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car guide s1
car guide s2
car guide s3
car guide s4
car guide s5

  

season two

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• Science fairs - I can’t decide whether I would have wanted one of those or not. Given my little accident one year at home with a chemistry set, it’s probably safest that I didn’t. 
• I once did a DNA experiment three times on an orange and didn’t find anything. I have never trusted citrus since.
• Oh the humiliation of being the second person to a bad pun. I would have had to make a clockwork orange joke there, I’m afraid. 
• Did they call him Cyrus? That isn’t a name for a normal kid. We've got to work a 'Con Air' joke in here somewhere now
• Chloe tends not to be very positive about Smallville. Is it wise to let her show people around? Nice to see they've realised the error of their way and stopped using Lana to introduce people to the delights of Smallville High 
• That transmitter looked like a melon with a few electrical doodads on it.
• He’s stealing things what does it look like?
• "Not one of mankind's brightest lights." Oh, I'm so using that insult
• The poor guy's having to stand on his tiptoes and he still only just comes nose to chin with Clark Standing on tip toes tends to reduce how threatening you are.
• Clark, you’re not that special, get over it.
• Clark has one of those unexpected "Shit not again... Hey, that wasn't me!" moments
• Mind the cows Clark
• I know nothing about horses, but that one doesn’t look like it’s running anywhere.
• Unless she's been paying someone to exercise him, a god trot will be as much as he can manage
• Since Whitney marched to his death knowing you didn’t love him. You’re going to have to say it sometime Lana.
• Oh yeah, he's a Cyrus
• Lana rides to escape? I’m not even going to bother. 
• "And you..." Throw hay bales at cows? I tend to read
• Ahhh, the horse is Whitney sick! 
• Won’t Lana still need to pay for the horse’s upkeep at the Kent farm? Surely they can’t afford to pay for all the things it needs. 
• It's money coming in. A horse will cause hardly any trouble out with the cows
• It is a farm, yes Clark, but one that needs to pick an agricultural niche and stick to it.
• Billionaire baldie, don’t you just love alliteration.
• Those are very good headlines on the newspaper. Lex should be proud. 
• Come on Helen, it's telling the world that you've bagged a extremely sexy billionaire. Greet the story with a "Whoo-hoo!" and move on.
• I thought she was buggering off to Metropolis? 
• Lex, I understand that it's alien to your nature, but you have to stop being pushy. Also it's never a good idea to let anyone else pack up your stuff for you. Trust me
• Who is Lex phoning anyway? Don't tell me he knows the number of a removal company off by heart. It's probably some poor secretary type who lives in the mansion's basement with a phone bank and the Yellow Pages 
• You can understand Lex’s scepticism here.
• She may be put off by you sounding really, really desperate, Lex.
• Nope. Still not buying this relationship. Maybe if they actually touched each other once in a while
• Well done Chloe, that nearly killed Clark with a heart attack then and there.
• Whitney called his horse 'Tyson'? Figures
• Chloe has very restrained hair this week
• Standing naked in a field yelling "They're coming to take me away." Looks like he was right on the money there
• That wiring looks scarily similar to the set up in our flat
• So they just let the arsonist out then?
• It’s ‘Where are your parents’, Clark. Not ‘where is’.
• Cyrus gets a point for use of the word "appease"
• “You’re just like all the others” - Except that he’s not beating the crap out of you.
• Really, another child just picked up off the streets? Does nobody in Smallville get suspicious of these quick, unintentional adoptions?
• Three miracles surely, Clark, the baby and the thing at the hospital
• Martha has an attack of the pregnant lady hormones here.
• “Intimately involved”, that’s a nice euphemism. 
• I can definitely imagine Lex wanting to discuss Clark when in bed with his girlfriend. However I don’t think it has anything to do with Clark’s secret.
• Clark has a good attitude towards learning, whenever he has a problem with a concept he goes and reads a book about the subject.
• I love Clark's slightly tortured-looking deep thought face as  he tries to puzzle that book out
• Oddly enough Lex, Clark does have one or two friends who aren't you
• "Little odd..." That's me now! Cyrus has probably got a website too
• I'm not so sure about the alien thing, It'd explain most of our management team
• Lex has stables? Fields?
• She just wants to watch Clark throw hay bales around, and frankly I can't blame her
• My, that’s an impressively fake horse.
• If the horse is called 'Tyson' how old can it be?
• "Just like his owner." Too many jokes... Well, Whitney wasn’t that good a fighter. 
• Why did Lana look so stunned there? All he did was take his hat off
• If all else fails, Lana can use the horse as some kind of lava lamp.
• I'm sorry, I just can't take the comedy fake horse seriously
• Hey, someone should ask him if he does chiropracty
• If he truly wants to hide his alien self, then why heal the horse in front of witnesses? Although, one of the witnesses is Lana who has the memory span of a goldfish, so he doesn’t have that much to worry about. 
• Again with the scepticism from the parents of an alien. 
• The poor vet must have been so pissed, dragging themself out to a farm at that hour to see to a horse that's perfectly healthy
• "He said he was." Not the most spectacular proof
• That's a new shot of the mansion
• “Help,” thinks Helen, “there must be a loo around here somewhere!”
• She moves in and the first thing she does it poke through all the spare rooms? That's the first sensible idea Helen's had all series
• This is a bit too Bluebeard-like for my liking
• It must be great to need keys and a guide whilst you’re still inside the house. 
• Every single door in the mansion has a yale lock? So much for preserving the historical integrity of the building
• Put that out Chloe
• If I'd tried that I would have set off every fire alarm in the building
• See, Clark has nothing to worry about if Chloe discovers his secret. The first thing she'll do is try and disprove him
• That's assuming Lionel and Lex (or The Inquisitor) haven't had her office bugged
• How is Martha paying for all this medical attention? I doubt there is a box on the insurance form that says ‘Possible alien interference with pregnancy - candidate for Medicare’ 
• I've a very scary feeling that I can tell what car Lex left in just by the engine noise
• Clark definitely got the better deal with the superpowers. 
• It's an aerial tower Clark, what does it look like. His tower looks like one of Chris-In-The-Morning’s sculptures from ' Northern Exposure'. 
• You’d think with two children missing the Kryptonese would look a little more frequently than every 200 years. Why do these things always have such a small window? How come we never meet anyone who can only phone home between two and eight every second Thursday?
• I sense a late-night school break-in (as long as they aren't foiled by the knee-high yellow security gate of course)
• It really does look like a melon, that thing.
• It doesn’t take much to make those boys look like morons.
• They’re not laughing at you because of that. It’s probably because of that hat.
• Nice shot Clark!
• Cyrus is very short for an alien.
• No, setting the truck on fire was much more subtle
• They weren’t very detailed drawings of the ship. If I were to draw a spaceship it would probably look like that.
• Oh, the first mention of kryptonite! Finally I don't have to type meteor rock whilst secretly thinking 'meteorite...' any more
• That makes sense, the gas is spelt like that.
• Shouldn’t someone be watching Cyrus in the hospital, or at least watching Clark when he went in there? Or did he sneak in? I wasn’t paying a lot of attention, sorry. Although, how someone who looks like Tom Welling could sneak anywhere is a mystery to me. 
• Lucky they left his clothes in the room. No one needs to be making their flight home in a backless gown
• Most men give you drawer space. Lex gives you walk-in wardrobe space.
• Pushy bitch isn't she? She’s got 100 other rooms, why obsess? Do what I would do, pick the room next to it and bash the wall down.
• Most men use the bathroom ‘to be alone’ in, Lex.
