s1 ep 1-5
s1 ep 6-10
s1 ep 11-16
s1 ep 17-21
s2 ep 1-6
s2 ep 7-12
s2 ep13-17
s2 ep18-23
s3 ep 1-6
s3 ep 7-11
s3 ep 12-16
s3 ep 17-22
s4 ep 1-6
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s4 ep 12-16
s4 ep 17-22
s5 ep 1-6
s5- ep 7-11
s5 ep 12-16
s5 ep 17-22
car guide s1
car guide s2
car guide s3
car guide s4
car guide s5

  

season one

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Note- this is done from the short version of the pilot where we don't get to see Clark stick his hand in the shredder. When we get a copy of the long version we'll add any extra fringedwellings in

• If Clark's spaceship had crashed before reaching Earth, or into one one of those pesky meteors this show would have been a glorious waste of time.
• It's amazing what small American towns can be proud of. You never get British towns doing this. 'Bourne - Small-To-Medium-Run Magazine Printing Capital Of The East Midlands...' Corn is no way to advertise a town. Nuclear power maybe, or lots of money, but not corn. 
• Startlingly orange hair on poor young Lex
• "Luthors aren't afraid" that one is. They may not be afraid but they’re sure to grow up with some serious psychological issues if you speak to them like that. 
• Do they know Lex's father is the devil?
• That is a very annoying small child - It's Lana isn’t it? See, there's just no hope for Lana from the very beginning
• Whoever that woman is, she's a bitch
• It's very, very upsetting when they use music I remember as the way-back-when, nostalgic, scene-setting soundtrack. I bet most people watching this pilot haven't even heard of Bruce Hornsby And The Range
• That's a very manly way of carrying two carrier bags
• That was a wasted wish. She should have gone for money, or three extra wishes. 
• Pardon my bias, but don't try and tell me that John Schneider isn't capable. If you want a sprog, you should try harder. You do know you've just wiped out 100 years of feminism in one sweep with that comment? Just you wait 'till Tobin reads it, you'll see the smoke from here! What gives you the impression that it's Martha's fault that she's childless? They never say that. It could be that John Schneider's little swimmers are floundering.
• Do you think they put the cheerleaders on top of the trucks in the hope they'll fall off and get run over?
• Asthmatic and Ginger. Lex is a kindred spirit. 
• I'm amazed that Lana's parents get as far as the main street considering that their back window was completely covered in that banner.
• Anyone would think that it aimed! That hit on Lana's parents just gets funnier every time you see it It's the way that they step together to provide one easy target that's so amusing.
• The first Lana pout, and my that's an attractive face
• Shouldn't that corn have all been flattened in the same direction from a central impact?
• In the long arduous quest across the corn field to find his son, Lionel Luthor follows a trail of clown wigs, hoping against hope...
• Sorry, wrong kid. Mine had stupid hair.
• I still love you my irradiated son
• Still suffering severe flashbacks from another life, John Schneider once again finds himself upside down in an orange car. Why do I think that should be a Gary Larson caption?
• Lizard thinks you should all know that Jonathan Kent was in 'The Dukes Of Hazzard'. Of course, this also means she wants to let you all know that she watches 'The Dukes Of Hazzard' and as the person who has to sort through tons of it whenever I'm looking for something on one of her tapes, I'm more than happy to broadcast that fact. She watches 'The Man From U.N.C.L.E.' too, and not just to leer at Robert Vaughn
• When she wished to ‘see a little face’ I doubt Martha intended to be trapped upside down at the time. 
• Even as a small child, Clark had stupid hair.
• Well if he does have parents they’re very negligent ones, leaving him naked in a cornfield and all, so he’s better off with the Kents anyway. 
• Is this the first Dumb Kent Statement of the show? "Kids don't just fall out of the sky, Martha"... 
• If he follows us home from the crash site can we keep him? Yes, yes we can You don't have enough room. We'll manage, we could always keep him in the van
• Any lone child wandering across the Kansas state line may be stopped and held for upbringing
• What in God's name possessed them to call him Clark? I think it's his Mum's maiden name, but someone who actually knows, well anything about Superman canon could probably correct me on that
• Neat product placement there
• There's an un-generic contra-librarian-folly thing going on with Tom Welling, and when we figure out just how to describe it, we'll share it with you. 
• Class for what? That's never mentioned again is it?
• They're ordering pizza
• Is it wrong to be attracted to both father and son? 
• "Ride the bench" I have visions of a line of bored footballers pretending it's a bus and making "vroom vroom" noises.
• "Go through high school without being a total loser" ah, don't worry, it's not so bad. We all managed. In fact, we all seem to have thrived. 
• Are there special companies that make yellow school buses in America, like black cabs?
• Beats the creamed corn I suppose
• There's an increase of 20,000 people in ten years? Smallville, Faulty Condom Capital of Kansas.
• He's having problems laying his hand on Clark's shoulder in a comradely fashion. Not wishing to start a loop, but is Pete short or is Clark tall?
• That's not a hamlet. A population of less than 100, that's a hamlet (and obviously, no church). Smallville's quite a big town
• Oh, love the obscure superman reference. I'm glad that my extensive education lets me spot these fringedwellings before they're explained.
• Just so you know, I hated Lana on sight and I'm not planning on getting over it any time soon. 
• Oh God, I detest her but not quite as much as I hate him.
• *LEX*. Just in case you weren't entirely sure. Slightly battered looking little 911. Still, 911 so yay! Although my Dad once left one of them standing at lights in an F-reg Fiat Uno, so they're not all they're cracked up to be. That might say more about my Dad's driving than the car though
• Love the little fantasy bits, we've all done them, although none of mine have been about American Football
•  If I had superpowers there would be no way I could keep them quiet. There are just so many irritating people in the world. 
