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SUBJECT: THE "I'LL SUE" SOCIETY: 31/05/01 BY: SAM
My friends, there is a great plague sweeping our society! Progressing unhindered in to all areas carried by the worst vermin the world has ever seen. The plague is called "law suit fever" and the vermin, "lawyers". Thru out the land you can see the initial symptoms of this affliction where hapless individuals break out with the cry "I'll sue" quickly followed by a swarm of insects… sorry, lawyers collecting on the bloated and afflicted individual.
Quickly the situation becomes contagious with the problem being passed on in two radically different but equally noxious manners. Both ultimately bringing misery and suffering to all who encounter them.
The first is the "copycat" virus in which several like minded individuals come down with similar, if not more outrageous symptoms, each attracting their own horde of scum…. oops, lawyers and starting the whole process off again.
The other being passed onto the ultimate end victim of the syndrome, know as the "plaintiff". This sorry character usually receives the affliction from a representative of the bastards… err, lawyers (actually from here on out just assume that any insult refers to lawyers and it'll be simpler for everyone) though infection thru the mail or via federal express has been known to happen. Symptoms here are different to the original and copycat syndromes in that the victims usually ends up stressed, grey, broke and in extreme cases suicidal.
Seriously though, a major problem with today's society is the encroachment of an "I'll sue" mentality. And it's showing up everywhere and in all situations. Just look at the amount of adverts on TV these days proclaiming "where there's blame, there's a claim". These are just pandering to people greed, which lets face it, when coupled with our basic desire to blame someone other than ourselves (especially if it was actually our fault) and make this other person suffer for their mistake is a pretty powerful selling technique. And selling's what it is boys and girls make no mistake. These arseholes (yep, still lawyers) may not be selling a product but they're still touting their services and making money out if it and your misery is their business. In fact the only real winners out of this situation are the scum suckers, if they win, they get money, if they lose they blame you and shaft u for the cash. A win-win situation if ever I saw one. But what about the puppet who filed the suit in the first place, what about all the money they won. Well have you counted it all recently, I'll bet you most of it was siphoned off by the sharks, better count the rings on your fingers as well while your at it. And even if your happy with the pitiful amount the tossers have left you with, what about the cost to the rest of us in higher insurance premiums. This lovely pile of loot's gotta come from somewhere you know.
This whole situation is yet another display of the rot that pervading throughout our lives. We see it every day disguised as political correctness, positive discrimination and various other crap ideals that various government depts keep trying to drum into us. Well "bollox to it" I say (actually most people who know me will confirm that's actually my favourite phrase), its time that political correctness was left at the side of the road where it belongs. If short people don't like being reminded they're short and blondes don't like having the piss taken out of them then tough shit. This is the big bad world ladies and gentlemen, and if you don't learn how to deal with it, warts and all, then you're just not gonna get anywhere in life. Too long have people been coddled into thinking that the worlds a wonderful place when it quite blatantly isn't. I'd like to make some points about political correctness and positive discrimination if I may.
Political correctness: People have been tricked into thinking that pointing out an political incorrectness to the authorities will make it go away. Well that aint the way it works, this is the same lie that little children have been told if they're being bullied. "tell a teacher" they're told "and they'll make sure it stops". Well that's crap, teachers have enough going on that they haven't time to be dealing with the problems of every kid in their care, and even if they did, what the hell can they do about it. What actually happens is that either the bully or the target is removed from class and then the bully smacks seven shades of crap outta his target after school. Even if the threat was removed the underlying resentment, and the cause for that resentment would still be there, lurking under the surface. This is what needs to be dealt with. Treat the cause my friends, not the symptom.
Positive discrimination; Who the hell came up with this idea. Possitive discrimination destroys the time-tested process of "survival of the fittest"!! where would we be today if our caveman ancestors had stopped to help their slower, crippled, retarded or university-graduated brothers? In a sabre tooth's stomach that's where! We'd all be short, hairy, idiots with no understanding of technology (which sounds like most advertising managers if you ask me). I live in London which is an "equal opportunities employer" or so they keep printing on the back of all their envelopes. What this actually means is that the concept of employing the best person for the job has gone right out of the window (notice I said person, I'll freely admit that quite often the best person for the job is actually a woman). If a jobs to be filled in our local council and the choice is between an man (or woman) with perfect qualifications and pervious experience or a blind ethnic lesbian dwarf with one leg that's just escaped from the circus you can probably guess who they'd give the job to!
Perhaps we should think about returning to those "less enlightened" days where kids were taught to stick up for themselves and people were employed on their own merits rather being the right shape, size or colour to fulfil the promise of ethnic diversity. Would we all be happier, maybe….. maybe not. But at least we wouldn't have to worry about who we upset every 30 seconds and whatever that idiot you bumped into in the street is gonna try and sue you for whiplash or bruised toes or something equally stupid. Perhaps we'll never be able to get rid of the "it's not my fault, lets make someone else pay" mentality which has been with us ugh first slapped grunt with a half chewed deer leg but we can at least stop encouraging it with silly lawsuits and day time TV in a jerry Springer stylie. Maybe shakesphere was right, maybe we should kill all the lawyers.(better keep quiet about it though, they may sue on the grounds of threatening behaviour)