hourglass-shimmer

s1 ep 1-5
s1 ep 6-10
s1 ep 11-16
s1 ep 17-21
s2 ep 1-6
s2 ep 7-12
s2 ep13-17
s2 ep18-23
s3 ep 1-6
s3 ep 7-11
s3 ep 12-16
s3 ep 17-22
s4 ep 1-6
s4 ep 7-11
s4 ep 12-16
s4 ep 17-22
s5 ep 1-6
s5- ep 7-11
s5 ep 12-16
s5 ep 17-22
car guide s1
car guide s2
car guide s3
car guide s4
car guide s5

season one

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hourglass

I know you've all been losing sleep over this, but don't worry, I moved the cup final in time and it's now safely residing on my 'I'm-secretly-a-45-year-old-man' tape along with a Pink Floyd film and the first series of 'Manchild' (I did however have to tape over the Irish 2000 Guineas, but since that was just another reminder of all the money I should have won on the English one, it wasn't too much of a wrench)
If just hanging out with old people adds to your hours, that's no problem. I could nominate my Granddad and spend two hours a day in the pub!
I wonder if anybody asked the old people if they wanted to be entertained by compelled high school students.
Attraction being the operative word
I second Pete's "yeah right" I like Pete. Pete seems like a fairly sensible person.
Oh look, a person called Cassandra and it took them all of two seconds to set up the mythology reference.
Why does she need someone to read to her. She’s managing perfectly well with Braille.
I know her...
"What's your name?" Shouldn't she know?
Oh God, Lana is cheering up the elderly. Surely that’s euthanasia?
It is beautiful but also looks cold. Also because they have no wish to spend their free time stuck in a cheesy mock-up of an over reproduced Monet print
They're some shockingly high-voltage fairy lights (unintentional pun... unintentional pun...). It’s a quickening! The old man is an immortal!
Insert Goons comment here. "He's fallen in the water!"
Love all the floating electrified plastic fish
Just for a second I thought they were kryptonite frogs
All the weird and wonderful things the kryptonite can do, just imagine if the Goa'uld got hold of it, Jack would have to build green stargates
Close physically or close emotionally? Because it could mean the person at the bus stop standing next to Clark could fall down dead of a heart attack and there’d be nothing that he could do. Why do people who see the future never bother to get any details?
My God, using power tools with goggles and blade guards and everything! I know I'm paranoid about this, but for the women in my family worrying about men with power tools is something we do an an almost professional basis. When one of your family members has nearly chopped his own thumb off with the brand new ax that he'd taken into work and run through the industrial blade grinder because he didn't think it was quite sharp enough... You can understand why it's an issue
Love the pause, "Some old... lady"
Clark and his parents are actually having a serious discussion about whether or not to believe the old lady that sees the future? My parents would have burst out laughing if I had come home with a story that dumb. Clark’s parents have a son from outer space who can see through walls, how could they possibly be that sceptical?
Premonitions are over-rated. If you have useful ones I suppose it's okay, but for me they've mostly involved things like dreaming every precise detail of Robin Brooke's second try for the All Blacks against Argentina, which is fine if you're a spread better but pretty pointless otherwise
Like the waitress' forced laugh
They bought it up by mule...
I really hate this sometimes, yes people get older, that doesn't automatically mean they still think it's 1953
Yeah, that name badge is there to help Lana get through the day. It should be on upside down though so she can see her name.
Would losing half an old person be worse? “Who else has lost an entire old person” - Erm, I have. (She was found safe and well if anyone’s interested.)
So the boy has a vocabulary, that's no need to be mean
"I already know my future" followed by a sign saying 'Organic Produce'. Is it possible that we know his future too?
He might consider looking for the apex when he does, because he should be able to do them a lot faster than that
Well, there's the interest in the health of the Ferrari
Why is Lex in such a snit with Clark here?
Why does Clark leave the vegetables on the driveway. He’s not a very good delivery boy. Yeah, but you don't really order him for the produce
That can’t be the Bayeux Tapestry on Lex’s wall, it’s too big. The real thing is about half the height of that. Maybe that is the real thing and they've fobbed off the French with a half-size copy
Lana is exposition girl now? They’ve picked the wrong character there if they want any credibility points at all.
The community service organisers matched Lana up with a murderer. Well, you’ve got to give them credit for trying.
Harsh, but you've got to applaud the logic. I can understand the old guy’s frustration. Failing Grade One was just devastating.
When that happens to us it's usually the meter
I’ve seen the evil young Harry before somewhere and it’s bugging me.
And no suspicion was aroused when the electricity guy turns up seconds after the power fails?
