hereafter-crisis

s1 ep 1-5
s1 ep 6-10
s1 ep 11-16
s1 ep 17-21
s2 ep 1-6
s2 ep 7-12
s2 ep13-17
s2 ep18-23
s3 ep 1-6
s3 ep 7-11
s3 ep 12-16
s3 ep 17-22
s4 ep 1-6
s4 ep 7-11
s4 ep 12-16
s4 ep 17-22
s5 ep 1-6
s5- ep 7-11
s5 ep 12-16
s5 ep 17-22
car guide s1
car guide s2
car guide s3
car guide s4
car guide s5

season three

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hereafter

Oh the joy of cross country running. Or, in my case, cross country ambling. See, by now I’d be at least 100ft behind all the other runners, and probably leaning on a fence waiting for the PE teacher to go home.
Oh, she would be at the front.
That's an impressive sprint for someone a the end of a cross country run
My version of "stretching it out" would involve sitting in a heap on the floor and gasping for breath
Is it wise of Lana to discuss the teacher's family life in front of the entire class?
Our PE department never gave us drinks!
Is that old!Lana? Does Lana get fat? Please tell me that Lana gets fat!
Okay, that guy wasn’t Pete Ross, so I guess they’re ignoring that piece of cannon.
Is it wise of the writers to show us that Lana doesn’t die in a horrible fashion anytime soon? It’s the only thing that keeps us interested in her.
My first day at secondary school would’ve gone so much better if Clark had been my mentor.
I like the idea of Clark's best feature being his map
Don't eavesdrop Clark, it's rude
How come nobody notice how fast Clark can move? Clark isn’t being very careful with his powers any more is he?
“I wish that people would label themselves ‘suicide’ or ‘innocent victim’”, thinks Clark, “It would make my job so much easier.”
TW looks quite young in this episode, no where near 17, but younger than usual. It's the appalling hair he's been saddled with this season
Having seen the end of this episode, I do hope that "life support" conversation isn't foreshadowing of any kind
No, you couldn't have know what might happen, but you should have known that letting a young teenage girl walk home alone wasn't a good idea
The cape! That's so cool!
Are you kidding? Weird stuff happens in this school all the time! Last week Lana was hypnotised by an email and tried to kill Chloe (as did Clark), various meteor freaks have tried to attack people in and out of the school grounds, the offices of the Torch got, well, torched, the old football coach used to set things on fire, Principal Kwan was murdered and, to cap it all off, the new headteacher thinks those little yellow gates will keep people out...
I loathe being walked into in corridors as well. I find a combination of jauntily swung shoulder-bags and accidentally pointy elbows solve the problem, as does yelling at anyone who blunders into me
Adam cunningly waits until all the customers had gone before he starts screaming... This has got to be a set up, I swear
What kind of hours does Adam keep if he's fast asleep (or asleep anyway), and Lana (who presumably has to get up for school and to feed horses in the morning) is still at work?
I’d be reluctant to just waltz in to a guy’s room if he was making those noises. Well actually I’d be fairly willing, but it’s generally frowned upon.
Nice aim!
Does he look like he wants to talk about it?
No Adam, it’s ok, you can keep your clothes off.
Wow, a rare appearance for mature!Clark
Gossiping about someone else, apparently.
How can these people be so sceptical? Ah, thank you Chloe, my point exactly
Oooh, Red Sweater. He's wearing Clark's dream jumper!
Adam's never getting his deposit back, is he?
Lex is just checking there wasn’t anything interesting going on he should know about.
She's paying him in tolerance instead of actual wages?
Illegal drug use or genuine medical need, you’d still lock yourself in the bathroom not use the computer lab. Do they still let people in schools have real syringes? All the kids I know have those little cartridge pen things
What is Adam doing in school in the first place. I say this in the full knowledge that some of Smallville High's pupils are at least 34, but there's no way he's young enough to still be in High School
I love the look on Chloe’s face when Clark describes the accident.