• You'd think Lex could afford a hands free kit
• At least they didn't push a new one in the river. (James Wilby talking about 'Crocodile Shoes' and someone asked how they made it look like they pushed a Porsche into the Thames, the answer? "We pushed a Porsche into the Thames...")
• Oh and we're not feeding the slash contingent at all here are we, no, not a bit. Particularly not with Lex's completely thorough scan of Clark's dripping body. I can’t believe I kept away from this show for so long. 
• You know, the rest of that arnco held well
• I love the way that the blanket that Clark has on looks like a cape. 
• Okay, little bit creepy Clark. In a misguided early career move, Clark becomes Voyeur Man. Superhero maybe, but still a teenage boy.
• That "sometimes people surprise you" is a quote from something isn't it? Ah, it is 'Buffy', from 'The Prom'
• We were never allowed to wear jewellery for school sports, wouldn't his PE teacher (sorry, coach) take it off him?
• Well he's evidently still pissed about it

• Love the fact that Lex has monogrammed greetings cards, also that he signs himself 'the maniac in the Porsche'

• Somebody's working off some frustration. Safety first people! If ever you're shredding something, don't use your hands, feed it in with a board!
• No, it's about 'Clark wants a car'
• Of course he’s upset, you’ve stolen his brand new, shiny, free car. 
• Now I know that they clipped a scene out here, the cut is brutally obvious
• Jonathan needs to learn the meaning of the word tact
• How thorough has Jonathan's research been on this object? I mean, if Daniel Jackson said it was in no language known to man, you'd be inclined to believe him, but Jonathan? Dr Jonathan Kent; farmer, husband, child abductor, and space archaeologist. 
• Okay, I want to know (in proper Bitca fashion) what the hell have they been telling him for the past eleven years?! "You're special" covers a multitude of sins. Excuse me? They haven’t had this discussion yet? 
• Wouldn't fit in the attic and it would be a bugger to get up the stairs.
• “This is a joke right?” - No, but if it was it would be very elaborate and funny. 
• You know when people say "did you come down in the last shower"..?
• That's a lovely shot of him with the wings
• Hanging around in graveyards is either creepy or entirely normal depending in which US teen drama you're starring.
• "I'm here too" yeah, but she knows people
• It's the "talking with" instead of "talking to" that really worries me.
• Ok, talking to your dead parents maybe, but introducing your friends? As long as they don't actually answer back, you're pretty much okay. Which is why I'm starting to worry about Clark... 
• I’m not sure communing with her dead parents is the most promising start to a relationship. 
• Not your fault- well, actually
• Given the impressiveness of the impact, you've got to wonder exactly how much of Lana's parents there is under that headstone
• So they just left the horse by the graveyard did they?
• Lovely, lovely bit of fencing. Usually that looks really wussy (to someone used to broadsword fighting anyway), but they look like they could do some damage, and fast. Nice job avoiding the furniture as well, that's not easy (so speaks someone who learnt to swordfight in a kitchen)
• Is Luthor a Scots name? Does Lex have a tartan? Does he wear a kilt to black tie dinners? It would be a shame to have a bald head and bald knees on display at the same time.
• On the subject of moving major buildings out of the country, I refer you to an expert from the National Museum Of Scotland (she's my expert, so it's in my colour, but this isn't me) -
  
  I think Historic Scotland (which is the equivalent to English Heritage) would object - and can stop it happening - they have legal power over this sort of thing so it is not just a case of historic societies objecting. It all depends on the grade of listing though. There are different grades - A B and C. A - being the most protected.... See below I've copied from some bumpf.
  Category A: Buildings of national or international importance, either architectural or historic,
  Category B: Buildings of regional or more than local importance, or major examples of some particular period, style or building type which may have been altered.
  Category C(S): Buildings of local importance, lesser examples of any period, style or building type, as originally constructed or altered; and simple, traditional buildings which group well with others in categories A and B or are part of a planned group such as an estate or an industrial complex.
  I think there is often quite a lot that can be done to category C buildings in terms of renovation/rebuilding - large changes can be made, often they can be restored so long as some rules are adhered to, new windows can be put in etc... - but dismantling them and taking them to America is probably not one of them.
  You could check the historic Scotland website (www.historic-scotland.gov.uk) for more details. There have been a lot of problems recently with a number of castles/stately homes (grade A)  that are not habitable but the owners want to make them watertight and live in them again - however HS have been very strict and won't let restoration work/rebuilding work go ahead preferring to conserve the remaining structure.
  It depends on the building itself - what listing grade it is. If it is A/B I think no chance what so ever. However it has been know for some buildings to be de-listed and taken off the listed buildings list and I guess all requests will be considered but it would have to be a pretty poor example for it to be allowed to go to America!
  
  So the only way they'd get that building out of the country is with the dead body of the Director of Historic Scotland still clinging to the chimney breast
• Does Lex seriously think no one likes him because he’s bald?
• So he doesn't hate you Lex, he hates his father, and Lex is just getting caught in the crossfire. This is meant to make Lex feel better?
• Apples can't go far from the tree, unless a swallow holds one beneath it's dorsal feathers. That depends on how long the branches are. I've got the strangest feeling there's an extended fieldfare metaphor in there
• Is this metaphorical flying or was it Clark?
• I was going for the robot theory, so Pete is one up on me.
• How has Clark not seen the wall before? How has the caretaker not seen the wall before and reported Chloe to a counsellor?
• He can tell it's Lana from the picture? That says a lot about her face.
• It doesn't occur to Jeremy to go zap those guys? Save Clark from a hideous fate?
• Semi-naked Clark scarecrow. Well it's a step up from Wurzel Gummidge
• I know Lex would probably have been flattened, but he could have made some effort to stop Clark from falling smack on his face in the middle of the cornfield
• Always strange when they use British bands as the soundtrack in American shows
• Whitney looks such an idiot in the tiara
• "Sprinklers will get them nice and wet..." Jeremy's really thought this through hasn't he? You've got to admire a revenge obsessed nutter with a plan, and a knowledge of conductivity
• Wouldn't that car still be live when he pulls the door off?
