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s2 ep 7-12
s2 ep13-17
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s5- ep 7-11
s5 ep 12-16
s5 ep 17-22
car guide s1
car guide s2
car guide s3
car guide s4
car guide s5

  

season one

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• That angel thing wasn't golden, was it? 
• Oh nice use of the sympathy card to get more money out of the pawnbroker. If he felt really sorry for the boy he should give him some money and let him keep the thingymajig.
• I thought he was going to say 70, but he was cheaper than that
• He doesn't have 60 bucks in the till?
• Is that legal? Can a kid pawn things?
• I feel a comic-book hero theme coming on. 
• Ooh, freaky 'Vanilla Sky' masks. 
• The 'prince' and the 'ugly sister' have delusions of Cinderella. I only hope that it doesn't give poor Ryan a complex
• That's is Martha, move the traumatised accident victim. Call an ambulance, woman. Don’t hug him.
• What is it about the Kent family and traffic accidents? Clark in the pilot, Jonathan last week, now Martha. 
• Why have they not given him his shirt back?
• Can I just have a private word with you... Half a foot away from where we were standing before. 
• Talk about dumb Kent statements of our time, Martha tops them all "The juvenile cell..." "That's no place for a child." Oh dear lord. I bet there was some intern in the script meeting, desperately trying to point that one out. 
• No, legally, they can't take him home! The Kents aren't registered, police checked foster parents! Martha just hit him with her car! Jesus woman, adopt a kid normally would you? Just once? Hell, why don’t they just make adoption a fairground game? “Win a child! If you can hit a child with your car - you get to take him home!”
• Well its that kind of placement that led to him being abused in the first place.
• Which means he seriously went through all of their cupboards. Did Martha not hear all the cooking noises?
• How much washing up has this kid created? Pancakes and scrambled eggs?
• Honey? Okay, for the first time in my entire life I've just been repulsed by coffee. If the world ends tomorrow, you'll know why
• Do like Jonathan's cow coffee mug
• Does 'Warrior Angel' have fangs?
• Don’t all comic book hero’s help people who can’t help themselves?
• Oh come on Clark, you know that you can pick up the subtext if you try really hard! 
• Hey Ryan, wait till you meet Lana there’s nothing in her head either.
• "I know," says Clark the American male, "sport will help." No, please encourage him to read instead of putting a ball through a hoop. Because that's a skill you're going to need all your life. So he's not allowed to play with the extremely muscular Pete for fear of hurting him, but he can run around with an already damaged 12 year old?
• You can just hear Martha, "Please Jonathan! Can I keep him? I promise I'll look after him, and feed him, and clean out his cage..." 
• Two kids and she got to keep her figure too
• Nipped over for the Grand Prix. Lionel's a McLaren supporter isn't he?
• Quoting from the Art of War doesn't prove anything. He could quote from 'The Karate Kid' if he wanted, it doesn't mean we'll be any more impressed. It's what the quote says that counts
• With his hair as it is, Lionel shouldn't be too worried about the 80s reference. 
• Dumb Luthor statements of our time, if he told them he was coming then it wouldn't be a spot inspection
• Like methane possibly
• Because Alexander the Petulant doesn't sound nearly so good
• I like the "again"
• 'Where you'll be under my thumb' I think is more accurate
• Well, I'm waiting for them to start playing Subutteo. Can you imagine the Luthors playing Sonic vs Mario or even better, Pokemon. The Luthors look more like a charades kind of family. 
• If he knew his name, surely that narrowed things down? Because if your missing child was called Bob and the only thing this boy knew for certain was that his name was Caspar, you'd be on to a loser from the start
• This is why Chloe writes other people's stories, she's incapable of thinking one up for herself
• It doesn’t take telepathy to sense that doesn’t end well. 
• Love Chloe getting up-tight when someone insults the Wall of Weird. 'Pick on me all you like, but leave the wall alone'
• Oh Chloe, pink? Oh Chloe, the prom?
• Clark really doesn't have a clue does he?
• God, they have no idea about how annoying a little brother is before he turns into a person that you actually can stand to be around for any length of time. Oh, this dialogue was so written by an only child. Oh and big sisters aren't that much fun either. Having siblings generally results in arguments, broken stuff, and someone being locked in a cupboard. 
• Why am I not surprised that Lex likes comics?
• Stupid Boy! Don’t run from the crowded café!
• You've got to applaud the cheesy golden glow around Clark. Yes, he's a hero. Yes, he's rescuing Ryan. Yes, he's saying exactly the same thing that the comic hero said. Yes, we're aware that Superman was a comic character first before TV and film. Some of us, you know, understand the subtext. Oh god, totally comedy halo shot of Clark! They have to not do that when I'm eating pizza, I just snorted a jalapeno and had to spend the last five minutes in the bathroom blowing chili seeds out of my nose
• Don't the bin men come rushing round to see what the hell just happened to their lorry?
• I've never liked the name Julian. Just thought I'd share that. I'm surprised that it wasn't Julius. Julian was an Emperor too wasn't he? One of the Byzantine ones. Or am I thinking of Justinian?
• Julian, the Luthor hair... the Luthor empire could have been founded on conditioning products.
• An heir and a spare, remember?
• Yes you did have to tell us that Lex, it set us up for some Luthor family backstory and made us feel sympathetic towards you.
• Ryan's asking Lana for advice? He reads minds, right? Surely he can tell that there isn't anything in Lana's ? 
• Where's she going with the tray full of empty glasses?
• As much as I wish it wasn’t the case, you cannot fire someone because they’re ‘not a good person’. You generally need evidence. 
