hug-nicodemus

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s1 ep 6-10
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s1 ep 17-21
s2 ep 1-6
s2 ep 7-12
s2 ep13-17
s2 ep18-23
s3 ep 1-6
s3 ep 7-11
s3 ep 12-16
s3 ep 17-22
s4 ep 1-6
s4 ep 7-11
s4 ep 12-16
s4 ep 17-22
s5 ep 1-6
s5- ep 7-11
s5 ep 12-16
s5 ep 17-22
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season one

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All that hair, you’d think he was a Luthor.
C.E.P.? Oh, he's a tree-hugger, I knew there must be a reason for the beard. Do they know their acronym is a mushroom?
What poisoning?
After those establishing shots of the skyscrapers, the really big window and the threatening man, I’ve got the feeling that Paul is going to smash through it soon.
Oh, its a tough life when you care about things.
Have they shot this specifically to make his eyes look evil?
And I was right. You know, being right so often is just getting so boring. Where did he jump from? Those office windows didn't open. Is this the famous TV easy-shatter glass at work again?
Poor Chloe, I can totally empathise.
Lana appears to have a tea cosy on her head instead of a helmet.
They've got a very good riding instructor on this show, because they're using all the tricks in the book to make their amateur riders look professional
"Doing a lot of flying..." oh god, I just got that, Christ I'm slow sometimes
Is Chloe not suspicious as to why he doesn't canter back instead of running?
Clark leaves Chloe to look after the horses, which she knows nothing about, therefore placing her in potentially mortal danger, and runs of to rescue Lana from potentially mortal danger. Chloe should be getting the message about Clark's priorities
Waking up to that face is quite pleasant.
No, not a creepy guy living alone in the woods? No forest on the edge of an urban centre is complete without one.
Where's Lana's horse gone? Whose horses are these anyway? There's no way Lana has time to look after three
Medical question: How can you tell when Lana Lang is concussed? I mean, come on…
Clark is wearing so much blusher in this scene! Much more than his mother. For some reason they're doing a particularly bad job of making TW look 15 in this episode. Maybe it's the jumper
How, exactly, does Clark have anything in common with the hermit?
"Pesticides in the water supply", some time soon, you'll get my little 'how the hell can the Kent's call themselves organic farmers' rant, (sponsored by the Soil Association and my old Agri Systems notes), and that's when remarks like this will come into their own
I can just see a small, bald Lex playing in a sandpit. Just like Charlie Brown. Except that he had more hair.
Victoria doesn't want to stay and see the pissing contest. We of course would be hanging around suggesting helpful insults. Well, you wouldn't want to miss anything. Lex is really good at this verbal sparring stuff.
Lex wasn't that charming, Bob doesn't stand a chance
Why do Americans call them buttons?
Bigfoot and the Blair Witch? That covers quite a lot of ground. So Kyle is a really hairy old dead woman?
Work is precisely the opposite. It’s where you spend time finding different ways not to explain yourself.
I really like those fairy lights in the coffee shop.
"Psycho" ah Whitney, we can always trust you not to jump to conclusions
You know, I read the term 'egotistical blancmange' in the diaries of the Rt. Hon. Jim Hacker MP this week (don't worry Tobin, you can borrow them when you come down), and I was saving it up to use on Victoria, but after Whitney's "I would have done something" posturing, I might use it on him ‘I would have done something’ - Like flounce around and throw a ball?
Bob Rickman, Emperor of the Entire Known World Except Smallville. There’s a catchy title for you.
Ooh, threatened by Whitney. I’m amazed Kyle didn’t damage himself laughing. Well that really did something Whitney.
Will it alter your opinion of me if I say that living alone in the woods actually sounds nice and relaxing? Quiet too. Alone in the woods with internet access and a satellite dish of course, I'm antisocial, not insane
It's a good job that was CGI, otherwise the cameraman had to duck really, really fast...
Kyle? It was bloody Whitney, he with the Hugh Grant haircut. The one he had before he suddenly got sexy. Assault on whom? Whitney was the one creaming him with the baseball bat!
No, egotistical blancmange is much too good an insult for Whitney, I'll hang on to it for a while
Someone with a name like Whitney should not be so quick to call others ‘freak’.
There’s an Official Hermit Status? Do you have to get a permit for that? If you do, don’t you fail to qualify as a hermit if you have to go into town to pick it up?
I wouldn’t be sure that Whitney’s heart is in the right place because his brain obviously isn’t. Yeah, I know, it’s pick on Whitney night, but he may as well have a target sewn onto the back of his jacket instead of his name.
Living alone in a wood for ten years should probably signal that he is unlikely to attack anyone. On the grounds that he lives alone. In the woods. Away from people.
If someone strung me up in a field when I was fifteen, I'd still be taking revenge now. Stick Lana up there for a night or two, see how she likes it. No one needs an excuse to knock Whitney. An excuse not to maybe…
So Jonathan wears gloves to muck out, but not to operate a shredder?
Oh, the old twisted ankle routine? And Jonathan fell for it?