Harry's subtly pumping this guy for information in a very professional manner
'Due South', she was in 'Due South', when was she in 'Due South'..? Ah ha! She was the woman with the husband who had a fear of acrobats and didn't enjoy bondage
It could have flash burnt her retina, but her optic nerve?
It looks like someone graffitied Stonehenge.
Clark shouldn’t be freaked out by his vision. The only way that particular burial arrangement is going to take place is if there was one hell of a food mixer accident.
Well at least Whitney’s okay.
Why doesn't he see Lex's tombstone, or more to the point, why doesn't he notice that he doesn't see it?
Did the Kent's get a job lot on that yellow masonry paint, because they've used it inside and out
This might be a dumb question, but why is a blind woman wearing sunglasses?
I like the idea of Luthor Everything Inc. "The theory of everything? Is it comprehensive?"
Why doesn’t Lex’s close relationship with a high school student at least six years his junior provoke even slight misgivings in Smallville?
I don't think I'd want to know my future either
Cassandra double dares Lex. That old woman is playing Lex at his own game quite well.
Chloe's wall of weird is upsettingly similar to (but not as attractive as) the infamous wall of men in our old kitchen
Wasn't the Wall Of Weird in a separate room before?
God, Lana was an ugly child. The fairy wings aren’t helping much. I’m surprised someone hasn’t blown that picture up and pasted it on to a school wall by now.
Back to that "you're special" again
One should always look for time machines, just in case.
I didn't think that piano sounded right either
How much coffee has Harry drunk today?
Generally by being Clark. How d’ya think Clark? By becoming a doctor?
If there was a Clark-sized gap between her and the undertray, then all she had to do was lie still. She wasn't in that much danger
Wow! That's a beautiful effect with the knife
He's going to cannibalise it for the spares of course
Now that really is suspicious, if Lex didn't hit him, what the hell else would have made him not remember the accident? Clark's pleading amnesia from his dive?
I imagine that there's a Porsche dealership in Metropolis, you could go there first
Those kryptonite koi carp are evil, I tell you.
They really shouldn’t be allowing people onto that bridge if they haven’t repaired the hand rail.
Clark's doing a pretty good job of being threatening. I like the icy stare
Luckily that is the nurse call and not his morphine
Clark is going to have a job finding enough words of one syllable to explain what has been going on to Lana.
Do none of these people ask for ID when strange men come to the door?
They have a regular gas man? Now that’s what I call service.
"Well, I'm afraid Jonathan's not in at the moment, do you think you could come back and kill him tomorrow, I'll let him know you stopped by..."
That’s it Martha, run towards your certain death.
Good move Martha, someone's seen 'Witness'
Why do the Kents, farmers of maize, tulips, cows and assorted produce, have a grain silo?
I am fond of the way Clark never actually has to kill any of the bad guys, he just studiously avoids saving them when they place themselves in danger
Jonathan really should’ve checked Martha’s airway for popcorn before starting mouth to mouth.
“I’ll never eat popcorn again!” Still, if your time is up, popcorn is as good a way to go as any.
These people are going to have to cut back on their Oddysey, Lex's Troy, Greeks bearing gifts, Cassandra...
Nice use of the set of 'The West Wing', although Lex looks like he’s in an episode of 'Randall and Hopkirk Deceased'. Any minute now Alexis Denisof is going to be flattened by a rogue double bed. Those of you who know my record with crushes and limb loss will understand why I'm looking less than pleased at this vision. I was rather hoping they'd gloss over that part.
A sudden death in a residential home requires a lot more procedure than “she’s gone”.

craving

I think we’ve got the message about the evil green rocks now. You can stop doing the lingering shots.
Is that a real fat person or a thinnie in prosthetic fat? That's definitely prosthetic fat
Redundant yes, but nonetheless extremely satisfying
A bikini isn’t an outfit. It’s waterproof underwear.
Thank you Pete! Nice shot against Dustin, Pete. And Chloe, too.
Nothing that green can be good for you, even if it has got bananas in it.
Okay, so how much does she weigh in real money?
But losing all that weight means she has to buy new clothes. What a waste of time.
Well, let them have their party and you have yours! Make a stand you limp-spined diet pill!
How old is Lana going to be?
Whitney looks cheerfully unconcerned that Lord Baden Powell has returned from the dead and phoned him
Don’t worry Clark, Lana couldn’t understand all those polysyllabic words anyway.
Clark's recovery is about five times better than his parents, although his isn't from near heart failure (you should all be impressed, that was very nearly a bad spelling pun where Clark's parents suffered deer failure). Clark, you don’t have to bother backtracking to Lana, she’s too self-absorbed to have noticed anyway.