• I wonder if Lex hires someone specially to make sure all his pool balls are racked?
• If they were vaporised, Chloe, there wouldn't be remains. Oh Chloe, I thought you were meant to be smart.
• Seriously, the jocks in this town need reining in.
• That's it moron, you stand right under the giant metal tower you're trying to pull down
• Surely that’s just going to make the car fly into the tower? Either that just pull the front off the truck. 
• Don’t get all worked up, it’s just helicopter lights. 
• I didn’t need that sound effect. 
• I’m glad it’s only the Kansas PD they allow near the helicopter. 
• Here Clark! Walkies
• So it was just coincidence that Cyrus pretended to have a power that Clark had too? What about the Krypton co-ordinates?
• Because Clark had him by the shoulders and wouldn't let him climb back up the tower until he'd saved the guy?
• It’s the batcave! Lex has a batcave!
• Run, Helen run now. 
• I really want to get a closer look at that room.
• Hang on a second, did I see the wreckage of the blue Porsche in that room? How on earth did they get it though the door?
• Montaigne was just trying to excuse himself, and so are you Lex.
• Lex is eccentric but rich, so chances are he’ll be forgiven. You're a bald millionaire, eccentricity is part of the territory
• There is nothing wrong with being eccentric, Lex. There is, however, something wrong with having a 10 foot high poster of a teenage boy in your ‘secret’ room. Helen is trying very hard not to be freaked out by the thought of her boyfriend staring at that big picture of Clark. Even aside from the obsessive, creepy part, the fact that Lex has an entire room in his house devoted to another man has got to be ringing alarm bells somewhere
• It is a lovely picture of Clark though, Lex has good taste
• Oh, he's dating her for the medical records. Now the relationship makes sense
• Is the 'Hope' symbol still burned on the side of that barn? I haven't seen it, and it must have taken a hell of a lot of sanding and creosoting to get it off
• Please tell me she didn't come over to check the horse in that jacket
• Open and vacant aren’t the same thing, Lana. If Lana’s mind was any more open then... sorry, I’ve run out of similes and metaphors. The girl is dumb, alright?
• No, that just makes you narrow-minded. It's all the rest of your personality that makes you a bad person. It just means that Chloe is really the girl for Clark and he should drop Lana right now. Preferably out of that barn window.
• That never works. It has always gone by the time the other person looks. 
• Was there meant to be a shape in those stars then? If there was then I missed it
• Damn it, yet again we were promised Clark nudity in the trailer that completely failed to materialise in the episode. E4 sucks

• Ooh the demon drink. Ugh, coffee and alcohol two of my least favourite things. I think these boys are going to be idiots. Hey, Irish coffees are the highlight of my day. Actually at the moment an instant cappuccino with Amaretto is being the high point of my day
• Yeah, come on Lana, loosen up.
• You can order them in coffee shops now? 
• Lex is probably at home staring at his large picture of Clark.
• God, Helen/Lana bonding
• Hmm, a mysteriously disappearing man, that doesn’t bode well.
• Friendliest service in town? Not after closing time
• That’s exactly the way to talk to a customer in my opinion. 
• Should Lana really be there on her own at night?
• You don't just want to press the silent alarm, it won't scare them off. You need to be on the phone to the 911 operator so they know that there's someone on the way. It gets rid of them faster
• I don’t like Lana at all, but I also dislike women being pushed around by men. If anyone was going to do that to her it should be Chloe.
• That purple frat-boy jumper is going to be a clue, right? Otherwise that one is looking like a prat for no discernable reason.
• Speedy! Oh I've just got the best mental image of Clark, and the ears, and the poncho... Andale! Who would be El Pussy-Gato? Lex of course, he'd make a super El Pussy-Gato, in fact I'm going to start referring to him as that from now on
• I think it was the "John Boy " that did it
• Wow, that’s one cracked windscreen. Explain that one, Clark. 
• There’s a certain pleasure to be taken in having the authority to say “On your knees!” to anyone you want.
• Check out the comedy accent!
• I could never be a police officer, my writing’s not small enough to fit in that little book.
• Wow, that looks surprisingly like a competent police officer. About bloody time...
• Poor Clark can't quite deal with a police woman who deserves to be called "Ma'am"
• Clark is sternly told off for stating the obvious
• "Aren't something you see every day." Well, she's clearly been living in the wrong town
• Lana figured out how to work the machine?
• I really like this new sheriff
• Well, Elliot Ness was a slacker, we all know that  (non payment of Federal Income Tax?)
• Next time I get a fine, I’m going to try the ‘we can’t afford that’ defence.
• Dangerous work. Roadside litter could rise up at any time
• Martha diving in quickly there before Jonathan says something really stupid. Ah, the patented spousal nudging elbow
• It's not that Ethan looked the other way, it's just that he wasn't there
• That’s a very posed picture of Lex on her desk. Why does Helen have a black and white photograph of Lex? That looks a bit odd. That's one of the season two publicity shots
• Neagh! The unexpected appearance of stealth!Lex
• How can he not make it? He's already there. If he had time to go to the hospital he's got time to stop for a sandwich
• Oh, that’s so not OK with Lex. Actually I think it's fine with Lex, but he seriously needs to learn Helen's "Help, get me out of here" signals
• Oh you tell Lex is already planning to have him tailed.
• “Its going to clash with the plaid” - Out ‘dwelled by Chloe there. 
• Is Lana attempting to do maths?
• “I was highly motivated” - That is definitely Clark’s worst explanation yet. 
• “I wish I could have saved myself” My God, is Lana growing a spine?
• If that had been me, El Pussy-Gato would have found himself the recipient of a swift elbow to the groin
• Lex knows that Lana was attacked and still crept up on her? That’s funny, but mean. 
• I like Lex the amateur psychologist. 
• Oh for crying out loud Lex! Get over it. You could’ve worn a wig.
• I like the idea of Lex on a totem pole. We could set up some kind of religion around him.
• Why didn’t young Lex just pay someone else to bully the bullies? I would have sat back and let the Navy Seal do my fighting for me
• Lex Luthor can fight? With his fists? I don't believe that for a second, he caught the guy by surprise, got in a decent blow and it was enough to scare the guy. That's all
• For a teenager in America, dental work was probably inevitable
• “It’s about reclaiming your sense of control” - Yes, by hurting people.
• Yeah, but he was being a wanker, That's got to be some kind of mitigating circumstance
• No Clark, this is just about anger management.
• “So now you’re flawed too, son.” 
• She’s going to flood the engine soon.
• Oh, get out and at least look at the engine woman!
• Where the hell did he spring from? I would have jumped a mile then. I get very nervy about people being in the back of my car at night, so that guy appearing then would have freaked me. 
• Don’t go with the creepy stalker guy! 
• Lex will be on his way in a better car. In fact, I can hear it now
• Prince Charming would never have worn a t-shirt
• "Twice in one day." Maybe he just never left
• "Why would I want to do that?" Not the biggest boost to Helen's ego there
• Lex is paranoid, but he has good reason to be
• "Frighteningly good judge of character." No, you really aren't. Consider that your best friend lies to you, your previous girlfriend set fire to you and the one before that betrayed you. Yes, but he knows Clark is lying and he was counting on being betrayed by Victoria. That's pretty good judgement. We'll just put the fire thing down to hormones
• I hate people who say "Was that a threat?" Of course it was a threat, you moron. No it's not a threat, it's a stick insect. You seem lonely. I thought you might like a pet...
• “You seem like a simple guy...” ooh, what a put-down! 