I don't think we really needed to see his brain then. Notice they didn't do that shot with Whitney, I'll let you draw your own conclusions as to why... If we had that shot of Whitney’s brain we’d know if it existed, or if it was just a couple of cells communicating by semaphore. That's it, just two lonely neurons, four flags and a very worn copy of the Brownie Guide handbook
Martha isn’t her usual placid self here. Something tells me that Jonathan isn’t going to be allowed to talk to anyone by himself again, ever.
Don't all land contracts have a seven day cooling off period anyway? Or is that just over here? Or they could claim it's forged, no one else saw Jonathan sign it
Clark should read it, it’s a bloody good book. I repeat, "I've got a copy of 'To Kill A Mockingbird' and I'm not afraid to use it"
In other words, not well. In this context, its probably best not to mention the ending. That was Lex ducking out of the fact that he never finished the book.
I like Lex's definition of "iron clad" as 'with enough effort we can still get out of it'
An army of lawyers with their swords of litigation and their shields of obfuscating terminology.
Oh lord, it’s the unusually helpful Smallville police force.
Don’t stop when someone calls your name, Kyle. It’s the first rule of being in disguise.
Clark actually pushed him into the path of that bullet, if he hadn't dived forward it would have flown over Kyle's left shoulder. The other two might have got him though
God, there's another one, this episode is just over-run with hippies and crusties and old countryside management students
He’s a billionaire’s son, duh...
She was scared so she came and sat in a lonely barn, all by herself?
I have to admire anyone who can blow on a cappuccino without sending the foam flying across the room. He drinks it without getting chocolate on his nose too
Just the one Kent is your friend Lex. The other two are really not.
You can tell the Luthor lawyers, they’re the ones in the military uniforms.
Oh finish the bloody quotation, it really bugs me when they don’t finish.
Oh, subtle Clark, just really, really subtle. Why don't you try asking a direct question next time?
Oneupmanship, Clark style
Did Chloe clip that from the town newspaper’s archives? Because somewhere there’s going to be an archivist that’s really pissed off.
"Without a memory" plot device ahoy
Why do you think he's living in the trailer Chloe?
Oh, now that's mean, although she's sure as hell enjoying it, especially the completely necessary bit of fondling at the beginning. You know, I meant to type 'completely unnecessary' there, but I think I'm standing by my first version
Her mouth shouldn’t be minty, there were obviously no tongues there.
Just couldn't quite manage the focus pull onto Rickman's hand then could they?
Lex seems allergic to vowels on his licence plate.
That's a bit of a tatty old Merc for Lex
Ah, so that explains it, even under mind control, Lex has too much taste to torch the Ferrari
"Rickman's got to him." Gee, ya think? Thanks Jack. I feel better now
Kyle does a very girly leap from the flames
Certainly not under-gunned is he?
The bullets don't even merit a yelp, but he winces when Lex kicks him in the jaw?
Could he not have just taken his shirt off?
Has anyone told Pete about this best friend business?
Nah, she saw that glimpse of skin through the kitchen door and decided he was worth a second chance
Lana, you are always interrupting.
In TV Land, nobody ever asks "do you think we'll end up like that?" unless we (at least) already know the answer
I found myself really hoping Lex would succeed. I’m such a sap.
Ooh, foreshadowing. A bit cheesy, but cool. Is it just me or did anyone else want to cry at the ending? I'm with Tobin, cheesy but cool, and you've got to admire the fact that they can pull that off

leech

A wood and a bunch of 15 year olds? I’m amazed that teacher still has them all together.
Why isn't Clark more worried about traveling home on a bus with 25 samples of meteor rock?
You don't just find rose quartz kicking about, it's pretty rare in places that aren't beaches in Scotland, and not all that common there
Surely you can just bunk off this lesson and buy the rocks from some jewellery shop?
Geology is interesting, but there is nothing so pointless as algebra
Ah, thank you Chloe, my point exactly. The point is “not being in class”.
He’s being awfully up himself for a man in a dickie bow.
Smallville has a dam now? "Just the thought of all that raw, surging power makes me wonder why the hell I should care." Apart from the dam reference, there's no reason for me to put that quote there, but I love it, so it stays
Clark is like a tree here - tall, solid, wooden and a lightning magnet.
Okay, that's got to hurt
Cows? Did they have cows before?
Oh, poor muddy ineffectual!Clark
Jonathan isn’t concerned about Clark, he’s only worried he’ll have to hire more farm hands.
I didn’t know school buses in America did door to door pick ups. They do on 'The Simpsons', ours stopped at the farm outside the village, but it didn't detour, and it only dropped people off in one place on the way home
"My speed's gone too" other parents would be angry that he had some in the first place
Geology isn’t science, it’s just mining on a really small scale.
Wet and sweaty, but not naked. Do they have any female crew on this show?
How many high schools have a weight room? And do the girls get one too?
How did Eric know how strong he is? He’s just been quick up until now.
Well if your only son and heir was Whitney, wouldn’t you want to retain control?
Study date. Yeah, right, practical biology maybe...
