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season three

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• I am so much more excited about this premiere than I have ever been about a show before. How can a show that I only started watching at ‘Lineage’ possibly have this much effect on me? The "Eagerly awaited" announcement by the E4 guy doesn't nearly cover how insanely bouncy I have been all day. Or my reaction to the person at work who said, "I thought you were leaving early for something important, I didn't realise it was just Smallville."
• The rent boy hair looks so much better in motion! 
• Actually, we like boys *and* cars and money. Cars and money are just more reliable
• Ooh, being able to do that would solve my cash problems very quickly. 
• Oh look, Clark’s handbag is just like mine. 
• No Clark, no. Step away from the Lamborghini, or at least towards the much nicer Ferrari just behind you. Kal doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy who needs a penis metaphor car. He should go and buy a Mini, just to emphasise the point. 
• She dealt incredibly well with the sight of that huge amount of cash. I saw £1,000 in a pot once and nearly fell off my chair
• How on earth do people as tall as Clark fit their legs in cars like that? I have problems enough with Alexei. 
• Memorial!Lex isn’t even wearing mauve.
• "Search called off - Funeral Friday" There's something about that line that strikes me as incredibly funny
• Ooh, there's a woman who's never had to get out of a Lamborghini in a mini skirt before. Try and keep your knees together, love
• That is the luckiest bouncer ever. It probably pulls to the left or something
• I suspect an Atlantis joke, but I'm not sure what it is
• When did the sales girl get changed? She wasn't wearing that in the store
• The "How can Clark be in Metropolis for three months looking like that and still be a virgin" conversation... Yeah, he leaves without a girl because of the *hassle*. You’d have thought that some girl would have forced Clark home with her, whether he wanted to go or not!
• Kal needs somewhere to hide and he picks a glass-walled phone booth?
• Hmm, removing clothes in a telephone booth, more foreshadowing. The phonebox reference is cool. 
• The writhing in the booth wasn’t completely unpleasant. 
• I have an LJ icon of that shot, complete with a cheap sexual comment, and it is completely ruined now I know he's actually on the phone to his mother
• Redial Martha, it’s really quite easy.
• Jesus, look at that bicep... Okay, anyone not interested in the incessant drooling over Clark and Lex should probably go away and come back after 'Phoenix'. Or possibly 's lumber'. In fact, if you're not interested in that, then what the hell are you doing here in the first place?
• I feel kind of cheated we don’t get new titles.
• Don't let them shoot the t-shirt Kal! I like that t-shirt
• Kal has been sitting in his apartment planning all those one-liners. “Hang-on, just a minute, I have a great one about custard pies somewhere.” They are some superb come-backs, but sadly ones you could only ever use if you violently interrupted a group of clowns robbing a bank. Rest assured, if I ever do I will make sure to use them
• Wow, look at all the bullets and the cars and the explosions - they really blew the budget on this one, didn’t they? First car destroyed of the season, too. 
• Sam Carter to the non-rescue again.
• Those are some very flashy-looking police cars (I am informed that these are the brand new Chrysler Concord, which is why there are so many of them)
• The car that actually explodes is a completely different, and much cheaper, model to the one Kal focuses his heat vision at
• No! Not the dragon t-shirt!
• Kal makes a clean getaway, but sadly leaves all his loose change behind on the pavement
• Okay, sweaty, green Kal, is a *very* good look.
• Martha, queen of denial. ' "We can't be sure it's Clark" Parental Denial or Dumb Kent Statement - Discuss'
• I've left a gap for a comment here, but I had to go check something else and I've forgotten what it was
• They have some stupid things on the Talon sign, but today’s was particularly random. They've had that before, because I made a very fine joke about making sure you put some clothes on first
• I’m going to say this one time only this season, because frankly I have more important things to do. I hate Lana.
• Hmm, not keen on Chloe’s new hair. I don’t approve of Chloe’s hair. Actually, I quite like her Metropolis hair
• Christ, I had forgotten just how annoying Lana was.
• The right person really isn't you, Lana. The right person would presumably a detective with a bloodhound. Well, I was thinking more about it being naked Lex, but if you want to go with the detective...
• Oh, god just look at that blue satin... okay, I'm not going to say I like anything in this episode ever again
• “How can he ride a motorbike when he’s made of feathers?”
• Gah, Rutger Hauer! He’s all wrinkly! It's Rutger Hauer! How did I not know that that was going to be Rutger Hauer? In fact, how did I miss it on all the spoilers, message boards, and, more importantly, the credits?
• Clark said "Bastard"! Clark swore!
• Another wonderful, but sadly single-purpose clown pun
• Okay, Kal has copied Lex’s moves *exactly*. Especially when he clasps his hands on front of his chin like that...
• I love the cloud of feathers still falling over by the henchpeople
• Everyone likes to fly solo, only we call it slacking
• Was Lionel hiding behind that rock when Chloe walked past?
• Right there under that octagonal shape by any chance? 
• Two pages of A4 and a fantastically pretty cover. That used to fool primary school teachers. 
• Well, yes. I think she does. Don’t worry Chloe, it was a rhetorical question. 
• That was an utterly spectacular edit. Ditto
• Hooray! Insert predictable ‘Oh God. Wow‘ fringedwelling. Okay, he may have been fully clothed for two years but only so they could save all the nakedness up and give it to us in one, fantastic, muddy, sweaty, muscle-y episode. 
• That's a completely different island to the one in the first shot
• Desert Island!Lex is just so much better than I had imagined he would be. In fact he's even better that I had imagined Dessert Island!Lex would be, and he had a swamp made entirely of cheesecake
• This man is a hallucination, right? There’s no way that Lex would be deserted on an island that already had a castaway.
• "Clark! Clark!"
• Michael Rosenbaum is giving Tom Welling a run for his money in the naked stakes. There is skin and shoulders and neck and stomach and feet and *extremely* well defined hips. *Gulp* 
• What actions? What is Lex going to do exactly, get sunburned at the guy? Or dazzle him with the sunlight reflected off his sweaty, nubile... okay, this is going in a different direction, so I'm going to stop
• "All these years alone on an island? Not really." Lewis has a point there
• Oh, just look at that dreadful superimposition... I feel like I've come home
• I have an irresistible urge to apply soothing lotion.
• “The truth?” You can’t handle the truth! Sorry, it was inevitable. 
• I had it narrowed down to those three options as well. It's nice to know I'm at the same mental level as possibly imaginary, insane castaway
• How did Lex’s suit trousers shrink? Not that I’m complaining, but he does look a bit like a hobbit. 
• Why is he stroking Lex's shoulder that way ? I know I would be, but I'm a little worried about Lewis' motivation. Is Lex being hit on by his own hallucination?
• I’m not believing this eulogy for a second. I'm starting to think Lionel wasn't involved in Lex's death, although that could just be what he wants me to think
• That’s quite an impressive turn-out. Lex would be astonished. 
• Lana has shockingly bad hair
• Kal went! Kal went to the funeral.
• Okay, I actually hissed at the screen at this point. Lynch the evil bitch. Sssss....
• Although Helen is the only person to have bought the right coloured flowers.
• Lex has an incredibly phallic monument as his memorial. Lex's memorial has pretensions of 2001
• You see, this is the difference between Chloe and Lana. Lana sits in Smallville and pines, Chloe goes out and finds him. I cannot see how these two could live in the same house, I really don’t.