Wouldn't the bottom of the post splinter if it hit rock that hard?
Ice sculptures, strangely appropriate...
Do love the whole series of expressions on Martha's face
Rubbish, the best gifts come from Waterstones, or Forbidden Planet, or occasionally MVC (says Diminuendo, clutching her plastic librarian and the three brand new 's harpe' videos that she unwrapped last week)
Pick a food girl, or at least a food group. Obviously Jodie's time of the month. Really being thumped over the head with the eating disorder metaphor here.
The trick to avoiding deer is to remember that after the main herd has gone by, there's always one last one waiting behind the hedge to leap out in front of you as soon as you start to move again. The only person I know who had their car hit by a deer was waiting for that last deer when it jumped out of the hedge, off a bank, landed on his car and bounced straight off again, leaving four little deer-hoof-shaped indentations in the bonnet. I once rescued a deer after a road accident. It involved me having to sit in a Mini with a Muntjac on my lap all the way to the vet.
Eeww! Did we really need the expanding jaw effect?
Clark is rather disturbing as Stalker Boy.
Whitney bought her a book? I bet it’s about football.
Deer fatalities are paper level news in Kansas? Even Lincolnshire has more going on than that. You should see the page four spread on hedgehogs... Okay I read that as 'page three' and had the weirdest menal image of hedgehogs posed in skimpy underwear
Serious question, do US animal control often perform complete lab autopsies on dead deer? I don't think the council back home do much more than get them hauled to the side of the road. That is if someone hasn't already snuck the corpse into the back of their Landrover and had it away for sausages.
Chloe being tricked into thinking she's having a pushmipullyou day
The charm works on wood? That's really something
Land of the weird and the home of the strange , you know, that scans
Lex was checking his horoscope!
They take you to hospital for baldness nowadays?
Lex has been given a gift, he can now reflect any given light source, no matter how small. What Lex is basically saying is what doesn't kill you makes you streamlined. You two are evil. Poor Lex has enough trauma knowing that for the rest of his life he'll only ever be filmed from the eyebrows down. He doesn't need you pair making it worse
Lex just adding to the pressure there.
See, Waterstones, what did I tell you? Although I'm amazed Whitney could read well enough to pick out the right title. ‘Confederacy of Dunces’, you know, maybe Whitney’s smarter than we give him credit for.
Of course it's a good memory, those were Bugs Bunny cartoons.
I cannot think of a single film that would not be improved by cartoons instead of trailers.
Those football stands are just designed to let kids secretly make out under them
Well no actually he can't
Eating people who called you fat has a certain poetic quality.
It's sweet how Clark sees two bodies rolling around and assumes someone's in trouble
It can't be good blocking off a steam valve like that, couldn't he have ducked under it? How come every single boiler in TV land has a high-pressure hot steam outlet both exactly at head height and across a main walkway? Surely there should be some kind of regulation against that
Just listen to that engine noise...
He's changed the plates on the Ferrari since last week. Seriously, he must be driving the DMV insane
Lex has had lessons and learned how to corner the Ferrari. Or the insurance people saw him drive it last week and it made them cry. Musings on the Ferrari though, whilst Lex has some super cars, they do tend to be older models. Are they suggesting he has really good taste and picks the classics or can't they afford the insurance on a F360?
Freaks with websites? Hey! Hey hey hey, not fair. Incisive, intelligent witty freaks with websites, please. How does he feel about people who read those websites?
Hamilton was Miles Dyson in 'T2', he was responsible for the terminators
Clark drinks his milk with two straws. How cute.
Take the chips girl, take the chips!
Why all the sneaking around? She could make a fortune doing liposuction and have all the fat she can eat
It's like Lex is Clark's personal cheerleader, which is amusing in a sweet kind of way. Luckily Lex has too much dignity to break out the pompoms. The image of Lex in a cheerleading outfit will never leave me.
He should damn well know how to iron anyway
They were some incredible leaps of intuition from Clark and Chloe.
She's taking the flowers with her? So she's going to clutch them at the party all night?
Are Clark and Chloe going to the same party as Pete and Jodie? Because one pair didn’t read the dress code on the invitation correctly.
Jodie's doing some very professional work with that shovel. Ah-ha! Another use for the 'American Gothic' list, beating the crap out of proto-Supermans! Only 997 to go...
That's another good set of clothes that Clark's about to ruin
Well done! Super Speed saves shirts!
Shindig? That's a very un-Lex-like word
I'm not sure why Hamilton is so worried about that getting out. There was a lecturer at our university who was pretty much known for his student/teacher relations and he was the Head of the Department. It never seemed to bother him
So the odd spiky signature was his then
Just Bugs or does Lana get an actual film too? Nice WB product placement there.

