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season two

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• I'm not a morning person either. 
• That toasting facility looks useful. I bet he doesn't set off the smoke alarm either. Double duty as a microwave and a toaster. All he needs to learn now is how to bake brownies and he's set for life... Ooh, I wonder if we could use his spare parts to make a Stargate?
• Jonathan won’t allow Clark to use his powers to play football, but he will shamelessly use his toasting facility. 
• "Late to her own wedding", those were a few very difficult moments for Jonathan and he's damned if he's going to let her forget it
• We never got to study Greek tragedies, Clark's getting an alarmingly well-rounded education at that high school
• Is it just in TVland that people in the U.S. just walk into each others houses? Isn't it horribly unwise to fly in the face of the traditional 'trespassers will be shot' mentality? Besides, it's rude. You should knock politely then stand on the doorstep and wait. I know that Smallville isn't exactly crime central, but what with all the lunatics and mutants running about the place isn't it a good idea to lock the door? Does no one get suspicious that the Kent’s leave their front door unlocked but have padlocks on the storm cellar?
• That strange woman is having the normal reaction to a picture of Tom Welling. 
• Oh, Greek tragedy, obvious metaphor alert.
• Literally Dionysian actually
• Considering the number of times Zeus cheated on her, I'm surprised Hera didn't just castrate him and have done with it. Although considering he managed to impregnate someone as rain, it might not have been that effective
• Nice to see the Principal's new locked-gate policy is keeping the students out but letting the mentally unbalanced woman in
• You're my what now?
• Ooh, I feel a flashback coming on...
• It's pretty much essential right now, Martha
• Mrs. Kent is thinking, "Let go of my hand, bitch."
• More to the point, you left him naked in a field.
• The woman may be unbalanced, but she's got some pretty convincing evidence
• That’s it Jonathan, speak sternly to her, that’s bound to work. 
• That's it Chloe, focus on the invasion of *your* privacy
• Ouch, mother trauma. Mother trauma or not Chloe, that is absolutely inexcusable. 
• No Clark, you were doing so well with the dramatic storming out part, don't stop now
• Lex is not impressed at being turned into the messenger boy
• Love Lex's  'Oh god, not another one' expression. And you can see Lex's migraine starting right there. 
• Well, that’s Lex’s day ruined. If Lex and Clark were brothers it would leave a lot of slash fans feeling quite icky. Or not, with you lot, you never know... It's okay, deep down we know they're not. And yeah, if they were, we'd probably get over it 
• Well perhaps that’ll teach you
• Jesus, Lana couldn't have turned out to be related to a normal person could she?
• And Chloe goes two for two in the putting your foot in your mouth competition. 
• Oh, go away Lana, no one cares. 
• Yeah, because that’s going to go well. 
• I'd want to know about the parking tickets and the flossing before I tried the doorbell approach
• Jonathan postpones the no skipping school lecture until after he's done some heavy lifting
• Ok, there was nothing in that sack at all. The sound was somebody hitting the set dresser
• He needed to know well before now, Martha.
• And here's the flashback...
• What's happening? We're being badly superimposed, that's what happening. 
• Wheels don’t spin like that do they?
• That looked more like a bullet hole than an impact. Who was that guy anyway?
• They stole the dead guy's truck? What did they do with his body? Emergency abduction of a child or not, have some respect for the dead.
• Jonathan just making sure he's not hallucinating the naked child standing in the middle of a cornfield
• No don't brake! Wow, the brakes on the truck are crap
• Back in the eighties before Lionel bought out Vidal Sassoon. I'm a little thrown by Lionel's dodgy eighties hair. Luckily Jonathan still has dodgy eighties hair, so they didn't have to change his at all
• Is that the same boy from the pilot, because he does look convincingly like Lex there
• ‘Not the hair, not the Luthor hair’, sobs Lionel.
• I'd forgotten just how orange that hair was. 
• Now I know Lionel's in shock, but how the hell does he miss the giant spaceship in the truck bed?
• “Can’t we go any faster” - "We have to get him to a hair transplant centre immediately."
• So Clark’s been insensitive since the early days then 
• A hero with no respect for the dead.
• Oh, the police. Here we go. 
• They can't make Clark have a DNA test, he can appeal to everyone up to and including the United Nations
• Shouldn't Lana ring or write first? 
• No, Lana really isn't a law student. Lana Lang law student. Excuse me while I die laughing
• Lana slightly missing the history reference, "Where's France again?"
• She wants you to say yes, Henry. Well, not that. 
• Can you imagine the disappointment if your long lost daughter turned out to be Lana?
• Well, what the hell did she expect to happen?
• There's a mobile DNA technician in Smallville? She can't be called out very often
• Yes Clark, your father is sanctioning crime. 
• I wonder what city they use to double for Metropolis
• What's Pete doing there?
• Wanted for your spit. What an ego boost. I still don't know why he's there though, surely he could have stayed at home and spat in a cup
• Let's hope Pete isn't a carrier for sickle cell anaemia, otherwise a few eyebrows might be raised. There are going to be some ethnicity issues with that sample. It would have been more sensible to get a sample from Jonathan. 
• In times of stress Jonathan does what all men do, retires to the barn to hit machinery
• My Mum still has all my old toys in the slightly misled hope of grandchildren
• Martha is quite unstable when you think about it.
• Ooh, even nastier eighties sideburns on Sheriff Ethan
• Ah, it was Martha's maiden name
• Well you were wrong, Clark is a stupid name. 
• All 4 year old children who are up for adoption already have names. You are not allowed to pick your own. 
• He was adopted on a blag? Excellent
• Way to get around Jonathan’s objections!
• For once Lionel is completely innocent in this.
• If they're Lionel's looks you wouldn't have thought Lex would be so quick to lay claim to them
• Nice shot Lex. I wonder how many takes that took?
• I think perhaps screwing him in the first place was a little misguided
• Lionel in seduction mode is more than a little creepy
• Very cool new LeXcorp logo. When I have a garage, I am going to write my name on it in big letters.
• Oooh, nice shades. 