• How come the only surviving pictures of long-lost parents are always good, posed ones? Never one of them drunk at some party with really bad red-eye. That looks like one of the photos you get free with the frame.
• I like Clark’s fear of pink.
• Is Martha using eating apples? Shouldn't you use cooking apples? Depends on the variety, but mostly yes, those green-skinned Granny Smith types just turn to mush
• And that’s a big fear Martha, I don’t know how you cope.
• Not made much of an effort to hide that ship have they? Seriously, covering it with some hay wouldn’t be a bad idea. 
• Well, with Lana there's only the surface to scan
• Oh yes, he really does want to know actually. He's just being all heroic and virtuous. Stupid boy. 
• He's playing Clark like a bloody piano
• Oh, now they want to put him in foster care. 
• They've probably informed Social Services of Ryan's history Jonathan
• Does anyone check ID in this town? 
• That limo's going to be a bugger to reverse out of that yard
• Lex beating the chauffeur and proving, impressively that he can open a door all by himself. From the inside at least
• Why the limo? Can you not get into Metropolis without one?
• A foil? Which one of them is witless?
• Not unless they know what to do with it, heroes do tend to be a bit dim. Look at Mac and Angel. Barely a braincell between them.
• Or what? You shoot him, you're never going to get the password
• "It's a foil" ah, the joys of sounding intelligent by using information you only learnt yourself five minutes ago
• He's a playboy now? I thought the usual term was brat
• There's some sound effects guy having a whale of a time with a mic and a wobble board making all those swishy fencing noises
• "Wait!" says Clark, "I recognise those eyebrows!" 
• Wouldn't Lex (or Lionel) have a regular chauffeur?
• That had to hurt, look at Lex bounce! Ow! 
• How does Clark know when to stop?
• Why hasn't Lex got a mobile to call for help?
• Could he not at least take the time to help Lex to the verge?
• What is that laptop linked to? How could the bizarrely-eyebrowed man use it to hack into anything if he isn't connected to a mobile phone, at least? 
• Has he tried spelling Julian with an 'e'? 
• I’m amazed he hasn’t thought about doing that before.
• Hmm, that's a convenient deserted bowling alley in the middle of nowhere with an unlocked door. How could he open a fire door from the outside?
• Doesn't that get turned off when they close? And how late is it that Lex is meeting his father for dinner but the bowling alley is closed? 
• No sound of footsteps when Clark's walking across the alley. Did they make sure all the cast were wearing soft shoes before they let them film in there?
• That poor alley owner's going to have a terrible time claiming on his insurance. I'd love to know how they're going to explain the bowling ball-shaped hole in the wall and the huge circular bruise on the man to the police. Hang on though, if its the Smallville police force then they shouldn't have too many problems. 
• Chloe's finding foster places for kids now? 
• There's another one, ruined by Twiglet Girl
• The Moron Testosterone Club yes? 
• A nice visual metaphor there, as Lionel has his son's balls in the palm of his hand.
• See, I said that about the Emperors ages ago
• No, Lex will return to Metropolis at the head of a crap factory.
• Check her ID! Will you people never learn? 
• Clark doesn't need them either, he can just borrow Lex's

• Uh oh, old woman on deathbed, kryptonite, (I mean, meteor rock) - this isn't going to end well. 
• Oooh, Evil accessories.
• Dying must be this actress's specialty, I saw her in a hospital bed in 'Highlander' giving pretty much the same performance
• Ooh, mothers have got that emotional blackmail thing down really well.
• Hmm, lucky none of those omnipresent nurses or doctors were hanging around the open door to hear that conversation. 
• Possibly the result of impact? D’ya think?
• The idea of a pathologist talking to himself whilst he pours over your dead body is enough to make anyone ensure they die in a very straightforward and obvious way.
• That was a rather cheap special effects shot, and, briefly, a pathologist who was going to be seriously rethinking his career plan. 
• Considering Clark's record with old people, I'm not surprised he wants to stay away
• Wow, I only just got the primary colours on Clark. 
• Has anyone asked the old people if they want to be visited? Because I can see Diminuendo in fifty years time blasting would-be do-gooders with some sort of water gun if they tried to help her. Martha possibly, Lana definitely. I can't see me chasing Clark away though, although getting him soaking wet has possibilities. Oh god. I spend my working life campaigning against the patronising treatment of old people and now I have to watch Martha and Clark breaking all the rules. 
• Irises? That's it, bring funeral flowers to an old people's home, remind then of their impending inevitable death
• What, the prospect of a whole day's fishing? Of course he's excited...
• "10 hours in a rowboat, swatting mosquitoes..." -- So bullets bounce, knives shatter and cars and buses crash off Clark but the mosquitoes, oh lord no the mosquitoes! (HG) 
• Does Martha expect an answer from Pepper? 
• Pepper is probably too hot to be friendly wearing that little dog jacket thing
• Oh blech, I hate people who patronise old people like that. She's eighty, not stupid. 
• I on the other hand would have told her that she'd get what she was given and like it in order to exact revenge for all the times someone her age has said that to me
• No, even fully prepared, the beard's still disturbing
• Has Dominic's hair receded more since he was in Smallville last? Working for Lionel must be very stressful
• Mental note, never play Questions with Lex. I could kick Lex's ass at Questions. He wouldn't stand a chance
• Actually, the thing with the shark sounds kinda cool
• Sadly after having it explained to me, I now understand the appeal of both fishing and cricket, as a way for people to do nothing, yet still feel productive. Particularly cricket which is a way to convince yourself you play sport when what you actually do is stand in a field for four hours and then have cake
• There cannot be enough moisture in that girl’s body for her to be crying again.