• Does the hotel have vacancies or not? Someone needs to hit the sign
• Oh yeah, guy's a loon
• Gagh, I hate self-mutilation. This guy needs help. Mutilation always goes much better when you have an extra person to damage the bits you can't reach
• He's not going to claim Lex whacked him is he? Lex couldn't punch that hard if he tried
• How did he get two black eyes?
• Oh, had him beaten up, not beat him up in person
• Helen, Lex has largely been ignoring you since you met
• "Just the man I was looking for." You and me both Sheriff
• Lex is channeling Mrs. Cake!
• Maybe Lex will have to do community service in an orange vest too!
• Go on Lex, kick the wheelchair over
• So Clark is accused of ABH, and they equip him with a pointy stick? That’s asking for trouble.
• Not quite as unflattering as the orange jumpsuit, but the fluorescent waistcoat still isn't a good look for Clark
• Can Clark be paroled if he was never found guilty of the crime? 
• Why is Lex blowing on the lid of his coffee cup?
• That Chinese film metaphor was lost on Clark.
• I'll repeat my former threat. Bags don't have groins
• Decisive? Commit? Lana? Ha!
• The perfect opportunity to have Lex sweaty, and in shorts and a vest, and they went for the cover all option. 
• I did a Tae-Bo exercise video with the punchbag at Aber once, and after a perfectly executed side-kick to the bag I promptly lost my balance and fell over in a disgruntled heap at my housemate’s door. To his credit, he didn’t laugh. 
• If I were you Lex, I wouldn't be putting my face in the line of inept fire. Now that would be my dream job, hanging round Lex's gym pissing off Lana Lang. It's sweet that Lana takes it out on the bag though, I would just have punched Lex in the nose
• Okay, hands up who is, even remotely, frightened by Lana right now?
• Leave the big balding faker alone Clark.
• The sheriff might like that arrangement!
• That’s very lop-sided hair on Chloe.
• Don't let Lana go all 'Charlie's Angels'. That would involve cloning two more of her. One is bad enough
• Four (I think). We might have to try a Fringedweller-patent Height Loop through Jason Connery to check
• Well, he probably had to trade the armour in for the orange vest.
• That’s a very conveniently deserted hospital corridor.
• How can Helen work all day in those high heels?
• How does Paul keep appearing and disappearing like that? Anyone else would have banged the door or tripped over a wire or something.
• Yeah, beneath your fist! You don't get to hit people whether they're your alleged inferior or not. Unless they threaten you first
• "I love Lex." Helen really doesn't sound too sure about that
• It's a lab for god's sake. There must be some exciting, permanently disfiguring chemical she could hit him with
• Why does she have a mobile phone in a hospital? That kind of thing is frowned upon by the people hooked up to the machines that mobile frequencies screw up
• Don’t say hello, scream for help!
• Lex isn't wearing his driving gloves
• Put the phone down Lex, and drive very fast to the Pathology lab. You'd think Lex would have learned his lesson about driving and using the phone at the same time
• About now Lex gets pulled over by the Sheriff for speeding...
• See, Doctors should just learn to speak in normal words. ‘Quickly’ would have been far more effective there.
• Compared to a day of farm chores, litter-picking isn't the most strenuous of jobs
• Scary and liberating. Sounds exactly the way Lex would like to hear himself described
• What about Chloe? Following things with a camera is kind of her raison d'etre. And possibly her 'Dawn Patrol' Indian name
• You really can't blame Lex for not trusting the Smallville Police
• I know she made Clark pick up litter, but I do like this new sheriff.
• Most people are above Smallville law.
• That's clearly not the car Lex arrived in
• “Do I have to remind you again?” - Apparently, yes.
• Gee, lucky Clark just happened to hear the name of the motel like that...
• Why does nobody turn the lights on in situations like this? It would phase the person you’re looking for and make your job easier as you wouldn’t have to juggle the torch and your weapon. 
• Clark called his extremely experienced security staff too?
• That’s it Lex, put your fingerprints everywhere.
• Clark would be tall enough to peer into the carriage windows without having to do that cute little bounce
• Smallville clearly hasn't passed the anti-trainspotter law that means you need a ticket to get onto the station
• I like the way Lex thinks. Oh Paul, you didn’t think that Lex would be dumb enough to load the gun, did you?
• Yeow. Railway gravel hurts
• See, I told you Lex couldn't fight worth a damn
• I'm feeling quite attracted to action!Lex
• Frying Pan! Oh! Frying pan to the head! I'm going to quote Ben for a moment. Beast! (Am I using that right?)
• This is a truly awesome fight sequence
• And you know that Lex checked that fact before setting out on this night’s little adventure.
• Should she be allowed to chew gum whilst heading an armed siege? 
• "If I catch you meddling in a police investigation again, I swear..." I'll make you type up all the associated paperwork
• Why stop at soft-tissue? Why not go for some good lifelong cartilage damage?
• Lana better have this on camera, otherwise he could just claim more bullying.
• That was a very comprehensive kick-boxing class.
• That white t-shirt would be really nice if it was about four sizes smaller. Baggy t-shirts on a body like that should be illegal
• She was fighting for her life a few hours ago! 
• I thought he'd have concussion
• Clark would have been my first guess too
• He'll kill to protect Clark but he won't kill to protect Helen?
• Hang on a sec, this is a very slow version of 'Don't Fear The Reaper' by Blue Oyster Cult! Blue Oyster Cult (and I'm missing an umlaut there) rule. Only Lex could propose to someone to the strains of a bad cover of a seventies prog-rock power ballad and still seem even just a little bit suave. When I finally meet my other half, he will be under strict instructions to play that when he proposes. When I've finished killing myself laughing for the next ten minutes I might even say 'Yes'
• That ring had better be more expensive than it looks, otherwise Helen should feel cheated. I like the ring, it's pretty
• Lex, you’ve asked her to marry you, you’re allowed to touch her now. 

• If she invites people to watch then she’s going to fall off the horse.
• Why is Lana carrying her hat? She can't actually have been riding in the pale blue fleece
• Ooh, subtle wrong touching
• That looks like a surprisingly slutty outfit for Chloe. Wow. If Chloe's breasts in that outfit aren't getting Clark's attention then he really must be gay
• Lunch is a very serious issue, Chloe. That article about the debate team doesn’t sound that exciting anyway, so maybe the menu will be a step in the right direction.
• It’s much more often than perennial. 
• Okay, those masks really scared me. 
• Hey, is that Cliff the Good Republican Lawyer driving the van?
• Hmm, that shouldn’t have happened. Why do I think that they are kryptonite crossbows or something? 
• For anyone else that barbed wire fall would have been nasty
• It would have been more useful if Clark had used his x-ray to see the guy's face
• Aw, it’s sweet that Clark isn’t allowed to say “Crap”. He probably has trouble with "Dang" too
• The Sheriff has a radar? Ping!
• Whose idea were the class rings? And what on earth possessed anyone to want to buy one? Are those class rings now meteor-rock free?
• I like Clark casually x-raying the students in the corridor
• Lana-land, that sounds far too much like la-la land for my liking. 
• Smallville High is so big that Clark doesn't recognise students his own age? 
• Oh, the evil one was an athlete, how surprising. I sound like one of the dearly-departed Sour Skittles.
• Kryptonite inhalers? They’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel.
• Benchwarmer, I could do that. 
• Oh Pete is so naive.
• Steroids don’t make you better, they just make you stronger. 
• The principal is going to be pissed about that scoreboard breaking.
• Lionel successfully fighting the urge to lean over the balcony and drop things on Lex's head
• I like the way Lex automatically grinds his teeth whenever he hears Lionel’s voice. 
