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Story By (Unknown please email if you know)This one will generate groans: As you probably know, some monasteries allow outsiders to use them as occasional retreats. In the north of England was such an establishment. One day the abbot was approached by a wealthy and well-known businessman. The businessman asked if he might spend a couple of weeks in the monastery to escape from the cares of the world in general and his lifestyle in particular. The abbot explained that the monks lived a very simple life but were happy to welcome the man. A few days later he arrived, carrying a small suitcase. He was shown to his cell, which was small and sparsely furnished (and just happened to be next to the abbot's). He quickly unpacked his case and joined the monks at their simple evening meal of bread, fruit and cheese. After an evening of quiet conversation, it came to the time to turn in and thr abbot accompanied the man to the door of his cell. As they parted, the abbott asked if the man wanted anything before going to bed. The man then surprised the abbot by asking for an apple, an orange and a piece of string. These were duly fetched, and the man wished the abbot goodnight. The abbot retired to his bed but got little sleep. All night long, the most hideous bangs, crashes and screams emanated from the man's cell. Next morning the abbot, bleary-eyed and sporting a pounding headache, made his way to the refectory for breakfast, to find the businessman sitting at the table, bright as a button! That night, the abbot, now feeling like death warmed over, again accompanied the man to his cell. Again, he asked the man if he wanted anything before he turned in and, again, the man asked for an apple, an orange and a piece of string... and again, the abbot got no sleep because of the noises from the cell. Next morning... the abbot missed breafast! That evening, again the apple, the orange and piece of string... and the screams, crashes, bangs, etc! Next morning, the abbot decides to ask the man what he does with the apple, orange and string which makes such an unholy racket. However, when the man emerges from his cell, looking as fresh as a daisy, the abbot can't bring himself to invade the man's privacy. The routine continues for a fortnight, at the end of which the man declares himself refreshed and leaves. About a year later, the businessman contacts the abbot and asks again if he can enter the monastery on retreat. The abbot, who remembers the man, shudders inwardly but agrees. The man duly arrives, spends the day, gets ready to turn in (in the same cell as last year) and asks for an apple, an orange and a piece of string! For the next fortnight, the pattern is unchanging... fresh in morning, apple orange and piece of string at bedtime and noises all night long! At the end of the fortnight the abbot can bear it no longer. He calls the businessman to his study and says, "Ok, you've stayed here for two retreats now and every night you've asked for an apple an orange and a piece of string. Every night I've had virtually no sleep because of the noises from your room! In the name of God, what the hell's going on?" The man replied, "I really don't want to tell you Father. It's my guilty secret and I've never told a living soul. I'm so ashamed of what I do. I can't tell you Father." With that, the businessman left. However, a year later he was back... with the same effect. At the end of this fortnight, the abbot couldn't bear it. With bloodshot eyes and pale and clammy skin he called the businessman into his study. "It's no good!" he screamed, "I HAVE TO KNOW!" The man shrank into his chair. "What do you do with the apple, the orange and the piece of string?!" The man blanched and then thought for a while. At last he spoke. "I'll tell you", he said, "But you're the only person I've ever told and you must give me your word as a man of God that you'll never tell another living soul." The abbot gave his word and the man told him his guilty secret. And the abbot, being a man of his word and a man of God, never did tell anyone what the man did with the apple, the orange and the piece of string. Groan...
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