• Oh dear, Lana's just realised that her jumper and shoes clash. 
• What did Dominic say his surname was? 
• How in depth can you investigate the Kents, really? Because Chloe turned up the only unusual thing about them. 
• Which one of them did he mistake for Whitney? Frankly, it's a pretty large leap in either direction
• What, ever? 
• Oh dear, a hospital visit from Lana Lang. In his weakened state, it's enough to kill Mr. Fordman. 
• Jonathan is doing mechanical things on the table again, and Martha's going to have to shout at him
• How could Clark possibly let Jonathan down? He looks so excited with all his little toys.
• Are canned peaches an obligatory part of a fishing trip? 
• Love Clark's contrite look after he's stupidly blurted that out
• Ok, that was a little over the top Clark, especially for someone who didn't want to hurt Jonathan's feelings
• That woman should’ve trained her dog to hit the ‘off’ switch when she falls asleep. 
• She can sleep with the static on her TV? That always wakes me up
• Oh well, at least that dog is dead. I really dislike little, yappy dogs. He just cremated the dog out of spite didn't he?
• Hey, and now the relatives don't even have to fork out for a cremation, all they've got to do is hoover the bedsheets
• As perceptive as ever, Clark. 
• Damn, thinks Jonathan, if only Lex was a little to the left... Watching Jonathan throwing those hay bales about, the part of my brain that needs to get out more thought, 'ooh that's impressive'. The part of my brain which has been out, didn't like the weather and came back in again, thought 'don't be so bloody stupid, you can chuck bales about like that too'. Yes, but just because you can do it doesn't mean it's not still impressive for your average bloke. Why did they put the hay bales up there in the first place?
• Ah, manly bonding over sports talk. 
• Ooh, Whitney's got his 'I'm-a-total-girl' hair cut
• There's plenty of pain to go around Whitney, there's no sense adding guilt to the pile by not saying good bye to your Dad
• Well, first of all, Whitney's dad isn't dead yet, and secondly, Jonathan's not going to be around for that much longer is he?
• And again, they just wander right into a crime scene. I know the Smallville police are a little haphazard, but you'd think the the budget could stretch to a few rolls of crime scene tape. 
• How thoughtful, the police made the bed.
• I love how Tom Welling keeps knocking his head on that chandelier. 
• And as confirmation that it really is the dog and not any random pile of ash, there's a comedy name tag. 
• Chloe is disturbed by the dog ash but not by the old woman’s? 
• Clark can recognise his mother's skeleton? Those skeletons could’ve been dancing, not necessarily engaged in a fight to the death.
• See, you can knock in a barn
• Jonathan never thinks these things through. 
• Vampire, zombie, English teacher at start of term, all walk around whilst technically dead. 
• That's it Clark, you hold out on that apology
• When Lionel dies all the kings are going to have to wait at his funeral until Lex stops dancing the flamenco on his grave. (You can just see the castanets, can't you? Ole!) 
• Lex could always go fishing with Jonathan.
• Now Whitney's talking to the dead parents? What the hell is it that these corpses know? You wouldn't have thought that what they hosed off the tarmac would have been in any kind of state to hand out helpful advice. With the amount of people who go there for a chat, I’m surprised someone hasn’t set up a 24 hour café in that graveyard.
• “Oh God”, thinks Lana’s Mum, “just give me some peace”.
• Oh, why couldn't Tyler have just grabbed her and helped the viewers out? 
• Where the hell did he go? Did the meteor rock give him special landspeed record-breaking powers too? 
• 30 year old? It's probably tea with a shot of vodka in it
• You know, Lex and Lana both bang on and on obsessively about their parents. The Smallville residents should just lock them in a room together until they've both said all there is to say. 
• Lex's therapist, there's be a job for life. Although I think he's pretty well adjusted considering
• Oh no, you're not telling me Lex poisoned the bottle? Then it can't be real Scotch, even Lex wouldn't waste that
• Are there rules to the coloured scrubs? Or is it just random?
• Whitney handily knocking himself out on the sink there
• I love the sudden halt and studied nonchalant walk as Clark meets that nurse in the corridor. 
• So he's going to leave Whitney in a crumpled heap on the floor is he?
• How could he not know about his mother? You'd have thought he'd at least have noticed the lack of a funeral
• No, it's the result of a decent trauma team
• If he dies when he touches himself, how does Tyler wash? I think it’s quite obvious he doesn’t.
• Clark having serious second thoughts about grabbing that ash
• I don't know where that it, but it looks like the back of the Parc De Princes, very, very cool
• One should always be in the mood for jousting.
• I'm surprised Lex has a car with a boot big enough to fit a whole person in
• Poor Dominic. I've always wanted to rip the tape off someone's mouth like that. It looks awfully satisfying. He should have put a bit more of that tape on, give Dominic a decent facial wax whilst he's there
• God Lex just can't do anything to piss that guy off can he?
• Do love the way Lionel just shuts the boot again
• He should be wearing a hat. That’s 90% of his body heat he’s losing.
• You want to keep quiet about miracles just in case God says 'hey you're right, that shouldn't have happened' and takes it back. Nah, Lex just needs something to convince the insurance to pay out on the Porsche
• Hell, says Clark, I'm me all the time! You think you could do that some more while your boyfriend's busy with all the other men in lycra trousers?
• I love Jonathan’s nonchalant face as he waits for Clark to apologise.
• Jonathan's just itching to get out on that field too
• See, "it's not about the actual fish themselves, the fish are not important in this context, it's about fishing. The act of fishing..."