The meteor hit Jordan’s mother straight after child birth? Now that’s what I call a post-natal depression.
The boy with death premonitions is hideously upset and Clark can't work out why?
Clark’s secretly quite smug about living forever.
He almost looked like he was actually playing that piece then
They do say that, although they often misquote it.
Lex invited him around to play piano? Smooth
I so expected Lex to start playing ‘Chopsticks’ then. Yeah, me too. I'm glad I wasn't the only one
Ah, that’s why Lex has a piano, to slide things across.
I would have completely misjudged that, and sent the reports flying off the end
I'm not sure most of my teachers would even remember who I was
That's just the effect of writing too many reports, phrases like "joy to teach" and "works consistently and well" just get hardwired into your brain, or in some cases your Word shortcuts ("Has been a pleasure to teach" is Ctrl+t I think).
Nice call on the grammar Adam
“Are you diabetic?” She may as well have said “Are you a Heroin addict” for all the sympathy in her voice.
No! Don’t change the vision! Lana should die old and fat! Burning to death in the next ten minutes has it's advantages though
That flat has useless sound-proofing.
Chloe has learned the first rule of breaking and entering, the good stuff is always under the bed.
Oh, that’s a fantastic bit of lurking by Lex.
He had a key, so technically that's just entering
Just because he owns it, it doesn’t give him the right to just wander in. Yeah, try telling our landlords that sometime
There’s a radio on the sideboard.
"Computers, kickboxing and a master pianist." That sounds like a surprisingly well-rounded education to me
He’s a robot! I’m going on record to say Adam is a robot. I always think people are robots and they rarely are, but I’m certain this time.
Yes he did! He’s constantly trying to hide Clark’s powers.
Also, Clark could just do what the hell he wanted.
Clark has super-sight and x-ray vision, what on earth does he need a torch for?
Clark has nothing in his school bag but that paper
What is it with Smallville High P.E. teachers and fire?
That's an exceptionally voluminous dress for a young, thin cheerleader
"Damn" thinks Clark, "If you'd let me run I would have been here half an hour ago..."
Those ropes weren't tied very securely were they?
Look at TW try to look comfortable while carrying someone.
Clark needs to work on the breathing part of CPR. There’s really no point in pumping his heart if there isn’t any oxygen.
Clark has very well-manicured nails
Oh, is that a new room? How many offices does Lex need?
Except those rumours were all true.
Because you accused him of being a secret drug addict! I'd be cryptic and evasive
“Thanks Lex,” for being even more cryptic than usual.
I want Lex’s search engine.
Lana just let herself into his house. Clark saved his life and even he had to ring the doorbell.
Poor Clark, Jordan got further with Lana in three days than he has in six years
Of course you know that look, it’s exactly the same as all her other looks.
I want to bake cookies now.
God, can the Kent’s change their mind about Lex any more frequently?
Somehow I’m more concerned with the cookies falling on the floor than I am with the health of Jonathan.
"Not now"?
*Gulp*

velocity

Sick!Jonathan is incredibly cute, but I’m all conflicted because he’s the devil incarnate.
“How are you feeling?” Well, like I had a heart attack...
Clark doesn’t seem so convinced that a heart attack’s not going to do the job. Maybe he’s seen the film.
Jonathan had the heart of a twenty year old? Where did he keep it? Damn it, that was my joke!
What other factors are there?
Christ, it’s drama-queen!Clark. Finally, Clark takes a little bit of responsibility for his actions.
If Martha had just driven straight over when there was nothing coming, like normal people do, then they'd have been well clear of the racers.
‘The Fast and the Furious’ comes to Smallville. Smallville traffic police must be even more inept than the regular force if they manage to miss this occurring on the only road in Smallville.
Pete finally gets an episode.
Oh Pete, you're really dumb enough to be messing with the meteor rocks?
‘Hey’ says Clark, ‘don’t mock the truck’.
Go Pete! You guilt-trip your best friend
His real name's Chad? No wonder he wanted a secret identity
If Lana can dig this stuff up, then it can’t be that much of a secret.