• Why is the door open in that shot? We heard Kal slam it shut
• Chloe doesn’t even look slightly impressed at the apartment. Look at the view! Look at the silk sheets! My god, look at Clark!
• Can you get special rubbers for past-erasing, like the ones that are meant to erase ink?
• Damn. That's another shirt he won't be able to wear again... Why doesn't he just take the ring off when that happens instead of ruining a perfectly good shirt?
• She went shopping! If she’d come back with a Tesco's bag full of carbohydrates I might consider it therapy, but she went shopping, in shops with silly bags, with Lex’s money!
• Is it Lex's house? Did he get it back after 'Prodigal'?
• Oh, now Helen gets a character. It’s a bit on the late side for that.
• Yeah, Lex would be clinging to that parachute for dear life. Literally in this case
• But luckily black widow spiders have a far shorter life span than the average human. Also you can kill them with a rolled-up newspaper
• Urgh, worms. Oh, God, he’s eating maggots and is still attractive.
• That was a superbly miscalculated dive from Lex there.
• Mmm... This green colour scheme has to stay
• Poor Jonathan, he’s had to do all the heavy lifting by himself.
• I actually got my whole life, including major items of bedroom furniture, in the back of a transit van once. I got mine in a Vauxhall Corsa, and we could still see out of the back window. Unloading it all to get to the spare wheel when we had a puncture wasn't fun though
• Martha's only breaking down here so Jonathan can be manly and stoic and doesn't have to snivel himself
• I now have ‘happy days are here again’ going on in my head, and it really doesn’t suit this scene. Me too, and it really doesn't
• That was a bit of a leap Martha, it could have been a cat, or a rat, or... some other animal. An invisible pigeon perhaps?
• Lana coped with it in her usual way too. She moped around waiting for someone else to come up with a solution.
• Not you too Chloe. It was one person, and I know it was traumatic but you can't trade on that for the next forty years
• She decides she loves him now? Not when he was wearing sunglasses and asking her to climb on his motorbike?
• That is the worst picture of Clark I've seen in a long time
• I'd follow him back to his apartment too
• If he is dangerous, all the more reason to send Lana. 
• That's not his Dad's bike is it?
• I think Kal's wearing more blusher than Lana in this scene
• Can you ride a bike without a helmet in Kansas? Obviously it's possible, but wouldn't you get pulled over by the police?
• It was so thoughtful of Jonathan to give a plot device as a wedding gift. It's a fairly useless plot device though. Lex can't actually go north, so why be so excited about knowing where it is?
• Lex, never as happy as when he can accessorise. 
• Lex reacts in a suitable manner to an unexpected skeleton. Garrgh! Skeleton! I jumped so hard at that point that the cat ended up clinging to the ceiling
• All the time the hallucination man is speaking, Lex is thinking “I can’t believe I drank dead person water.” 
• Okay, even when he’s running for his life, Lex still runs like a girl. 
• His trousers nearly fell right off his hips then
• If I have a psychopath inside me, then it's a very calm one and can be easily pacified by chocolate
• I just don’t get how people can have a good time in clubs like that. 
• Did Kal practice that handshake at home first, or was there a difficult growing period where he kept got every time he greeted the bartender and had to try again?
• Trust Lana to have a grammatically incorrect mobile phone. The display should read either “The Kents” meaning the telephone number of the Kent family, or “The Kents’ home”. Having “The Kent’s” is wrong, and hurts me on a level that is hard to translate to people less punctuationally-minded than myself.
• Actually, yes she does tend to betray everyone she loves. She doesn't plan to betray them, because that would require thought. Well, either she betrays them or they die in a horrible comedy fashion. I'd go for the betrayal, myself.
• Don't put your feet on the table Kal... No, actually he can put those boots anywhere he wants
• “Oh, no problem,” says Clark, “I’ve broken in there before and there were hostages last time.” Been there, done that... Isn’t the Kryptonite in that vault? Kal should be a little more worried. 
• Scratching your back with a machete can't be a good idea
• This must have been an exceptionally fun week of filming, made up of two naked men running repeatedly through a greenhouse
• Lex has managed to keep his teeth nice and white on that desert island. 
• Oh, comedy Jamaican accent 
• Hah! I knew he wasn’t real! 
• Lex rummages wildly through that moss. "There was a horribly mutilated fresh corpse here! There was, I swear!"
• No don’t rescue him, that means clothes!
• Either he was real and you killed him with a machete, Lex, or you were having a tiny hallucination. Which do you want to be true?
• Jonathan’s one and only plan is foiled by Polyfilla 
• Punch the wall again Jonathan. It wobbled so dramatically last time, it'll probably disintegrate completely if you smack it again
• I am Jor-El, the overly dramatic but famous voice-over.
• “I’ll sacrifice anything!” yells Jonathan. “Except maybe my legs. Arms too, actually. In fact, I’ll sacrifice anything except body parts. I have a truck. Do you want my truck?”
• Wow, he didn't even have to jump through a window this time 
• That safe is metal. It should deform, not crumble into bits
• How did Jonathan know where to go?
• I wonder what Jonathan's bedtime is?
• TW is having so much fun.
• Was there meant to be a heat-vision shot in there? We got a really long close-up of Kal's eyes for no apparent reason
• One of those two had better learn to fly quickly.
• They're only going to dent the pavement, it's not going to be a big problem. The street cleaners on the other hand, are going to be pissed
• No! No you can't leave it there! They left them in mid-air! Until next week! In mid air!

• Hang on, what did they crash through? Where are they? They crashed through a pavement level skylight, and they're in some kind of cellar/basement 
• Wow, don't hold back on the explosions guys. They're going to bring the building down
• Ragged and dusty!Jonathan *and* Clark.
• That's the jacket gone... That's an encouraging start
• I have no words to describe how cool this whole fight sequence is
• Go on Clark, rip it off, it’s already in tatters...and there it is, what a lovely sight. 
• I note how TW is naked already.
• Clark really doesn’t need to puff his chest out any more 
• Yeah, so I ducked when that bar flew at the camera
• Jonathan needs to have superpowers more often
• Honestly, when will red!Clark learn to punch with the other hand?
• There’s some awfully white teeth on display when Clark grimaces in pain in that comic style he has. This is oddly reminiscent of some of Adrian's cheesier quickenings
• Mmm perfect, unmarked TW chest...
• Don’t they have any more family pictures? In that photo, Martha has a strange look on her face, almost like she’s trying to work out who the hell is taking it since she’s standing next to her husband and son.
• Is Clark wearing Jonathan's shirt, or did Jonathan take a spare just in case Clark's got dramatically ruined in the bringing home process
• Clark doesn’t seem sufficiently apologetic. 
• She never blamed him, Jonathan did
• That little faint from Jonathan was an “Attention! Look at me!” gesture. 
• "What the hell happened to my office?"
• Woo hoo! The hero returns... Gah! Hooded!Lex with a gun emerging from the shadows with overly dramatic biblical references.
• I know they had to get him dressed, but Rapper! Lex is not one of his best looks.
• Lionel needs to look a little more surprised at his son’s return from the dead. 
• Lex dramatically revealing his identity loses its punch a little since Lionel already knows who it is
• I still don't think Lionel had anything to do with it. What possible advantage would he gain from killing Lex?