• Three actually, Martha mentioned it earlier
• But water's clear. Why would you need x-ray vision to see through it?

• Some nice non-affiliated posters there
• I don't know what is more annoying, the bee or the background music. I’m sensing that bee may be important.
• "Elections aren't about merit" Pete grasping the basis of the political system in one fell swoop there 
• Pete is going to grow up and work for an insurance company in risk assessment, I can tell
• And apparently, owner of all the pink in Smallville.
• Oh, I hate her already.
• That is a perfectly reasonable reason to hate someone. That's not reaching, I've disliked people for much less convincing reasons than that
• Paul is really brave, I would have yelped, cried and got my mother to get the sting out.
• Quick put the plug in!
• There was some really gross bee action that we missed out on there, wasn't there?
• No FBI, no CIA, when they need the law in Smallville, they call for the CEP
• I became Head Girl in that way, one minute I'm declining the nomination and the next I'm seeing my name on a ballot slip. 
• You can’t help feeling Pete has had lessons from Josh. 
• He's made a really big banner for one thing
• Pete knows the perks of being Chief of Staff
• No, it's more like "I'm a secondary character."
• Are they "Clark-ing" or clucking? Do they even know who he is?
• Oh, oh, excuse me while I wipe the drool from my laptop, my god that's gorgeous. Obviously they can afford the insurance after all
• Windscreen Lex! Look out the windscreen! Don't you dare f***ing crash that
• There really was no way he was going to pass those legs by was there?
• He'd look good in the hat though
• I remember when she was a Mighty Duck.
• Lex honey, being there since fall doesn't even qualify you as a newcomer
• She has a pink oil rag. 
• The pitch was when she lured him in with the mile high legs, this is the sell
• Well, yeah, why else would she do it? Surely Lex of all people doesn't expect something for nothing
• Clark obviously betraying the geek solidarity
• Clark feeling really freaked by the parental support
• "Empty, deserted, vacant..." not unlike it's manageress. Although full of flowers.
• You're stealing all their custom, of course they're fighting back. Go Beanery!
• "My god," thinks Clark, "how transparent must I be?" Yes, but Clark's body language is written in bold type and glowing neon. Even Lana would have to be dead not to pick up on it
• Who put the flyer on Lex's car? Pete wouldn't, and it's not like he wouldn't know which car Lex's was
• I am consistently surprised at how good Lex looks in pink. 
• "Knock yourself out" don't encourage him, all he'd have to do is forget to duck through a doorway, and concussion is never attractive
• The Man Of Tomorrow is the woman waiting for surgery today, or the child sucking his thumb today. Sometimes having a lot of scope in a slogan is not a good thing
• Overdoing it with a badges a little there Pete
• "Prez!"? Murder is too good for this girl, although freaky bee death comes close
• There's a "buzz off" pun in here that I'm sure Tobin's going to make better than me. "Bee quiet!"
• Never be ashamed of knowing stuff Clark, it's not a bad thing
• Clark probably thinks that he has to build a platform.
• The Torch has to be as impartial as possible, but that doesn't mean that Chloe won't vote for Clark
• No, Clark, you really don't understand.
• You'd have thought Whitney would be campaigning for the topless waitressing too
• Yeah, and everyone under the age of 25 incessantly quotes nothing but 's tar Wars'. Apart from us of course, "I'm in custody, Williams is in custody, everyone's in custody. What does that prove except that you've got a big jail"
• How much help can Lana give, apart from batting her eyelashes to create a cool breeze?
• He's just doing bugger all about it, doesn't mean he's not paying attention
• The Talon doesn’t need anymore creativity. 
• Lex is over 40? He's secretly a middle aged man too! As well as being a woman, no wonder he's conflicted
• It's not that long a story, why shouldn't he ask?
• Pan up! Pan up! Lex is naked and I wanna see! (The visual you're missing here is me peering, craning my neck and basically doing everything short of actually falling off the edge of the bed, desperately trying to see both under the bottom of the screen and round the corner of the massage table. Needless to say, none of it is working). It's very sad in a lung-crampingly hysterical way, that I too was craning my neck to see more of Lex on the massage table. Yet more proof that I need to get out more. Hah! After you took the piss out of me on Saturday when I was doing it! The Michael Rosenbaum/Visions Of Light Fringedweller Patent Non-productive Humourous Lean. Aha, this is going to be it... move the bloody camera up! Oh, for crying out loud, what a waste. I am so angry now. 
• Hmm, he's a bit skinny for me, but if the Ferrari came too I think I could probably cope
• She's doing a bloody awful job! Although, seriously there's nothing so wrong with his muscles that it would take an hour to correct. Even I could barely drag it out past twenty minutes, and I'd be trying
• 'The Godfather' is a long film, you could show two films in the same time and charge double the admission
• The bees were fooled by him hiding behind the door? 
• And of course, Chloe is going to love Lana's validation.
• Yeah, call Chloe, not a bee expert or anything.
• Aha, I thought it was about time for Chloe and Clark’s patented leap to conclusions, in order to skip exposition.
• Ooh, nice swipe at the Community College from someone who got himself kicked out of real university
• Lex could always just hire someone to sneak round in the middle of the night and pour Coke in the K-20, that'd stop them printing pretty quickly
• How? By gurning?
• I watch too many cartoons, I keep expecting the swarm to form into a little pointy aircraft shape when it swoops in on Martha. That or a really big hammer. If that had been me, I would have tried to escape on the tractor before realising I could run faster.
• In desperate need of an Emergency Apiarist. "Have hive will travel"
• They couldn’t delay the party until he was better?