• Also worrying that I only know this song when it's by Culture Club
• Lana's older than Clark right? If she's homecoming queen and he's still fifteen? Not necessarily, this is just the homecoming dance, not the prom. Anyone can be voted homecoming queen, so if she got more votes than an older student she could still win.
• Show off! Good on him though. At last, Clark uses his powers for good. 
• "As soon as I started to pour milk onto it your grandmother yelled at me, so it's good that you're using it, son. I could never work out what it's for." 
• I wonder if he will answer it in five years? Nice to see they're aiming for that many seasons though

• I love Lana's drawer of tiaras. Any other girl would have a drawer of hair bobbles, or make up, or in my case, enough assorted stationary products to start my own office supply store.
• It's lucky that Lana thinks "How wonderful" instead of "Bugs! Bugs! Kill them! Bugs!" Or starts yelling "What kind of moron catches butterflies, crams them in a giftbox and forces me to chase them out of my curtains at midnight?" It must’ve been incredibly difficult to get the butterflies to stay in the box as he crammed them in one by one. 
• Could be worse, he could have been videotaping Whitney
• What the hell leads people to think that their rebellious children who never listen to orders are ideal candidates for the military?
• His mother only thinks he’s weird now? The basement full of bugs would’ve got me worrying a long time ago. 
• Where is he going with those fire-flies?
• Really going for the bug metaphors aren't they? The Papa Roach, the VW Beetle...
• Why doesn't he just stop the car and open the door? I very nearly had a similar accident and I was only besieged by one wasp. 
• I like the fact that C4 took the credits out so they could show this as a double episode with the pilot and haven't bothered to put them back in for the repeat
• Oddly glossy-looking CGI for the fly-over sequence
• That's a very ladylike sleeping pose. No odd sleeping position, drooling, snoring or attempts at pillow-eating for Lana.
• Oww! Particularly the second comedy thump
• His father wants him to go to the farmers market? Is one of Clark’s superpowers an incredibly high boredom threshold?
• I have to report that all of us female fringedwellers watched Clark push that nail in with identical, dreamy, longing expressions. I, sadly, must also report that every single one of us was thinking of him making bookshelves
• "Little tied up." Clark defining the phrase 'as subtle as a box of rocks'
• Way to point out your son's a disappointment Jonathan
• Scarecrows, as a general rule, don't laugh
• Crikey, bug guy cleans up nicely. You know I could forgive a guy an obsession with bugs if he looked that good. 
• The fact that he'd washed his hair would probably have thrown her too
• Nah, that's the Pond Skater, they're the real party insects
• Nathanial West will do that to a person.
• If it was a competition, Whitney would have a special shirt for it with his name on the back, a number and a sponsor
• Over here the metaphor's usually pigeons and statues
• a) I can and I will knock both Clark and Lex's taste in women and b) that's a great shirt for Lex
• I love "even the Romans saved that for special occasions." It was Homecoming, and apparently that's quite an occasion in America
• He got an apple too! Well okay, he stole the apple
• The look an Lex's face when he bites into that apple reminds me so much of the Christmas Dinner pill when I was the robot in 'Who Came Down At Christmas' when I was about seven. (I made just that face, then pretended to spit it out behind the stage curtain, cheap laugh yes, but it worked)
• Poor Whitney, still has to have his name sewn onto his clothes...
• Why did the truck fall over? There was no reason for it to flip
• Gotta love the wall of flame
• Only Clark could look slightly embarrassed about saving somebody's life
• Jonathan Kent really reminds me of someone, who is it? 
• Really like that pale blue sweater. Blue really is a good colour for him. Blue is practically the only colour he wears, apart from red, of course. On my copy of the video it’s pink - not so good. 
• Clark's other secret identity, he's MacCavity! "He's broken every human law/ He breaks the law of gravity." Scotland Yard never even thought to look in Smallville
• Actually, the horse does look a little lop-sided, but Lex should be more worried about her TAKING BOTH FEET OUT OF THE STIRRUPS BEFORE SHE DISMOUNTS! It's an English saddle, she's not Jack Palance, there's no f***ing excuse! Unless it's a plan and Lex is secretly hoping she'll do it one too many times and break her neck...
• That horse isn't going to do anything but cow-kick, it which case it's Lana who needs to watch out
• "Didn't make a great first impression" that depends on which bit of him she saw first. She remembered him, so it wasn’t that bad a first impression. 
• Okay, how come we never saw Lex first like that? Besides which, she shouldn't have been sneaking round his house!
• That is the only time that I've seen Lex off balance verbally.
• I don't see how she could have won that many competitions when she sits that badly, unless she was still on the lead rein. All I've got are five rosettes on a bit of string
• He'd have a lot of opinions wherever he was
• The moulting part of that process worries me a bit
• That spitting web is so cool!
• And I never even got the big Lego castle... (I got the little grey one, but I always wanted that big black one, you know, with all the towers. That or the pirate ship. I had the big garage though, and a riding stable, and the schools box of Lego Technic)
• There was a lot of fuss about goddesses too
• That box is interesting, I like it
• Lead armour? Both extremely heavy and very, very soft. Unless the dragon was emitting low level radiation, it's really not going to be doing him much good. Although I'd be tempted to give the guy the money for having the balls to get away with that story
• England's a nation of Boy Scouts now?
• Is it just me, or does Whitney look like the Pied Piper in the red and yellow? Oh, just me then
• No, he wasn't planning on telling her
• Clark more important that Greg? Frankly yes
• Tom Welling has beautiful hands
• It's sweet that Clark attempts to straighten the flannel before going to see Lana
• “This is an amazing place” - It’s a shed, it can’t be that fantastic. 
• "I can see the pub from 'ere!" Sorry, minor XXXX moment there
• Well denied Clark!