• Or via the person he pays to read the gossip pages of the Inquisitor for him in case there's anything good. Hopefully that person just circled the article and left it on Lionel's desk, rather than trying to break the news personally
• Don't worry Lionel, I have trouble remembering her name sometimes too. As, I suspect, does Lex
• "Nothing out of the ordinary" could hide a multitude of sins for a Luthor.
• I want to be there when Lionel explains his "Legalities are inconsequential" theory to the new Sheriff
• That looked like an expensive touchscreen till for a small-town coffeeshop. 
• What, the horrifically decorated coffee house? 
• No, I think she knows Lana a lot better. Oh, Jennifer just hates Lana and nobody could blame her.
• Should they be in there, considering Clark just quit?
• Chemistry Camp? Oh poor boy. Such a thing is allowed to exist? Oh, I can just picture Chemistry Camp now
• Clark has a desk?
• What does Clark mean "apparently."
• Pete senses the not-so-hidden tension and decides to get the hell out of Dodge.
• That’s because in Chloe’s head Clark is cheating on her.
• A foundry that nobody else is using? An abandoned foundry? This is really asking me to suspend my disbelief.
• Ooh, I recognise this from the  trailer. I sense some gratuitous nudity on the way...
• For a genius chemistry student he can’t use tongs or a funnel very well.
• Have we ever seen Clark bleed before?
• Shouldn't Eric be using an oven mitt of some kind to open that door? Or did the kryptonite make him heatproof as well as strong
• Clark! Clark in the fire!
• Of course, the obligatory hand down the glass
• Fiery, naked! Clark. Wow. Mmm, naked smudgy Clark. Damn that flame. Witness me trying to simultaneously sit in bed; cheer; boogie with joy; leer at naked Clark; type this and not spill pasta on my newly-washed cream bedspread. Wheee!
• Is no one going to ask where the interesting boiler suit came from? I was just about to ask what Clark wore to run home in. Sadly, unlike Ritchie he didn't have to get across Smallville in nothing but a sheet
• Why not? It hasn’t up to now. 
• Aha, set the sheriff on him. Good move.
• I love the set of agreeing expressions on the face of that Deputy
• "Use your one call to phone home." I have this sudden mental image of E.T. being dragged off in handcuffs. "Inn... O... Cent..."
• Now that Clark has learnt that smirk from Lex, he should practice hiding it.
• I still want Chloe’s car.
• No. Over you, you stupid girl
• Lana isn’t so much an insurmountable force as just a pain in the arse.
• Don’t leap to conclusions Lana, you’ll only fall and hurt yourself. 
• That's because Henry doesn't know, Lana....
• "Since he met you..." The man is clearly deranged
• I still love the little umbrellas on top of the Medical Centre. Do they have a cafe up there or something? That must be a picturesque view you get from the rooftop café overlooking the ambulance bay.
• Chloe, you can't just sneak into a room and take pictures of someone whilst he's unconscious
• Chloe impressed Lionel with her journalistic calm. I would have been impressing him with my ability to shriek in surprise, turn round way too quickly, hit the corner of the bed with my hip, then tumble over and land on my arse on the floor. All without once betraying my cool exterior
• He employed your Dad for years Chloe, I'd imagine you were in the background check
• Couldn’t Lionel stretch to a proper get well card? 
• “Unlike the now missing contents of your truck.” Chloe just can’t help baiting Lionel here.
• Fertiliser is a brutal business.
• If Lionel has time to read the Torch, he should be working harder.
• Lana genuinely doesn't know she's the matter does she?
• You can make it go away Lana, just go and throw yourself off a cliff. 
• Clark is thinking so hard his eyes are crossed. 
• Sneaking into a hospital room is one thing, but how the hell did Lex sneak into a jail?
• Nice to see that the druggy kid wasn't spared the orange jumpsuit
• There’s probably one of those big foam hand things too. 
• Anyone in an orange jumpsuit looks guilty.
• "What's in it for me?" He'll buy you an overall that doesn't clash with your hair?
• Shouldn’t someone have turned the mains off by now?
• Knee him in the groin, Clark
• The sight of Martha and Jonathan stuck up on that wall was hilarious. How the hell did Clark get them down? Oh, I’m never going to stop laughing at that.
• I love Jonathan's stoic "Your mother..."
• Especially since now there are people out there who can actually beat him up for real
• Clark uses the magic word to its fullest effect. Bow before the power of politeness!
• The grandfather they refuse to speak to?
• "Give yourself a fighting chance." Is this Jonathan giving him permission to cheat? I thought that was going to be a “they don’t have your heart” speech. Instead Jonathan basically told him to kick ass.
• Lex looks surprisingly good in pink. That's mauve, surely?
• Of course it was Lex, who else could afford a $250,000 bail?
• An Honourary Dumb Kent statement from Lex “They nearly killed Mom and Dad” and Lex says “Are they alright?” Well, duh.
• The Police are better than a Luthor security team? I’d trust Lex’s personal security team a lot more than the Police.
• I'm starting to think we need a 'Number Of Times Lex Is Hit On The Head' chart
• Somewhere Lex’s personal security team are still waiting for the order.
• The highly trained security team didn't become suspicious at Lex's sudden disappearance from the end of the phone line?
• That was a very good crashing through the window scene. That glass broke way before Clark crashed through it
• The sidekick life really sucks. 
• Hang on, where did those meteor rocks come from? It was a set up, there weren’t any actual meteor rocks to steal, just Clark-in-a-van. 
• That kryptonite doesn’t look very well covered.
• Why did I just expect the tree to start glowing?
• How did Lex know to poor two glasses of orange juice?
• What are the Talon's opening hours? It's clearly daytime here, but the chairs are all stacked away
• Lana Lang, Marriage Guidance Counsellor
• I'm not entirely sure Lana had any business telling Henry that
• ”I’ll always be here.” Yeah Henry, like a whiny millstone round your neck.
• That was a little harsh, he could at least say goodbye. She told him to walk away, he walked. Sensible decision if you ask me
• I wonder what they make those light-weight hay 
• bales from. They probably have a hollow plastic bin or something and tie the straw round it
• The rare appearance of subtle!Jonathan
• "Donatello"? Firstly, Lana named her horse after a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle? (Yeah, like she's heard of the Renaissance artist. Or the Renaissance). Secondly, wasn't the horse Lana was keeping at the Kent farm called Tyson?
• Surely it’s not safe to be in that room, with the absence of any supporting pillars and all?
• Lionel saw the Principal? That must have been a fun conversation
• Chloe's over-identifying just a little there. "I was recently vandalised." Not you Chloe, the office. Learn to disassociate.
• Lionel's vandals also laughed at the challenge posed by the knee-high security gate
• Lionel did the damage, will pay for the repair and Chloe will feel in his debt. I can see the future.
• For an investigative journalist Chloe is exceptionally stupid.
• “Journalists are the midwives of history” - Making editors the gynaecologists? 
• Oh Chloe, this is a deal with the devil and you know it. 

The following comments from Lizard will be placed in order when the webmistress gets her copy of this episode back...

• Clark kicks off the episode with a classic contender for Dumb Kent Statement of the Week. How could someone who has stalked the girl since kindergarten not realise that winning pretty ribbons are important to her?
• No, I don't think that she's being that harsh either
• Love the scary masks
• I was insular and apathetic all through high school but even I knew the names of the high achievers. I can't believe that Clark is more oblivious than I was
• "Lex, it's been too long." No, thinks Lex, really it hasn't. And the only person I want to hear that phrase from is Helen
• I would think that Lionel is screwing around with the meteor rocks
• Kryptonite inhaler. Does wonders for your muscles, but buggers up your social life when your friends discover that you're breathing green
• Flaming censor board! Excellent!