• “I love you!”...so that’s why I’m pushing you out of an aeroplane. 
• "I gave her my parachute? What the bloody hell made you think I'd do a dumb thing like that?"
• "Any father proud." Except of course for Lionel who spend a few minutes rocking in a darkened room, wondering how he could have raised such a sentimental idiot
• Poor, poor, deluded and scabby! Lex.
• Oh, Lex, of course she was interested in the money. How can anyone be that naive?
• I don't get it either, Clark. IN fact there's a lot about this episode that I don't understand
• Well that’s not very grateful now is it Clark?
• "I could just do what ever I wanted... also I had really sexy hair, and you should have seen my apartment..."
• “A huge weight lifted off me” - that was probably all the flannel shirts.
• I love how Jonathan tuts when Clark confesses to stealing. 
• "I stole it from Lionel Luthor" "Well, in that case we'd better keep it, open it and never mention you stealing it to anyone ever again..." I love the way that when Lionel is involved, Jonathan doesn't just abseil of his moral high ground, he base-jumps from it
• For what purpose, on this earth, do they keep meteor rock in the barn? Is that Jonathan's emergency lump of kryptonite, just in case his son goes bad again?
• And Clark is reminded of the round of grovelling apologies that he still has to make
• Did Helen tell Lionel whose blood it was?
• Why would anyone drink anything Lionel gave to them? Never trust drinks with two different colours, no matter who gives them to you
• So, is Helen working for Rutger Hauer now? 
• Buying information from your own daughter isn't wrong, but buying information from someone else's is?
• Considering he stole it, any mark-up would be healthy
• Okay there's some rather upsetting chemistry between these Morgan and Lionel that I don't want to think about too closely. Lionel and Morgan are disturbing and I’m not going to think about it ever again.
• Lana Lang, muffin arranger. That’s it, that’s her vocation right there.
• That’s it Lana, turn your back he’ll never notice you then. 
• “I don’t know what to say to that.” Well Lana, you could try saying “Hi,” or “Hello,” or even “Get the hell out of my coffee shop you rat bastard.”
• Mainly because they’d have to be explained in words of more than one syllable.
• And that's who he was protecting you from by running away, dear
• Clark may have missed her, but none of us did. 
• Has he discussed this ‘not staying’ with his parents. 
• She left that door swinging deliberately so Clark could see her snivel behind it
• That’s four times that door has swung and failed to hit Lana in the face. 
• She shouldn’t be allowed to touch the glass desk 
• Fantastic entrance number two.
• Did Helen redecorate the Clark room, do you think?
• Lex is probably right about God being the only one on his side. Even his imaginary friend was a bastard to him
• Oh, this is such utter bullshit. Don't believe her Lex! You can slap her anytime you want Lex.
• "Survival of the fittest." Or in that case, survival of the most conscious
• Lionel couldn't have asked for the blood since he never knew that Helen had it
• She's a money-grabbing bitch and she's lying
• Actually his house is one of the first places you’d expect to find him.
• "How did you find me?" "Hey, it was in the script, I don't question these things..."
• Oh, I bet that felt good didn't it Clark? 
• Oh, Clark kept Kal’s balls.
• I half expected Clark to pick up the car door and hand it back to Rutger Hauer
• Smallville High must be a real comedown after ruling Metropolis for three months 
• "Yes, I talked to Lana and it went really badly, so I thought I'd come and give you a try instead."
• "I haven't made up my mind yet... but I've got a really nice apartment and there's still two months left on the lease. It seems such a shame to waste it."
• I really hope there's nothing fragile in those boxes
• Fantastic entrance number three
• Cue the romantic music.
• Urgh, Lex is manky in direct sunlight, and that hug isn’t long enough to qualify as a Big Gay Hug. A Borderline Inappropriate Hug, maybe. That was such a gay hug! Clark is grinning like a fool and you can't even see Lex's left hand. Big gay hug, big gay smiles. I think Clark might be staying now.
• "In the most remote solitude..." Poor Clark has absolutely no idea what Lex is taking about right now
• They’ve given up thinking anything new for that sign haven’t they? Well, first they've got to think of a a slogan, then someone's got to climb all the way up the ladder... And since they lost their only 'u' last month, there's only so many things they can spell
• Flannel King has a nice ring to it. 
• But less knowledge of rock music. I'm using "Has more issues than Rolling Stone" at every possible opportunity
• The reason that Clark chooses to talk to Chloe over Lana is because with Chloe there’s a chance of a decent conversation. 
• “I’d rather share it with someone”...who isn’t a murderous insane hallucination. 
• Lewis was way better company than Helen, he actually touched Lex for a start. 
• I have a terrible, all consuming urge to rub Savlon on Lex's nose
• Nice people, currently at gun point.
• Martha and Jonathan must get so sick of being held hostage in that barn
• He could burn one of them and run for the other one. 
• Urgh, blood and cutting. Ick.
• Clark won’t tell Lex, but he’ll happily reveal his weakness to Morgan Edge?
• You mean that Rutger Hauer didn’t know what was in the package? Clark could have fobbed them off with anything! 
• "Creosote and algae." Lionel and I have exactly the same childhood smell reminiscences
• “A lot of memories are buried here” And he means that literally. 
• Shouldn’t there be an anti-coagulant in there? It’s not exactly an air-tight container.
• Look! It’s a Contents Of My Pocket^TM scientific testing kit! They have a litmus test to detect the presence of Clark? We never got to play with that in GCSE Chemistry
• Lionel doesn't know that the blood belongs to Clark? Where the hell did Helen tell him it came from? What did she tell him it was when she sold it to him? 
• There’s something to be said for a duct taped Clark. That's both gratuitous and mean at the same time
• Those guys have terrible trouble trying to fold Clark's legs into the back of that truck
• Wow, go Lana! I have to say that I’m reluctantly impressed with her and the henchman that managed to kill himself in a comedy way. 
• The pitchfork managed to miss both his spine and two layers of ribs?
• There’s another guy out there with a gun.
• Helen, Helen, Helen, why on earth are you putting yourself in a plane with Lex? You stupid, stupid woman. You're flying with someone who you tried to murder in a plane and who has a highly developed sense of dramatic irony? Helen deserves everything she gets
• I like Lightly coloured! Lex.
• It is very, very funny actually.
• “I guess you had to be there” I love that line.
• "No rational person..." Didn't I say that?
• I've just eaten an entire pot of cocktail prawns in the course of this episode. Tobin thinks I'm indulging some kind of oral fixation
• You would have thought that after three months in direct sunlight Lex would have least started to tan a little
• I think that was the intention Helen.
• It hit the pilot! What are the odds?
• That was possibly the worst piece of superimposition I’ve ever seen.
• Lex can fly a plane? If Lex is going to pilot the plane, he should at least get to wear the hat. Mmm... pilot!Lex
• Clark's amazingly resourceful for someone who couldn't move an hour ago
• Ouch! Well, that tape would wax his chest pretty well. 
• Do something Clark! 
• What kind of idiot moving company puts a gas cylinder next to bottle that are clearly marked as flammable and explosive?
• Surprisingly, all the incidental characters who know about Clark are going to die. 
• Morgan's body mysteriously topples into the water, and we're supposed to believe that he's actually dead?
• Whooo hooo! Unnecessarily wet!Clark. Did the force of the explosion actually blow Clark into the water?