• She screwed the guy at Beanery?
• What's Lex's Presidential slogan? Billionaire Baldie? 
• He's just going to beat her to death with the poker and hide her body in the ornamental fountain
• See! What did I just say! (About the 's tar Wars' thing, not the ornamental fountain)
• Thought!! The word is thought!! Thunk is the noise you make when you're formulating one
• Lana finally learns to clap, and doesn’t want to stop.

• Oh, a dark and stormy night. Snoopy would be so proud. Nothing good ever happens on a stormy night. 
• Metropolis Children's Hospital, formerly Ye Olde Grim Dickensian Workhouse
• He’s quite good looking, whatever he’s done I’m on his side.
• Still, he's got a bright future faking Picassos
• That's a bit of a shoddy platform to base an entire career on. What would a violin teacher know about surgery?
• ” Well, except Justin can’t open or close any doors now. 
• Justin's voice is really annoying me. 
• Do the words 'Hand Of Orlac' mean anything to you? This isn't going to be a Hand of Orlac episode, is it? 
• Oh, it's a Picture of Dorian Grey-like episode. In a freaky kind of way. 
• The surgeon's date firmly believing in a women and children first policy
• I hate things like that. I get pins and needles in my hands and feet when people get their hands hurt
• He may be severely injured, but he can still draw better than me. 
• They have blue hydrangeas, magnesium in the soil. I bet there are loads of cigarette butts in those lovely flowers. 
• Another nice in-joke about the lycra-clad future. 
• Show up, start making the coffee, see if they kick you out
• Chloe's hit the nail right on the head there. So he's from some distant galaxy, that's still no excuse for being clueless
• Pete doesn't get to say much, but he's also right. 
• Another left-hander
• Why is every relationship that Chloe has doomed to be with The Freak of the Week? 
• How did he hurt both his hands in a hit and run? 
• For some reason that monument reminds me of the bug city from 'Bane', and a little bit of New Tollana
• I wonder whose monument that really is, or if they've knocked it up out of styrofoam
• I really though that was going to be Lionel, and then I saw the legs.
• And of course, the Smallville police can't run a license plate check. 
• Poor Justin sensing just a little bit of tension there
• Superbly tasteless headline in the Inquisitor, "Going Down!"
• Have we seen the American flag in the Kent's backyard before?
• There's a lovely bit of camera work in here, as they pull in on Lana and Clark as the conversation gets more intimate, then pull out again when it starts to change back
• He’s not trying very hard to rebuild his life.
• Clark leaps to yet another conclusion about somebody. This time, however, it's justified. 
• What's the book? They give us lots of shots, so it must be significant, but I can't read the title
• A bald one. 
• "I've changed." Yeah, he's taller for a start. 
• Lex holds a pool cue like me.
• I'm a little confused with the timeline here, how long was Lex's mother sick for? If her health was starting to fail before the meteor shower, then she must have been sick when she had Julian
• And the possibility of Lionel lying hadn’t crossed Lex’s mind up until now?
• If the fare at the Talon is as bland and insipid as Lana's advice, then it's no wonder the place is losing business
• Wow, Cultural!Whitney. What have they done with the real Whitney? Whitney may keep what brains he has in his jock strap, but he's loyal, genuine and is making an effort in his relationship with Lana. He deserves better than Lana getting bored with him because Clark follows her around like a puppy.
• Lana, his father was dying! 
• Also, he got his hair cut, so he's much hotter now
• Ooh, contacts in the DMV. Chloe must be a proper journalist. 
• Is Chloe not going to point out his drawing is very good for someone who can’t even carry some books? 
• Way to guilt trip someone into going out with you Justin. Smooth! It's a real shame he's a psychopath, 'cause he's got some wonderful chat-up lines
• So apparently Chloe is a pretty good kisser
• Yes, actually he does have a bit of a saviour complex
• Clark getting some kind of education
• I think that maybe Pamela does know Lex that well
• This could have potentially comic results. 
• Chloe is now dating someone who should be attached to the Wall of Weird. 
• Chloe gets a fax machine? How much money does that school have? 
• "Better than I know you" that was pointed
• Harsh, but thoroughly justified.
• Battery powered outside lights! That's just what we need in our bathroom after the Calamitous Sam and Josh-esque Lighting F*** Up that's left us in the dark for the next six weeks
• Um, it has done so far. 
• "Do you know..." I get the feeling he's gonna
• Oh Principal Kwan, you're forgetting those training lectures; if you intend to kill a pupil then make sure you finish the job!
• It was only in first, it can’t have hit him that hard. 
• Clark and some desperately ironic reading material.  “I maybe a bit effeminate, but I am not a girl”, thinks Lex. 
• Martha seems very upset, were she and Kwan close?
• Chloe's a bit worked up over the death of a teacher. 
• Pete wisely going with the flow
• Is that Walt Whitman? No, they'd never allow homoerotic subtext like that in this show...
• Oh look, the usual disregard for the integrity of a crime scene. 
• Oh, this is why Kwan suddenly gained a son, so he could mow down Justin. 
• Never try and hide you've been snooping, shuffle nervously, apologise, and they'll assume you never had time to see anything worth covering up
• Damn! thinks Justin, I knew drawing that incriminating evidence was a mistake!
• Ah, the obligatory ankle break. 
• Clunk! That shouldn't have been funny, but it was. 
• Chainsaw safety rant again, why doesn't that have a blade protector on, and why does it still have petrol in (I assume he's not manipulating the individual parts)?
• I wish that Justin had turned around to be knocked unconscious by Martha and a hefty bit of wood. 