• The Maserati's cute, but after the huge shot of the garage door I was expecting something a little more impressive
• And Lex discovers that despite his efforts to avoid it, he is once again wearing the froot loop magnet
• Well, this is what happens when you drive open convertibles
• Oh god, they've got the fishing photo album out. Fishing photos? I'm not sure if that's better or worse than my Dad's collection of locomotives at Crewe
• That's another very tight t-shirt on Clark's biceps
• He compared her to the Vichy, not the Nazis. Subtle difference. See, I knew she missed the reference
• Lex is tied up with purple duct tape! I think that's taking colour coordination just a little too far
• And Lex wonders why he bothered to get out of bed that morning. Lex resigns himself to dying young. 
• Oh that's right Clark, add a little sexual confusion to Chloe's already tortured psyche
• Does nobody else hear the sudden whoosh as Clark leaves the room?
• I really thought Chloe was going to look under the desk for Clark then. 
• Thanks a bunch, Dad. Lex's 'I might have f***ing known' face is pretty priceless too
• Nice kick from Lex, even if he does managed to knock himself out on the floor in the process
• I'm amazed those axe bits didn't hit anyone
• Henry's known Lana for all of thirty seconds and already he doesn't trust her with the cappuccino machine
• Nobody's a little worried that they had a woman committed to hide Clark's secret?
• Oh well, that’s okay then.
• After seven years of 'Highlander' obsession, I'm a connoisseur of a good flashback edit, and I have to say some that of these are superb
• There's the Dumb Kent Statement for the episode. Duh Jonathan, yes that's a threat.
• I've never been more impressed with Lionel than I am here. The amount of self-control it must have taken not to yell "Well of course I'm threatening you, you idiot hick, what did you think I was doing..."
• That's strange, because we've never had any hints that the Rosses bear Jonathan any ill will. You'd have thought they'd be more pissed
• Jonathan, is it your fault that Lionel is a manipulative, backstabbing, duplicitous git? No it's not. And likewise, you didn't make Lionel cheat or pollute the town. It's Lionel's fault, get over it
• Superb bit of acting from Lionel, and yet another family member down the drain for Lex (well, not really...)
• Two (potential) family members in one day, that has to be a record, even for Lex.
• Lying Lionel Luthor. 
• It’s been quite a long one for Lex. 
• Lionel's going to be so screwed if he drops that hair, there's no way he's ever going to find it again
• One blonde and one ginger child. Is Lionel sure they’re both his?
• That looks like a proper family photo. I always thought that Lex looked like a  fake child

• That's just the creepiest looking laboratory, and a man who was evil on 's targate' a couple of months ago
• Say no Ryan, and keep saying no
• Chocolate, if it's a Labrador, not brown
• I don’t get it, can Ryan see the monitors? Because if he can’t, fair enough, but if he can, then it’s not exactly a difficult test, is it?
• Okay, I take it that’s not a good sign.
• You know I've never, ever had a nosebleed
• Or a bit of cotton wool. 
• The scientist stupidly trying to put one over on the telepathic kid
• Ah, diversionary tactic. Well done Ryan.
• Child in the air ducts!
• Pick up!
• Martha is nearer, she should answer.
• Okay, that was a *long* needle. Ouch, did that go in through his eardrum?
• Clark should have dialed 1471 and got their phone number
• Dumb Kent Statement, he heard from him about ten minutes ago Jonathan. Keep up!
• Notice Pete thought Heinrich was cute.
• Love Chloe's subtle, and totally unimportant correction, "But anyway..."
• That's handy, means Clark doesn't have to run all the way to Edge City
• Hmmm, lets think Chloe.
• There’s Clark’s best I’m-so-cute-and-innocent look for Chloe there. 
•  I note, yet again, that Lex has been doing exercise without the requisite skimpy clothing.
• Agh! CSM! No wonder the mayor is corrupt.
• Expediency rules, for the right price.
• Subtle, really subtle.
• You can tell Nell's the one who feeds that horse
• Take Lana out of Smallville? Make her just another pretty, vacuous face in a sea of pretty, vacuous faces instead of the only one? Never!
• If you're on hold for more than ten minutes they've forgotten you. Hang up and dial again. I wonder what hold music the neuro-research centre has.
• 'Damn' thinks Clark, 'That was my plan'
• Shouldn't Clark check to see if Ryan's relying on any of that fancy medical equipment to live before he disconnects it?
• That push of Clark’s looked a bit vicious.
• Lex sounds like he has a cold
• Ah, there’s nothing hot chocolate with whipped cream can’t cure. 
• Reading Lex’s mind is enough to make anyone’s nose bleed. 
• Lex usually has more experience as the kidnapee. Coming at it from this angle must be a whole new experience
• Oh, I’d love to hear that conversation between Lex and his put-upon lawyers. “Just supposing, hypothetically, that a kidnapped minor ended up in my house, what’s my legal position?” Those lawyers really earn their money. 
• Prison break being the operative word there
• There’s that innocent look again.
• Oh come on, there's got to be an ad-break soon. I can smell my pizza and I can't leave the TV to go get it
• So it’s better if Clark threw a smaller guy against the wall?
• Martha is actually thinking “What a bitch!” 
• Ah, Lex to the rescue.
• "Go ahead." I think he just did
• The silent films are there to keep people away from the surprise party, obviously.
• How did Ryan not know that was coming?
• That’s some enthusiastic guitar playing. My God, that’s a hairy lead guitarist.
• I know you've been locked away Ryan, but that's no excuse for falling for Lana's 'charms'. Clark just about holding back from being jealous of a twelve year old, "Back the hell away from my prospective girlfriend"
• I wouldn't answer the phone at five in the morning, Lex Luthor or not
• Ryan should learn to keep some things quiet.
• Some paracetamol would be nice with that water.
• Please tell me Clark isn't going to base the rest of his actions this episode on information he's gleaned from a picture book. Surely there’s a gag with the “Understanding the Brain” book and Lana? Where does Clark get all these books from? You wouldn’t think Smallville library was that well stocked. 
• Safe, temporarily
• Clark doing some subtle prying to get to Lana's secret
• To briefly channel Bitca, what secret? What what what? I wasn’t listening. Don't worry, we're not meant to know yet
• He didn’t choose the Kents. Martha ran him over and Social Services let her keep him. 