What is it about Lana that attracts her to men with bizarre secretive pasts?
That’s a rather large capillary. Okay, that's really gross
Desperately begging for help because "His life might depend on it"? He's evil
I don’t know why, but I love the embroidery line. Maybe it’s because Lex delivers it with the gravitas of a man who knows his cross stitch.
Chloe has no scruples at all, does she?
If it's like nothing he's ever seen in any human or animal, then what makes him leap to the conclusion that it's blood?
Oh wow, that’s made from Clark’s blood right?
You know, I still balk when she describes Lana as a best friend.
Mmmm.. Alain Delon...
Considering Chloe's access to the morgue, the pathology lab, a series of confidential medical reports and the entire Police database, getting into a University shouldn't be that difficult
Pete's concern for the car is wonderful, "And it's not even mine!"
Pete's a photographer?
You know, I can understand Pete’s point of view here.
People don't chant Clark's name every day, do they? Apart from Lex of course. Maybe there are secret pro-Clark rallies that we never see
“Walk in your shadow”, well, that was really out of necessity, Clark is a lot taller.
Jonathan doesn’t really look like a Checkers sort of man. Clark should have bought Mah Jongg
No, it’s the writers who took Pete for granted.
I really like the menacing green light in the car scenes.
There is a certain about of triumph to be had in conning vast amounts of money out of dumb people
Lex goes faster than that, and he doesn’t need an enhanced engine.
"Sorry: is quite inadequate for $20,000
Um, if he’s dead then he won’t be driving anything. The tormented look on Pete's face is because he's desperately trying not to point that out
Balloons? For a middle aged man? Lana would be better off with some decent reading material. Is there a man less suited to balloons than Jonathan Kent?
Oh, a dark and threatening lab. Perfect for close work that needs adequate lighting
There has better not be rats in any of those cages
That woman has no idea how to use a microscope
If she doesn't want disturbing she should have locked the door
Dr Tang failed miserably in trying not to react to Lex’s name.
Lex didn’t storm as much as sidle, really.
Rat! Rat!
Read one too many comics actually
Why are all these teenagers visiting Clark's Dad? I don't think I've ever randomly visited a friends parents even when they weren't in hospital
Clark ‘figuring something out’ usually means he runs straight to Lex and asks to borrow some money.
Is car crime so rife in Smallville that it justifies eight deputies and a dawn raid?
Shouldn’t the sheriff have checked discreetly first without going in all guns blazing? The sheriff really only has herself to blame if she’s going to launch raids on the hearsay of one high school student.
The Sheriff is very fond of weather metaphors today
I would image he was beaten up, Clark
Pete could have mentioned the deputy.
I hate to labour this point, but I’m going to anyway. Does Clark seriously think that Lex knowing his secret could be any worse than Pete right now?
Pete’s mum is a judge, I’m fairly certain she would be able to do something about it.
Wow, that's a particularly sexy example of corporate!Lex
Ah, here we go...
Don’t give in Lex.
He stole the car! He stole the bloody car! He just drove Lex's Porsche out of the garage?
Dante isn't suspicious about how they got Lex Luthor's Porsche? Or what will happen to him if he wins it?
They know there's a bomb in the car Clark, they put it there
The weight of Clark in there's going to knock seconds of that car's acceleration
That was a slightly gratuitous shot of the leather-clad race-babe's backside
Don't look at each other, look at the road!
Go on car, blow up...what? No explosion? I feel cheated.
Did she say invoke tenure or revoke tenure? Because it sounded like invoke.
‘Biology’ sounded suspiciously like a request for sex. Although most things Lex says sound like a request for sex.
Oh super. Rats and needles in one episode.
“You want the truth?” You can’t handle the truth!
Clark didn’t even bother to avert his eyes when he lied this time!
Joy-riders rarely put the car cover back on afterwards
Clark really does think Lex is an idiot doesn’t he?
The worst part of this whole experience will be pretending to enjoy that low-sodium turkey
Since when did Jonathan trust Clark’s judgement?