• A mile? That's not a very big farm then. We're nearly half a mile from the next house and all we've got is a big orchard and some geese, and ducks, and apparently a muntjac (wildlife updates courtesy of my parents (in fact definitely a muntjac, I saw it yesterday))
• I do like the way they put Lana in the soft focus and the romantic music, so we're seeing her through Clark's eyes. Obviously I hate her too, but then me and the Prom Princess, like wolf and turtle, natural enemies
• Yes well, Clark isn't as petty or small-minded as Lana, Whitney et al
• Fairly large breadcrumbs
• Yes! That's weird!
• I still think keeping a bit of the thing that killed your parents is kind of creepy, and I think the fact that Nell gave it to her is especially disturbing. With the murderous rock keepsake, and the conversations with her dead parents, Lana has some serious issues she needs to address. 
• Lana making "glad you're okay" sound like 'glad Clark is cool enough to be friendly with'
• Eeewwwww!!! Okay they never showed the moulting bit on C4. That was gross!
• Garrghh. I've seen this six, seven times now, and it still makes me jump when you see bug guy in the rafters
• He just completely totalled your harrow blades, that's what
• This looks like a job for Beetle of the Yard! Beetle, Beetle, Beetle of the Yard...
• Well, if you're going to make reasonable points...
• No, a spectacularly well-aimed meteor did!
• A very dark, secluded closet with dim lighting and big bowls of jam in every corner
• Six foot and counting, either in height or in drop-kicked distance depending on how personally you chose to take the 'vertically' comment. "Other than vertically" at which point you quote, or demonstrate, the 's hort is better' wisdom of a Pratchett dwarf
• Hey! One comic strip hero at a time people!
• I like the idea of bugs staging a revolt. 
• Now would be the ideal time to break and decorate
• You'd have thought a country boy would take his shoes off out of habit, even if the Kents have a wet kitchen. Nobody ever comes in our house without taking their shoes off, or rinsing them off at the outside tap
• “He just stopped calling” - Well perhaps Clark and Pete should have called him. Its sounds like he was having quite a hard time. 
• Chloe doesn't sound at all troubled by Lana being betrothed to the bug man.  Good for her
• I don't know what she's feeding those horses but it can't be real hay, she hasn't got hay seeds or stalks anywhere on her, and believe me, they get everywhere
• Whitney has a terrible premonition of the ghost of boyfriends future
• Sleeping 'Beauty' much?
• If 'The Fly' is anything to go by, rules aren't the only thing he hasn't got. Other things start to drop off too
• Actually natural law also infers that the weak need to survive in enough quantities to sustain the strong. 
• Credit to Clark for not leaping out of the way of those beetles
• Bondaweb! Ha! Sorry, that stuff Lana's wrapped in is called bondaweb, you use it to stick together bits of fabric with a hot iron. Now that really is a joke for a small audience
• I'd never have noticed that necklace, it would have hung there for the next week whilst I bitched at Whitney for not giving it back
• Does Clark keep Lex's box?

• Ooh, proper Leicester/Bath weather... All that rain and there are still people watching the football game? Go home, you poor sad people. Are we meant to be thinking ‘tough and manly’ because I’m thinking ‘cold, wet and stupid’. 
• This is one of Clark's little fantasy things isn't it?
• Oh, apparently not. Yeah, for a moment I thought it was too, but it probably wouldn't be pissing it down with rain quite so much
• Somehow I’m getting the impression that the coach is the baddie this week. For some reason, after dealing with the female PE teachers in an English Grammar School, Coach Walt really doesn't seem that scary
• No, I just don't get American football, if you can just chuck the ball up the pitch, where's the challenge? 
• The Crows aquaplaned their way to victory there. 
• Why is the coach so venerated? Surely it’s tradition to loathe your old PE teacher. 
• A personal sweat box, there's a gift that shows you care  
• The coach is Kevin’s dad from The Wonder Years, therefore he cannot be evil. 
• "All the sweat boxes in all the world, he has to walk into mine..."
• I like this Principal. Principal Kwan seems level headed, sensible and fair which means he’s about to be killed in an unpleasant way. 
• Principal’s are never there to educate young minds. If they were they would still be teachers. 
• Teaching them to throw a ball straight doesn't actually count as an education
• Chloe should resign her editorship of the newspaper if she can’t spot a bloody great grammatical error in her 30 point headline. 
• "Pom-pom meltdown" oh, I wish! Can't you just picture it...
• "Saw your arm," when there are so many other bits to look at...
• Must be in the fabric softener then. Biology not the coach's strong point obviously
• 'Doesn't have a lick of natural talent' I know that feeling. Ah, the mark of a true PE teacher, being able to crush someone totally yet still make it sound like a compliment
• That was some quality manipulation of an innocent teenage by the supposedly responsible coach
• How come American schools (or the TV ones) always have such wide corridors? They're never like ours, just about wide enough for three people to walk abreast when empty, but between lessons nice and congested with two third of the space taken up by classes queuing down the side waiting to get into the classrooms. Oh and the extra special bottlenecks where there were banks of lockers as well
• Simpering Lana is great at simpering. Lana can pout too. She’s good at pouting. 
• Is there a couple less endearing than Lana and Whitney?
• He uses it a lot because it works. Besides, if he's been using it for that long, he's got to be good at it by now
• I wouldn’t be happy if my child became the star of the football team, it would mean I’d failed in my parental duty. 
• I was post-empted by Clark when I said Jonathan had achievements of his own
• Surely the point of a permission slip is that you can't play football without you parents signing it? Otherwise, what's the point?
• Okay, this is the problem with reading a lot of fic before you've seen the show. It means that I've had many different mental images of Dominic and IN NONE OF THEM was he Jason Connery. With a beard. Subject of many teenage crushes whether he was dashing about the forest in dark brown tights, or slinking round the South Seas in a cream panama hat. My Great Aunt used to have a crush on him. And just so you know, I'm watching this for the fourth time and I' m still creeped out by the beard
• Lex would be a bloody menace on a polo field. I mean that in the good sense
• Cutting the workforce would cut productivity, Lex has a point
• There's something very classy about a maroon baize pool table
• We never do meet Dominic's sister do we?