• "Harbouring," Lex is just trying to make this sound dangerous and exciting
• I've made people wash before touching my signed 's targuide'
• God, I do the two copy thing too, I've got an entire set of 'Highlander' videos stashed at my parents house, just in case mine burns down
• I have way too much in common with Lex Luthor to be comfortable about my destiny. 
• Okay, someone needs to teach this boy tact and sensitivity. 
• I hope that was the reading copy he dripped blood on
• Don’t just stand there. Do something! 
• Which does Lex rescue first, the comic or the boy?
• Aw! Look at the quivering lip!
• This will seen a really dumb question to most people, but do the Warrior Angel comics exist outside of the Smallville-verse?
• Surely an aerodrome is where planes land, like a small airport? How can one of them fly?
• I can not express just how sexy Clark looks leaning on the bedside in this scene
• Bur the doctors are where he got the information *from* Clark, I'm guessing they already know
• If it’s Ryan’s comic book, shouldn’t he have it?
• Set the children free!
• And four, no one else will have you. 
• Try and split up her Aunt and the boyfriend she always hated?
• Super Neurosurgeon? 
• They have phones in Finland you know, call the guy in Helsinki
• Clark should try and look a little more surprised.
• Oh, I can just see a ten-year-old Lex ordering the doctors around. Well I’m sure they appreciated the 10 year old’s input.
• Hub City? That's quite a work out
• So nearly a comedy traffic accident...
• Shouldn’t his shoes wear out with all that running? 
• Ooh, foreshadowing! We’re being hit over the head with foreshadowing! Please stop. I get the idea. 
• Why doesn't Clark stir up any of those leaves as he jets past?
• I'm glad to see he's slightly out of breath
• "Shit," thinks Clark, "If only I hadn't stopped at that drive-through..."
• Can a plane brake that quickly? 
• Who’s paying for the surgery? Lex, I guess
• I love Lex’s casual look to see how crushed Mayor Tate is.
• "Don't laugh at me." Too late
• Churchill didn’t need an excuse to open champagne. 
• And faced with the weight of a historical anecdote, Mayor Tate backs down. 
• Did Lex just compare himself to Churchill or a boiler?
• Where is she going to keep her horses?
• Oh I can feel Clark's heart getting dropped into the gutter and backed over again and again...
• Stoic! Jonathan is never a good sign.
• I wonder what the guy flying the balloon is thinking about?
• I can’t believe I’m crying at Smallville. F***king hell, I'm not going to cry at 's mallville', I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, okay I am, but I'm blaming it on the glass of wine I just finished. I just have something in my eye.

• I am not going to mention naked Lex once this episode. 
• Metalwork, that's not fair. I never got to do metalwork. I did it once, shut off all the power to the room by accident, and was never allowed in the room again.
• I would not want to be the teacher responsible for a load of teenagers and welding equipment.
• Enough with the foreshadowing! We get it! I just love the way they throw in these little references
• I like his 's '. It's shiny. That’s an incredibly good piece of metalwork. Curves are very difficult to do. 
• Pete understands the mental processes of a DT teacher. Such as they are. 
• Sadly, just showing up doesn't guarantee a pass. Actually, attendance, attitude and effort are enough to usually earn you a grade. Teachers like people that try, which is why my PE, DT, Art, Dance, Music and Drama teachers hated me. 
• Pete knows how to use superpowers. 
• Dynamo? People wind him up to produce power?
• He didn’t try that hard, it was a letter opener. 
• Wouldn't someone come to investigate the pounding rock music being played by the otherwise calm and reserved-seeming CDT teacher?
• This plan will only work if he now remembers to change the grade in the teacher’s mark book. 
• Lex shouldn’t have to apologise. He’s in charge.
• How long is it going to take to stick a ticket on the car? Certainly longer if Lex keeps distracting him
• Nice call from the traffic warden. Strike one for the traffic warden. 
• "Have I done something to offend you?" Apart from parking on a yellow line? Yes, you parked your car next to a meter and didn't pay
• Is there any reason why it was LEX XIV? The fourteenth car, or another Superman reference I just don’t get? 
• Yay! Go Lex! I truly love this man. 
• The meter maid had his car parked right next to Lex's , did he put money in the meter too? What is the traffic warden doing with a car on the job anyway, how can he check meters from the road?
• You could get a real job, or you could emigrate to the Cayman Islands on the car insurance and the couple of million you could sue out of him for assault
• That set of golf clubs isn’t going to be worth much now he’s given one away. 
• That didn't look like Robert Wisden. How have I only just noticed Mr Sullivan is Major Samuels? 
• Here’s comedy potential, as the girl he loves and the girl that loves him now both live under the same roof.
• Uh oh, I sense a car crushing accident is imminent. 
• Well that's what happens when you don't use an inspection pit
• That's it Clark, move your obviously injured father. Drag the broken leg over the bumpy ground, that’ll do the trick.
• Chloe must have phenomenal library fees
• Chloe really is cursed with men, isn’t she? Although we know that this one is a killer already. 
• Chloe and Psycho Boy, they have matching good/bad hair!
• So what colour is "journalistically intrigued" exactly?
• That's a very funky blue cast
• So if Jonathan’s doctor says he can go home, what is that stupid binty doctor doing there?
• Lex isn’t giving up on this friend thing is he?
• I want to see Jonathan square dance!
• Ooh, potential love interest for Lex, there had to be a reason she was a good-looking doctor. See I knew I didn’t like her for a reason. Is it just me or did Lex only discover he'd been offensive because he found the doctor attractive?
• I have a terrible urge to find a golfing expert and ask if that really was a nine iron. Or if a nine iron's what you need for windscreen smashing. Lex would have a caddy. Oh yeah, "Smashing glass sir? Perhaps you'd be better off with a sand wedge..."
• Smashing up a meter maids car constitutes a good day.
• Do you still call them meter maids if they're male? That was a man wasn't it? Unless now I've really offended somebody
• Academic Ian may be, but smart he ain't. Being the only child means you can slack, your parents have no immediate comparison
• “Higher math and I don’t get along” Lower math and I didn’t get along. Not a very surprising newsflash from Lana there. Higher functions and Lana don't get on terribly well. Simultaneous equations are a long, long way from being higher maths. I was doing them in the first year. Integration with sin and cos, now that's higher maths
• That splitting into two thing could be funny if they got stuck halfway. 