Oh, there are the cows. I love the way they have one single cow in the yard with the actors and all the rest are safely penned several feet away
He finds the strength in his muscles where people usually do. I had the strength to do that every day and for damn sight more than two hours, so a six-foot-something teenager with muscles like that shouldn't have any problems. Especially since Clark doesn't have to cope with the added problem of hauling every gate in the place back on its hinges before they'll shut properly
I'm not entirely sure how they project that Lex hit Clark. Deciding that his roof was ripped open is one thing, but where are they getting the other data from? It wouldn't come from the skid marks since they would be the same whether he hit Clark or not. Or was there just a big Clark-shaped dent in the hood of the Porsche? I'm not saying they couldn't figure it out, but I'd like to know how they did
I'm also better with a hammer apparently
Clark could use his teeth as a lighting source to help him fix that fence in the dark.
Okay, so if the Kents are strapped for cash, which we know they are, how come they're putting up brand new hardwood post and rail fencing all the time? That stuff is extortionately expensive even if you use quarter-cut posts. Hell, I watch 'The West Wing' and the President can't afford it, and he can run a small global war from his sun porch. Besides they're only cattle, you could keep them in with three strands of wire and a tractor battery. On the same note, is hay in America really that cheap? Because it's a ridiculous thing to feed to beast if it isn't, they'd be much better off on silage, which the cattle actually like. No wonder these people are in debt. Okay, I realise I just expressed a genuine opinion on forage crops and I'm sorry about that, but I'm a country girl, what do you expect
Love the look on Lex's face when he's asked to do manual labour
Even if you have lost your superpowers, not being able to lift a piece of wood is just wussy.
And conveniently Clark can prove that this week he is just your average Joe
Why doesn’t Lex have any other friends? He’s quite a nice guy really.
Excellently timed piece of glass! "Our work here is done."
Was that supposed to be helpful, Jonathan? I've watched documentaries on lightning ("mock all you like." "Thank you, I shall") and this is untrue, It's a quarter of an inch wide, hotter than the sun and it always strikes twice. It just never seems to because it usually hits the tallest thing around, and once something's been hit, it tends to fall down
I wish they wouldn’t keep making Jonathan put his hands on Clark’s shoulders like that, it takes me ages to get back my concentration
Actually, he’s someone else’s son.
Who would he get to spot him if he bench-pressed the tractor?
"What do I do now?" Chores Clark, it's all you're gonna have time for
Um, I thought that his abilities did define him. He certainly thinks that they do most of the time.
Ooh, Eric's stolen Clark's colour scheme. The powers maybe, but god not the sweaters!
Don't worry, Chloe, it's the first thing I'd save in a fire too. That and my fish (I'm assuming Lizard would grab the cat)
I think I could probably throw someone thirty feet if they tried to steal my laptop
I don't know why they feel so manly playing netball. Seriously, no women on the crew, none. Marc Blucas at least had the decency to play in a vest. I know that because I checked. Twice. Honestly, the things I do for a bit of accuracy on this site
You’ve got to love the smile on Clark’s face as he’s getting beaten.
Are Whitney and they other guy not worried that their girlfriends are cheering the other team?
Something of a bizarre accent for Sir Harry
Why do I get the impression that Lex is setting Sir ‘Arry up? Because he is? He must be
Lana’s mother was obviously displaying the concentration span that she passed to her daughter. I don't blame her for being bored, it's one of the dullest films I've ever seen, and my favourite film of all time is about estate agents.
That must have annoyed the hell out of the people trying to buy ice cream
Um, isn’t Lana the tangible evidence of her parent’s existence? There is also the meteor necklace. That’s tangible evidence of their existence, allbeit brief.
Some nicely trite advice from Clark there.
Eric now carries his own theme music around with him? It’s like Eyghon with his green backlight.
Love the hardass leather coat, very threatening, really. On discovering his superpowers, Eric ran down to LA, broke into the 'Buffy' wardrobe department and nicked Spike's duster, then ran back to Kansas so he could be cool in black leather
That really depends on the girlfriend you arrogant git. That’s it you stupid boy, anger the super-strong psycho. Although, what can you expect from someone called Brent.
Eric left his stereo behind, did he have to superspeed back later and pick it up?
Clark's unfeasibly pretty when he's unconscious
Ah ha! Finally, naked skin!
Mine took about a month, but then I was dumb enough not to stop working for a week or so after I cracked them. Mine took 3 months, but I broke it in 2 places.
I'm going to refer you to Bitca's remarks about Spike and Faith on that one
Paperwork" do they have health insurance for Clark?
Lex just heard what? He was standing so close when Clark was talking about losing his abilities with his mother!
Christ, what am I thinking! I was feeling sorry for Clark there, having to answer all these questions from Lex when he's already told him the truth. Which considering I know that he's lying through his teeth is bloody incredible. I think perhaps I've been swayed by the nudity in the previous shot
Did Lex just offer to help Clark get dressed?
They called the cops on him. Jeez. He did just attack two high school students and his father, it's not unreasonable.