• “Damn,” thinks Lex, “Must change those locks.” Poor Lex, all he wanted was a quiet night in.
• Lex really needs his own private jet to threaten and murder people in, it'd be so much simpler
• Elite prep schools prepare you for being trapped on a desert island? 
• Oh, now he’s playing his father. I'm not entirely sure Lionel is buying humble!Lex. I certainly wouldn't
• Does he trust the hallucinated instincts too?
• Oh Lex, don’t close your eyes. 
• That blue t-shirt is rather fine
• Swallow your pride Jonathan, just this once. That was a nice gesture from Lex, but it will mean that now the Kents have to unpack all those neatly labelled boxes. Mind you, Clark blew up some in that truck, so that’s a few less I suppose. They're going to have to buy everything back from the garage sale as well
• That's such a lie. How could he navigate to harbour if he had no idea where he was, and was *lying concussed on an aeroplane wing*?
• Well it’s a little presumptuous, yes. 
• If he’s a member of the family, he has to take a macramé plate holder. 
• How exactly did they explain away the dead guy in the barn, and why isn't Lana in custody for manslaughter right now?
• Where exactly would he be going, anyway?
• She's proved conclusively several times that she doesn't want to know the real Clark, and that she quite clearly can't handle it. She should just give up now
• Anyone else would’ve been really turned on.
• “I was confused.” Clark should trust Lana’s judgement here, she’s confused most of the time.
• “This will never work.” Well duh, we could have told you that!

• Welcome back, my arse. That banner should read “Sod off, our job is easier when you lot stay home.” What are they welcoming them back from? They were only there last week
• I like the original comment by Stalker Boy’s friend, it was just what I was thinking. 
• It also means they’re qualified for medical intervention. 
• That’s a very expensive looking car for Lana to be driving. 
• He’s not a very good stalker. You need to talk to them *before* they find a means of escape.
• Why is she swimming alone in the dark? Put some lights on! She should tie her hair back too. Note to self: Never swim in a dimly lit, abandoned pool.
• How do you not notice someone sitting on the bottom of the pool?
• Weight her down, weight her down!
• Go for his eyes, Lana.
• I like episodes that start with someone trying to kill Lana. It always bodes well
• Oh good shot! Although I'm not sure how he managed to compensate for the refraction of the water
• Oh, no, Clark... Where's the hair gone?
• Hee, Clark’s pissy because he didn’t get to be the hero.
• Yay! Sheriff Adams!
• Just who is a poolside slasher type anyway, and how can you tell? 
• Do yoga masters in the Himalayas get to practice their deep-diving often?
• I wonder if the gunman will be using Chloe’s files as some kind of hitlist? 
• But Lana gets attacked all the time, the gunman wouldn’t have to wait around that long. 
• It was his choice on account of him quitting. Otherwise he would have been fired
• I like Pete's smug little grin
• “And, you know, make it easier to investigate your life.”
• Mmm... business!Lex
• That was an odd little hand shake
• “Feels like I never left.” That’s probably because of all of the bugging devices.
• They gave him a river view? That’s just mean, but also funny. 
• I feel somewhat unimportant, my life insurance is nowhere near that amount. 
• Lex is only worth $50,000? Could we club together and buy him?
• Lex is understandably a little worried by people putting a value on his life. I would feel deeply unsafe if I had a $50 million insurance policy
• There's something funny about a distrust reflex
• Wow, a whom! The rare appearance of grammatically correct!Lana
• Chloe blithely storms between the tortuous eye-contact
• Chloe was investigating the yoga master?
• Listen to the triumph in Chloe’s voice as she completely rules out random Himalayan yoga masters from the enquiry. 
• I love Chloe’s excitement at the gills. 
• No, I think I'd be more worried by the gills overall
• Wouldn't that make you wonder something about your wining personality? Lana really should be getting the message by now.
• "She did to herself." Clark just ducked out of the way at a really opportune moment
• No, just conveniently close to them when they died. 
• Chloe cleverly keeps her mouth shut there. 
• Why is she delivering her Planet article to Lionel and not to the editor of the Planet?
• It’s not going to be as easy as that Chloe. You are dealing with Lionel Luthor, after all. 
• Is it some strange lighting, or has Chloe got different coloured shadow on each eye?
• Why in God's name would you want to overlook a golf course? The cost in windows would be shocking
• Turn double agent Chloe. It’s all you can do, now.
• Van has obviously practiced the headphones under the jumper technique for listening to Sports Report in class
• It’s good to know the police are as good at looking after inanimate objects as they are at looking after people. 
• We know that Chloe frequently gets sources for her stories that would make a professional journalist green with envy, but why would Van think that the Torch could get their hands on a police report?
• I'd investigate that "was" if I were you Clark, the father's death will undoubtedly be significant in some way
• Quick name check for the people who supply Chloe's car for free...
• Why would anyone want to kill a mechanic that useful?
• We should have seen the stretching guy!
• Except without big muscles and the unreliable European accent
• It's nice that Pete is a little disturbed by Clark's sudden spate of small-time burglaries
• I think that the fact that there are rifles in the back window of every car in town is very disturbing.
• Aw bless, Pete comes over all domestic. You can almost see him in a little apron, nipping about with a duster and a can of lemon Pledge. Why Lemon Pledge? Forest Fresh would be more appropriate.
• It depends how far the bonding goes. 
• Clark, it’s a southern American state, what do you expect? 
• He managed to print the entire screen? I've never figured out how to do that
• Honestly, no sensible assassin would ever cross someone's picture out until they were actually dead
• I hope Pete remembers the way back by himself.
• I'm sure we've seen that running shot before. 
• You've got t o admit, Lex's head makes a wonderful target
• Now that is crap CGI.
• Clark finds yet another reason to push Lex to the ground and jump on top of him. 
• Lex ambles away muttering “Someone’s trying to kill me? What’s new?” 
• Shouldn't they have hustled the defenceless teenage boy indoors as well?
• That's it Clark, attack the person with a grudge against mutants who you *know* is carrying kryptonite...
• Bite him on the hand Clark!
• Lex is desperately trying to think what him and Lana could possibly have in common
• "They" found them in his cabin? Who is Clark imply that 'they' are?
• Finally he realises. It only took two attempted murders. "Playing the market and falling for the wrong women." I'm not sure if that's better or worse than ability to change shape, or reach for tools three metres away. 
• Why pay an angel when he can get Clark to jump on top of him for free?
• Medical records? Where does Chloe get this information from? Okay, hacking into someone’s medical records is illegal. Storing personal information about other people without their consent is illegal. Would Chloe like me to go on? 
• See, her files are responsible!
• Look at Clark struggling for something to say other than “Well, yeah, he would have found it nearly impossible to go on a mutant killing spree if it wasn’t for your handy list of targets...”
• The adult assassin did force you to live on a desert island, though.
• Oh I love that Lloyds refused to insure Lex on the grounds that sooner or later he is going to get himself killed. You never think of higher premiums as a downside to regular assassination attempts.
• “Legendary ability to attract near death experiences” *and survive them*. This ought to bring the premium down. I can just imagine Lionel's conversation with the insurers. "Well, yes, but surely the fact that he's always lived thorough them should qualify us for a discount..."
• Doesn’t hallucinating dirty, homicidal men stroking him count as ‘sick’?