• Oh, two hims, that must be so useful. However, you'd have to carry a spare set of identical clothes everywhere you went
• Ha! One of them was an unnecessary Ian! Okay, me and Lizard are the only two people in the world who'll get that joke
• Slept in until six? For God’s sake, sell the farm and get some sleep. Even on a farm, the only reason to get up at six am is for emergencies. Even the cows can’t appreciate being woken at that time.
• If Martha isn’t doing her share, it will just mean they’ll have to buy their brownies, and pour their own coffee from now on.
• Bless him, Clark isn't jealous, confused and concerned but not actually jealous
• Tom Welling is wearing lip gloss in the Clark/Lana scene on the steps, you can really see it.
• I cannot describe quite how hysterically funny it is seeing Lex Luthor with a stick-on paper name tag. Oh fantastic, Lex Luthor with a sticky name badge. He seems to appreciate it also. Oh, I love this scene. It’s the look of utter contempt Lex has when he peels the back off that sticker.
• I’ve got a sticky-badge wearing session coming up soon, I’m going to be so tempted to write “bored silly” on mine. 
• Must have been a small orderly
• Any other man would’ve given up at “I have a thing about dating you”, Lex just sees it as another challenge.
• I really hope she's never actually met him before, because he'll be bugged for hours before he works out she's a stranger. Oh, that would be so cool, Lex would be trying to remember for weeks
• Notice the way Lex has to look at her chest in order to recall if he’s seen her before. 
• “Poor little Chloe doesn't get burned again.” Burned, or frozen, or buried underground, or kidnapped by a serial killer... Poor Chloe. 
• As parting shots go, Chloe’s was pretty good. 
• You’d have no show if they took out all the shots of Clark just standing there, looking thoughtful.
• He only dumped her because she suggested it!
• I think Lex is a little too bright to be influenced by a recommendation from Lana. Ian would do better coming on to Clark
• I like Pete’s ‘we’re looking around’ rant.
• Might help if you switched the light on Pete
• Pete very manfully didn't run screaming from the room when the corpse fell on him. Oh poor Pete, it’s just like Chunk in 'The Goonies'. I love 'The Goonies'. 
• Three hours and she’s still got her top on? She’s a slow worker.
• It's no good going to Lana, she's not going to listen. It looks like it's just you and the intrepid Pete to solve this one Clark
• Well, Chloe has ended at least one other interview like that.
• Are Lana and Chloe destined to go for the same man always? 
• This seems weird. You'd think Lex would be a little more reluctant to dive into a relationship considering his last one ended with him being doused in alcohol and set on fire. Its not so much the relationship as the fact she said ‘no’ that’s motivating him.
• No, it is Robert Wisden, he's just got some really bizarre hair
• Clark on a stake out in a really inconspicuous red pick-up truck.
• He was doing so well up to the "almost my equal" part
• Kick him in the genitals! Kick the other one in the genitals! Kick them both in the genitals? 
• I'm starting to feel cheated. I was promised Clark in a soaking wet t-shirt this week, and as yet there's been absolutely no sign of it so far
• They would never commit suicide together, they wouldn’t be seen dead doing something like that... Chloe would never put her name to anything that pompous and flowery, I don't care how depressed she was
• Um, slight physics issue here... Admittedly my physics is laughable, but should he have fallen faster? It's not the most flattering thing for Chloe, to imply that she has such a huge surface area that Clark falls faster than she does
• That's it Clark, stand there oblivious whilst Lana hurtles to her doom. No, really, just stay there, please
• Her shoulder should be out of the socket by now. 
• "Like sometimes..." you're spending more time with the Luthors than with me, and since my son's practically dating one of them already, I can live without thoughts of you eloping with the other
• That’s it Clark, you take your father’s crutches into the next room, where he can’t reach them.
• Never discourage people from doing the washing-up
• Run Clark. Run now!
• The Prom thing didn't count as a date? Clark and Lana had a date too, when he took her to the bar and left her there.
• No wet t-shirt! The trailer lied to me! So, let me get this straight. There was a murder at the school, which nobody commented on, despite two of the students finding the body after breaking into the school after hours? (Right over those nice yellow security gates, too.) Chloe didn’t run an article on the murder, but on the local genius who plans to leave school a year early. She’s really losing her journalistic edge. Said local genius can spit himself in two, without any apparent exposure to the meteor rocks. The dead body of one of the Ians lays at the bottom of the dam, which is going to cause some problems for the other Ian to explain when he wakes up. All this I can swallow, just, but no Clark in a wet T-shirt despite a week’s worth of trails? That’s just bloody unfair. 

• Okay, so we'd damn well better have that wet t-shirt this week or I'm writing a letter of complaint
• Corporate Plaza? In rural Kansas? Do you think they could possibly pick a name that would endear the project to the public any less?
• Don't mess with the calm native man, that never goes well. Never insult the harmless-looking Native American, or, if you're SG-1, the harmless-looking natives of anywhere. It never, ever ends well, and often there are wolves. Oh God, another Native American story. Do Americans really feel they can undo history by including them in TV shows? Try giving their land back if you feel guilty, if not, don’t bother! I can just imagine some old Indian chief out there, passing on the stories of the tribe’s massacre, but ending it with “They stole our land and destroyed our traditions, but you know, they can’t be that bad because we got an episode of Smallville…” 
• Why floodlight the site when nobody is moving there? 
• See? What did I say about the wolves? Well, okay, there's a very calm-looking husky, but it's as close to being a wolf as they can get on this budget
• When the wolf decides to run then it's time to panic. 
• The wolf has a nice vantage point. 
• The Smallville P.D. can take the week off. Diefenbaker is in town and, with or without the Mountie, he's smarter than the local law enforcement. 
• This is such a male pastime. That is so much fun. I wonder if they actually let the actors play n the dirt bikes
• What a re the police doing here? Not much, probably. 