The rock are lying around everywhere, they shouldn't be that hard to find
Just put Lana in Eric’s way, with a bit of luck she’ll bore him to death.
Hah! I knew that Lex was double crossing him.
If you’d just been royally screwed would you really go back and give Lex the opportunity to gloat?
Lex called sleeping with her business
How come TV women always slap? If he'd pissed me off that much (although I would have checked before believing anything I'd somehow managed to steal off his computer) I would have punched him at least. If you've got nails like Victoria you should use them. A good headbutt never goes amiss either. Unfortunately she couldn't kick him in the balls because there was a sofa in the way
“I plan on being great all by myself” - I have to find an occasion to use that.
That was a freaky looking poster
Lana shares her life's ambition with Orville the duck. Although notice I didn't make a joke about her being operated by the hand up her arse
"Sure"? Her first question isn't "why?"? Okay I know I haven't punctuated that right
Lana briefly considers Clark’s secret life as a transvestite. He'd have terrible trouble finding stockings to fit
I love the police car sticking out of the roof of Eric's house. Particularly special is the fact that it has its hazard warning lights on
It’s good to see that Clark hasn’t lost his thousand yard ‘I must do something’ stare.
I don't know what Clark's worried about, the quality of the water alone would kill Eric. (Notice, classic film and 'Due South' reference in one fell swoop.)
Will it matter that it’s not lightning, but an electric cable, and it’s not a hunk of meteor rock but a little nodule? Surely they should be trying to replicate the conditions, not approximate them.
How come neither of them seemed to suffer seriously from the electrocution when they were 'normal'?
It would be a real bugger if Clark just got the Kryptonite allergy back.
Poor Eric is still going to be experimented on, and without his powers (Clark's powers!) he won't be able to escape
I’m still saying that Clark’s powers do define him and Jonathan just said that Clark was special.
What does Lex get a mention for? Spreading false information to competitors?
Lex! Poor Lex! Although he shouldn't care what either of those two amoebic parasites are doing. No one should have to see that. Victoria goes from sliding her hand off a Luthor’s head to getting it stuck in all that hair. Okay, you have to get over this
Oh, and now Clark's given away his box as well! If we get lucky then Lana will start licking that casket and get lead poisoning.

kinetic

For the first time, me Tobin and Lizard are all watching this together, and you would not believe the amount of preparation it takes to get all three of us in front of the TV, at the same time, with working pens and enough blank paper
Forgot to press record, oh yeah, been there, done that, scraped an 'A' level pass
Lex is really pissed that Chloe knew that quote, he was hoping he'd sound knowing and intelligent
The authentic Scottish conservatory?
Surely one advantage of being rich is to have a phone in every room?
Very hands on sport, judo I get the feeling that I'd be good at verbal judo. Chloe looks like she’s imagining real Judo with Lex.
Real in what sense exactly? Because those Victorian/Wedgwood copies can be worth more than the real thing
If they're invisible why are they wearing balaclavas?
How the hell are idiots like that going to know where to fence that kind of stuff? Most of those pots are going to get smashed if they just throw them around like that.
See, now that's a nice Monet, from before he went and locked himself away with nothing but lilies for company
Of course you can go snooping around. It’s a big mansion, that’s what they’re for.
Thank you Chloe! In fact she's doing a much better job then the guy with the super strength
If that had been Lana in danger then Clark would have made more of an effort. Pity that Chloe fell through the window instead of Lana. He ignored the kryptonite weakness long enough to stop Lex falling to a horrible death too
I bet the doctors in Smallville are thrilled at Lex's confidence in their skills. If he really cared he’d get the best in the world. For all we know all the doctors in Metropolis might be rubbish.
How did she break her arm by landing on her back? You would have thought ankle and pelvis would have been more likely. TV people like broken arms, it means they can have an obvious bandage without actually impeding the actor
Has he had a haircut since last week? No he's always been bald. I just walked into that didn't I? I think you took it at a good speed actually. It's about time that they cut Clark's hair, it was reaching bouffant status.
Lana come on! Even I guessed it was to do with football and I care nothing about Whitney.
Poor Savings and Loan, that's twice in as many months, and they damn well publicised it when they thought it was Lex doing it
Well that scarf's certainly not preventing her from getting a chest cold is it?
It's kindling Jonathan. If he's using it as a toothpick then I worry for the state of his teeth.
Jonathan has plans for that log. He's certainly being very protective of it.
Martha helpfully sending her son up against armed robbers simply to get him out of her hair, not to mention her barn
Nell is being a bit ambitious for Lana, I'm not sure that they teach Advanced Waitressing at Kansas State. (Oh you know that she'd follow Whitney.)
Come on everyone, lets guess who it could possibly be. Of course Lex is buying the Talon, who else has any money in Smallville?
Excellent! "Found an arm"
Giving Dickens the full respect he deserves
My Luthorcorp start up screen doesn't do the spinny thing (yes I have a Luthorcorp start-up screen, and Pink Floyd wallpaper)
Is that 'For Lionel Luthor's Eyes Only' actually going to dissuade anyone from reading it?