• Don't stand there looking smug Clark, it won't help
• What happened to Henry Small's attention span? Couldn't Jennifer wait it out another few months until Henry got distracted by something else and forget Lana?
• Well Eric, if you tell Lex what he wants to know then you probably won't have to wear the orange jumpsuit any more
• What the hell is it with this town and crucifixion?
• Chloe is the stunned recipient of a proposition of many colours

• I always knew Pete was a fringedweller at heart. "Get that candle and get your butt out of there!"
• If I was in that movie with Pete I’d have thrown popcorn at him by now. 
• You can't hear me either Clark, but it doesn't stop me yelling at you once a week
• Chloe doesn't understand how to watch a movie does she?
• I think more cinemas should allow audience commentary 
• I’ve been watching too many cartoons, but I was half expecting that candle the actress was holding to be dynamite. 
• Clark jumped almost as much at Lana's touch as Lana did at the film 
• Chloe showing some good fringedweller tendencies too, laughing at the silly, frightened woman
• Well, seeing Lana's hand on Clark's knee will certainly lower Chloe's viewing enjoyment, but at the same time it will make the scene a little bit more tense for Clark
• Chloe should just grab the hand of the guy to her left and brazen it out. 
• Fright Fest - I have never understood the appeal. Why do people like to be scared?
• It looks like Lana hasn’t paid her electricity bill.
• It’s “atishoo”, not “ashes” stupid child, it’s based on the Black Death when everybody got a fever and died. Well, not everybody.
• That is a truly maniacal laugh. 
• Lana's childhood, and here we have the true fear
• Oh, god, creepy small children
• I'm lost. Is this a dream sequence? Perhaps Lana's going mad and they're going to take her away to a quiet little room somewhere and lock her in
• It’s a waste of time trying to scare Lana out of her wits, she’s only got one or two so it won’t take that long. 
• Lana should have rebounded off Clark then in a comedy fashion. 
• She was creeped out by 'House On Haunted Hill'? 'The Cat And The Canary' is more scary than 'The House On Haunted Hill'
• What kind of parent christens their child "Jodelle Micah"?
• That is one pink bedroom. 
• Lana really was not a photogenic child. 
• I like this kid's self-belief. "I am too real."
• Oh god, someone else dead for Lana to say "poor little me" over
• Clark’s trying not to laugh out loud there.
• We haven't seen this dramatically high bridge before. Who wants to bet someone will fall off it by the end of the episode?
• They didn’t even play Pooh Sticks, they had to play with girly flowers. Stupid children.
• What idiot let two ten year olds go somewhere dangerous like that alone? 
• There’s a lot of poignant hand-holding in this episode. 
• Ah, supportive-yet-sceptical!Clark
• Similarly, what idiot would go to the trouble of contacting Lana from beyond the grave? Surely they’d appreciate the rest?
• Yes, Clark and Lana saw the signs but chose to ignore them. 
• "All grown up," yet stll not able to read the words 'No' and 'Trespassing'
• Ahh! It's the evil yet utterly cool janitor from 's crubs'! I don’t care who he is here, he’s the Janitor.
• That was a well-acted facial tic
• Why in the name of god did they go and speak to the child's family? There is no way you could expect anything except a hostile response
• I've never in my life seen anyone that depressed in front of a table full of cake. He's got a table full of cake, how bad can life be?
• Oooh, black and silky. 
• What do you mean "quick decision." Not even I could eat all that cake
• It’ll be chocolate cake at my wedding.
• I love Lex's utter terror at suddenly having to compare flower sprays and catering. I can just seeing him trying to pick the outfits for the bridesmaids
• Cake is not a vice, it's an absolute necessity
• Not even Lionel can resist the power of the cake
• Yet another pudding tainted by alcohol. Amaretto with chocolate? Wow...
• $100,000 isn’t a test, it’s an insult. $1,000,000 is a test.
• Has Lex always had eyebrows? I only just noticed them. More to the point shouldn’t he be bald all over?
• You mean Lex hasn't got his own LeXcorp jet yet?
• Lex, cake, private island... I like this scene
• Love Lex's suspicious glance at Lionel's hand on his shoulder
• Oh Lex, don’t trust him. 
• Is Clark allowed in there?
• Apparently not
• I wondered if Clark was allowed to use that computer.
• "Trying to help Lana." Not the best track to convincing Chloe
• Subconscious? Lana barely has a conscious, let alone a sub-conscious!
• "To her they're very real." But they're not there, right?
• "Just a mask." Very probably. Would Lana be crying at 3am if there was no one to hear?
•  Chloe hears the three am crying but notice she doesn’t say that she does anything to help. Besides, you know that Lana has realised that she doesn’t have matching shoes and bag for the next day. 
• “She’s my friend” - Well you see, that’s your first mistake Chloe.
• Why does that child have a stuffed rabbit in a cage?
• Unless they are happily living on a farm somewhere, I don’t want to know what happened to the bunnies.
• If she can move like that, why did she let herself be locked up?
• God, if this kid hadn't already drowned I'd be tempted to hold her under myself
• They couldn't have gone exploring with an umbrella?
• Pete needs to remind Clark that, unlike him, Pete is not immune to the cold and does not have thousands of fans waiting to towel him off when the rain finally stops. I'll towel Pete dry. He's nineteen, so I'd feel kinda wrong when I did it, but I'd do it anyway
• She’s probably come back to avenge that pretentious gravestone.
• 1986, damn Clark’s still only 17 at best. 
• "Blessed Angel" presumably suggested by someone who knows nothing about small children
• If Emily really is Emily, then who's the kid in the coffin?
• That’s a very cool effect with the rain. I love the way it pings off Clark as he runs through it
• They really should put some kind of security at The Talon.
• So Emily’s father sensibly bought her a necklace that looks nothing like Lana’s. 
• Notice Lana doesn't ask how Clark leaped to thst conclusion
• Clark wisely refrains from telling Lana he thought she was. 
• What mind? There's no way I got there first on that one is there?
• There's another bizarre stuffed rabbit on that hospital trolley
• When, exactly, did Lionel try to be a good father ?
• You're got to admire Lex for managing to sustain a single sceptical expression for that length of time
• Lex checks out the medical machinery like he actually knows what they all do
•  Lionel Luthor, bunny thief. That’s a new low to stoop to. Of all of Lionel’s transgressions, I suspect the bunny-crime was the worst. Lex is having some serious trouble picturing his dad as a professional rabbit-rustler. He can happily imagine that his Dad would take the little girl's bunnies, but for the life of him, he can't figure out why...
• It’s okay Emily, this is Smallville. You’ll just get randomly adopted. 
• That's another hideously pink bedroom. Suddenly my yellow one doesn't seem so bad
• Gagh! Doll! Gagh! Doll moved! Garrgh! Stop the doll! Stop the scary, talking doll! "Iron helps us play..."
• "A Gabby Abbey" or a Lana Lang
• Clark's suddenly very glad he stuck with Lego as his childhood plaything
• Oh, a secret door, this isn’t going to be good.
• Why have the fancy keypad if the door just unlatches?
• You see what opportunities one has if more houses had basements?
• I reiterate my previous question, who is the kid in the coffin?
• Send in the clones! Sorry, I had to
• I knew those eyes would open.
• A room full of identical bodies and they only think he succeeded?
• Both Lana and Clark think ‘who is David Copperfield?’ What would David Copperfield want with a bunch of ten year olds?