• American football outfits just make the players’ arses look really scrawny. Insert Giles' "30 pounds of protective padding just in order to play rugby" quote. Of course, it's doesn't help that I also have Tigers v Munster on this tape, and they hit way, way harder than that. In fact, I think I hit the guy in front of me who wouldn't sit down harder than that
• I don’t see how Jonathan sitting there like a rugged blond hawk will stop people getting hurt. It will just put Clark off and increase the chance of him accidentally hurting somebody. 
• He probably thinks he's the Principal, and you know, he'd be right
• My P.E teachers were much scarier than that and they did not have any superpowers. 
• Did no one think to get a fire extinguisher? They don't seem to have extinguishers in American schools, they have nice, safe-looking vampire-killing axes hanging on the walls instead
• I wouldn't like to be a car in this show, what is this, four cars in three weeks? Five, Lex's Porsche, the one electric guy ruined, bug boy's Beetle, the Principal's car and Whitney's truck. Not counting the ones Clark stacked in the pilot
• Hopefully the explosion will explain why one of the doors was ripped off too
• "Saw you play." Briefly
• You can just see Jonathan trying desperately not to be proud
• I missed out on Little League too and look how I... Okay, fair point
• Someone could’ve tried taking Clark away, but they wouldn’t have been successful. 
• "Jock strap," if you're not going to show it, there's no need to get us all excited by mentioning it
• 'Not a cult' says the new initiate. Of course it's a cult, they have regular meetings, special outfits, unintelligible rules and they shower together after. Sounds like a cult to me
• All the people on this show have such smooth, polyfilla-ed skin. Not one bloody blemish anywhere.
• But they're not even slightly alike. How can she not tell them apart?
• Lana is already doing substantially better than I fared after six months. She’s even managing to smile, I never mastered that. 
• Lana broke the vicious cycle and saw the light
• Five minutes to wait for coffee? By English standards that’s great service. 
• Too much caffeine for one purple haired lady, I feel. 
• The only thing you can do there is bow and take your applause like a star. “I’m here through Thursday, enjoy the veal.” 
• Spot of kerosene and a well-placed match, that's not so impressive. Josh and Sam made more flames than that
• I like that little aborted touch
• One Luthor has too much hair, one has none at all. Such cruel irony.
• Bullshit. The Caesars sent their sons away so it was that bit harder to get assassinated by them, and if it did happen it would only be after some really, really complex long distance planning (that or a whiny letter to their mothers. Hey, it worked for Nero)
• If Lex doesn't get special treatment, then does Lionel fence all his CEOs when they've made risky business decisions?
• Was I the only one having a little 'Dirty Harry' moment there?
• Okay, so it wasn't Michael Rosenbaum fencing in the pilot. Doesn't he look strangely disunited here? I have a feeling though that he has fought before, but been doing it two-handed (just watch the way he steps into that big slash at the end). Of course, his right side creeping forward might be because he'd be happier using that hand, but if (I assume from his signature in 'X-Ray') he's naturally right handed, then he wouldn't use his left unless he'd had some experience and discovered it was stronger. Both my Dad and I are like that, naturally right handed, but using our left for tennis, golf, fencing, bash the rat, that kind of thing. Of course, it might just be that the stunt guy in the pilot was left handed and they got stuck with it. I'm sorry, this kind of thing interests me
• How exactly do the white suits help in fencing? 
• Trust me, rash moves are the hardest to defend against, because if your opponent doesn't know where he's going to strike next, you've got no chance
• Lionel Luthor reads 'The House At Pooh Corner'
• Sudden 'Farscape' image of Mrs Kent in the long black coat with the big laser guns
• "So you trust me right?"
• Very pathetic Crow mascot. Nothing compared to our tiger, who was very nearly banned for beating the crap out of a moose at West Hartlepool, or Cyril the Swansea Swan who was actually voted Welsh Sports Personality of the Year a few years back. Unfortunately he was declared ineligible on account of him being a man in a swan suit and not a real sports player
• Practising cheerleaders always remind me of KKK rallies. 
• Bitch of a Chinese Burn
• Ah well, it's an iMac, what can you expect
• Yes! That's actually ironic! If you ever needed proof that Clark wasn't a born and bred American, that was it
• Love Lex lurking in the background of this shot
• The big shiny nylon shirt is kind of giving him away
• "Wrote the book on uncomfortable silences." What's the word count on that? Bet it doesn't come on tape
• Lex is a lot less menacing with whipped cream on his nose. Still sexy though
• It wasn't even in the right kind of cup!
• I think Lex may have found his 20% of the workforce. 
• That's a really gross effect with Clark's hand
• Those coals fell in a very bad place if Clark is intending to have children.
• Love the rallying cry of 'CAW CAW' painted on the banners at the side of the field
• You know, you're not impressing anybody Coach
• I like sweaty sauna!Clark. It's a good look for him
• “You need help” - Or a fire retardant jacket. Would an electrical fire extinguisher work on a supernatural fire?
• I understand why Clark isn't on fire, but why isn't his shirt?
• He has the bloody Bayeux tapestry in his hallway, or a chunk of it anyway. The French must be pissed
• Empires are built on clever book-keeping. Of course they are! Believe me, a well-trained accountant could cripple one faster than a whole band of marauding Vandals. Although book-keeping for an empire sounds kind of fun, I mean just think of the maths... Wow!