"Poster boy for Rogaine" is harsh, but funny
Lex has about the right opinion of the Smallville police
"Same way we did last time" with cunning and guile. And a slightly heightened...
"And we know why." Because the police would be absolutely no use whatsoever?
True, they don't, although given Lex's usual grasp of physics, it's possible that he might not know that. I think he's being swindled by the methane plant manager
I hope they’ve topped up the credit.
Lex's stock phrase whenever he's on his back foot, "you have no idea who you're dealing with" as if he didn't monogram his notecards
This is like the woman in 'Highlander' whose interior design career failed so her only option was prostitution. There's got to be something else he could do. Underwear modelling maybe
Second guy in two episodes who looks familiar, although I just this second worked out that Eric in 'Leech' was (I think) Bobby in 'X-Men'. But the leader of the tattoo guys still eludes me. I do remember him playing the leader of the 'townies' in the Generation-X one-shot movie from Fox about 6-7 years ago. I can still remember him calling Skin a "special kid" before getting his butt handed to him by Mondo. (Hugh Green)
Microwaves and trainers. What kind of store is that?
See, exercise is bad, it just leads to severe lifelong injury
Oh, the demon drink will drive Whitney to the Dark Side.
Look at Whitney's face when that girl smooches Wade
And once you have the one tattoo Whitney, the others will follow.
I never had tattooing down as much of a spectator sport
Where do they get the ink from? Who is distilling it from the meteorite?
I’d be so tempted to make it say ‘Smallville’
There's no way they could be touching the tattoo that quickly. Don't fucking touch it! Honestly, some people have no clue as to how to behave around damaged skin.
The version I know of the million bucks joke, the response is yeah, green and crinkled
Don't they get a blankety thing for winning the Kentucky Derby, not a horseshoe?
Dark Ages? Oh please, don't get me started. For any poor soul that's remotely interested you should see my fringedwellings for the Season Three episode of Stargate called 'Demons'. The rant's all there.
How did Chloe get a black eye?
She had to fall out of a window to get Clark to kiss her?
"Get some rest." What, lying here in a hospital bed, how could I possibly not?
Love Lex's deeply, deeply sceptical look at Lana
Lana clearly at a loss how to react to the word mercurial. "I resent that! Or possibly, thank you"
The word is hungover. Whitney's either hung over or auditioning for a role in 'The Blues Brothers'. Is he allowed to wear shades whilst he's working?
If he did that the day before it should still be all scabby
Is it just me or is Whitney starting to develop a personality?
Having your own personal boy scout would be cool.
I can't believe the college didn't make some allowance for the fact that his father was dying
Whitney didn't tell you Lana because he's not sure that you understand the word "scholarship".
"Shot me down." I have a really satisfying image of a clay pigeon launcher and Lex with a shotgun...
Is "maddest" a word?
Whose was it before 1943?
They should get new transport. No one looks cool climbing into a 3 door car.
Nothing involving a meat locker can be good
Love the beep as his cell phone reception cuts out
Ah, here's Whitney back in his traditional role.
Dissention in the ranks!
Well you see, there's the problem. You're asking Whitney to think.
Yes, that's right, he'll find the fact he's fallen in with people who bark very reassuring
OK, why do the jocks leave the headlights on after chewing Whitney out? Granted I'm typing this before seeing the rest of the ep, so for all I know they end up having to walk (how great would that be?) (HG)
Ah, so Lex gets a nice shiny new Porsche now they know they aren't going to have to push it in a river
"Measured by the quality of his friends" oh god, we're screwed. I'd like to reply with a 'hey!' but no, you're right, we're really, really screwed
Staying in bed and eating jelly sounds like a fantastic way to spend the day.
I had a run in with a Fascist hospital assistant when I had my tonsils out. We were at a state of out and out war when the the medical profession caved and sent me home with some tablets.
"That's crazy" that's also bullshit, if your molecules were moving much more quickly than usual then you'd be a gas. So Whitney's a load of hot air then?
Whitney’s in trouble, so he asks Lana for help?
If those invisible idiots were smarter then they would have made a copy of that disk.
He's remarkably laid back about the amputation thing
Retirement from what? I thought that they couldn't get a job because they were all screw up ex football players.
Lex is having way too much fun with that taser
Yes Lex, we'll call you first because you're tough and manly
It must get very confusing when they all call each other ‘bro’
The Smallville police are armed? They give these people guns?
Lex must be bright enough to have at least one very secure copy
Are these people going to come back to haunt Lex one day?
A cover up which of course, they're going to reveal to a high school reporter
An illustrated business plan? Does Lana think that Lex doesn't know what the building looks like? It's only in pictures so Lana can follow it.
"Are you kidding? Let you manage something I've got to pay for? Do you think I'm insane?" yet strangely, these aren't the words coming out of Lex's mouth

zero

He sounds convincingly bunged up for someone hanging upside down, because that gets all the snot clogged up in the back of your nose and it's virtually impossible to sneeze it out. He’s just the right shade of purple. They must’ve actually made him do that.