• I hope the cleaning crew wiped up the kryptonite spill as well
• Ooh, Clark has 'concerned' eyebrows
• Words of wisdom from the small child. This kid is quite bright for a cloned ten year old. 
• Does Lex know that Clark knows about his father and the rocks? How does Lex think Clark found out?
• Obviously the Aber method for making something happen quickly (standing over potatoes, for example, yelling “Cook you buggers, cook!”) hasn’t worked for the Janitor man so he had to resort to kryptonite.
• Lex shouldn’t have to prefix statements with ‘all ethics aside’. We can take that as given now. 
• I'm sure that chair should have stopped rocking by now
• If that had been me I would have jumped through the ceiling
• Lana dashes after the ghost child, but remembers to grab her jacket on the way out
• Well if he wasn’t before, he probably is now.
• Conscience is defined by your chromosomes now? The reason that Emily doesn’t know right from wrong is because she hasn’t had ten years of being told what is right and wrong you moron. 
• Martha questions the standard of teaching at Smallville High.
• And here we are, back on the dramatically high bridge with no guard rail
• If the Smallville authorities fixed all the broken public amenities there would probably be less death.
• I love the dramatic thud as the bunny gets dropped.
• That'll teach her to wear heavy shoes
• Clark seeming a lot more reluctant to give Lana mouth to mouth than he was with Lex
• I would imagine it feels pretty good
• I never saw Lionel as a "brunch" man
• I though Level Three was a project about corn?
• Well if you let a child read too many comics, that’s what you get.
• Let's see you do any better Lionel
• Lex should just give up and become a carpenter or something. 
• I missed something. What is as smooth as silk? 
• Is he trying to hide the cradle? Because the blanket just looks suspicious now.
• It seems remarkably easy to get Clark, all you have to do is ask his father for a few minutes of his time. You can borrow Clark? Like a library book? That seems an interesting, low-cost option
• Probably Lana, but go ahead 
• If he hasn't seen the real Lana yet, then he's never going to. She's not been hiding very well
• Um, what part of Clark is she reaching for?
• Oh, his other hand. I might have guessed
• That long shot of them holding hands looks a bit awkward. If it were any other couple they’d be swapping saliva about now.
• If there is going to be any kissing, someone needs to get a box. 
• She probably has it stamped in the sole of her foot.
• Please tell me there's a real rabbit in that box, or that Lionel has completely missed the target and bought her a guinea-pig
• Lionel makes a kickass kids TV presenter. "Let's see what's through the square window..."
• Aw! It's a baby bunny rabbit! I want a baby bunny rabbit too. I want a gnu as well, but I don't think it'll fit in our front garden
• If he’d only given Lex the bunny, their relationship would be a lot different.
• Please let that bunny attack like in ' The Holy Grail'. Please?
• "You mustn't worry about him." He's going to be quietly shot in the back of the head and buried in a shallow grave
• Oh, I want a poster of that shot of Lionel with the tea cup.
• Call the bunny Killer. Or Butch. Or Bob.
• With a name like Bunnybuns that rabbit is going to be a laughing stock. 

• That doctor is just randomly pressing those buttons.
• “Normalisation”, that doesn’t sound like anything I want happening to my brain.
• Dramatically, that’s how he slipped into that coma.
• It must be a complicated language, he concentrated so hard his brain snapped
• Agh! Those contact lenses make another shock appearance. 
• And he rises from the dead with Mad Prophet Disease
• Oh yeah, that seems really normal
• Clark needs a proper desk, he can’t work properly like that.
• He needs to rehearse the toast? Holding a glass up and saying ‘cheers’ isn’t that difficult even for Clark. He could just use the same speech he used last time Lex got married, or would that be insensitive?
• I do not a have a single person amongst my friends that I would trust to open a box in front of me when I had my eyes closed. Particularly if they followed it with "Now just put your hand in here..."
• An Mr Supersenses couldn't smell the smoke? And by the way, no fire in the barn!
• Who wants to bet that Clark's got the x-ray vision working here?
• Not more adoption angst, please. 
• Only four candles? Are we to assume that's how high Lana can count?
• That cake doesn’t look very well made. 
• But its not the day he came into our lives Lana. Did you miss the "totally random" part?
• "Now I don't have to." You mean his parents finally bought him that My Little Pony?
• What all kids wished for when they were five was a new lego set, not an annoying unphotogenic orphan whiner.
• Flame! Naked flame! On the books! In the barn!
• TW is crouching so much he looks positively uncomfortable
• Ewww. Please tell me this is a dream sequence of some kind. That or a horrible nightmare. Okay, it's his "birthday", so we'll let him have a kiss. But then he has to chuck her out the window
• I was so hoping that cake would glow ominously. 
• Now that’s child abuse, no birthday parties. What harm could they have done? Cruel, Cruel Martha and Jonathan.
• They just didn't want to go to the trouble of hiring a clown
• And when he's roped into organising pass the parcel with 15 screaming five year olds, he will understand even more about the anti birthday feeling
• Details Clark, your Mum wants details
• Lex dealt very well with that "What the cat dragged in" remark
• Occasionally they do feed him at the mansion
• Jonathan appears pleased to have to go to a wedding. Jonathan just needs to air out his tux
• Okay so Lex and the Kents are getting on? I sense Evil! Lex will be turning up very soon. 
• Chloe went to the other wedding, why not this one?
• Could those two be any more transparent if they tried? Come on Chloe, you’re a clever girl, put two and two together.
• Bless him, here’s Pete’s only scene and he’s blithely unaware of the subtext. Poor Old Pete, condemned to never know what’s going on. 
• Lana is so predictable.
• Maybe? Come on Lana, you don’t snog a bloke for two hours and then say “Maybe” to a date later.
• Is that his or her family that she’s colour coding? I can only assume it's hers. I don't think any of Lex's are coming
• How hard can this be? Slip a note in with the invitation saying you'll burn their house down if they make a scene at your wedding, then be prepared for the most peaceful day of your life
• "But don't you think.." this is the time to give up the teenager you've been drooling over for the past two years?
• "The only family I need is you." And Clark, and Martha, and Jonathan
• And Lex regrets proposing to such a slob. Either Helen is a slob or she’s been broken into. If that were my office we'd be going with the 's lob' option. As long as they didn't move the TV, I don't think I'd ever know if my room had been ransacked
• Why is the fridge light broken? 
• Hmm, I think Lex is behind this.
• Clark’s got plenty more to spare, she really didn’t need to keep it.
• Helen doesn't have a lot of faith in hospital security if she thinks Jonathan Kent can get past them
• Seriously guys, we're not that complicated. 
• I've just counted at least three ways in which Lana has risked breaking major bones getting off that horse
• I know very little about riding, but I’m almost certain you cannot do it in high heels. 
• Lana's dating Chloe now?
• What a time to be hit by sudden onset schizophrenia. 
• I really expected something to fall out of the sky just then and hit Clark right between the eyes
• Is the doctor picking up Radio Krypton? All the hits, all the time...
• It’s always comforting when Doctors say things like ‘probably’. 
• Gah! That’s twice that bloody man has made me jump.
• "Does that look normal to you?" Shouldn't the trained medical professional know?
• He’s in a padded cell, that should negate the need to sedate him. 
• All that broken glass and Lex isn’t cut at all?
• When did Dr Wardle get back in the cell to write that? In the previous shot the ceiling was blank
• He has the power to write with his hand? Wow. Superpower. 
• You can tell that Lex is getting tired with these chats with Clark when he’s fishing about for clues and Clark clams up.