Did Jonathan just say that they didn't raise him to know the difference between right and wrong?
Is there no kind of investigation going on into Dante's suspicious car accident?
Well, it’s already happened three times.
Okay when you’re an irregular character who gets fairly innocuous lines most of the time, it’s very unwise to say the phrase “the day that I die”.
That was a very cool way to end the episode

obsession

Chloe I can believe, but is Clark really one of Smallville High’s brightest and best?
These guys do get some cracking school trips
Christ, that is some seriously dodgy hair on Clark.
Go on Chloe, say it out loud, you really have nothing else to lose.
Lionel seems rather disappointed at the lack of questions
You have to go on a field trip for the final grade? How easy is it to pass the American school system?
Surely Lex could’ve given them a tour of his pencil sharpening suite?
They're letting two unsupervised high school students of the opposite sex take the elevator together?
Clark really knows how to woo the ladies with his witty elevator comments.
The inside of that lift is ugly.
Luthorcorp has lift music!
Hmm, stranding Clark and random female alone in a lift. I can see a potential disaster occurring...
Oh look, and here it is. This is why I always take the stairs. Well, this and my tendency to fall over when faced with floor surfaces that move. But mostly this
I find it amusing that the muzak is still going despite the fact that the lift is falling.
Teleporting is a much better power than any of Clark’s.
They should have teleported back up, and pretended they never got in in the first place
Snow! It's snowing! Does it snow in Kansas?
Poor TW is absolutely white with cold in this scene
Where have the little yellow gates gone! The posts are still there, but our beloved yellow gates have vanished
Is the school corridor the best place to have a private conversation about secret powers and their alienating affects?
It wasn’t that complicated a story.
"Anything I touch that I want to take with me." Neatly avoiding all the 'why doesn't she teleport the floor' arguments
If all the meteor freaks just talked to each other, instead of sitting around brooding about being different, they’d soon realise that ‘different’ is a fairly relative concept.
Oh Lana, check all the rooms first don’t just go straight into searching through personal; belongings. She won't find anything anyway, Lex and Chloe stole all the incriminating stuff last week
Actually, the stuff in the book that Lana is breaking into the flat to read doesn’t sound that out of the ordinary. They really are perfectly normal diary entries, aren't they?
Wait 'till they've gone out then change the locks. How hard can eviction be?
Why does she need goggles to look at a fibre optic lamp?
In case she was wondering, that smile means ‘yes’.
Lana gets stopped in her tracks by the sheer power of the cheery Clark grin
“Great,” thinks Clark, “another Smallville male with an unhealthy obsession with me.”
Alicia's wearing great shoes. Utterly impractically for the ankle-deep snow, but very cool
Technically that's mythology
Science geeks are his favourite.
It must be a bugger to string lights in a tree like that. “Is this draped artistically enough?” “I don’t care, I’m stuck up a tree with ten metres of fairy lights and that squirrel is giving me a funny look.”
His hair is bad again!
Clark is so completely inept it’s actually really cute. "Oh, for god's sake, just bend down and kiss me, it's really not that difficult..."
“Lex, not now, I’ve got to be up in a hour”
You have to admire Alicia’s approach, she avoiding all the awkward dating and going straight to the part where she gets to see Clark naked.
Doesn’t she get cold when she’s teleporting?
Clark is living every boy’s fantasy, and I’m sure it’s going to go wrong at any minute...just like that.
I’m quite surprised Clark doesn’t have a lock on his door.
"Well son, at least you're not gay..."
They have rules in the house, but they're quite happy to let him spend as much unchaperoned time as he likes in the outbuildings?
Clark can't really put that any more clearly. "She teleported!"
Oh like Martha isn’t considering all the benefits of teleportation right now. Hell, if I had the power to teleport I would use it to jump into people’s bedrooms.
I love Clark’s attempts to pretend this is all okay.
The last time Clark found someone he could "Have a relationship with" she turned out to be a homicidal wolf.