Nice palm off. Twice. Nice work by the director too to show us a) the gun and b) the ring. Very neatly done
What do you think?" Big, noisy, stupid, typical club. Oh God, I think it’s terrible. Give me a good book and some hot chocolate anytime.
Apple martinis? God he is such a girl Those drinks are a bit wussy but they do show up well under the strange lights.
If this was a real club, all those match books would have been stolen by now.
I'd want to hear the explanation so I could then be angry with his poxy excuses as well - you can never have too much bile
You take the ring off in his presence, then pawn it and buy something cool with the money
Oh you bastard Lex! Letting Amanda know that her scummy fiance is cheating on her? Okay, are we absolutely sure Lex isn't a woman? Maybe he's just a good friend. Apple martinis Lizard. Okay, he's a woman
And by ‘better’ he means ‘me’, yes?
Keeping up with the time changes Tobin?
Yep, definitely rigged. That sounds like a good assignment in theory, but with everybody interviewing everybody else that teacher is going to have a load of late submissions.
Ah, narrative imperative strikes again. Of course Chloe will have Clark, and Clark will have Lana. We've never seen that particular arrangement before in this show, have we?
They have a student store?
I have no idea what Chloe just said then. She really needs to work on her diction
So get crawling, you silly little plumber man! Lana really hasn't got the backbone to deal with this stuff, what was Lex thinking? She has no idea how to get on a builder's good side. I bet she hasn't even made him a cup of tea with four sugars and the teabag still in. And yet again twiglet!Lana sees the downside to not having impressive breasts.
One of the owners? Who else would be dumb enough to trust Lana with a business?
Lana doesn't question why a man who dislikes Lex that much is applying for the job?
God that Porsche engine sounds awful
Lex's parking is worse than mine! At least I'm in walking distance of the kerb.
"I'm not crazy!" But you see dead people.
Just in case we'd automatically ignored everything Lana was saying, they give us a close up of his application form
I suppose this means that Lana doesn't have to field questions about the plumbing situation now.
"Don't worry about it Clark, I'm not." Liar. Say it like you mean it Lex.
That sounds fairly close to Lex's usual car stereo output
At least he got a free CD player out of it. It was a funky purple one too
That was a broadly multi-racial crowd standing around Lex's Porsche
Just the normal routine, you know, find a naked child, bring him home, and lie for the next fifteen years.
"No," says Clark, sidling towards the door, "I'm not avoiding you Chloe!"
Single handed apart from the thousands of dollars that Lex is pumping in of course
Lana’s really going to kick herself next time she can’t find a place to park.
You know, if Lana stopped bringing up the fairy princess thing, then maybe everyone else would start to forget as well
Just because it's addressed to you doesn't mean you should open it. It could be a bill or a subpoena
Oh great, the Smallville police. They'll sort everything out then.
I suppose the upshot of this situation is that if anyone ever asks Lex to lend a hand, he can do so now. "I can do better than that. I can give you fifteen!"
What’s Lana simpering about? It was Lex who received the hand in a box.
A sick one, maybe?
Well, a hand in a box is slightly unnerving Lana. No wonder Lex is mildly freaked.
"Infamy, infamy, they've all got it in for me!" Hey! You stole my best Carry On quote!
Clark asking exactly the same questions the police have just done. Except for the important one about Jude.
Yep, I definitely watch way too much TV, since I don't think that someone being dead in any way stops them from being a possible suspect for a crime
I'm a bit worried about the 1½ foot six year olds that were running around Smallville ten years ago.
He really would just have been better off just lying to her in the first place
Does Chloe really think Clark won’t mind her doing this? Chloe is just being Chloe, Clark should know what she's like. Actually, I'd find the whole thing annoyingly intrusive too. Although I could always refer Chloe to my Gran, who could give her a complete history of the family to the 1750s and back again, with the full life story of everyone involved. That'd curb her curiosity for a while.
A punch bag, he really is rattled
Boxing!Lex is hot
Someone's been watching 'Highlander' for their flashback edits
Nice to see that when he stabbed Lex he neatly avoided doing any damage to the very expensive looking leather jacket
I'm going to put in the fact that I think Corin Nemec is cute here, because if I put it in the 's targate' pages I might get lynched
The Kents have goats now?
There's a very odd little colour tint on this scene, presumably that's meant to be dawn
"The cows aren't gonna feed themselves." Well, that was 65 million years of bovine evolution down the pan. What does he think the cows do all day? Stand around playing board games and wondering what the hell all that green stuff is?
I'm totally guessing here, but did the Luthors somehow help with swinging Clark's adoption? Lionel just seems like the only person with what was it, "a higher level of access" that they'd know, and if Jonathan owed him that much of a favour, or depending what Lionel wanted in return, it'd be some reason for the bad blood
They have black-and-whites now? Where did all those lovely big (profitable) beef cattle go? Do they think we're just not going to pay any attention to the sudden change in the Kent's livestock? I'm the only one paying attention to the livestock aren't I?
Love the gently bubbling chemicals in the field. That's some prop guy blowing through a straw
How did all those barrels get there without the Kents noticing?