• And Lex is only just figuring this out? That’s almost as bad as Clark’s eleven-year ‘Mum says I’m just special’ stupidity. 
• "Inherited strong genes..." and really big front teeth
• She’s the Sheriff of Smallville! Of course it’s her jurisdiction. 
• Clark's not very sympathetic about Lex's attempted assassination, "Well, he should be used to it by now."
• It would, however, be slightly less interesting for us. 
• Wow, shirtless psycho killer. Nice.
• Why stop counting at 29? That seems very arbitrary number?
• How hot do you have to get fire before you can melt rock? Could you do it over a camp fire? (Could you do it over a macho fire?) Should he be doing that shirtless? He really should put a t-shirt on if he's going to be dealing with stuff that spits. He should at least be wearing an apron.
• They should really take the string off those bales before they let livestock try and eat them
• Nothing like tempting fate, Clark.
• They seem very sure about the abilities of the police. Given their past record, that could be a mistake
• He shook hands with Kyle the salesman
• Duck, Clark! Duck!
• Don’t just sit there, do something! 
• Do they really need to heat the knife? It's not like Clark is going to get an infection
• Another shirt dramatically ripped off. 
• They should’ve done that on the kitchen table. Jonathan’s back will be killing him afterwards.
• Martha’s not being very helpful.
• Jonathan, space archaeologist, anthropologist and emergency surgeon. 
• They must have done this with cows before, it's not such a big deal
• Pliers? He’s using pliers! It’s a good job Clark’s dead.
• I love the little china surgical basin stand-in
• Someone do chest compressions then. 
• Jonathan has no idea where he can put his other hand and still look manly
• Van makes a very good point about the police.
• Oh, yeah that's bright. Ask for the girl's help and at the same time casually mention the you just shot her boyfriend
• Run! Run! No, don’t stop, don’t use the telephone...oh you stupid, stupid woman. I swear, there are goldfish brighter than she is. Perhaps Lana should be more worried about calling people to the scene of the murder that's about to happen instead of the one that just has
• Clark saying “woozy” is very very funny, but I don’t know why.
• Quick! Someone hide the obviously bloodstained shirt
• Hey, a Mark Twain quote! 
• Shouldn't a police dispatcher hear the call that Clark just made?
• Lana took out a highly-trained professional bodyguard but she can't manage a high school student?
• "Damn it," thinks Clark, "why couldn't you have just been knocked unconscious like a normal person?"
• I wish they’d stop with the Lana karate. 
• The old ones are the best ones, look at the homemade bulletproof vest. Clark apparently *has* seen that Clint Eastwood movie.
• Clark has a lead vest just lying around? Lead armour! He's actually wearing lead armour!
• Five? Six? Eight times by my calculation. You’d think Lex would keep a record. Actually thinking about it, I'm up to nine...
• Aww, Lex is getting a superhero complex. “Oh God,” thinks Clark, “Now he thinks he’s immortal.”
• Lex thinks that he ripped open the top of his own Porsche from the outside while he was unconscious in the driver's seat?
• Say ow, Clark
• Chloe has some truly awful wallpaper on her computer screen
• See, if only Clark had said it like that.

• Oh yes, go to Crater Lake, because nothing bad ever happens there. Erm, isn't Crater Lake full of kryptonite?
• Wheeee! It seems that after a few seasons of keeping Clark firmly buttoned up in those flannel shirts, they’ve suddenly realised just how muscular Tom Welling actually is. Why don’t they just start the episode with him naked? It’ll save him all the effort of getting undressed.
• You’d think after what happened the last time she swam alone, Lana would be a little more careful about going to isolated places. 
• Pan down! Pan down! Thank you
• Lana has the prettiest underwear, and I bet she doesn't have to order hers at £35 a piece from a specialist suppliers 
• It’s a bra Clark, calm down. 
• Oh, I would look. Huge surprise, eh? Honestly, who wouldn't?
• Damn! They cut away at the interesting diving part
• How come his hair is dry? Usually the dry hair would be some subtle sign that this isn't real, but on Smallville it could just be the continuity
• They’ve just given up even trying to make TW look 16 haven’t they?
• I want new titles, and I want them *now*.
• Could Clark look any more guilty right now?
• Ah, the awkward skinny dipping conversation. Clark voluntarily mentioned the naked part to his parents? Even in his dreams he's pathologically honest
• I hate it when they get new trucks. It means I have to go and look on new truck sites and find out what they are
• Oh, this is a fantasy or a dream sequence, right? There’s no way that they’d give him a truck like that. But Lex bought him a much nicer truck, that you just know is still in the castle’s garage.
• Okay Jonathan just admitted he’s wrong. That gives away that this is a dream. Although it’s notable that Clark is still subconsciously very bitter about the truck. 
• The truck is a her? She's not the most feminine-looking vehicle
• If it weren’t for the fact that Lana was in this scene, it would be a completely inappropriate use of ‘Everybody Hurts’. 
• “I had a good view.” Lana’s looking on the bright side there. Dream!Lana's quite cool if you ignore the "I'm willing to wait as long as you want" bit. She should grab him and grab him now
• Possibly you, Clark, as you keep following her around. 
• “He had a big red cape on...” I’m sorry, but that big floating red cape thing isn’t scary. He looks like a flamboyant Nazgul. Isn't he the thing that put Lindsey's hand back on? 
• I once dreamed that  had actually taken an exam that I was dreading, then woke up and found that I still had to sit it. That was so much worse than dreaming that I'd missed it
• ‘Something came up’ is an unfortunate phrase to use in this context. 
• I really need to steal some more screen-wipes from work, my laptop screen is filthy
• This has to be a fantasy, there is no way that Chloe would give up the wall. The Wall of Weird has been retired very badly. Couldn’t she paint it all one colour?
• And Lex has had his share of strange days. Lex and I are sharing a strange day moment right now, although my glass of brandy is bigger than his is
• So not new then. 
• Clark dresses Lex very well in his imagination
• Generally, anything forged in the fires of Mount Whatever is very, very bad news.
• Okay, Clark is now dreaming of Lex cracking his neck in a Matrix-y fashion. This tells us that not only has he studied Lex’s habits in minute detail, which isn’t a surprise, but also that he’s a little over-obsessed with Hugo Weaving, which is quite startling. 
• The plural of lilac is lilac, not lilacs
• She’s being stalked by a fashion conscious Ring Wraith? Weird. 
• Is Clark really awake now or not?
• He’s been asleep for a day and a half and they’re only ‘concerned’? That should merit at least an ‘anxious’ or perhaps a ‘fretful’.
• Oh, I dream about people that I’ve never met all the time. They’re the best ones! 
• "Out for 36 hours," yeah, homework will do that to you
• “You can’t go over and see her, son. That’s what I gave you the telescope for.” 
• Is this the end of Clark's almost perfect, if occasionally tardy, attendance record?
• “You’re the best!” Clark puts a brave face on at the thought of homework delivered to his door.
• There’s a brief flash of concern when Lana thinks Clark’s going to discuss one of *those* dreams. 
• "Really hazy..." Oh, well covered Clark, really, that was very convincing
• Ah, a well-meaning religious person. He has to be the bad guy
• Mmmm... Corporate!Lex ag... Eww! Eww! Unexpected naked!Lionel! *Thinks cleansing thoughts.* That I did not need to see.