If you’d seen Clark naked there is no way you would even try and keep it quiet.
How did Alicia fit in Clark’s locker to do all that?
Is Lex going to be in this episode at all? It's been going for ages and we haven't seen any sign of him
Ah ha!
Poor Lex, he dates them for *months* and all they do is try and kill him.
Oh but Clark, it’s extremely funny. I think that Lex is finding Clark’s predicament more than a little amusing.
Sadly Lex's experience in these matters is quite extensive
Lex has been led on by Clark many a time.
I love the barely disguised smirk on Lex’s face.
These are exceptionally creepy parents
Is Clark breaking up with Alicia's parents?
What kind of contractor do you call when you need to completely lead-line a room?
Ask *how* it "didn't end well" Clark. That may come in handy
Also, he's the landlord, he should really be involved in any eviction procedures, but then he should probably have been involved with giving him the lease in the first place...
Like say, throwing them out of an aeroplane perhaps?
Publicity shot!
Lana's practically put an advert for the Talon in her yearbook biography! That's incredibly cheeky
If Clark backs up any more he's going to fall out of the loft window
Alicia shows why I detest people with mobile phones, "You're the most important thing in my life... apart from this call."
"How could you think that?" Because all the evidence points to you, you obsessive psychotic!
Is that lettuce chopping supposed to be threatening? That was a pre-cut lettuce!
“One weakness... you.” And her obvious pathological insanity, obviously.
If you were going to rescue someone in dire straits, surely you'd wear flat shoes. Although I suppose she doesn't have to do much walking in them
Also she could teleport when the police took her out...
All he has to do is paint the meteor rock.
Whooo! I think I've fixed my space bar! It's making an alarming clicking noise now, but I'm actually getting a space when I press it
We've been wondering that for three years now, Alicia. There doesn't seem to be a logical explanation
Did she steal that knife from Martha's kitchen?
See, I knew I liked her for a reason.
Get up and run for the shower!
I want the crazy, teleporting stalker girl back. Make Lana go away!
Clark never really gets consulted about these dinner invites does he?
"There's nobody like you." That wasn't as comforting as you meant it to be, Martha
Why is Lionel calling him "Adam"? Why keep using his fake identity now?
Lionel’s status as an evil genius is slipping if he really thinks Lana Lang is the key to anything remotely important.
Poor Adam! I know he was evil, but he was mean to Lana and I like that in a man. He didn't deserve a horrible death
I was told there was going to be ample nudity in this episode! That wasn't ample at all. I feel cheated.

resurrection

Good lord, he’s not pregnant, is he? That is not an episode that I would want to see.
Ha! I told Izzie there'd be nakedness. I hope she remembered her pudding
He really doesn't have to put his shirt on. Yes please, cover Jonathan up.
He had a mild heart attack! Is an open heart triple bypass really necessary?
They're sticking with that shot of the inner ear aren't they?
Clark really shouldn't be listening in to his parents' private conversations
That's an awful shot of Clark
Whacking vending machines is a useful skill.
“Man of Steel”, oh good grief.
Ooh, Spot the Stiff! It’s been a while since I played that. I think Garrett’s brother is going to be killed soon.
Somehow, Mr Incidental Character, I doubt that's going to happen. You might get together and be pleased, I doubt it will ever be a laughing matter
If they didn't want relatives dashing in they should have shut the door
He's only been coding for 30 seconds, they keep doing CPR for much longer on 'ER'.
Don't worry kid, you're in an episode called 'Resurrection'. I'd guess your brother will be back walking around before the first ad break
How old is his brother meant to be if he's been looking after Garrett since "He was a little kid"
Martha just can't stop with the random fostering can she? Once again she leaps across the social services in a single bound if it means that she can vent her maternal feelings on some poor soul. Is there any kind of support group for this 'Fosterers Anonymous' or something? "Hello. My name is Martha and I can't stop adopting children..."
Clark gives some quality emotional blackmail there.