• "Are you OK?" Yes Clark, now you're here I've completely forgotten about my broken ankle and concussion. 
• Go on Lex, cry.
• Sonnet Saturday? Oh please... Has Lana considered that maybe its the poetry that's putting people off? Can there be that many aspiring poets in Smallville, or is it just Lana with some angsty stuff about her parents?
• How about assault, murder, attempted murder? How about hitting someone with a car? That's got to be against the law
• Do they have a prison in Smallville?
• He has very clean fingernails for a farmboy
• Well Lana, Whitney's not going to be weepy about his cat, is he? 
• No Lana, you need to get some tissues. 
• I bet all the producers were thrilled that it decided to rain  that day. Tom Welling cursing the director's arty nature by making him stand in the rain. And also more proof that there are no women on set because Angel or Mac would have felt the need to be shirtless in the rain. 
• I'm a little thrown by this episode, since, in addition to being enjoyable, it's actually pretty good. My God, against all the odds, the slow motion, rain soaked, musical ending was good. 

• What are the odds that the actors are just hanging on for dear life and the reason the director used the long shot is to escape broadcasting the distraught look on their faces? 
• Yes, he did have to ask, because Lana would be pissed as hell if he just assumed
• Eric Johnson looks really nice on that chestnut
• Should they really have gas pipes just standing up in the middle of a field like that?
• The Smallville Fire Department are about as inept as the police. 
• Lana clearly showing the genetic instinct that got her parents reduced to sandwich spread and standing stock still next the about-to-explode gas main. Even she shouldn't have to wait for Whitney of all people to tell her to run
• Unfortunately that something to help her rest was a sedative and not a decent non-denominational burial
• Is that rescheduling the interview or the internship? Because I don't think that they do autumn internships. 
• A mild concussion on Lana gives a jellyfish superiority.
• Is it just me or has Chloe seriously misjudged the skirt and tights combo?
• They're some truly hideous pajamas on Lana
• Oh God, a Lana-centric episode.
• So, Lana gets knocked unconscious next to the kryptonite and now she's psychic? How many other people have been rendered unconscious next to the rock and not had this? 
• I wonder if those two horses are still standing tied to the fence post?
• Jonathan getting his priorities straight, plumbing then dates
• Says Jonathan, safe in the knowledge that he has a date for the dance. 
• That was a comedy breaking noise. 
• Was that the bit of pipe that Jonathan wanted?
• Americans seem to spend a lot of time going to dances. 
• He didn't barge, he knocked. Besides, Lex would never barge. He'd have people paid to barge for him. 
• Clark in paper jam hell there. 
• How can you tell if Lana's concussed or not? I mean, seriously, how are the symptoms any different from her normal state? 
• Clark looks very interested in that dream Lana had about Chloe...
• Lex should buy a proper table and some paperweights instead of having to make do with the pool table. 
• Nixon suddenly realising that there actually are some things he won't do for a story, and giving Lex Luthor shiatsu massage is one of them
• "Saw something fall out of the sky." Hence meteor shower Nixon (meteorite shower anyway). Jesus, if that wasn't an honorary Dumb Kent Statement I don't know what is
• Clark really isn't having much luck with machines this week is he? First Chloe's computer goes down and now the tractor won't start
• If they've only just got Lex's compensation, where did they get the money to restock so quickly? Why did they restock with a different type of cattle? 
• Well, and it would hurt his nose. 
• Clark having Massey Fergusson dreams
• They keep advertising these poetry readings at the Talon, but we never see them. Do you think they're just an empty threat? Perhaps the signs are a plant by the owner of the Beanery and Lana just hasn't realised they're there yet. Bebop Fridays? Lana has surpassed herself this time.
• When did the Talon go Egyptian?
• Pete needs a sign. Perhaps he could rent the front of the Talon
• Chloe already has a dress. A pink one
• Because you only know three girls Clark, and one of them is your mother.
• "Bart you know you can't weld with such a little flame"
• Nice to see the hostage taking the situation into her own hands and rescuing herself. Go Chloe! I hate the silly females that are usually kidnapped, not a smidgen of 'get up and go' in any of them. Or, 'get up and beat seven kinds of crap out of the idiot that took me'. You have to admire Chloe’s positive chatting to herself.
• Chloe doesn't have a mobile?
• Smallville police actually acting pretty much like we would there. Only they're not so rude. 
• Who's been looking for the car? Or was it some random hiker that found it?
• Lex has set the timer on that watch. 
• Why would you need to air-spray 50 acres? You could cover that with  a couple of sprinklers. In fact, could you air-spray 50 acres? You'd have to be a bloody good aim, 50 acres isn't a lot of land
• "Clark, you can't think that way," breathy voice, soothing hand, bored with Whitney...
• Even back then Clark was a good boy. When is he going to get all teenage and rebellious? 
• Remember the really tall windmill Lana? Climbing up it was your dearest wish about six weeks ago?
• Okay, being buried alive is very, very scary.
• Don't get help, get a shovel!
• Well done to the man who's not only buried Chloe, but re-laid the turf perfectly over the top of the coffin
• I spy with my little eye, something beginning with oops
• Clark cleverly managing not to punch Chloe in the face as he breaks through the coffin
• I wonder if anyone at the Daily Planet is worried that they are competing for stories with a high school newspaper? 
• Flashbacks, but thankfully no silly wigs or accents.
• I know she's just come out of a fairly stressful situation, but isn't Chloe at all interested in how Clark managed to haul her out of the ground like that?
• Yes you do know where you'd be Chloe, right where you were left
• Lana being the third wheel for a change there. 