• Lex bravely tries to conduct business while his naked father is squeezed by a 16 year old girl. No wonder he needs therapy.
• Peaches shouldn't go crunch
• They’re going to have to start shaving MR twice a day. How can one man have so much testosterone? (I know, I know, how can one girl have so many hormones...)
• Lex is afraid of the Big Bad Psychiatrist. “My doctor, what a large couch you have...”
• They managed to find someone willing to be Lex’s therapist? More to the point, they decided it was only going to take five sessions?
• Ah, Chloe’s watched Buffy as well. Although it made more sense when Giles explained it. 
• Freud and Jung in one episode. My they've done some in-depth psychological research
• Chloe has a very realistic idea of Lana's possible contribution to the researching process
• I once spent an entire day in the Public Records Office, just for fun. 
• You really can’t find out details of wills and personal finances from Public Records, owing to the fact they’re private details.
• Clark is being oddly honest to some strange people in this episode
• I think it’s more that Lex doesn’t like anyone in his head who he hasn’t done a full background check on first. 
• Aw, Clark’s trying to impress Lex with his knowledge of weaponry. He’s wrong, and just made a fool of himself, but it’s still sweet. 
• Lex attracted to the Macbeth story, not a huge surprise.
• “Got to learn the difference between reality and fantasy.” Says the guy who has an entire collection of Warrior Angel comics. Why? Living a fantasy life is so much better than the real thing. 
• Isn’t it a bit odd to ask to see a comatose neighbour?
• The Langs left some shocking decor behind when they moved out of that house
• Clark you moron, shut the door!
• Classic Kent mental process there. Watch how long it takes him to realise he’s driving. 
• Wow! That’s a spectacular truck crash.
• “Could I ask you something?” Martha braces herself for whatever is zipping through Lana’s small brain cell collection today. 
• "Why does Clark keep pushing me away?" Martha wisely doesn't say what's in her head right now
• “What happened?” Oh good god people, the truck crashed!
• Again, everyone's being strangely unconcerned about revealing Clark's general weirdness. A few episodes ago they would never had let Lana within shouting distance of that truck
• Lana, yet again this is isn’t about you, so shut up.
• She also has to wake up and find out her parents died and she’s lost six years of her life. It’s not necessarily a good thing.
• Clark could just kidnap the uncle until she wakes up. That’s what superpowers are for. 
• Oh, scary blue liquid for a change. No real medicine would ever be that colour
• Well, if she dies, then he'd probably inherit as the nearest living relative, so I imagine there would be plenty of money
• You know, I think I prefer wet clothed!Clark to naked!Clark. That's something of a revelation
• Why does Clark suddenly get his heat-vision back? Or, more to the point, why didn't he have it before?
• He recognises Lana by her mobile phone?
• It’s just not fair, every week they endanger Lana’s life, and every week she gets saved in the nick of time. I’m not getting my hopes up again that this time she’ll get herself killed. They're not going to kill her like that, because a) she's Lana, and b) there's no way they can afford to blow up that Jeep
• That was an incredibly gay entrance, even if it was a little fuzzy. 
• You'd think Lex would be keeping away from female doctors for a while
• Lots of people have published books, it doesn’t mean they’re actually any good at their jobs.
• "The island didn't make me crazy, it just made me hallucinate men who stoked me, then attacked me ended up with me trying to murder a large pile of moss with a stick. That's not a problem is it?"
• “It’ll be good to have it in writing”. You have to feel sorry for Lex here, there’s just no way you can work with a man with that kind of attitude and who can be so mean with so much style. Sometimes I think that I need to have written proof of my sanity up on a wall somewhere, so I can be reassured in times of crisis. 
• So you're still mad, they just call is something different? That's not very comforting Lionel, although it probably wasn't meant to be
• “So, I thought I’d come and freak you out by knowing your name and your favourite flower, even though we’ve never met.”
• Lex? Oh no, she meant Lana. 
• Lana launches into explaining that she doesn’t live next door anymore, until Clark patiently explains the concept of a metaphor.
• No girl should be that shocked by the possibility of Clark swimming naked
• I am so dumb sometimes, I had to have the whole REM joke explained to me by the E4 announcer
• Hmm. That was a bizarre episode. So much of it was completely out of character, I'm still not entirely convinced that Clark wasn't dreaming the whole thing. 
• It’s important to note that Clark gets naked in his own dreams. Not just functionally naked, but strip tease, lots of sustained shots of his own chest, kind of naked. In his *own* dreams. Which is weird. 

• That looks ominous, and remarkably like the opening credits of Voyager
• I frequently do that, although I usually get sucked in by Clark rather than solar flare reports
• Are the Kents stocking up for the solar flares? Mind you, I managed to get a record amount of bags from Tesco today thanks to the assistant that was determined to separately bag every item.
• Clark firmly distances himself from any unusual goings on, which means that in a few minutes time something weird is going to happen. Do TV show people know nothing about tempting fate? It is quite sweet how Clark assumes that most major astronomical events are his fault. 
• I’d go to pubs more often if they had scientific specials on instead of sport 
• Geo-magnetic storms! Sorry, comedy Stargate moment
• He was okay until the “Kans-ass-ians” comment. I think that may have been a mistake. Please god, tell me the official term for people from Kansas is Kansasians
• Oh bless, in Smallville when they throw you out of a bar they make sure you stay upright and say goodbye as they do it. 
• The citizens of Smallville are a walking advert for the Government's 'Banning Of Mobiles Whilst Driving' policy. Which I have to say, as a committed pedestrian and loather of mobile phones, is one I hertily agree with
• Those maps are completely and utterly useless. He's in Kansas, he can *see* all the towns for thirty miles around, why would he need a map?
• Why is Clark running on the road? That's got to be asking for trouble
• You know, I really think telegraph poles should be more sturdy than that, although I'm impressed with the solidity of his car roof
• Clark really must check if anybody will notice before he goes into his superhero mode.
• Drunk people are always best to save, no one ever believes what they have to say. 
• That's the same sun shot they used before. Are you allowed to look directly into the sun through a camera lens when you shoot those, or does the cameraman just have to look away and aim the camera in the general direction of the sky?
• More fences? What do they do on this farm? Not only is he putting up another fence but he’s putting up another fence exactly where he put one last season. *And* he's not putting it up in a muscular, bicep-revealing-t-shirt-wearing way
• Clark told Perry his name? That was dumb.
• Four Clarks? I want to see four Clarks!
• Did he call the sheriff a hillbilly to her face, because I imagine that might explain her reaction.
• "Tooth fairy." Yikes! Unexpected image of Clark in a tutu!
• Oh subtle change of subject Clark, really subtle.
• You can get Clark on loan? That’s not fair!  If only Lex had considered that. 
• He might have aimed for historical accuracy, but he's missed it by several feet. The modern, geometric windows and the Japanese armoury are a problem for a start
• Lex is wearing Clark's dream jumper!
• She's met Lionel, right? Surely she can see that any sane person would have conflicted feelings about him
• Tell her about the stroking! That’ll keep her occupied for a while and it’ll have nothing to do with psychology. 
• Clark's taking Perry to meteor craters? That can't be a good idea
• Lana looks like she’s going to pull that face again. 
• Little Miss Meteor is such a cool name! I have a joke about her being two-dimensional enough to be a "Little Miss" but I think it's rather hard on Roger Hargreaves, so I'm not going to use it
• I think that Chloe would be thrilled at being big in the bug eyed monster community.