• Ooh, bad helmet hair
• You can rely on Clark to find the one unstable piece of ground
• I was expecting the bike to land on top of him then
• Clark shouldn't make a habit of breathlessly calling out Lana's name whenever he wakes up, unless he's only ever going to date girls called Lana. Lana? How hard did he hit his head? What the hell would Lana be doing in a cave in the middle of nowhere?
• Not Lana, but a girl of equally miniscule proportions. 
• Nice one Tomb Raider girl, rip that shirt open! I like her priorities. Still no wet t-shirt, but the nudity is soothing my pain
• What kind of architect would suggest building a skyscraper on ground with caves underneath?
• That's not how you say prophesied
• Clark is looking distinctly uncomfortable, prophecies are not a good thing.
• Is there any prophecy about a bald-headed nemesis? More to the point, does it say he gets naked at any point?
• Wow, that loose bit of the sherbet lemon gets everywhere. They must keep it down the back of the sofa
• Hundreds of different interpretations yes, but this is pretty damn close
• "I invited them over for dinner." Let's hope he gave Martha more warning than he did Jonathan
• Crikey, that girl's shot in such soft focus I can barely tell she's there.
• Go on, call him "That Naman feller" You know you want to.
• There are some serious goo-goo eyes going on here across the table. I’m surprised Jonathan hasn’t noticed. “Son, stop coming on to the dinner guests.” 
• Ah, hating the Luthors. That will win Jonathan's heart. 
• Martha doesn't want that Lionel association broadcast. "We're just good friends, really, in fact we barely know each other..."
• This is why we have English Heritage
• I don't know if it's reflection of Clark and Lex's taste, or just of the casting directors, but don't all of these love interests look similar? Victoria, Desiree, Kyla...
• "Just because something is a myth, it doesn't make it not true" Um, it seriously damages its credibility though. 
• It might just be seething jealously, but I really don't like Kyla. Also, she's incredibly well made-up for someone who's meant to be a communing with nature type
• Ah Lana, meet your replacement. 
• My God, the amount of white teeth in that barn scene!
• I love the phrase 'civil disobedience'. As if people are protesting, but in a very polite way
• Ah, all the Luthors exercise in ridiculous amounts of clothing.
• "Hope I'm not interrupting you," whilst you're coming on to my best friends mother
• That's a great shot of Lex and Lionel
• Kyla appears to have raided (if that's the word) Lara Croft's wardrobe. You'd think you'd want to tie your hair back before scrambling around in a cave like that
• Shouldn’t she have some grapple hooks? 
• There really is a bald-headed monster! 
• Wouldn't it have been quicker to have just moved?
• Kyla learned his secret, she has to die now. 
• Now is the time to quip Clark
• There's some quality eyebrow acting from TW
• She's doing everything she can to get him to kiss her, and if I was a better person, I'd respect that
• Hssss. Bitch. Evil. Evil. Now I really don't like her
• Shouldn't Martha be wearing a hard hat on a building site?
• There was very little talking going on. 
• Why is the order on LuthorCorp notepaper?
• The Luthors don't frame people, they buy them off or out-lawyer them
• It's not all to do with the doe-eyed, scantily clad female. Clark likes things to be fair and honest, why do you think he joined the Justice League?
• MR has very uneven teeth for an American. 
• Don't just stick them on the shelves Lex, your books must go in some kind of order
• "What is it about Kyla that breaks through..." And where do we get some of it? I'm thinking it might be her tiny waist, her large breasts and big doe eyes. 
• Ah, the setup for next week. Whitney's not writing back because you dumped him on video. Or that maybe he hasn't grasped writing yet. Whitney’s platoon are stealing them and reading them out-loud at drill call. 
• Lex not mixing well with the great outdoors
• Eep, hideous pronunciation of Lascaux, and they're nowhere near that impressive
• Saddle up people, there's a Luthor on board
• Martha was going to say something then, but she saw the love struck look on Clark’s face and decided not to bother.
• That's a very smart new car for a woman on a budget
• Oh, I am as dumb as a brick. Kyla's the wolf. Between this and 'Witchblade' I'm not having a good 's pot the wolf' day
• I had a well thought out comment to make then, but Jonathan looked up wearing his glasses and whatever it was got drowned in the hormones. Mmmm Accounting!Jonathan.
• "There are so many ways I could answer that question." Quality fringedwelling from Lex there, I always suspected that he was a fringedweller at heart
• Yeah, it's great PR for Lex to buy out his Dad and preserve the land
• If the skinwalkers aren't conscious when they change into animals, then if they kill it isn't murder
• A wolf on the pool table? That's going to severely screw up the baize. Down boy. Sit!
• I love the way Lionel thinks it’s Lex scrabbling and howling at the door. 
• "Are you alright?" Yes, obviously in rude health, thank you very much, never mind the sucking gut wound...
• See, told you she would die. 
• So what did Clark say when they found him in the woods with a naked dead girl's body?
• Eww, Polo neck. Take it off! Make him take it off! 
• No Lionel, you never will
• Who has the octagon now? I really can't remember. Nixon put it back in the sherbet lemon in 'Vortex', I think maybe it fell out in a field somewhere
• Did Lex have a purple tissue in his pocket? Because that’s taking colour coordination too far.
• Oh! Whitney! That’s the best news I’ve had all week.
• Still no wet white t-shirt! Any helpful American readers out there who want to tell me what episode that's actually in and how long I've got to wait before I see it (Clark in the Talon in dripping clothes, looking slightly embarrassed)?

• Ooh, old plumbing, this looks promising. Aah, here's our wet T-shirt shot being set up.
• Twenty four hour plumbing has always been a myth. It once took six weeks to get our boiler fixed and two days to sort out a leaky radiator
• Yippee!!
• Uses for Clark Kent Out of the Bedroom No 302: Instant plumbing repairs! 
• Oh yeah, that's extremely pleasant. And also utterly, utterly gratuitous. I mean, that was Marc Blucas gratuitous. Even Lana noticed that.
• "Maybe one day I'll figure out how Clark Kent does the thing he does." As long as what he does involves looking like that, frankly who gives a damn
• Oh I don't know, at least Clark won't have to put up with any more lip-quivering inanities about dead parents.