jitters

Ah, the reassuring sounds (i.e. clang, curseword) of someone doing their own maintenance. Jonathan is so wholesome that he can’t even swear when something falls on him. Although, it seems that on TV you can’t fix your car or truck without comically injuring yourself in some way.
I am going to rashly assume, this being a practical and capable family, that Martha can do her own plumbing
Super-strength or not, I wouldn’t trust anyone to hold up a car whilst I crawled underneath.
Oh crap, it’s my Mum and Dad’s anniversary next week.
The reason babies reach up towards those annoying mobiles is because they want to find the off switch. Those mobiles always freak the hell out of me.
Ooh, that nasty pre-coffee feeling
If he knew he had to have those pills when he's shaking, he should have put them in an easy open bottle. I recommend the small purple Mini-Egg tubes
Would a janitor have keys to a building like that? You'd think he'd have to be let in and out by security. Speaking of that, where are security?
Even Chloe can see that Whitney is nothing more than a Ken doll.
Why is he letting them in the house? He should have locked the place up and partied in the barn
So where are the close up shots of the guys in tight jeans dancing?
I love the slow motion grab for a bowl for that bloke to be sick into. Why not just let the guy throw up in the blue bowl?
Is it possible for Lana to enjoy herself when Whitney is with her, though? Lana can move around without Whitney? Does that mean he's lying down somewhere while she has control of their shared brain? Whitney isn’t allowed out without a carer and they couldn’t find one for tonight.
To his credit, Lex looks genuinely uncomfortable with the trophy girlfriend
If it was that man I wouldn't pass it up. If the offer had come from Lex, my immediate response would be "why the hell can't we be rich and travel the world?" Not a bad line is it? Although you'll notice he missed out on mentioning the 5am milking part of the lifestyle
Whitney and Lana split up? When? Or did I not care enough to listen?
Brave Whitney menaces the tarpaulin with a pitchfork, but not without backup. I've never seen two less enthusiastic heroes
That torch is pathetic! I have a penlight with a better beam than that
Except the Jimmy Page fans amongst us who are waiting for a guy with a twelve string and a bow
Entropic Cascade Failure! (Okay, repeat after me, "the Stargate fans...")
Have a lot of breakaway glass in American Hospitals do they?
Eeeww! Ugh, I don’t want to know what that sticky stuff is.
I was going to say how unfair it is that Clark could clear up after a party in record time, but as he gets well and truly busted I’ll let that one slide. If you think that's fast, you should see my Gran in post-party clean up mode. I stumbled into bed at about 6:30am one New Year and came down three hours later to find not only was there no trace of the party, but she'd taken all the decorations down and you couldn't even tell it had been Christmas. I spent the next fifteen minutes, coffee starved, hung over, wandering the house trying to figure out if I'd lost a week somewhere
Martha's maths are a little off, because at least one time nobody answered the phone
Clark gets the conversation round to Earl pretty quickly. That’s impressive.
Should that doctor helpfully extend the plot for us like that? Aren’t there rules about patient confidentiality?
So Earl was hit by a really big kryptonite enhanced shit explosion?
There is a lot to be said for the American healthcare system if you get an intercom by your bed.
I know about bunking off school trips to shop, or to get drunk, or to watch show-jumping, or even (in my Dad's case) to go train-spotting at Paddington Station (it was a chance to see all the Great Western locos that didn't come up the GNER line. Or so I've been told), but even I've never bunked off to infiltrate a major organisation. I feel I've missed out
Doctors lie. They're always going to give you a shot, they just say they won't to lull you into relaxing so they can sneak up on you with their nasty big needles
Feel for me, I had three years of jokes like that. From people who genuinely thought they were funny. There's more where that came from. I've lived in a place with composting toilets, not to mention working with livestock. I know about fertiliser humour
Chloe decides that the ground opening and swallowing her is a viable option. "Is there any way I can survive this tour without betraying my cool exterior?"
“If it jangles, dangles or rings” - That seems like a fairly arbitrary selection. What if it buzzes?
That's subtle, undercover!Clark at work. "Is it true?"
"There are no alien life forms at Area 51" "Present company excluded, of course"
"Hot" he says, casually slapping one
Why is Whitney on this trip?
348, it's a Ferrari 348, and it is the same car as in 'Hourglass' & 'Craving', despite the change of plate. Thank god I've finally got that sorted, it's been driving me insane trying to figure out what model that is
There has to be a level three, you can't hide an entire storey
Just found them, casually lying around...
Oh it's a basement level, that would be a little easier to cover up
Can Lionel not drive? Or did Lex just steal all his cars?