He wouldn't be that dumb, or allow anyone who worked for him to be that dumb
I like the nice line between mud and grass where the farmer has forbidden the crew from trampling up any more of his land
Why does Lex need a humvee? Is the Luthorcorp plant doing so much damage he's going to need it for desert manoeuvres?
"Take these from different angles" Chloe is sick!
Considering the week he's having, I'm surprised Lex didn't get stabbed by a splinter when he leant on that fence. Speaking of which, whilst we see Clark put up all these fences, have you noticed that we've never once seen him creosote?
I want one of those stun gun things, the opportunities for fun are endless.
Transit. Job Done
And no one notices Lex’s car sitting there hours after everyone else has gone home?
Well, I can tell them categorically that their little "organic" scam is finished
I love how they can't get Clark and Chloe's heads in the same shot there and you end up with her face and a lot of blue t-shirt.
"Cool it off" okay, now even Martha makes it sound like they're dating
That would have been more convincing if Chloe had handed over more than one picture. How will a picture of the CEP guy help with an insurance claim? Photos of the chemicals and dead cattle would have been more appropriate.
Beaten senseless, hanging upside down, but he's still got all his limbs and his head hasn't exploded, so he should damn well count himself lucky. Nor for that matter has he been hurled down a crevasse, injected with a syringe full of air and then had his insides used as a flare to signal passing rescue missions (there speaks a Nic Lea fan who's just seen 'Vertical Limit')
They closed down but left behind their expensive lighting rig?
There is no way Lex doesn’t bounce off that sofa.
I'm amazed that Lex can stand up
Ooh, seriously tacky decor
"The truth is... " Which is not actually a yes. Master of misdirection. Never play cards with Lex
Delete it, you can always fish it out of the recycle bin if you change your mind.
This show was strange, although really good. I've been used to the monster of the week episodes. Nice to have some backstory on Lex though.

nicodemus

Shouldn't that plant be in a plastic bag or something? Because I've driven with plants in cars, and there's always a sharp turn you didn't anticipate. Before you know it, you're hoovering soil out of your footwells.
That is a very strange air-freshener on the dashboard.
Swear to god, if he takes that attitude with the receptionist, she's never going to put him through
He's listening to the 'Dukes Of Hazzard' theme tune, there are some things the producers just won't let him forget
Jonathan, just pull over for gods sake. This isn't the kind of road for that kind of macho 'you're never going to overtake me' crap
Oh, of all the people to try and kill. Silly man, never attack anyone on the credits. They've got a contract, and you've got a one-episode deal.
"Whoa" says Jonathan, translation, serves you damn right
Neat little bit of stunt driving for a farmer. He's out of the car before it stops, something he didn't learn on the 'Dukes Of Hazzard' as General Lee's doors were welded shut, which led to all sorts of fun and games when they needed to get someone in the back seat. especially if it was Uncle Jessie or Boss Hogg, neither of whom were slim people. (I'm sorry I liked the 'Dukes Of Hazzard' when I was little and when I came across it 15 years later I still liked it). Frankly you're insane. Maybe I don't get this 'cause I never saw these American shows when I was small, on account of having a life when I was eight (I may not have one now, but I had one then). Also, my only recent experience of 'Dukes Of Hazzard' was having to hunt through about 22 hours of it trying to find the one lone episode of 's targate' that was somewhere in their midst. Very, very scary
"Are you okay?" Jeez Jonathan, what do you think?
Aww! It moved! Oh, mini triffids! Fantastic. Anyone else reminded of Audrey from Little Shop of Horrors?
How did the flower get across the road faster than Jonathan? In fact, how did it get across the road at all?
Ahh choo. I have a sudden urge to say 'bless you' to a flower. I so wanted that flower to get out a little tissue and blow its stamen.
Is the nicodemus meant to look like Lex's sunflowers from 'Hourglass'?
I know Lex is a biochemist (and admittedly therefore not a real scientist), but even he should understand how experimental trials work. They don't just let you start on people. Lex, don't be so hard on Dr. Hamilton. If he's testing the effects of the meteors on plants then the next logical step is to use Lana. After all, if she drops a few more IQ points you'd have to water her three times a week and keep her on a sunny shelf.
"Actually it was his father." Lex begins to see a pattern forming
Oh yeah, like you're complaining Martha. Strange perhaps, but according to Martha, not bad
I've never been able to do that with bottle caps, which is why I sliced my finger open trying to break into a bottle of Black Sheep with a steak knife
Clark can’t watch football and pick up the slack.
Lex, you will always be interrupting. You should have got the message by now.
I like new Jonathan.
The mouthing off, the threatening behaviour and it's the burping that gets him a eye roll from Martha
"Out of the creamed corn factory" gee, there's a loss...
Now there's a conversation opener from Chloe.
Such a wussy desire from Lana, but then what can you expect from the twiglet? That’s only a good idea if she plans to throw herself off.
Could the inner Lana be any worse than the outer one?