• “I know I was riveted” Okay, I love Perry. I love Clark's face here, "Don't mock the gym mat story."
• Didn't she take the wall down... No, that didn't happen did it? Those bloody 's lumber' dream sequences have me all confused
• Surely that stuff's *on* the wall? Sorry
• Is saying ‘penchant’ correctly that hard? 
• Chloe misses Perry's name in the same way that Doctor Hibbert missed the crayon in Homer's brain
• "Young lovers." How many girls does Perry think Clark is dating?
• Oh, I want an ocean CD. That would be great for all the times it’s too cold to go and sit by the actual ocean. Is the sound of waves lapping against the shore really the most sensible thing for Lex to listen to? Maybe he could try a tape of his father’s voice, or perhaps a film about plane crashes. 
• Could Lana not have tried saying hello first?
• Does Lana think that Lex is going to open up to her here, when he won't open up to either Clark or a trained psychiatrist?
• Lana briefly struggles with “succinct” there, but then chooses to ignore it and moves on.
• Put it behind you? You harp on about it all the time! I snorted so hard at that point that I actually hurt my soft palate
• "Run him out of town?" If Lex is going to pretend to be a sheriff again, someone really has to make him wear the hat
• Lex adds a comforting little 'no, I'm not going to kill him' smirk to "He'll never bother you again
• I like the Western feel as Clark stands at the doorway. I still have trouble imagining Clark in a western setting. Lex, for some reason, looks quite convincing, but Clark just looks like a Playgirl centrefold 
• Looking for a heavy drinker in a bar doesn't challenge Clark's journalistic talent that much
• Google often gets things wildly wrong as well though. I love that line, I'm tempted to get it on a sampler and hang it over my computer
• Did Perry just mention lubricant? That's not fair! I have so many lubricant jokes, and if I use any of them we'll probably get thrown off the server
• Was that blinding light reflected from Lex’s head? Oh, and now I have a whole Western themed Lex thing, including those trousers with tassels.  
• What makes me think that light's there so they don't have to poorly superimpose a landscape outside the bar door?
• Maserati! Maserati! 
• Where has Lex driven Perry to? Is he just dumping him in the middle of nowhere?
• I’m thinking Lex still remembers.
• Mmmm Commanding!Lex.
• Lex's dramatic exit is somewhat ruined by him having to drive very carefully, at about fifteen miles per hour, down the rutted track
• Jonathan's been trying to move the tractor by himself? 
• I love the flying tractor, I thought that was brilliant. You can just see Jonathan rolling his eyes and chalking up another major piece of farm machinery to Clark’s over-enthusiasm.
• I’ve spent the whole of the evening trying to think what my reaction would be if a tractor fell out of the sky, and I really think the best I could manage would be; “Wow, cool.” 
• You can see the sheriff weighing up who annoys her more, Clark or Perry. Poor, poor Perry. 
• Chief is a pretty good nickname when you think about it. 
• Deep down, Jonathon's concerned about the tractor
• The police car has 911 written on the back. Is that so the police know who to ring when a crime is committed? 
• Why does Chloe have a giant snowshoe in her office?
• Chloe leaps at the chance of mocking Perry. Way to make a man warm to you, Chloe. 
• I think combines deserve a more dramatic meteorological term than 'drizzle'. A monsoon of combines perhaps. You'd have drizzle of something small, like chickens
• Sometimes the foreshadowing is a little too obvious, but this is pretty cool.
• "Good eye." Well, his observational skills were probably helped by the words "Kent farm" in the copy at the side of the picture
• There's that "Hail Mary" thing again. What does that mean?
• I like the way the newspaper has helpfully circled the incredibly obvious flare
• A solar battery with a really nice chest. I know have the image of Clark as the Energiser Bunny. The pink fluffy ears are oddly cute on him, although he still looks like a centrefold. This is becoming a theme...
• And you’re really proving her wrong now.
• And quite a lot of things before that. The meteors; his mother dying; being related to Lionel...
• Some of us would kill for sessions with Lex talking about his cars, his castle, or, well, reading the ingredients off a cereal packet if truth be told, so she should stop moaning about it. 
• You see, piss off a psychiatrist and you get trouble. That psychiatrist has had absolutely no challenging behaviour training whatsoever. 
• Lex is looking very hot again this week. Maybe the pink-lip-gloss lady is back
• Perry is only proving exactly how stupid the population of Smallville is. 
• I think “You can run but you can’t stop” is probably more appropriate. 
• You should always carry enough money for a bus ticket, superpowers or not. How much does a bus ticket across country cost?
• Lex really needs to stop letting these kind of people in his castle in the first place
• Lionel killed someone? That's the only crime without a statue of limitations in the US isn't it? I do like the idea of limitations though, that if you can get away with a committing a crime for long enough you're not guilty of it anymore
• And that smile suggested Clark is an awful lot more than a miracle to Lex. 
• Lex was quite happy to shoot people and/or beat them to a pulp even before the whole Lewis thing
• I really, really hope Clark is made aware of what Lex just gave up for him. 
• Stare at something flame retardant!
• That’s a very large household fire extinguisher. Yeah, but if you had a teenage boy with hormone-dependent heat vision, you'd want to be prepared
• Can anyone say decoy?
• Decoy is the only trick the Kents know isn’t it? Since it seems to work every time, why bother thinking up anything else?
• Isn't that the same truck that Clark destroyed last week?
• Lana can’t remember that many words, so she has to have it written down.
• "No! Get to the bus stop by yourself, I'm not giving you a lift so you can ask me personal and probing questions on the way!"
• Clark has a very swish phone
• "He's really drunk." But still has amazing balance.
• Smallville is just full of dangerous tourist attractions. 
• Hang on, this is familiar, didn’t Lois Lane do this in one of the films? 
• Ah, I wondered why they were going to need that big orange coil of rope Pete was carrying
• You’ve got to admire the complete and utter incompetence of Lana just standing there shouting.
• There's something deeply wrong about the angle of car and tow rope in that shot
• Is that the date and time Lex has arranged to have her killed? 
• He’s been practicing that all morning. Clark's quite lucky he didn't knock himself out on that lampshade
• She should probably keep the food warm too, not just the plate. 
• But Lana believed he pulled her out of a tornado, why is that any different?
• ‘Help! What help?’
• Dumb Kent Statement, “I bet your parents were happy to see you.” No, because they are dead. Dead dead dead. No eyes, no senses, no thoughts. Gone. Ex-parents. Come on Clark, don’t enable her bizarre fantasies. 
• Poor Lana’s parents. They must’ve thought they’d finally got rid of her. 
• Why is there a bus stop in the middle of nowhere (and a completely different bus stop to the *other* Smallville bus stop in the middle of nowhere)? Surely it would make more sense to have it in the middle of town
• You'd think Perry would be slightly suspicious about the fact that Clark's rope burn has completely healed. And you'd think Clark would have bandaged his hands to hide it
• "Went over a couple more of your Torch stories, because the one about the gym mats was just so riveting I had to learn more..."
• Clark, better than Alcoholics Anonymous.
• That was a great episode.

• The E4 announcer told me I had to have my wits about me, maybe I should have had coffee. 
• Lana in prison? Oh, we can only hope, 
• More dead relatives?