I really can’t stop marveling at the difference in hair of the Luthors.
I thought they already knew each other
I quite like Lionel's assessment of "this lunatic"
"I will?" thinks Jonathan. Martha does like dropping people in it doesn't she?
Aside from the level three issue, there are some major safety concerns if gas can be released uncontrollably by leaning on the tap.
Could he not let someone out to look for a wrench?
My cable crapped out just after Whitney suggested tackling the mentally unstable man with the gun. Did he do it? Yes, but not very successfully
Well done Whitney! That was very effective.
Whitney thinking? Nah.
I think this is exactly the time for mock heroics, there’s no real heroics going on.
The continuing War Of The Luthors, which will presumably end in the Battle of Luthorcorp Field, "Kryptonite, kryptonite, my shareholders for some kryptonite"
I assume Lex was asking for a vest of the bullet-proof variety rather than extra underwear.
Lying little sod (Lex, although in a good cause)
Bastard (Lionel) Sorry, it appears to be Insult-A-Luthor day
Does Pete not have parents of his own to hug?
What about all the jewellery they took off at the start of the tour? Do they get it back?
Yes, but Martha loves her son, Lionel.
That was a good false wall, steel reinforcements and everything. It was a good job they didn’t use any iron in that wall.
Lex really is quite slender isn't he? You tend to think that it's just in comparison to Clark
Lex getting that sinking feeling
If they closed Level 3 off, then why is the power still on?
Lex dived over that railing
Any large warehouse space must contain empty oil drums, and one or two old pallets
If Level 3 is the ceiling-height walkway, then where do the doors on the warehouse floor (and halfway down the walls) lead to? Is there a Level 5 we don't know about?
Having a ceiling-high, rickety walkway is just asking for industrial accidents.
You can understand why Lex is having problems with Clark. His explanations are a bit crap. Clark, repeat after me, "My strength is the strength of ten because my heart is pure." Nah, Lex would never buy that. I wouldn't buy that. Although, with a bit of thought and Lex's shoddy grasp of physics some decent waffle about leverage would have had him convinced. Well, actually it would have had him sitting in his office with a seesaw and lots of little weights trying to work out if it's true, but it'd give him something to think about
No, he clearly said it didn't exist
I would be a little reluctant to leave my medical care in the hands of the people who gave me the disease in the first place
That's a beautiful set of shots with the two families
I feel so sorry for Lex at the end. Someone, anyone needs to give Lex a hug he can believe in. I’ll give Lex a hug he can believe in.

rogue

That museum looks a bit posh for Clark - what average 16 year old boy likes gala display events?
Actually I think that was Alexander the Great’s Halloween costume. No military leader in their right mind would wear something as tacky as that. Lex has been conned with that one. I wonder how much he paid for it?
Or, from the look of that costume, shinier measures
Lex reveals his mission statement. To emulate Alexander? Lex plans to become a paranoid, gay, megalomaniac who drinks himself to death at 33 and has a tendency to storm off in a three day sulk whenever he doen't get his own way. His father will be so proud... “Alexander wasn’t great he was fabulous!” (The Reduced Shakespeare Company, “Let’s Hear It For Homos Today”). I think if Lex heard that song, he couldn’t revere him quite so much. Fans of Shakespeare, Gertrude Stein, Tchaikovsky and Lawrence of Arabia shouldn’t listen too closely either.
Slipped his mind? Yeah, right
No, Whitney is lot more uncomfortable, but then he is wearing beige slacks. Whitney is the definition of a fish out of water. There’s not an oval object he can throw in sight.
Whitney is trying to counteract all the culture going on around him by sitting in the most manly pose possible.
Random thought, but I’ve just seen “Austin Powers-Goldmember”, and they had a young Dr.Evil that’s the spitting image of Lex.
So Clark’s enemy is Whitney? Not much of a challenge.
Exactly how close does Lex want Clark to keep Whitney?
Oh yeah, introduce this woman as old. She’ll love you for that.
I thought Lex would have better taste. Perhaps that was just wishful thinking.
I know it sounds like a lascivious remark, but Clark just asked an insightful question. For a comic book super hero he's really quite sharp.
"Private tour" I think she's already had that
Okay, question. Where is Metropolis in relation to Smallville?
The Tobin Award For The Extra Determined To Make The Most Of Their Part goes to the bus driver who has the most melodramatic heart attack I’ve ever seen on television.
Oh yeah, spring into action to save the cute little puppy dog. Oh, and the un-photogenic homeless person.
Again, how is his jacket not singed from the huge rolling fireball?
I bet Clark’s glad he didn’t get dressed up now.
Clark saves the homeless guy, but leaves him sleeping on the bench. At least offer him some canapes or something.