• For a criminal mastermind, Lex is an incredibly transparent liar.
• “We can solve this mystery together” I have a sudden image of Lex and Clark as the new Hardy Boys. 
• "As mystified as you are." That's where the solving  comes in Clark
• I still don't understand how the cave floor is covered in leaves
• Oooh pretty lights. 
• Is that picture meant to be Clark?
• Helen has some very strange mascara in this scene. I'm not sure about the white twin set either
• Yeah. Because she’s going to admit it to you Lana. 
• I like the way Martha is filed neatly next to tax reports.
• Gah! Jesus Lionel. Warn a girl before you do that
• That is a very jazzy tie for Lionel.
• Why hasn’t Lex changed the locks to the mansion so Lionel can’t keep sneaking in? 
• Helen really has some way to go before she can start threatening people like Lionel
• Money and sex, why else would Helen marry Lex?
• Because she couldn't bear the prejudicial glances if people thought she was sleeping with Lionel
• I'm very fond of Lionel's sceptical "Hmm". I might have to practice until I can hmm like that
• Gah again! Lionel has to stop doing that
• I refuse to believe "conservatorship" is a word. 
• The security people who let an entire rave slip past them? I can't imagine them causing Lionel any problems
• Which Luthor does Jonathan mean?
• Just because he wrote it, it doesn’t necessarily mean he can read it.
• I still can't imagine anyone that sheepish ruling the world
• Lionel just doesn’t want to miss out on the cake. 
• Lex tried to get a restraining order to keep Lionel off his own property?
• Of course not, it's so much more fun in person
• Okay the music department were slightly over excited at this point. 
• Very. Slowly. Put the hand down
• Wow, you don't see many Doctors armed with tranquiliser guns around these days. Perhaps they should be standard issue for those really annoying patients, like giving all teachers access to a zat gun
• I'm surprised Martha let Clark go in the barn in his clean beige slacks
• Hey, that was a pretty good shot for a neurologist 
• “Friends, Romans, and countrymen” is a good way to start.
• She's actually more of a small to medium girl 
• I don't think I approve of suits where the jacket and trousers don't match. Lex should have demanded that Clark attend in a tux
• Helen is still not suspicious of all these ‘quick moments’ with Clark? 
• Has Lex moved an entire bar into his castle? Wow
• Lionel is always quoting poetry, it doesn’t mean anything.
• People have favourite Elizabethan poets? That’s just weird. 
• Oh Chloe, move on sweetie. 
• "Ferrets found in air ducts." What a fabulous headline
• And Chloe is the last to realise Lionel may not be the nicest man around. Come on Chloe, you can't have been stupid enough to believe Lionel was in it because he cared
• Thank you Chloe, someone needed to tell Lionel that.
• Yeah, Clark is lucky. Let's hope he doesn't blow it again
• How can he tell just by looking? There should at least be some poking to make sure.
• That doesn't look very 'out' to me
• That glass thing never works. Either no one hears you or you chip the top off the glass
• There are loads of Helen's family there who have no idea who Clark is and so didn't get that joke at all
• Clark didn’t think of looking out of the ‘S’ section of the local library then. So nothing beyond the 16th century?
• Considering he only finished that a few hours ago, Clark has remembered that well.
• Good speech, sounds profound, but is short enough that no body gets a chance to really think about it. The way all speeches should be
• Blimey! An actual kiss. Yeah, followed by a big hug with the Best Man
• I hope Lex is going to dress up a bit more for the actual wedding.
• Clark, plagued by an orchestra of wine glass players.
• Did Clark just zip out of the reception then? How did no one notice that?
• Jonathan and Martha display distressing symptoms of Anxious Parent Syndrome
• That wasn't the most subtle of exits by the Kents
• It would be a shame to die in such a mismatched suit.
• How the hell are they going to file an insurance claim for that?
• Clark realises the folly of using his heat vision a tad too late to stop himself being dropped twenty feet for the second time in five minutes. 
• I know the Kent’s cows must be of hardy stock, but that really is going to cause some problems.
• Eww. Crispy scientist hand!
• It was a lovely evening apart from the exploding scientist, but they wouldn’t know about that yet.
• Well that was a bad discussion for Lex to embark upon. 
• Hah! I knew that Lex was behind it. Finally. Evil!Lex. Fantastic.
• That blood should be frozen. 
• How? How the hell did they manage to convince that level-headed sheriff that the scientist blew himself up in natural circumstances? 
• Somehow, Jonathan’s ‘do the right thing’ speeches always just increase the pressure. 
• "Pryed it from his hand. Eww, gross. I'm impressed that Clark pried the crispy hand open without snapping any of the fingers off
• Lionel looks like he desperately wants to prod the hand there.
• Can you Fed-Ex a hand? Billy Bob Thornton Fed-Exed two pint of his own blood to Angelina Jolie in England, a hand wouldn't be that hard. Question is, exactly where is Lionel going to keep it?
• I think Clark is used to your confusion by now, Lana
• Oh Chloe, don’t go and do anything stupid now! If Chloe had looked down a bit, she would have seen the box Lana is standing on. That would’ve cheered her up.
• It doesn't last. It doesn't last. I've just got to keep telling myself it doesn't last
• I know Lana is dim, but there is no way she could not have noticed that. 
• "No don't look at the light!" "But it's so beautiful..."

• Just so you know, I'm thoroughly prepared for this finale. I've booked the day off work. Had my food and beer, so I'm satisfied but not actually eating whilst I type. And now I'm completely hyped on Vanilla Cappuccino. This is a Josh Lyman moment if ever I had one.
• What no previouslies? That’s a refreshing change. 
• Perhaps not glowing in a menacing way would be more effective then the recorded message
• Klorel? Sorry, wrong show
• Who's doing the voice of Jorel?
• His father is the ship? That would have made for an interesting relationship between his parents. 
• So, no pressure then... But all the inhabitants of Krypton are dead 
• Clark trying to refute his destiny politely 
• "But I've only just got one of them..." Yes, leave Lana. Please? 
• Clark does realise that he’s having an impassioned conversation with a giant glowing egg, right? 
• Krypton is his past. Jorel's argument is crap
• How has nobody seen the great pillar of glowing light?
• Ah, Terence Stamp, I knew  that I knew the voice, and that would have really bothered me
• Clark's hit that teenage stage where they think all-nighters are cool
• Martha's actually worried by that statement, Jonathan just thinks his son has gone mad
• Tell then the part about the Easter Egg, that puts it into perspective
• "He said that?" Well, yes Martha. Since Jonathan asked what he said, then I would imagine that yes he really did say that
• “No-one can choose your destiny for you, son.” Except for Jonathan, of course, that stopped any idea of a career in sports.
• I do like the look of that big pile of presents. If all those presents were sitting around my house I would have opened them all. 
• Has Lex been standing there all night?
• He really should be keeping that blood at a constant temperature
• Ooooh what’s in the envelope?
• It took her a while. Get used to it Helen, if you marry Lex a pawn is all you’re going to be. So be a rook, or a bishop (although I always thought they were a little shifty). Or the Red Queen, who was nuts but kicked ass. Okay for some reason I just had a dreadful mental picture of Lex as Alice in the little gingham dress 
• Oh, I really thought Evil! Lex was here to stay.
• Lex personally broke in?
• You could have broken the cycle by not ransacking her office, Lex
• Lex was quietly hoping that he would be forgiven and the subject never brought up again, yes. 
• I always knew it would be Clark that came between them
• Cheer up Lex, she left you all the presents. 