• Damn, he dried off quick. And then got wet again. Somewhere there's a continuity girl who's skipping on her wet sponge duty. "No, no I'm sorry, I'm just going to have to wash you down again. It's not my fault, it's these hot lights..."
• Whitney in catalogue man pose in those photos. 
• She's still got Lex's box
• What the hell are the US doing in Indonesia? They generally don’t need a reason.
• Whitney's got a boonies hat! It's probably Daniel's bad karma hat
• Oh they're so dead, all he had to do was talk about putting up a white picket fence or learning the piano. 
• Whitney you are shouting, whilst walking through enemy territory, you have doomed them all now. I’ve missed Whitney’s utter stupidity.
• What do you mean "No-one's going to die?" You're in a war zone and people are firing mortars, as well as bullets, at you. Whitney you're in a dubious war zone, of course you're going to die! 
• Poor Chloe has a real fringedweller moment of sheer rage at the world's unfairness. 
• How did Whitney get past the security gates? 
• Lana's 'Officer and a Gentleman' moment. Love the way the corridor just clears, I'm also fond of the memories of Lou Diamond Phillips in 's pin City' that this is bringing back. I hate this scene with a fire-y passion.
• My reaction was pretty much the same as Lana's , only I didn't have any books. He looked better in the boonies hat though. I'm turning to Amanda for this one, "Well yippie-ki-ay, the rodeo's in town"
• I know the blood stripe is for people who've been in combat, but I thought it was a cavalry thing? Mind you, this information is coming from John Wayne movies and so could be outdated or just entirely wrong. I'm not entirely sure that 'Rio Grande' is the most reliable source for these things. Or maybe it's a subtle thing and the uniform's meant to be wrong
• Poor Clark's just stood there like a lemon at the end of the corridor. Or possibly a strawberry, since he's wearing red
• As the moment is over, the Smallville High students drift away.
• Does anybody pick up Lana's books?
• Clark is not even trying 
• Yeah but seeing a guy like that in uniform will change a girl's mind
• Yeah, like Jonathan puts his feelings about Lionel to one side whenever Lex is around. 
• Well, nobody forced him to join up, and what exactly was he doing in Asia anyway? There's a limit to how much peace keeping you can do in a rice paddy
• I don't see why Clark can't be glad that Whitney's not dead and pissed at watching Lana cuddle up to him
• He has terrible Marine hair, but Whitney's a sweetheart
• Nice avoidance of the question by Lana
• Oh My God, Whitney has lost some higher brain functions? How is he still breathing?
• Ha! Well at least the cowardly bitch has to break up with him to his face
• Some pretty spectacular question avoiding from Helen too
• I'm quite impressed that Lex waited 'till he suspected something before running the background check
• Lex has been taken over by the Paranoia Fairy here. Or the rational fairy if you consider his past experiences.
• You've got to feel sorry for someone who can say "burned by the opposite sex" and not have it be a metaphor
• If she’s not turned on by arrogance, Lex is fighting a losing battle. 
• How old is Helen? She must be a good few years older than Lex if she's a GP
• Lana Lang has a pink bedroom, surprise surprise. Did the Sullivans just happen to have a disgustingly pink spare room or did they paint it especially for Lana?
• For a single parent family, on a middle management wage, the Sullivans’ have a very large spare bedroom.
• Was that Whitney's jacket in the wardrobe?
• Particularly awkward since Lana simply doesn't have the balls to break up with him face to face
• Yeah, it's the uniform. But that's not unreasonable
• Forty-five minutes? I've had wardrobe crises that lasted for weeks
• Why does she have two towelling bathrobes? I can understand having a heavier robe and a lighter one for summer, say, but why two heavy ones? 
• "What you see is what you get." He's blond, he's dumb, he can carry everything you need for an evening soiree and he looks better on your arm than a sparkly handbag. Is this a polite way of saying that Whitney is shallow? No, it’s a polite way of saying he’s stupid.
• They were seriously stuck for a way to get Whitney out of that scene for a second
•  Clark’s doing exactly what Whitney asked him to do. 
• God they really do make 'em work out in the Marines
• Ripping off toilet doors comes as part of basic training?
• Did Lana learn nothing from last week? Okay, stupid question.
• There's another American flag.
• Great editing on violent!Whitney
• Eww. Eugh. Nice photo though
• A little concerning that a shapeshifting girl with a baseball bat can do that much damage to a Marine that quickly, even if he wasn't expecting it
• I wonder how much got cut out of that little sequence
• That's not Lana's horse
• Lana's going to lose a finger if she keeps feeding that horse like that
• Good shot Lex. I wonder how many outtakes there are of him potting the other ball. Or do they have a stunt pool player for the more difficult shots?
• "People are seldom who they seem to be." 'Yeah' thinks Clark, 'I kinda got that one'
• In fact, Clark got really annoyed with Chloe when she investigated him. 
• Lex makes a mental note that people do not like being investigated.
• Tune it to some static, then ask Lana to pick something she likes
• Ahh, good old gaffer tape
• I bet Whitney’s mother doesn’t think the marines were such a good idea now.
• That's a weird-looking skeleton
• I wonder how surprised I'd be by that if I didn't know it was coming
• "Lex, then Lana, then locked up" There's a career history to savour
• The poor girl only made page two?
• The psychiatric hospital would not let anyone have matches, and all of the paint would be water based. Well, unless it was run by the same department responsible for police training.
• That secret isn't the best kept one in the world, is it?
• "This is just insane." Well, so was Tina. Yes it's insane, but that doesn't mean it's not true.
• Pete discovers the value of tact
• "You're Tina." Come on Pete, I know she bounced you off the lockers, but that's slow even for Whitney, and he's dead
• Owww, that's a hell of a dent he made in that locker
• Why is there a lemon with legs on the Talon wall?
• That's an ugly ring, and isn't Lana worried about why Whitney's mother has given it to him? 
• She looks everywhere but his eye then. 
• I’ve never understood people who can’t lie. 
• I would be extremely suspicious of how well Whitney's taking this. Surely Lana must know that's Tina! Surely it must permeate Lana's consciousness (!) that combat training usually means being trained to kill people and not be killed yourself. Something that Whitney has yet to master, apparently. 