You know, I wish C4 would just make up their mind about whether they're showing this in widescreen or not
Getting hit by a bus can spoil your night out
Nice to see someone else believing in the restorative power of a morning Bloody Mary
Huh? Okay, I'm probably going to let Tobin field that one... Smallville, Kansas and a small Welsh village…hmm. Apart from the fact that Smallville actually seems to be a fairly sizeable town, there aren’t many cornfields in Wales. Due to the notable absence of large amounts of flat land that characterises this country. Also, nobody in Smallville seems to speak Welsh. Plus, nobody in Smallville seems to share a surname so there’s no Evans the Meat, Evans the Post and Evans the News that usually pop up in Welsh villages. I think it’s a safe bet that the writers have never actually been outside of the US, although kudos to them for knowing that Wales actually exists.
"I'm touched", that's probably part of the incentive
Vacuous bitch, and I've seen her try and be intelligent on live TV, I can say that and mean it. (This is the woman who was so appallingly dreadful on 'The Big Breakfast' that I started waking up to Wogan instead. She drove me to Radio 2, and that's not something you just forget)
Are there more staff or do Chloe and Clark produce the whole paper on their own?
Lana storms off to heroically bat her eyelashes at Kwan until he gives in. She could try shaking her pom-poms, but I think that there are laws against that.
“Is anybody home” - Probably not considering that is the shed.
Did Clark have to hurl the generator right across the barn? His Dad's probably just fixed that
At this point Clark should just claim to have had his Weetabix
Well, if he found where you lived Clark, you shouldn't be surprised that he knows your name
Small town, eager to help? Since when? Eager to stare suspiciously at strangers and then immediately call the people they were asking about and let them know what's going on, perhaps
Clark should be able to brazen this out. "Superpowers? Did you miss your medication this morning?" that sort of thing
The ‘Beanary’ is a very stupid, if informative, name for anywhere.
I suppose the beauty of a town like Smallville is that there’s only room for one over-priced coffee shop. It's virtually impossible to buy over-priced coffee in small Welsh villages too, I know, I've tried
My, thinks Clark, I’m not badly super-imposed over the night sky at all.
Has he tried the wall? You could try shouting Lex.
"Official investigation has already closed" Not interested in investigating the huge, person sized dent in the front of the bus then?
A rational adult shouldn't go round dropping generators on anyone
Wouldn't you have thought that Jonathan at least would be wanting to have this conversation quietly?
“Look around you Mr. Kent. What do you see?” An over-priced coffee shop?
That’s where this guy’s gone wrong. He should creating actual safety not just the veneer of it.
He’d need a pretty big jar. Big microscope too. I wonder if he'd take a gram stain? I like the idea of Clark-In-A-Jar. They should sell those.
What Kwan did was the act of a busy teacher - “Right, if you care so bloody much about it, you do it. It saves me having to find someone else who’s interested.”
Clark's never going to come out of that argument well
I think Chloe is a little over-attached to the newspaper.
“I almost thought you were my friend” - Well think of it as a lucky escape Chloe.
"Get in," growls the corrupt police officer, "Or I’ll recklessly run over some more dustbins."
Surely Lex's dad would mostly be impressed?
Well you could try using the other arm.
Clark's so sweet, "I thought we were going after bad guys?"
Nice aim! Clark gets a big round of applause for the trick with the safe. You want the contents of the safe? Fine. There you go. A bit of Wolf Logic there.
For someone who's been hiding a secret for eleven years, Clark's an extraordinarily transparent liar
Oh look, it’s the ineffectual police force, who knock politely before arresting a man for suspected murder. Smallville police: Trained in the art of looking slightly embarrassed whilst arresting murderers.
Okay, I've found many unpleasant things in piles of straw over the years but even I've never found a dead body. Of a person. You know, it worries me that I have to qualify that statement
Oh, their observational skills are razor sharp, aren’t they. Shot through the heart? Did the bullet wound in the heart give that away?
Well, considering he's dead, he's not going to be dancing the tarantella is he?
'I need you to take care of your mother' usually works in situations like that
That didn’t help now did it Clark? Okay, now put the beam back before the house falls on you. I hope that wasn’t a load bearing pillar or he’s really got some explaining to do when his parents get home. "I wouldn't take it down if I were you, it's a load-bearing poster..."
Make it print! Make it print! Has Lana considered putting paper in the machine? Lana mired in printer jam hell, we've all been there
At least she had to take the bus, Clark could actually run to Metropolis
Dayglo orange isn’t Jonathan’s colour.
"You didn’t, right?" asks Jonathan carefully. He's just checking
Why the black power salute that Clark and Jonathan exchange?