• Oh god, it’s not going to be Lana Lang, Girl Detective is it?
• Oh god, random flashbacks, I really ought to have had that coffee.
• Why did you pick the gun up, you stupid man?
• Hurrah! Flashbacks in which Lana ends up dead. 
• That’s an awful wig on Louise. I suppose they’re following the Highlander Rule - no flashback is complete without either a stupid wig or a stupid accent.
• Do they let convicted murders keep pictures of their victims?
• Ah, sorry old man, there’s the problem. Lana doesn’t do ‘understanding things’. 
• If I didn't know that was meant to be Clark, I'd never have known that was meant to be Clark
• Well yes, but so do the innocent ones. Proclaiming your innocence doesn’t automatically mean you must be guilty. 
• Hang on, since when does a random likeness automatically mean that a convicted murderer is telling the truth? 
• It looks nothing like him at all!
• And irony strikes...
• That’s a very detailed drawing of a random drifter’s necklace. 
• '61? That's kind of a random and unimportant year
• Wow, that sudden flash of light has done wonders for Clark's hair
• “What’s that?” A really cool plectrum?
• I hope Diminuendo is sitting down, because that is the first of many shots of the sixties hair... I have a very, very, tiny, slight, barely-worth mentioning predilection for '60s Clark. Izzie thinks it's the side-parting, I think it's because I've seen pictures of him naked, but I'll let you guys make up your own mind. ’60s!Clark is more than usually attractive. It must be the hair.
• Ah Fifties Lana was a simpering idiot too. 
• Those were the days, when aliens could throw criminals fifty feet without being sued for damages.
• Well, that isn’t a genetic trait that was passed to her great-niece anyway. 
• Why are the Fifties always shot in soft focus? 
• Damnit, I was rather hoping that would be '60s Lex howling up in the fancy-looking car
• Sixties. It was the sixties
• It’s nice to know that Chloe has no qualms about using blackmail.
• Clark dicovers the never-ending usefulness of a good copy of Haliwell's
• What questions would you have on the Subtlety exam? 
• 3MB? That's bigger than this entire *site*. How much information about Lex can there be?
• Okay, I had a very witty comment about Lex’s choice of breakfast cereal but it was high-jacked on its way through my brain by the incredibly funny image of Lex dressed as the Frosties’ Tiger, (“They’rrrrre Grrrrrreat”) and is now lost forever. If anyone’s interested I’m also working on a scene involving the Honey Monster. 
• Lex does have a point, if a Luthor is going to steal something it’s usually more along the lines of grand larceny rather than petty theft. Crime runs in the family, I’m not sure it matters if it’s petty or not. 
• Can you have pro bono journalism?
• That's exactly the kind of thing the Luthors would do at Thanksgiving
• We don’t get enough Chloe and Lex scenes. Considering they’re the two best actors on the show it really should’ve happened before now. 
• I could think of lots of worse things than my parents being criminals
• “Could I what?” panics Clark. 
• What is it with Lana and morbid jewellery?
• Jor-el is a quick mover.
• You would have thought that someone would have remembered that there was a Buffy episode similar to this that used the same music.
• Vested!Jor-el is nice, although not as good a kisser as Kal. 
• Barn sex! Naked fifties barn sex! If that wasn't Lana, or a woman, this would be perfect
• Clark gets up, backs away, and desperately searches for a cushion or book to hold in front of himself
• I can just imagine Lex with a little projector and a series of Powerpoint slides
• I’m glad they’ve decided to stick with Corporate!Lex.
• “Do you think I’ve been deceiving you about something?” - I really hope Lionel doesn’t want an honest answer to that question. 
• Rewriting family history is an honoured tradition of the nobility. Lex should be proud
• Poor Lex, he briefly thought he had relatives again.
• Hang on, whose barn are they in? Are they allowed to just wander anywhere? “Don’t mind us sir, we’re just investigating a forty year old crime.” 
• Oooh, an interestingly shaped tarpaulin...
• They had barn sex *and* car sex? That is so not fair! Although I do like the fact that Jor-El's hair has failed to move an inch during any of it
• So the flashback is foreshadowing the present day, which in turn is foreshadowing the future, which is actually in our past. Is that possible?
• Why is that man blue?
• I thought that was MR for a moment. He had the same incredibly girly run
• Well, having Louise die does shorten that whole awkward “I want to come with you!” argument.
• I see they left out the part where Jor-El runs off and leaves his beloved to save his own ass. For continuity’s sake they should’ve shown that. 
• Surely a picture of the tenement would have been more interesting than a picture of the building that Lex already knows?
• Hey, if there were flames, it was a fire.
• You wouldn't have thought the police would care about a fire in a run-down slum that much anyway
• The look on Clark’s face is one of resignation as he knows that the truth is probably the stupidest thing he can say. 
• I’m not sure it’s possible to be reincarnated as your own relatives.
• It was only attempted armed robbery, and Joe and Louise were porbably too busy having sex to press charges or write witness statements 
• Gah! CSM! 
• Something tells me you’d remember any time you jailed a Luthor. He worked in Smallville, how many arrests for armed robbery could he possibly have made?
• So Fifties Lana was having a thing with Dexter, Jor-El *and* policeman Tate? 
• Flying? That’s not allowed! Not even hovering! At this point I would probably embarrass, myself by screaming like watcher and demanding to be put back down again
• How does Jor-El know how to fly? If the sun gives Clark his powers, and he still hasn't learnt to do anything but hover, you'd think it would take Jor-El a while to figure it out 
• Hopefully she'd need motive and evidence before hauling anybody off to jail
• That's an incredibly funky jar sterilising device
• Where do they get all the peaches from? They can’t possibly be farming those as well.
• Hiram hit someone with a shotgun? Surely that defeats the whole point of having a gun, it might just as well have been a big stick
• The hair! The period hair moved!
• Is this a relative Clark was actually allowed to meet? 
• I'm not sure I've ever arranged my belts in order of preference. Maybe I should
• I’m slightly freaked out by foetal! Jonathan 
• But he could fly! Why would he need help escaping from a Kent?
• Well, Martha has a new nickname for Jonathan now. Look at Martha’s relief that she isn’t married to a man named Gene. 
• If I was Clark I'd play practical jokes like this far more often
• Oh, he hasn't quite got the hair right... It seems you just can't get the Brylcreem these days
• I wonder why they didn't get MR to play Lachlan? It seems a bit of a missed opportunity
• Where are they taking the old man? It’s good that he’s cleared his name, but he has no home, no family, no money and poor health. Removing him from prison might be the worst thing that they can do for him!
• Yes, but he completely ignored you for the other thirty-eight
• Listen to the nutty old man, Lana! Let go!
• Like Lionel doesn't know this already...
• Ooooh, nice jumper. Isn't it? I know I'm very fond of corporate!Lex, but sweater-wearing!Lex moves higher up the list every time I see him
• Yes Lionel, that’s convincing.
• Lex has got that glint back in his eye. He has a Plan. 
• Are they never going to stop this Clark/Lana thing? We could’ve had five more minutes of Lionel and Lex, or a really badly superimposed shot of a sunset. Anything but this. 
• If the caves were uncovered in the sixties why were they such a surprise when they found them last year?
• Jor-El has the ship key?
• Why exactly did Jor-El get sent to Earth? What did his father send him here to do as a rite of passage?
• Chosen in a good way?