• Not Clark or not Jonathan? Jonathan's Tina isn't he? Told you
• Is his ship still down there?
• To be a really convincing Clark replacement, Tina needs to grow a couple of inches
• Tina’s going to really pissed off when she realises Lana isn’t ready for Clark to make a move.
• Oh dear, Lex the Petulant. 
• Lionel usually does
• Congratulations Lex Luthor, this week's recipient of the Shooting Yourself In The Foot Award
• Oh, Well done Lex. That was masterful. 
• There's one of those prizes they give out in Sweden for stupidity? And they always said I'd never win anything...
• Looks like Eyghon's backlight was powered by kryptonite. Well, it'd be easier to carry than a portable generator
• And the day is saved by a sherbet lemon. How often do you get to say that?
• It’s still a horrible necklace, even though it’s no longer green. 
• Oh, so they've got no problem doing these scenes for the femslash writers. When do we get to see Clark and Lex do that? Although obviously Clark couldn't be smelling Lex's hair. I so want to see Clark rooting through Lex’s underwear drawer. Although I’ve always had Lex down as a commando kind of guy.
• This absorption of the meteor rock is a new twist. Is it like plutonium then, powering the ship?
• Two Clarks, Lana needs to just think of the possibilities for a moment
• That was never a drain, it must have been a mains pipe to have that kind of pressure
• Not so much freak as sodding nutter
• They must have spent a fortune on breakaway glass
• Quality headbutt from real Clark. Ah the power of the headbutt. 
• The Talon’s insurance must be through the roof.
• Ooh, impaling. That must hurt. Ow, that momentum thing, it's a bugger. He/she wasn't even going that fast
• I would imagine Mrs Fordman is a gibbering wreck by now
• And there go all our Whitney jokes. Oh well, at least they got one more airing. 
• Postempted by Jonathan there
• Is Jonathan standing on a box? He seems to be looming over Clark's shoulder quite dramatically
• She's ridiculously well made up for someone working a night shift. Where’s her cup of coffee? It is impossible to make it through a night shift without continuous coffee. Ideally intravenously.
• Lex has been practising this speech in his bathroom mirror
• Oh, and here's the dead mother story again... Lex keeps that story as his back up plan. You can see him using it in meetings - “There’s problems with the merger? Well, when my mother died...”
• Go on, help the needy son of the billionaire.
• I don't get this relationship, I genuinely don't. Helen's perfectly nice, but what is it about her that makes Lex, after two weeks (months?), suddenly open up like this? Maybe it's just because we've only seen her for about four and a half minutes, but it just doesn't seem convincing
• ‘Damn’, thinks Lex, ‘that story is usually at least good enough for a quick fumble in the supplies cupboard.’
• "Helen, where are you taking me? Helen, what's that needle for?" 
• By the time they get through those doors, Lex is leading Helen. 
• No, you shouldn't have sent the video, you should have phoned or written, but that wasn't what killed him
• You weren't there Lana, you didn't care. Deal with it
• And what does that teach you Lana? Maybe everybody leaves you because you're a simpering freak that nobody could ever love?
• Actually, she went to him, he was hiding in a cave
• Erm, I'm not sure but I think I might just have felt a tiny, deep down, oddly disturbing flicker of empathy for Lana. Of course, I could just be digesting my danish pastry

• Lex doing his best Mr. Burns impersonation. Ooh, the steepled fingers of evil
• "Fine, I'm sick of the corporate world anyway, I'm off to raise high-health pigs on a farm in Canada. Bye!"
• I bet that glass desk is a bugger to keep clean. 
• He bugged the fake flowers! Okay, why do I find that spectacularly funny?
• Temper, temper! I've always wanted to have a big enough tantrum to do that to a room, but there's always a little voice in the back of my head saying "if you do that, you'll only have to go and buy another one..." Although I have to admit, I did kick my chair across the room the other day when I couldn't find the accessories for my new printer. It must be so good to be able to do that, and not have to carefully avoid all the objects that are actually worth something.
• Clark wondering how he missed the second tornado
• Random sweeping never works, you have to do it systematically otherwise you just end up searching through the things on the floor.
• See, even Lex can't find a stereo with a decent turntable (long, long, vinyl collector's story)
•  Whenever anyone says Big Daddy it always makes me think of wrestling. 
• That doesn't look like an ordered search to me. 
• Why doesn't he just bug Lionel back? I'm sure he must have deals of his own going on
• I like slightly out of control Lex.
• Drop them in a bucket of water, that'll kill them pretty quickly
• Notice we don't actually see him hit the incredibly expensive stereo with the crowbar
• What is it with Dads and 'highly baked' food? I bet Jonathan always claims the end of the loafcakes too
• "You can't make me feel any worse." He's going to give it a damn good try though. Oh, I bet Jonathan could make her feel worse if he really, really tried. Don’t bet on that, making people feel worse is Jonathan’s speciality.
• Yes Jonathan, that's kind of the point, you don't pay her (and her cheque keeps the farm afloat)
• Jonathan obviously isn't making much of an effort for their anniversary, he hasn't even shaved! 
• How is this not Clark's business?
• Nah, Lex is baking cookies to make the place smell more homey. Innuendo? Around Lex? Never. I wonder what innuendo would smell like?
• That might just have been a really, really dumb suggestion. Lionel, don't encourage him
• I suspect a joke in Lex's alias, but I'm not sure what it is. Isn’t it a meteor rock thing? 
• Are these real books, or are the title made up to fit Clarks emotional issue of the week?
• Lana's going to get filthy
• Stepmom. Has Lana considered finding out her name?
• She wouldn't be voted off, she'd be thrown off with extreme prejudice. She’d be the one forced to eat bugs if it had anything to do with me. 
• That's "special" in the misleading Connor sense. Yeah, special like Special Education. 
• Oh, don't say things like that Clark, it's mean
• Pretentious use of French again
• Lex has got that 'my plans are just about to go down the toilet and I don't want to let anyone know' expression
• He didn’t check Lionel’s schedule first? He has a long way to go before ‘criminal mastermind’ applies.