“I know all about losing my temper” - Perhaps not the best thing to say whilst on remand for murder.
Of course lawyers are going to help! Particularly when it comes to asking questions like why Jonathan Kent would commit a totally motiveless murder on a man he's never even met, and why there are no witnesses, or any sign of fingerprints on the gun, or why he would hide the body under a pile of straw in his own barn. Not going to help indeed
Clark turned down lawyers to sulk in a barn?
Oh yeah, internal affairs have some questions. Like, “Why did our deputy chief’s safe fall onto your car?”
Is that Lex’s undercover surveillance car? Yep, love the fact that that is Lex's inconspicuous car. Maybe it's a stealth Jaguar. (It is a jag isn't it? After the Ferrari confusion I'm losing faith in my car identification skills)
Wouldn’t it have been easier just to bring a screwdriver along to open that fusebox instead of bringing Clark?
Lucky Lex had the right change. I'd have to spend fifteen minutes hunting through my bag for coins
“Show me the magic.” Hang on, I’ve got a string of hankies and a couple of disgruntled pigeons somewhere...
Shouldn't they find someone with a bit more bomb-handling experience than Lex to open that package?
The alarm clock could still be armed.
Well, actually...
Nice to see they remembered the cartridge casing on the bullets
Again, the guards really taking charge of the situation and letting Lex lead the armed assault on the museum. Who hired these guys?
To quote 'The Sting', "you don't play your friends like a mark"
So they made you wear that horrible orange boiler suit for nothing?
“So they made you wear that horrible orange boiler suit for nothing?” Jonathan, happily back in his plaid.
Wow that's a great bit of lighting on Lex, and a pretty good shirt too
He has a great screen-cap/freeze frame on that computer
“Just a minute” - “I have to watch still frames of a teenage boy just little longer”

shimmer

Do the PE department take their "Property Of..." t-shirts back? Is it like library books, they don't let you graduate until you've returned them?
Hey, I give blood and I’m terrified of it and needles.
That’s one truly stupid haircut.
Like the stress on the plural bathrooms
Troy = victim.
"What are you going to do about it?" Never a wise thing to say in Smallville
It's all steamy! I can't see! Have to say though, I'm mostly impressed with Pete, who I never saw as the muscular type. Boy, was I wrong. Wow, wet and naked! They should have put that in the trailer, I would have started watching sooner.
How long does it take Clark to get around a corner?
Trouble in bubble-headed paradise.
I'm actually starting to feel some sympathy for Whitney, he's not a bad person at all, he's just not terribly bright
"Quick, pretend we weren't watching!" Not one of Chloe's better moments
Lana is way too happy about blood donation.
Clark doesn’t have to look so awkward about giving blood, just go along and say you’ve got a headache. They never let you give then.
Is that an actual tank or a TV screen with fish showing on it?
You’d think Lex could pay someone to play pool with him.
What a waste, she could actually have thrown all that over Victoria
“Her parents are a fixture” like they’re statues or something.
That’s very strange talk for a flag-saluting, democratic American. They’re not that hot on service, usually.
Tell her you just got a tattoo, which means you can't donate but look kind of cool
Clark seems to actual enjoy discussing romantic issues with his parents. He’s never going to pass as a human if he continues like that.
Some single-minded thinking from Clark there
They grow flowers too? Where? I love tulips, but my favourites are the purple ones. Even with the superpower son, how can they possibly farm the flowers, the popcorn and the cattle.
Not his type? I thought he usually went out with (okay, make that showed off and screwed) vacuous wenches
How hideous, a nation of Lana Langs.
No, he's part Springer Spaniel, just look at the eyes, and the floppy hair, the general bounding enthusiasm...
There's a reference in the 'Cadmus' name that I'm missing somewhere. I know the myth, but I can't for the life of me figure out how it fits
Lex bravely pushes Victoria behind him and then leaps into Clark’s arms at the first sign of danger. Love Lex's almost Scooby-Doo-like leap into Clark's arms. Very manly
Well, I guess the writing is on the wall.
The 'Message In A Bottle' aliens have learned to spell! Do all of the Luthors' rooms come with UV light? Because if the boy has to bring his own (I’m assuming it’s the boy because Amy would be too obvious) then it all seems to be a bit of a bother when a normal can of spray paint would have done. It's like Eyghon and his portable creepy green backlight
Scottish not Scotch
That’s a welcoming entrance.
She's not working on his neck very professionally, her angle's all wrong
I know this is a redundant statement but Lex and Lionel have a very screwed up relationship.
Distract him from what, fertiliser manufacturing? Because I’m thinking that it wouldn’t take much to distract him from that.