• I’m the first to admit my total lack of equine knowledge, but is it safe to leave those two horses just milling about the place?
• No one in real life wears alice bands anymore. 
• “I’m not going anywhere!” More’s the pity.
• I'm going to repeat my eww of last week. Possibly several times
• Horses tend to make a lot of snorting noises that can really kill the mood.
• "I'm sure if we're honest..." Yeah, right. Does Lana know a different Chloe to the rest of us?
• Spelunks? I like "Spelunks". It's a super word. I have no idea what it means, but it sounds great
• Any security would be tighter than the ones that let the rave happen in the cave.
• You mean Lex is going to walk down the aisle by himself? Is she going to skip? Or ride a bicycle?
• Lex neatly avoids saying ‘she dumped me’. 
• She got sick of his tendency to wander off into bizarre and dull Oedipal speeches?
• Clark has a very realistic idea of who would screw up that relationship. "What did you do..."
• Oh Lex.
• Don't poke the machinery, Clark
• Yes, really impressive security- It’s Lionel and his coat. 
• John Glover is doing some quality upwards menacing for a tall man
• But the key's in the ship, isn't it? I lose track
• What’s with the whispering? 
• He made a new key in a DVD player?
• Well, except it’s green.
• Now might be the time to back away slowly Clark
• Does Lionel actually know about Clark and kryptonite yet?
• Lana would choose a pink dress. 
• I'm not entirely sure about the dress/trousers combination Chloe's wearing
• Well, Lana acquitted herself admirably there. Hmm, surely Chloe was playing with Lana then. No way could she be that insulting and not mean it.
• Well it wouldn’t be the season finale without some really bad superimposition.
• Every sunset is different
• Aha! The rare appearance of Choked Up!Jonathan 
• No, don’t. 
• Ow! And, Mmmm! Christ, that scar looks painful and what a waste of a decent chest. TW's lost his tan. Too much time in the wilds of Vancouver and not enough nude sunbathing
• Yellow is a good colour for Martha. Martha looks nice. Martha is showing her legs! I’m shocked. 
• Check the flowers for what?
• No voice, just a really big burn. 
• Ahh, he still got all dressed up. That’s really sweet... or incredibly arrogant, and I can’t decide which is more attractive. Not sure about Lex's choice of waistcoat. Although, it is less disturbing than the Alice In Wonderland picture that I still have. Is Alice-Lex chasing a rabbit? Well he is now, and it looks like Clark with whiskers 
• Go on Lex, smile.
• Go on Pete, poke it. You know you want to
• Erm... That’s an 8 not an S. 
• TW's entire posture changes when he's got his chest bared. Seriously, watch him tip his shoulders forwards again when he pulls his shirt back on
• Harm you. We don't know if it can kill you yet
• No one ever stops to marvel at the irony of that fact. 
• "Where are we going to get a kryptonite key?" Would have been my first question
• That’s an impressively unflustered scientist 
• Aha, Decoy! Pete strikes again. Poor Pete, forever destined to be the distraction, or the bait. Pete's been watching Gunn's little performance in 'Blind Date'
• I was Pete I'd be so tempted to nut Lionel right about now. He's at just the right height
• Lionel does a quality impression of the MGM lion. Rarrggh!
• More like, wouldn’t want to face the law suit I’d bring if you actually hit me in front of witnesses. 
• My God, Jonathan bought Lex a present? Is this some kind of meteor rock poisoning?
• A compass? Are they setting something up here, like with the kryptonite key?
• You can just picture Jonathan, "Which way's the altar again?"
• Her hair was better at the rehearsal
• "Last time someone said that to me," And by stunning coincidence... Has Lana never stopped to consider what it is that sends boys willingly into a war zone rather than date her?
• God, this is almost a Dumb Kent Statement from me, but Lana is a gullible idiot here.
• Any real girl would change her shoes, stay around and spy on him. 
• Clark's going to get dreadful stains on his suit if he leaves it hanging over that wooden banister
• Does Clark have an inside pocket or was he just clutching that under his armpit?
• I can just here the panicked wedding organiser on the phone to the chauffeur bringing Helen, “Holding pattern! Holding pattern! Keep the bride in a holding pattern!” Usually the nervous pacing and watch tapping is for the bride. Trust Clark to show up a subtext
• “You don’t understand Mr Kent, Clark has to stand next to me at the altar.” 
• His watch is Swiss! There are Stargate fans laughing at that I swear. So Clark occasionally catches fire, but he keeps perfect time? Yes!
• Hah, I was right, Chloe knew exactly what she was doing. Yes, we saw her watching them last week
• Chloe, he was getting to it, if you hadn't been sneaking around he would have told you
• Clark, not everyone is as stupid as you.
• I wonder how Helen's parents are coping with the on again/off gain wedding drama
• The Kent’s should know not to drive so fast down this road, they’ve had so many accidents.
• Cool yet gross new kryptonite effect. You’d have thought that Clark would have worn oven gloves or something. 
• Urrghhhh. I hope that there's nothing in that storm cellar that they're going to need
• Crawl! Crawl for your life, Clark! 
• See, told you.
• Well, congratulations Clark. 
• Why is it that whenever Clark does something big his parents end up upside down in their truck? 
• What did they do? Just tell TW to lie down and then shovel dirt on top of him?
• Oooh, Ragged! And Dusty! Clark. That’s a new one. Naked dusty Clark, yum. He needs to do something about his hair though, he looks like a member of Duran Duran. It's a conspiracy, that shirt wasn't ripped, it was cut
• Love the way the explosion obliterated everything except the steps out of the cellar
• Hmm, if Clark had trouble with the party he gave then he’s really going to have trouble explaining the complete destruction of the cellar. The farm is probably back in debt now.
• I was expecting a perfectly unharmed ship to appear hovering over his shoulder then
• Private jet, very attractive. 
• Don't you have to wear seatbelts at take off on a luxury jet?
• "To our new life together." Oh, this will end badly. She’s going to explode soon right?
• Clark got changed before he went to the hospital. Pleasant as it would be, he couldn't really go to the hospital in his dusty rags
• Two Choked up! Jonathans in one episode? We are lucky. 
• They may have disagreed Clark, but they wouldn’t have been driving along the road at that particular moment.
• That’s it? That’s how the doctor gently breaks the news of the loss of a baby to a grieving father? In a hallway? Then she just walks away?
• That's a lovely shot of Jonathan's shadow
• Ah damn, wasn't expecting an ad-break then
• For god’s sake Lana, close your mouth.
• “That’s not true,” Lana simpers, “I bring pain and suffering.” 
• Seriously, Lex should think about some security when he goes away.
• No Chloe! Don’t do it! Don’t slip to the Dark Side!
• Note the choice of all black outfit for Evil!Chloe
• It’s about time Lionel got to twiddle his fingers and say ‘Mwa ha ha’.
• Okay, you know how fond I am of Red!Clark and even I think this is a bad idea
• Nice to see Clark has the bike stashed away, like Angelus' emergency leather pants. They’ll be making him smoke next. 
• Love those shades, just love them
• Lex didn’t wake up until now? The little red seatbelt ping should have alerted him.
• Um, where's the cockpit?
• Well, this is certainly going to help Lex's fear of flying
• Oh dear, it appears that Helen doesn’t like it when people break into her office and go through her stuff. Did Helen do this? She’s going up in my opinion if she did. Ha! I knew she was evil. I knew it!
• Wow. They really nailed that shot of Metropolis this time around
• So Clark is going to be red for three months and we're supposed to believe that he's still a virgin when he gets back to Smallville?
• Oh that’s evil! 2004!