• God, even Clark's eyeballs are clean
• The only problem with living in the country is if you do scream like this, people actually come to see what's wrong. In towns they mostly just ignore you

• Okay, un-generic contra-folly boy. I've been putting this explanation off, but 'X-Ray' doesn't start for half an hour and I have nothing better to do, so... The un-generic thing first. Tom Welling always confused me, because you naturally expect the male leads in American shows to be really generic-looking (to the point that the male leads in 'Mutant X' are nicknamed generic guy and less-generic guy) and HE ISN'T. We were tipped off by the fact that not only did I find him attractive, but that Tobin didn't, and if ever there's a girl who's attracted to generic sci-fi man it's Tobin. Tom Welling however made not a single blip on the Tobin-o-meter, proving that he must be un-generic, because the Tobin-o-meter does not lie. (As an aside, after much thought we've discovered that he's also the first male lead that I've fancied in anything since Sean Bean ran round Spain in a uniform the best part of seven years ago.) The contra-librarian folly is very slightly more complicated. One of the things that often applies to a librarian folly is and I'm quoting here, "someone who was truly fabulous looking ten years ago", thus leading to much discussion about over-polishing furniture (the rest of this is on the Mouse Page). TW on the other hand is someone, who whilst very handsome now, will be truly fabulous looking in about ten years time. This was briefly thought of as being a proto-librarian folly, but that would imply that he was going to become a folly himself at some time, which he very probably might not do. What he actually is, is someone approaching folly-ness from the other side, so contra-librarian folly was the ideal technical term. See why I was putting that off?
• You can tell this is wrong from the second he walks into that bank. Lex never owns a shiny red backpack. Lex would have someone to carry his bag for him.
• It's not a problem, it's just concerning. How to give a bank manager a heart attack...
• I like Lex's encouraging smile to the poor manager
• So Lex is right-handed. Or is that just Tina? It probably is her, she doesn't seem bright enough to have researched something like that. But then again, it is actually MR signing the paper, so he probably is right handed. Ahhh!! Now I'm having reality follies
• I can't believe that nasty scratchy signature is real and the lovely loopy one is the fake
• Something else with your signature I presume (do they make you sign your drivers licence in the US?). You can understand fake Lex’s point of view here - this should be easy. How many other bald multi-millionaire twentysomethings are there in Smallville? Why should there be any need for ID? 
• Where did fake!Lex get the gun from?
• I spent ages looking for Lex’s skull cap join until Diminuendo told me the poor sod has to shave his head every day. 
• He wouldn't run either, not his style. Particularly not in that very girly way. 
• There is absolutely no blip on the Tobin-o-meter at all. Scary. 
• Does she have kryptonite in her brain?
• That's a neat trick. Tony Hart discarded plasticine Morph and made a real live girl!
• Actually, stealing is a way to solve problems, but only if you don’t get caught.
• Like the "I hope"
• Well, that's got to be some scintillating reception. 200 fertiliser distributors. Wonder what they talk about? You can tell Lex is wishing he actually had been robbing the bank. 
• Hold on, "cemented in stone"? Oh please! Set in cement (which crumbles, you should really set things in concrete) or carved in stone perhaps. Pick a metaphor Lex, this is one instance that you can't have it all
• Jonathan's innocent 'Who? Me?' look
• And so to be fair would Lex, in the unlikely event that he robbed a bank. In reality he would be more likely to take it over
• This is something I've never, ever been able to do, climb ropes
• However, I can and have done that
• How come every single one of those girls is wearing matching underwear?
• “Are you alright?” - Oh Clark’s just fine... And suddenly the pluses of x-ray vision become obvious. Got to give him credit too for not having an attack of the morals and looking away when she drops her towel. Lex would be so proud...
• I’ve never understood this. How does Clark see all the way through Pete, but not through all the girls in the locker room? 
• It’s x-ray vision Clark, not cancer. Cheer up. 
• If Clark is this freaked by x-ray vision just imagine what he’s going to be like when he can fly. 
• Who has a pressing need to get to an antique store? That can only be for plot purposes. 
• I feel so sorry for Clark, I've been having a week like this, where everyone's been telling me that I'm wrong and I'm the one who's got mixed up, and you know, I've a sneaking suspicion that they might be right. Although, deep down I'm sure they're not. It's very confusing.
• I’m sorry but although she’s just killed her mother and all, she would at some point count the money and find the missing wad of cash. 
• They've got some super morphing effects in this ep
• Finally Martha gets it. Clark's been having that feeling all day
• $5000 in cash, from a bank that's just been robbed, and now she's suspicious?
• “It crossed my mind” - In anyone else’s mind it would’ve flashed neon. 
• That’s a scary looking cake. It’s not very functional either. You could never fit a whole slice in your mouth. 
• Does he just move the 'Lex' plate from car to car? That must drive the DMV insane.
• On the other hand, that’s a very nice car. Get the hell off that car! It should be illegal to lean on an Aston like that
• Well "new and improved" would imply that he'd changed, so it wouldn't really be a facade at all would it? Besides, something can't be new and improved, because if it's new then it didn't exist before and there wouldn't be anything to improve upon. Grammar peeve there
• Do we ever get to see the rest of that Vantage? It make such a brief appearance that for a while there I thought they'd faked it from an old Mercedes with the marque stuck on the back (we never see the nose, it's American spec, I've never seen the soft top before and they let the actor drive it, you can't blame me for being suspicious!). Still, as it is real (you've got to love any show that means I can justifiably spend an hour on the net looking at sports cars and call it fact checking...), then please can we see some more? Please..? 
• Clark’s hair is irritating. Yeah, it needs clipping out at the back and fluffing up a bit at the front. It's all part of their 'let's try and disguise our 26-year-old lead as a teenager' plan
• Pete and Chloe look very close there
• So Pete and Chloe didn’t want Clark for anything there. They just came, plotted, and went. 
• Oh please tell me Lana decides she wants to ‘see the world’ soon. 
• For once, Whitney has something approaching a point
• I love small town policing - instead of hunting down the number one suspect in a bank robbery you ask her mother to drop by the station later with her. 
• We see you as you really are and it's very different to how Clark sees you
• Whitney? Who's Whitney again..?