Is he going to do anything else in this episode other than kiss that bint?
Well, yes and no, they can be brought down from within but they can also be crushed by overwhelming outside forces. What empire is Lionel basing his statements on? Empires are almost always brought down from outside. It's democracies that tend to fall to internal differences, because in democracies internal differences are actually allowed. Emperors tend to discourage rebellious thoughts like that by chopping off the head of the person thinking them. I hate to be pedantic, but empires can be democratic, the two are not mutually exclusive. Democratic empires are almost always brought down from within. Hang on, I love to be pedantic.
Nice to see the Luthors don't believe in small cognac glasses
Is all this organisation necessary? Couldn't people just turn up and queue? There's no way they're still going to be running on time by 4:30 anyway
Does one of the writing staff have needle phobia? Because this is the second time it's been mentioned in two weeks
Lana your place in this world is far away from here.
I have a feeling that question was vaguely rhetorical. You would get some fantastic sunsets in Kansas. I used to live in South Lincolnshire and whilst fenland doesn't give rise to many spectacular features, sunsets are one of the best of the few
Don't worry, he thinks she's a vacuous tramp too
Love Clark's unmistakable flash of jealousy when he find out some one else has been in Lex's bedroom
Not what she wanted to be doing in Lex’s bedroom anyway.
That’s a pretty bath. Extremely impractical though, those free-standing ones don't hold the heat at all. Do like the bathrobe however
"Very little happens in this house without my knowledge" apart from the invisible man breaking in to redecorate his spare bedroom and try and drown his date. That seems to have passed Lex by
Victoria's obviously never downloaded slash on her parent's computer, because believe me, that teaches you how to cover your tracks
Lex patiently explains what chess is.
Actually, it's pretty simple. It's not complicated, its sex.
Lex is, if nothing else courteous
You don’t need to be sorry Clark, that death wasn’t your fault.
There's a guy in the Rural Crafts tent at Burghley Horse Trials who makes jewellery like that, almost everyone I know has a necklace or a brooch made from a coin with their birth year on it
It's an over-painted piece of pseudo-Renaissance, 'let's attempt a classical revival' French tat. Also, where in the centre? Because I'm looking at the painting right now, and unless Napoleon's mother is cunningly disguised as the Pope, she's not there
One of these days it's going to be a false alarm and Clark will get into big trouble
Clark showing no hesitation in hauling the naked Victoria out of the bath
Please, please explain to me the physics of using x-ray vision to see through an invisible person
That’s it, stick your finger straight into the strange goop.
Is it bubble bath?
How come we can still see the tissue she uses to wipe her fingers clean?
When you've spent that long working out timetables you tend to remember them. I, for example, have almost total recall of the Naked Angel Chart
Poor Chloe. Having a crush isn’t easy.
Clark leaves his encounter with Whitney feeling that whilst Whitney is an asshole, he himself may be a moron
It's a terrible thing to be plagued by guilt
Lex would take advantage. What do you think he'd do?
She is exactly as bad as you think, don’t listen to him.
Do people just wake up one morning and think, “Today I’m going to build a shrine”? You'd have to go and buy the little cupboard for a start, that's not the kind of furniture people just have. You can imagine the sales man, "Something in a discrete, obsessive cabinet Miss? Yes, I've got just the thing..."
She's not been very discriminating with the photos has she?
Come on Lex, you're not even a little bit flattered?
It is a pretty good sunset, even if it is CGI. They have problems with that loft window, don’t they? Everyone looks badly superimposed there. That's because outside that loft it's actually Canada, they have to paint Kansas in afterwards
Surely a sunset is more of a process. There isn’t a ‘good part’.
Unfortunately for him, Clark's conscience is making a comeback
No, he was trying to get into your knickers.
Okay, that was quick, the sun obviously over-loaded on all the saccharine and hurled itself below the horizon in despair
She had a shrine! And stole things! That is more than a little obsessed.
"Always the quiet ones" remember?
He remembers the name of his staff, that's more than most people do
Now Lex regrets striving for authenticism in the home decorations.
Nice aim with the sword, they're not easy things to throw
People aren't noticing you so you decide to become invisible. Am I the only one seeing the flaw in this logic?
So what exactly was Lex saying about Clark that made him sound special?
He looks particularly clean for someone who was just covered in paint.
"How's your head?" Shiny! Sorry. Well its his neck that appears to be hurting.
You mean they were fighting in the War Room?
Okay, I'm having date follies. If Clark remembers the castle being moved, then would Lex's mother have been alive to see it, or would she have seen it in Scotland?
Again, Clark is Stalkerboy. And Clark was critical of Amy’s shrine?

on to hug

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