• So, she can see herself in the vision but she doesn't scream blue murder and get some attention to the fact that the kidnapper is there? Lana is truly stupid. I feel the need to say that. Again.
• Some enterprising props person must have filled one of Clark's supposed-to-be-light sacks with rocks or something at least once. I wonder if Jonathan just has to act like they are heavy, or if he has light ones too.
• "Talk with your mom," translation; 'Martha said if I didn't deposit the cheque she was never having sex with me again'
• Standard operating procedure involves one guy with wellies and a dibber
• Why doesn’t Lex have to wear a yellow suit?
• Jonathan- you total lemon. I am blaming Jonathan for everything that happens in the future. If he’d just been a little bit nicer to Lex, it may have been very different. 
• We’re gonna need a bigger sandwich bag?
• Love the way Hamilton's eyes light up at the prospect of research
• No, they're his mother's . 
• Lana has no idea how to take Whitney's speech
• I really dislike the word "teen"
• Nice lingering shot of Clark's backside there
• Jonathan inflicting some quality low-level non-specific guilt, "I owe your father an apology but I'm not exactly sure why"
• Lex has the mind of a funnel person. Welcome, Lex. 
• Chloe rashly assuming that Whitney can read, oh, no she's going to say it out loud for him too
• Poor Whitney is once again surplus to requirements. 
• Why don’t they suspect Whitney?
• They don't let Whitney drive because he crashes everything, right?
• Ah, the rude and creepy deputy sneaking out of a dark corner, which must mean that the other one did it
• Don't scream, just turn around and whack him! Chloe was halfway to the door by now. 
• Moonlighting? They let cops do that? Although if the whole force is working two jobs and getting no sleep whatsoever, it does start to explain a few things
• No call for professional backup? 
• All those hanging teddies are quite freaky
• Why kidnap the women? Why not kidnap Pete and Whitney? That way the actors would get some screen time. 
• "How did you see through my eyes" detached retina?
• "Best cop this town's ever seen." Go on Deputy, reach for the stars!  Oooh, Ambition! There are trained Alsatians who could put most of the Smallville police to shame
• The guy has a point, Clark has made the police a bit useless. 
• That's a very cool uniform for a security guard. Why is that security guard dressed like someone from Starlight Express? 
• Well done Clark, out of the frying pan into the bouillabaisse..
• And another lingering shot of his stomach, must have got hold of a female cameraperson this week
• Clark's chest went 'clang'!
• Aren't they going to wonder about the missing rounds from the gun? There's only one gunshot in the ceiling and Clark deflected that bullet, so the policeman couldn't have made it...oh wait, I was assuming that the Smallville police force would have thought of that.
• How on earth does Clark expect to be able to explain the damage high up on the building he threw the deputy through? 
• What exactly is Clark trying to do with that hay? He’s moving it to one side of the barn, so next week he can move it back.
• There we go Clark, that really wasn't that difficult
• Eeep! Careful with the pitchfork! I know it's not going to do him any harm if he stabs himself in the arse with it but it's still a worrying possibility
• I thought Lex had a wooden topped desk?
• Excellent graphic match on the fade. Top editing there
• Why would a bit that small and in that position get knocked off the spaceship? You’d think the Kryptonians would have invented a replacement for the key, something less likely to get lost. 
• I've never realised it before, but Clark's ship looks just like a sherbet lemon

• I like that shot of Lex. Of course, I’d like it a lot more if he were naked.
• Lex must be freezing in that wind
• Lex watches the helicopter descend in slow motion and wonders briefly if he should drive a boat up the nearest river and kill someone
• "Customary motivational speeches" god that must be the highlight of an employee's day
• Lionel has no idea who any of those people were
• Lionel obviously wanted to hold his little "3rd prize is, you're fired" speech outside, so that when he told all those lies to Lex he wouldn't set the sprinkler system off when his underwear caught fire
• We’ve spent a whole season establishing no one likes Lionel, so why is everyone clapping? Admittedly I've never been employed by Lionel Luthor, but at no point have I ever applauded a boss of mine, except in an ironic way when he broke the fax machine
• Can't you just feel a big "however" coming on?
• Love Lex's sudden flicker of attention at the word leadership, "Huh? Me?"
• Actually, the definition of a meritocracy is "shit and cream float"
• Lex looks like he’s going to have a temper tantrum right there on the helipad.
• Black, always black, the comedy bow-tie/waistcoat thing is never a good idea
• I'd love to see the dress that Clark would pick out to wear. Charming taffeta number. He'd go for layers and a bodice
• Actually Chloe, they've already closed it
• Sited? Try cited.
• I believe Terry Pratchett, the road to hell is paved with frozen door to door salesmen
• If one of us had Lana blindfolded like that I think that we'd end up on the edge of a cliff.
• We are given the impression that Lana has high standards, but here she is, impressed by a blanket
• Lana was expecting an engagement ring to be fished out of that bag then
• Having lost his football scholarship, Whitney takes the other showering with men option and joins up. Okay, I'm confused, why did Whitney lose his scholarship, and what possible failing could you have that prevents you from playing college football, but leaves you perfectly fit to join the Marines? Well, college football requires some kind of mental stability.
• To be (grudgingly) fair to Lana, I am also a little unsure as to how going away will help her and Whitney stay together
• I wonder how tough Whitney would look in a beret? Not half as bad as the rest of Smallville. 
• Channelling Jed Bartlet here, but something cannot be very unique. 
• Technically it wasn't a coup, even Lionel can't take over something he already owns. More of an eviction than a coup really
• I have a little clock/calendar thing that looks exactly like that
• No, no, no, don't say that Clark, that means that it won't be great.
