before she asked them.  I started to place thoughts into her mind, and was able to read and speak what was on her mind.

I started to live in a world of fear and suspicion, feeding my mind on the conspiracy theories.  I became convinced that I had stumbled onto the truth of several top secret satanic organizations that were intent on taking over the world, and they were out to get me.  I would walk down the street, watching everyone closely incase they were the assassin that had been sent to knock me off before I could reveal the truth.  I also had a secret fear that I shared with no one- that one day I would have to meet the Devil himself, and he would claim me as one of his.  I believe that I had an experience with Satan.  I woke up one morning with a vivid memory of a meeting taking place while I was asleep.  I had been in a white room, and saw a shadow.  As the shadow came towards me it became a man.  I could only see the top half of him, he was very muscular- but his face was beautiful to look at.  He spoke to me, and told me that the answers to all of my questions lay in what I was searching into, and to keep searching out those things.  I shared this with one of my house mates, and explained that what I had seen was how I had always envisioned the Devil.

Another time I started to share with some housemates what I was getting into.  We had all been taking a vast amount of speed, and I hadn't slept properly for 3 months.  I was sharing about magical numbers and pentagrams.  As I was doing so, demons came into the room.  One of my friends told me that he felt something.  I looked up, and standing behind him was a black shadow.  I told him this, and he became very scared.  I had been using some paper to draw pentagrams, and show him spiritual equations with magical numbers- he took this paper and started to write strange spiritual writing- some of it I understood, some was very weird.  My other housemate was sitting with us in the room, and he was drawing strange demonic pictures of faces and skulls.  Many other peculiar things happened that evening, and the demonic present in the house intensified.  Eventually I was so frightened that I had to leave.  As I left the house, strange voices started talking to me in my head.  I needed to find some safe place away from all of these spirits.  I went to the nearest church- which was a large catholic one.  I went inside to talk to the vicar.  As soon as I stepped into the doorway, my whole body flipped out.  I couldn't see or talk properly, and was totally confused.  I tried to explain to the man I spoke to how the devils were after me, but I was so disorientated that I don't think he understood one word in ten.  He told me to come back to speak to someone else, and I left, my head spinning.  I went to a friends house from there, and called my mother.

My mother took me to the hospital, suspecting that I had overdosed.  As I sat in the waiting room, all I could hear were these voices in my head.  I became more and more frantic- there was no escape from them.  My mother tried to comfort and reassure me, but all I heard were the voices.  As she spoke to me, I heard her calling me Judas, and other terrible names.  She wasn't doing this, but the movement of her lips matched exactly what I heard in my mind.  I pleaded with her to stop calling me these names.  I  think that at that time I was the most frightened that I have ever been in my life.  I was  hysterical and I pleaded with her "Why are you calling me this?"  It seemed as if the whole world had rejected me, even my mother- but I decided that I would have to trust my mother, no matter what happened, so I stayed with her.  When I saw the doctor, he diagnosed "Speed Psychosis" and advised that I rest, and stayed off drugs totally.  My mother took me to her house, and looked after me over the next few days.  Gradually the voices in my head became less insistent , as I prayed "Lord help me".  After 3 days I could handle them, and returned back to my own house.  But the voices stayed with me until I came to the Lord.

As a result of this, I started to cut down on my drugs.  The experience seemed to change me.  I was still empty inside, but stopped seeking the answer in drugs.  Although I still took some marijuana and cannabis, I mainly tried to fill my void with partying and girls.  It was around this time that I started a job, working in a parcel sorting depot for a courier company.  It was amazing that I kept my job, considering the number of days that I would take off sick, and go party instead- not the odd day, but I would take a week off to go on a drug, drink and sex binge.  I believe that this was the Lord looking after me, as I still have that job now.  Another amazing thing happened, that makes me believe was God looking after me.  I was drug dealing to support my habit, and I had a lot of drugs constantly in the house.  One day we were raided by the police.  The day before the raid, or one day after, they would have found enough evidence to put me into jail for a minimum of three years, but on the day they came, the house was totally clean.  The police confiscated the few drug related items that  were there, and moved on.  God certainly looks after those He chooses, even when they care little for Him, and are in the depths of sin.  How I love Him for that!  Shortly after this, I had problems with the land lord, and moved out into a guest house.

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