• I'm fond of Chloe's staple gunning threat
• That’s a very nice ‘hole’ with some very expensive computers. I’ll trade my classroom for Chloe’s if she wants. 
• I love that as a definition - “When disco ruled the earth.” 
• God forbid they might have to look at an actual piece of paper. If they're worried about that then the Dewey Decimal system's going to be the biggest shock of their lives
• "You may take it for granted if a manuscript can be read it's never worth reading" (Edgar Allan Poe)
• Do you think he can count that high?
• You couldn’t wipe out an identity with one phone call, not unless you’d made lots of preliminary phone calls and written some letters.
• What number can the would-be blackmailer possibly be calling? Who knows their bank branch telephone number off the top of their head?
• Most people I know would be thrilled if Lex managed to wipe out the records of their bank accounts. Bye bye overdraft, bye bye student loan...
• Oh he has to do the evil/masterful thing more often. Very, very nice indeed
• Poor Porsche
• So he did keep the box after all
• Whitney’s mother (who should be shot if she is responsible for naming her son Whitney) has sewn nametags on his clothes. Bless. 
• You've got to admire Tina's attitude to Lana's various conquests. "Want, take, have..."
• I wondered where the body was stashed. 
• Sooner or later Pete is going to get suspicious of those ‘hunches’. 
• Ahh, the many advantages of a pay as you talk connection. 
• Surely a broken neck would be pretty obvious even without the x-ray. She'd be all floppy
• "Wants to become Lana," well if ever there was proof of mental instability
• I haven’t seen many Smallville episodes yet, but are Lana’s discussions with her dead parents seen as normal behaviour? 
• You tell her fake!Whitney!
• I hate that creaking cartilage sound when she morphs
• Why? Because you can take it? That's got nothing to do with deserving. And, to be fair, no one deserves Lana. 
• Somebody is going to be pissed about those gravestones
• Love the way they have Tina morph into Whitney so that Clark isn't beating the shit out of a girl. Saves on stunt people as well
• Hiding Lana’s body in a graveyard was a good idea. Hiding something in plain sight and all. 
• OK, Clark needs to be a bit more circumspect about where he's chucking the iron grid. Was I the only one expecting a comedy 'ow' when he slung that out of shot?
• She must have known that she was going to die and so finished off her pots of mascara and eyeshadow
• I know she weighs less than an ant but that still impresses me. Although I like the way it takes more effort to lift her than it did to move those two huge slabs of stone from the lid of the coffin
• Does Whitney ever get his jacket back? I hope not, the leather one's much nicer, and it doesn't have his name sewn on the back
• I like the way Clark’s parents don’t seem at all concerned by his affinity with a murdering psychopath. 
• Clark likes Lana? Gee ya think!
• Martha Kent reveals her secret identity as Wise Aphorisms Woman. "Don't run with scissors?" yet again, the Stargate fans got that (really guys, you don't know what you're missing...)

•  That guy in the yellow kagoule isn’t really in the party spirit. 
• Chloe, people will gather anywhere other people are gathering. They need no other incentives.
• I don't feel the cold much either, I just find out when all the blood supply drains from my fingers
• Yeah, you’d think that Chloe would prefer guys who didn’t leave a slime trail. 
• I'm impressed too, although I might laugh a little more before telling him that. That is the worst come-on line I have ever heard. Post empted by Chloe there. His second attempt was better
• “I’m not going to make a move on you” - Erm, I think you just did. 
• You can't write phone numbers in someone's palm, they sweat off in about two minutes. I'm a big writer of notes on my skin (it's not a weird thing, I'm just incredibly talented at losing pieces of paper, arms are a little harder to misplace) and the best place to do it is the inside of your forearm
• Hail Marys? Am I missing something? I'm presuming they're not going down to the lakeside to pray
• Crater Lake - No Fun To Be Had Here - By Order Of Smallville County Council
• Her hair is not raven by any stretch of the imagination
• Go quickly, very quickly - too late
• Nobody thought to look for Shaun? 
• Yep, that's the colour my hands go
• That looks like me the winter I had a car with no heating. Two jackets, a scarf, a hat, two pairs of gloves and a flask of hot water to defrost the windscreen as I went along.
• Erm, those little flame shaped pieces of ice? What the hell was he actually freezing there? They look pretty though.
• Damn, we're back in academy, I'd got spoilt by seeing this in widescreen at home
• Oh I hate people who can add so fast in their head like that. I hate it when people do that! The whole point of maths is finding out the answer for yourself, it's no fun if someone does it for you. Except quadratic equations, because they're just evil. That is a fantastic skill. Mental arithmetic makes my head hurt.
• Oh look, he’s in red again. 
• At last Clark comes to his senses and decides to repay his parents by joining a travelling freak show. 
• Of course he didn’t call you yet Chloe, it’s only about 9 hours later. 
• Yeah, but he's probably not trying to get in your knickers Pete
• That thermometer went 'crunch'
• “I felt fine this morning” - Waking up in a lake didn’t ring any alarm bells? 
• Martha should not be allowed within spitting distance of a chainsaw. After a couple of near misses like that, you learn the safe distance for people with chainsaws and how to wander into their line of sight whilst still staying a good 10 feet away. The same goes for men with strimmers, because they can be nasty too
• Is it preconditioned in me when someone says "I come in peace" to reply "Shoot to kill"? Not to mention changing the laws of physics. "It's worse than that it's physics Jim!"
• Why would anyone want artichokes?
• Does this mean that Smallville should be “Slightly-larger-than-medium-Smallville”?
• I know Lex will never get tired of being right, but occasionally it's a good idea to keep it to yourself
• And for once, "I think you're with the wrong guy" wasn't a come-on
• Asking Whitney to remember anything other than his name is going to cause problems, Lana.
• He threw her over for BOXING???!!! Okay, that is the absolute, absolute limit. I mean, boxing?