• If Lex owns 90%, then it’s not an employee buyout. 
• "Smallville's best cappuccino" from the wide choice of two. It must provide endless joy to the citizens of Smallville to see what vignette Lana comes up with each day. 
• Clark subtly trying to find out if his Lana plans are back on
• So, nothing new there then.
• "Putting on a uniform and saving the world" presumably not both at the exact same time.
• Well done Clark, that was nice.
• I know I've said it before, but what the bloody hell is all this fencing for! Can the producers not think of any other farm jobs that need doing? Because believe me I could suggest one or two. Have they tried digging drains, or ditch clearing, or pressure-hosing the cow shed?
• Whoo hoo! Gorgeously naked (and slightly grimy) Clark! I'm particularly fond of the gratuitous t-shirt ripping bit, that's worth a cheer all by itself
• Clark looks only mildly pissed off that his truck blew up.
• No, but Little Red Riding Hood was mine. "Ah, piglet you must never trust..."
• Chloe doesn’t appear to have truly appreciated that kiss.
• God, no pressure on the newly graduated then, "NOW WHAT"
• I like the division of labour, Jonathan hard at work and Martha sitting down having a cup of tea in the background. I know they are married, but I’m sure carpentry is something Jonathan could do by himself. 
• "...Martha will waggle her home-baked cookies and I'll whack him with a piece of wood."
• "Self-assurance doesn't suit you" the constant chewing's kind of unpleasant too. Nor does that suit, hair, or in fact, face.
• How is his mother supposed to hear him from the barn? And once he's asked for help, why is surprised to hear someone?
• That bow-tie scene has sent a million slashers to work.
• Does Clark have two bedrooms?
• I've been on a lot of farms and a farming accident usually means a gate falling off it's hinges, getting knocked over by livestock or cutting yourself on tools and barbed wire. I've never seen anything expire in a ball of flame like Clark's truck
• Subtle Lex, subtle
• Why does Clark have a full-length mirror in his barn?
• And Whitney finally gets it.
• Those balloons are going to get in everybody's way.
• Is that their sound system? They should have forgone the balloons in order to be able to afford a proper set of decks. 
• Chloe's dress is lovely, even if it does look a bit like she's wearing a towel, and clashes horribly with the corsage
• He's shut the car door on her dress for the last two takes hasn't he?
• Pete wants that picture taken, blown up, and plastered around the school. 
• Lana not at all worried about why her boyfriend wants a private moment alone with another guy
• Well, and we thought Whitney was dumb! Asking Clark if he can look after Lana 'till he comes back was a stroke of genius. Whitney really hasn’t been concentrating this year has he? 
• "Taking you where you want to go." Not a bad aim for a bus company that. 's mallville Bus Station, Taking You Places You had No Intention Of Going'
• One bag of stuff to get you through basic training? I'd only be able to take two or three books!
• Lana Lang, the USA's last line of defence.
• Whitney thinks, 'Well thanks, but I can't wear it because I'll get the shit kicked out of me for wearing a girls necklace'
• Why hasn’t anyone mentioned the really strong wind yet?
• The actor is delaying getting on that bus because he knows that he'll never be seen again, except in flashbacks.
• Hmm, thinks Clark, this music is strangely familiar. "Please, please come and play at our prom, we promise to say nice things about you if you do, and helpfully yell your band name out on national television". Oh, I’ve heard this song before. I wonder what the name of the band is?
• Smooth Clark, very smooth!
• Chloe’s grip is definitely saying; ‘I’ve got him and I’m never letting go’. 
• Say what you like about Lana, but her eye makeup is top grade
• Emergency stop first, scream later
• I don't think jumping in the truck is the best idea, surely she'd be better to get out and lie flat on the windward side of that big ditch
• Yeah, that was a bright thing to say to an aggrieved parent in an enclosed space with certain death outside...
• Jonathan can do that all by himself. 
• So, the Smallville weather service are as quick on the uptake as the police then? 
• Martha seriously concerned for her husband, but not quite dumb enough to run out into the tornado
• One adventurous slow-dancing couple going for a dip in the background
• If they're really going to kiss, he's going to have to bend down a little more
• "No!" screams Chloe, "Not now! Not when I'm so close!" I'd have gone ahead and snogged him anyway, bugger the emergency weather announcement
• I know tornados can spring up pretty quickly, but you're telling me the weather service has only just seen them now?
• Your home is south of town Clark!
• Mind the books Lex!
• Now I've mentioned Red Riding Hood, don't you think there's something strangely wolf-like about Lionel? "The wolf stood there, his eyes ablaze/And yellowish, like mayonnaise". Makes you wonder just what Lex is hiding in his knickers
• Ha! The library takes revenge and brains Lex with a bookcase
• That was some shoddy reconstruction. Perhaps the real mansion never did leave Britain, the Director of Historic Scotland probably still has it stacked in carefully numbered piles in his shed
• Are the freeze-frames on Lex intentional or is my tape dying? If they're intentional, then they're really superb. Bugger, it is my tape! That's such a shame. On my old copy of this, every time the lightning strikes, the picture just freezes on that close-up of Lex, and it looks absolutely fantastic, I'm so disappointed that it wasn't deliberate
• How exactly does this make Lionel blind?
• She honestly thinks she's going to get a clear signal? Who on earth is she calling?
• You've got to admire a finale that manages to put not just one but all of it's major characters in serious jeopardy. The first time I saw this I spent the next two minutes pointing at the screen and gaping like a fish. I would be outraged if I didn’t have the next season in the video player already.