Please don't base your entire decision on the pamphlet, Jonathan
There's a "Way around"/"Bypass" joke in there somewhere
Yeah that's it Clark, draw your father and his weak heart into a heated argument.
That's it Clark, encourage your father to have life-threatening surgery why don't you
“Uh, Dad, Mom’s busy adopting some random soon-to-be orphan, I’d better have a look at those papers.”
And nobody notices that the air ambulance has been called for a cadaver?
His brother's dead, he's been dragged out of his home and they're making him sleep on the couch?
I shouldn't be making this remark during an apparently emotional scene, but Clark has dreadful hair this week. They really need to let TW's hair grow a little bit, it looks stupid.
They really shouldn't be giving that information to anyone but the next of kin.
"Let's move!" They've just been moving. Right now they need to be standing still
See! Not an advert in sight and he's up and alive
Signature, not autograph. He didn't sign the cremation form for a fan
I think that Garrett is handling his rage pretty well, I’d be in one of my incandescent fury modes right about now.
I'm not sure about cremation. I want to be buried whole with a selection of unrelated artefacts so as to confuse any future archaeologists
Telephone the North Korean Government, they'll have kept tabs on her. Are the government of North Korea in the phone Book? "Hi, you've reached the phone of Kim Jong Il, we can's take your call right now, but leave the name of the person you re trying to investigate and we'll call you right back..."
Oooh, sexy Lex! He never seems to have bad hair episodes, does he?
Chloe and Lex make a great private investigation team. They should spin them off. They could fight crime. “In the big hats...”
That break had an advert for somebody's "Forthcoming hit single". Now there's a band with faith in their marketing campaign
Wrong? About being dead? Surely that’s some thing that you’re pretty sure about in the medical profession?
How did he escape from the lab and get to Smallville?
The guy died Clark, it's not surprising he's a little woozy
This bleeding from the eyes thing is really familiar and damned if I know where from
Wow, he went yellow very quickly.
That doctor doesn't seem particularly interested that a man just came back from the dead.
I love the "again" in that sentence
“I’ve never had a patient come back to life before!” You can understand the doctor being upset here, this is not what they usually have to deal with.
I feel Jonathan should be shirtless for this examination.
Jonathan should only get worried if that nurse returns with a turkey baster.
Oh, that's just what Jonathan needs; to be forced to watch Martha and Lana eat high cholesterol foodstuffs
My god, Lana has a pink, fluffy keyring
See, the whole "Are you a diabetic" thing really was insincere
Why has he suddenly developed lesions? I do like his convincingly jaundiced yellow tone though. Vince looks like Bananaman.
I've never understood why south is bad in that expression. South is usually good
Couldn't Clark go back to Jor-El and bargain to get his father fixed again?
“Mr Kent, how many times have I told you, sex counts as a strenuous exercise”
Damn, they just played a Rainbow track on another advert and that means I'm going to be trying to reach the high notes in 's ince You've Been Gone' for the next three days. My work colleagues are going to love that
Ah, the sign of a true mechanic. He's got no tools, but he is fully equipped with a dirty rag
That’s a Lone Gunman!
Well, he's probably going to get in trouble for doing it this time too. Is that really a crime? What a wonderful thing to be arrested for
I hate to think how much that helicopter has cost them for this episode.
Did Clark really need the headset?
The sound of the helicopter has probably alerted every single person in the building
Isn't that the same lab as before?
I wish they'd stop using that ear
“It's very delicate”, that's why we balance it so precariously on the flimsy plastic stand.
The North Koreans she's being sent back to would probably be thrilled to have her expertise
Lex is going to have to do some quick talking now. I the little knowing look he gives Dr. Tang, as if the vial disappearing was all part of his plan...
The surgeon really should have that mask over his nose
“Erm” says Jonathan “Aren't you supposed to put me to sleep?”
Poor Martha, all she wanted was a bit of piece and quiet and now she has to entertain two teenagers. Does Jonathan not have any grown-up friends?
You can't just produce a liver out of nowhere, you idiot boy
Where does a teenager get access to blocks of explosive?