• You wouldn't take Lex for the romantic type would you? He'll suggest Clark writes Lana love poetry next
• Why is he doing this?
• No, the hardest thing in the world would be if he told her and she laughed in his face. 
• Clark, run. Trust Lex to time Clark. Eyes glued to the counter on the video now...
• Doctor Zhivago if your squint wasn't up to the job, and whatever the Russian classic, wading with it is dangerous. You might get the book wet and they're heavy enough as it is. Dragged to a watery grave by Boris Pasternak. Also, I have to tell you that whilst Lizard is perfectly capable of spelling "Zhivago" she had terrible trouble with "Doctor"
• Thing: A disembodied hand that keeps house for the Addams family
• Forty two seconds, not bad
• My god! Those teeth! Those two can never breed, just think of the toothpaste bills! One reason I'd never fit into the 's mallville' cast, I'm incapable of using my teeth to signal ships at sea
• Does she have to tuck it in and read it a story too?
• Why can’t Sean just have a really warm bath?
• She showers like Lizard, clouds of steam rolling out of the bathroom door whenever you open it
• Those shower radios never work that well. You can only ever get a very static ‘Heart FM’ 
• That's pretty much how I looked when I got back in from work for most of last winter, only wetter and muddier. The answer is a big cup of tea with whisky in it. In fact the answer to most things is a big cup of tea with whisky in it
• That’s it, hide your naked body in the transparent shower curtain. 
• Should we have seen her shatter?
• Jonathan needs a shed. All men need a shed, mostly because it keeps them the hell out of the kitchen
• Perhaps it was an articulate grunt
• Grammar Girl attacks! “They is Lex’s father”? Lex's father is a plural?
• That's such a mum argument, 'because I already decided it'
• This is like Sam's infamous guaranteed no-sex Chinese opera non-date isn't it?
• I'd be impressed if the line was his. Delivers it well though
• And Tom Welling has had a lot of growth spurts. 
• What's wrong with what he's wearing?
• Oh, I like Chloe's attitude, "He may be a little intellectually challenged, but he's really hot!"
• That coffee he offered her is more likely to be a Frappachino. 
• Like our exploratory mission on Charles Gunn to see if it's worth staging an actual campaign in order to get him naked (we don't want to waste our time if it's not going to be worth it), just me, Lizard, Tobin, Teal'c and his unfeasibly large staff weapon...
• Well, at least he's relatively honest about it
• Lex would be held in much higher esteem if he could just learn to hide that smirk.
• Defensive reading? Only if the book is "Teach Yourself Successful Siegeing- A Beginners Guide'. Chapter One: Endeavour to be outside
• Aargh! I had defensive reading, offensive reading, reading to entertain, reading to keep my brain from numbing... Offensive reading- "I've got a copy of 'To Kill A Mockingbird' and I'm not afraid to use it"
• Clark can always understand Lana because her vocabulary is pretty much on par with an eight year old’s. 
• Wow, the hand really is faster than the eye
• Cheat!! This is just a good excuse to stare at her chest isn't it?
• Don’t stop the car, turn it around and take it to where you want to go. 
• Why is she allowed in school that late? Our school locked the doors practically as soon as last lesson finished. I had to wait outside for the bus for 35 minutes they hustled us out so fast
• The Torch’s office was rebuilt after 'Hothead' then. And they found lots of articles and things to stick to the wall to replace all the articles and things that burnt up in the FIRE. Continuity, anyone? Please? In this show? No chance
• The word is creepy Chloe. If it led anywhere good, he wouldn't have needed to lay a trail and lure you there. This girl has a wall covered with all the freaky stuff that happens in Smallville, and yet she still wanders into a darkened corridor alone. 
• How the hell would he know if it hurt or not?
• I wonder what the freezing point of swimming pool water is? Does the chlorine make a difference?
• The Zeroth Law! An (almost) practical application of the infamous Zeroth law of thermodynamics! (One of these cases where they set the first law, then found an even more basic one and had nowhere else to go. We all think it's a great name for a sci-fi cartoon villain. Zeroth the Destroyer, pitted against the heroic Ref Frame, his long-time love Princess Inertia and their plucky sidekick Eddy Currents. And his knowledgeable mentor Odash. Physicists would be laughing right about now
• I was about to say she can't have expected that much from the evening if she took a book, but then I rarely leave the house without a book regardless of where I'm going. I wonder if Lex's driver remembered to bring one?
• Even in shadow Whitney’s Hugh Grant hairstyle is threatening. 
• What's Whitney doing there? Didn't he have a fight to watch?
• You've got to love Whitney's face here. "Limo? What Limo?"
• Subsidies are a wonderful thing, they mean it's actually more profitable to do bugger all on your land than it is to plant or harvest anything. Saves on the machinery maintenance too, and means you can ride over it without getting yelled at. Also you can sneakily cut for silage when nobody's looking
• Whitney feels perhaps that there are things going on he doesn't know about
• One more truck down
• "Allow me to help you get to the point where you never need someone like me again." Is that wolf logic?
• Martha's first instinct when she sees the broken generator is to smack it few times
• He’d be a lot warmer if he did up his coat. 
• Such a completely instinctive reaction, chucking the girder away after he's hit the guy with it. He obviously played rounders in a school with only one bat. The more athletically inclined learned how to swing, hit, then sling the bat backwards as they ran. The only thing the rest of us learnt was the ability to scatter like rabbits as a two foot lump of wood came hurtling towards you
• Does someone come along and fish the frozen body out of Lex's pool at any point? A frozen pool didn’t stop him last time.
• Yeah, pretty much
• Smallville High has a memorial to dead students? I wonder how long it will take them to get as blase as Sunnydale High?
• “Why do you got out with him? Whitney I mean” “Because he’s a plot device to string out our impending doomed relationship.”
• Unless there's a boxing match on of course. Or is she just never needy on a Saturday evening?
• That's a lovely shot to finish off with