• Blueprints for cleaning, no one's that dedicated. I've never seen cleaners look so determined, or so high tech. Are any of the janitors in these buildings ever actually there to clean?
• Won’t everyone be suspicious when they go in on Monday and everywhere is still grubby? 
• Where have I seen the blond guy in the boiler suit before? That was the lovely Major Davis! Oh, Major Davis, actually doing something useful. 
• That's a slightly startled-looking photo of Lex. I thought the only photo of Lex and his Dad was in the annual report?
• I find it hard to believe that the entire building would be deserted, even on a Sunday
• "Do you think the rest of us..." 'I did' thinks honest corporate espionage guy, 'I'm a professional'
• The lovely Major Davis with some slightly worrying, but very attractive, blond highlights
• Of course there's something wrong, Martha sounds like a petulant child. It's the tried and tested "I'm really, really pissed and whilst I want to make fuss I don't want to make a fuss, so I'm just going to clatter pans and smack things 'till you ask me what the matter is" tone. Guys if your girlfriends start doing this, make tea, buy chocolates and say sorry. Even if you have no idea what the matter is 
• New office? Did she have an old one? 
• Lionel is so incredibly creepy. 
• That is an ugly watch. If you were that engraver, wouldn’t you have written something else for a laugh?
• Promoting her from Personal Assistant, to what exactly?
• That's Martha's best 's tunned haddock' look. She looks like the depressed trout from the Tesco advert "Try this cheerful sole instead..."
• Knee Lionel in the groin and run like hell.
• It's a man with a gun, wearing a boiler suit. Let's not argue with him
• That's it, all rogue helicopters are always Clark's fault. That must have scared the crap out of the cows
• Don't shout at Lex, shout at Clark. It was him spreading your marital disharmony through the town
• Thank you Lex. He needed to say that a long time ago. Well done Lex! You should have hit him as well.
• And just who was it that first let the Luthors into your family Jonathan?
• You'd think he'd put the panic button back in his pocket
• Lionel would be a pretty prime target in that shootout; if I was Martha I'd have gotten as far away from him as possible
• They're going to use him as a crowbar and pry the safe open?
• However scared Martha is, hugging Lionel Luthor can only make it worse.
• If I was Lana I'd get to know Jennifer
• Look at the size of Clark's eyes
• "If anyone tries to hurt your mother..." They're going to have to deal with Jonathan? I'm sure the posse of armed gunmen with hostages are shaking in their shoes
• Bless them, they're putting on their coats before rushing to Martha's aid. Well she’s be angry if they got a chill. 
• I was just about to mention the helicopter on the lawn
• That was very Clark-like body language from sheepish!Jonathan
• That or Jonathan would be a hostage too
• Go on Lex, you sit there and make him ask. I love the way Lex doesn't actually make Jonathan grovel, it's just enough to know that he would
• Three cheers for asserting-the-upper-hand Lex.
• Where has the helicopter been all this time?
• Lucky police lady. That body search must be the highlight of the Policewoman's day. Is it Stargate extras day? Was that policewoman Sam's double in 'Wormhole X-Treme!'?
• Why is Major Davis wearing rubber gloves?
• He is caressing Martha’s shoulders. Why isn’t she shouting ‘Ick, Ick, get away from me you skanky man’?
• You didn't shoot anyone, you're fine
• "Did I fire six shots or only five..." Sorry, I've avoided saying that at least five times, but the urge is just too strong
• The digital thermometer neatly scrolling to just below absolute zero
• Holy crap! (Yeah, non-specific fringedwelling of the type that I always bitch about, but since I know where this one goes it doesn't count). Wow, I wasn’t expecting that. 
• Ooh, beard-stroking. Also a sign of deep-thinking evil
• Doesn't Lex wonder how Clark got to Metropolis before the helicopter?
• I'm glad they kept the revolving Daily Planet planet. 
• Believe me the fear of heights is not a secondary consideration
• Does John Schneider have a cold? His nose is really red
• Tom Welling has very large irises. 
• The money is in a bank, idiot.
• Oh, there's the octagon. When did Lionel get the octagon? I've just watched the last eleven episodes back to back (I'm copying them for Izzie) and I swear they don't explain that at all
• Ooh, a snide look from Martha.
• Wow, utterly fabulous crane shot of the Daily Planet
• It’s an octagon looking thing in a safe. That dishonest corporate espionage guy isn’t very bright.
• Okay, Lionel can definitely see. I watches the guy put the octagon in his pocket.
• With all the TV cameras and helicopters and big search lights, surely someone would notice Clark throwing himself through the air.
• I cannot believe I missed the E.T. reference in that shot
• I was really hoping that Clark would have a Homer Simpson and the skateboard moment then.
• I like Clark's casual disregard for the probably priceless work of art
• He’s in every position to negotiate. He has a gun, that’s what it’s for.
• Dishonest corporate espionage guy has a point
• Oops. F**k
• "Were you just talking to those men?" Anther lightning Kent deduction
• I think he prays that every day
• Well, I believe that you mean it, but I don't believe you have the resources to back it up
• When is evil guy going to find time to set up that account?
• Yeah, restricting it to Lionel's enemies isn't exactly narrowing the field
•  Don’t read it, steal it!
• It's a shame we never get to see exactly what's in Clark's file
• I'm gonna put that oops, f**k fringedwelling again
• Go Martha! Nice one Martha, but I would have been tempted to brain him with the kryptonite.
• Do you think that Lionel is really blind or is he faking now?
• Lionel knew the bullet wouldn't hurt Clark right?
• You honestly think Lionel doesn't have a duplicate copy?
• The Metropolis P.D. taking the lead from their Smallville counterparts and not showing any interest as to how a sixteen year-old boy managed to infiltrate the building
• Aw, poor Lex. Oh Lex... Although he did pretty much bring this on himself. Oh, Lex. Someone give him a hug. 
• The long shots of Lex through the Kents, is a lovely bit of filming.
• Keep working, he's paying you good money
• Is this some subtle work from Jonathan to let Martha keep her job without appearing to back down? It's nicely done if it is
• Why is Martha keeping the octagon away from Jonathan?
• She's going to forget about that altogether until someone at the Talon finds it in a sponge cake