“Crap,” thinks Clark, “I only left for half an hour...”
Clark just doesn't know how to fly under the radar does he?
"His family uses it for their demolition business"? But Garret doesn't *have* a family
Are they still operating through the bomb scare? Can they stop? Do they even know there's a bomb scare going on? I like the fact that the heart surgery team probably doesn’t know anything about the boy with the bomb.
Let's hope he kept at least one nurse back to give the injection
No! Don't just take him out. He's holding the trigger of the bomb for god's sake.
That's it Clark, be sarcastic to the unstable guy holding a bomb.
How does that doctor know where to put the needle? "In his chest" is quite a large area
Does someone have time to explain to Garrett the problems with organ compatibility and possible liver rejection? Has he checked whether Jonathan Kent is a match?
Why doesn't Clark just carry a lead vest with him all the time?
There’s probably a Clark-shaped hole in the wall of the hospital somewhere.
That really is shocking hair. Clark looks like Father Dougal
Why is Lionel using Clark's blood? Surely he'd be better off using Lex's and its magical healing abilities. Do we actually *know* that Lex has magical healing abilities? We know he doesn't get sick, and the healing is often implied, but I don't think it's ever actually been stated
Since Lex does own the Talon, it makes sense that he will pop up occasionally.
Is Lana using the same polish on the glass and the wooden table?
Lex has a purple hanky!
"Why are you still interested in him any way?" "Because he owes me two month's rent and you never took a deposit..."
Oooh, that was pretty dark of Lex.
Well the point is to not stand up Jonathan.
That's not the best idea you've ever had Clark.
And so far, it only saves the lives of people with incurable liver disease, not manageable heart conditions.
Why does Clark save Jonathan’s life every day? Is he that accident prone?
Clark, you've told her that at the end of every episode for the past three years, if she doesn't know now she never will.
"Goes both ways." This is the most shockingly insincere conversation I've ever heard on this show. And that's really saying something
Damn it, no Clark nudity at all. I don't care. I'm rewinding to 's lumber' and eating the Naked Clark Pudding anyway
Wow. That episode only ran to 39 minutes. I wonder what they cut out?

crisis

They have a youth centre and a crisis line? You'd think with all that support Smallville would have less homicidal teenagers.
Altruism my bottom, that girl is the real reason Pete’s volunteering!
Are those teenagers trained to answer a crisis hotline?
They're letting Clark loose on the phones? This isn't going to go well. Hang on, you mean that Lana was supposed to be answering the phones? The Smallville Angst Queen? Is that entirely wise? She’ll only end up monopolising the call until she gets more dead parent stuff off her chest.
Tell him where you are you dumb girl! "Words like "Clark!" and "Help!" aren't anywhere near as helpful as "I'm at number four, Warehouse Road..."
Finally! Someone’s trying to kill Lana! And they seem to be doing it properly!
Yes! They got her! Score! Hurrah! Lana got shot. That's a fantastic way to start the show.
Damn it, why do they tease me like that!
“An affinity for plaid” Have I mentioned how much I love this sheriff? I still love this woman. Hang on, he’s not wearing plaid today!
Lana getting killed isn't much of a top priority
Oh, of course she's not okay, Lana's never okay.
I found it funny
Where did they get that voice analysis software? How do they know how to use it?
They've had months without any rain at all?
I'm thinking of writing a letter about that ridiculous ear picture. It's embarrassingly bad. "Miles? Miles, the Crazy Hipbone Lady's writing again, something abut an ear?"
How the hell can she tell that's Adam? I didn't recognise that as Adam's voice, and I'm sure I pay more attention to this show than Lana.
See, retentive knowledge of sporting trivia can come in useful...
Oh, for god's sake! This is the fourth time I've had to pause because the guy upstairs is hoovering and I can't hear. He's got a one-room flat up there, how much hoovering can he possibly do?
I would pay to see Lionel and Lex playing Questions.