Now there's a metaphor if ever I heard one. Love the pause in Chloe's rant before she says "telescope".
Why the hay loft? Their bedroom must be closer, not to mention more comfortable
Martha, I don’t think he wants soup.
The amount that Jonathan was touching her, Martha should have noticed his temperature sooner
Love the petulant little slam of the door when Jonathan realises he isn't going to get laid
Oh, I've told people exactly where they can shove their attitude much more descriptively than that and without the benefit of any kind of mind-altering chemicals
Too? What else is his wife keeping in the drawer? I like the idea of keeping a drawer full of useful husband items.
Gosh, they've got some chatty doctors at the Smallville hospital. Should they be sharing information about another patient like that?
Chloe obviously not even considering the possibility that going to a place that affected two other people just possibly, maybe, might affect her.
Why go looking for clues at night? Surely Lana and Chloe have got a better chance of finding something if there's , you know, light.
Is there something significant about Hawaiian Barbie that I'm missing?
God, she even sneezes in a wussy manner. I detest people who sneeze like that.
Actually God's Earth is mostly blue
Nine times out of ten folklore's absolutely right. We don't go to the trouble of spreading these country tales if they don't have something to say
Nice to see Lex giving a damn about his employees as well as the parents of his friends
I like the fact that dressed-to-impress for Lana is everyday wear for Buffy. Lana looks like she’s wearing snow boots.
Christ, Lana's so narrow! Poor Lana, she's doing her best to get her breasts to bounce sexily during that little walk, but it's a total lost cause
Close your mouth Clark, there’s a good boy.
Oh, I don't think that Clark's really thinking of much right now.
Arrgghh! Somebody stop her.
I love the look on Clark's face, somewhere between surprise, lust and sheer, blind terror.
That's a lovely set of underwear Lana's wearing. Although she's done a quick change since she climbed onto the diving board, because you saw her bra strap just before, and it was black
Poor Clark doesn't have the vocabulary to tell Lana what he wants, luckily Lana is good at sign language
That's some very strong waterproof mascara that Lana's using. She wouldn't be nearly so sexy if she had panda eyes.
I was about to ask what she was standing on for that scene, but looking at it again, I think he was lifting her up
Now why couldn't we have got Clark naked before he jumped in the pool? It'd only be fair
Well, that’s a turn off.
Surely Principal Kwan noticed that there were items of slutty female clothing tossed around the pool? They're not big enough to be Clark's , and everyone in school would have known about Lana's outfit that day. Why not go after her too?
Actually Chloe, you did miss something at the accident site, which is why you're fine
Poetry reading on Thursday? That's really going to pull the crazed iambic pentameter junkies in off the street. Wow, that’s going to pull the crowds in.
Did Lana have spare clothes in her locker or did she run home in her knickers?
Ok, that is really irritating, I've always wanted to be able to whistle like that
Lana’s idea of rebellion is eating squirty cream out of the can?
Oh, Lex is proud of that rebellion really.
No, he invested because Clark wanted him to. Although the ulterior motive part is right
I feel I should be complaining about this whole 'Lana comes on to the entire world' thing, but Kristin Kreuk is just having such a blast with it that I haven't got the heart
You know Lana, you're not the only person sick of the dead parent spiel.
I love Lex’s attempt to pretend he didn’t just fall over.
That poor lovely car!
What's that windmill for? It doesn't apear to be connected to anything
Lex love, don't tell them it's your fault
Is Chloe having sex with the town librarian or something? How else does she get this kind of information, or permission to get academic papers on loan?
Re-erected, not built
God, this must be what breaking and entering with Bitca must be like.
I knew Pete was pissed about the Lex as best friend thing.
Pete isn't that funny. I think he's over-estimating his importance to the group dynamic.
Jonathan doesn't have a machine that goes ping!. How will we know if he's still alive without a machine that goes ping!? He does have a wavy line machine though, all is not lost.
He'd have been better off with a few basic farm management lectures
An official note taker? Teacher's pet!
Okay, he really had his chat-up lines sussed
That's sweet Martha, but the fact that you had that big party after going to church in a white dress means that he did marry you.
"Want it back" I'm amazed they let him have it in the first place. Unless Chloe's not the only one putting out in the name of research
Get the book! Get the book! Get the old, rare book out of the nasty destructive fire! The strangely flame-proof, old, rare book. I'd be much more worried for the manuscript if that wasn't a gas fire.
They're working on the cure together
Don’t complain Lex. He’s standing between you and the bullet.
The poor guy's only just come out of a coma, there's no need to suffocate him back into it
Aw, poor Lex doesn’t have a family member whose just recovered from a coma to hug.
How did she get up there with her eyes closed? The fact that Lana is surprised that she's sitting on top of the windmill surely tells you all you need to know about her. She didn't notice climbing up a really tall metal ladder? Oh good grief.
It's a bloody eyesore. Who needs that spoiling the otherwise lovely view? How far away is Metropolis anyway? From the top of our hill on a good day you can only just see Boston, which is barely 30 miles away
“How do you feel” - I feel very badly superimposed.

on to stray

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