I have a bizarre image of Lionel's lab being run by Catbert. I think they'd get on
All of his talents are being wasted, except his pencil sharpening one
How many people was he experimenting on apart from Adam?
“I applaud your moral outrage” is a fantastic phrase and I'm going to find someone to say it to as soon as possible.
Okay, I think evil corporate!Lex is my favourite kind
Lionel's not going to fall for that is he?
Says Lex, like he is.
Watch Lex try and squirm out of this.
Why on earth would Lex be worried about things happening to Lana?
Oh, Clark's got him wrapped around his little finger.
They left the screaming monkey!
Oooh Lex is wearing his long, black, Morally Sanctioned Crime-Fighting jacket.
I can't stress this enough guys, don't' touch anything
Oh God, that's Lex's 'I'm going to find a way to blame this on myself' face.
Wow, Lex looked incredibly hot swivelling on the chair in a menacing manner. I think that was possibly better than the hip bones. Yep, evil corporate!Lex is definitely my favourite
Don't they usually dye MR’s eyebrows?
Don't fall for it Lex... Oh! He didn't! Well done Lex.
It is! The Pink Lip-Gloss Lady is back!
That's a fabulous-looking gateaux on the counter. They should be more interested in the gateaux
Yeah, because the Kent Farm is so safe. Couldn't they just send Lana to Hawaii for the night, or possibly Metropolis?
Well just don't use the phone and it won't happen.
I love Dr Burton's casual offer of psychiatric help.
“Speedy Heat and Air” What on earth does that man do as a job?
“What, they come in person now?” I understand that bloke’s annoyance with high pressure salespeople.
It’s Bananaman!
It’s a good thing that Adam waited until the man had fixed the tyre on the van before knocking him over the head. Limping off down the road with a flat tyre would not have been so dramatic.
“Damn” thinks Clark “Now I've got to run all the way back up that hill.”
Speedy Heat and Air man is strangely familiar
You would have though Adam's wheel-spinning departure would have left tyre marks on the road
You wouldn't have thought Martha and Lana could share clothes
That's it Jonathan, load the murder weapon.
Lex knows his father has a vial of it, Lex gave it to him
Well what did they expect? Of course the police would want to speak to them.
Chloe just doesn't get any more safety conscious, no matter how many times she's attacked from behind in the dark.
Chloe seems to be calm, considering the knife at her throat.
Every second person in Smallville drives on of those trucks, I'm amazed Adam can recognise the Kents'
Is putting milk in that coffee too complicated for Jonathan?
I know the cute Chinese detective as well
"Nothing that will incriminate..." Oh, Lex... That's so naive it's actually sweet
Lex really hasn't been paying a lot of attention to his father has he?
I like the policeman who interrupts the multiple homicide investigation with important football news
Clark's not a minor anymore is he? I really don't know. I know a vast amount about age of consent in Kansas, but very little about legal ages. Which would probably be far more useful
She should've just given all his stuff away to a charity shop. There's no way I would have paid for storage. I would probably have kept the books though
You’ve just tripped him up! Take the gun, retard! Lock him in the cage! You've got the keys in your hand!
Don't take the phone you idiot.
“Shhh” says Jonathan, “this is an important game.”
Shouldn't Lana have to redial if they were disconnected?
It's taking Lana long enough to say where she is.
I want to say something humorous about the dying yellow man but this is actually a really gripping scene. “How long do you think you can last, Clark?”
So Clark, on hiatus from interrogation by the Metropolis police, is involved in an attempted shooting in which a man ends up dead. That's going to go down really well.
Erm, Lex in handcuffs. Wet!Clark, pink lip-gloss, and Lex in handcuffs. I love this episode
Go Lex!
Oh wow, Lex has tears in his eyes as he betrays his father.
Oh god, I think I just hurt myself laughing, seeing Lana’s puzzled face with the book on time travel was worth sitting through this episode.
Can I just point out that Einstein's theories didn't actually have much to do with time travel?
Ring the police? In a life-or-death crisis in Smallville, I'd rather trust my safety to the teen hotline
*Yawn* Lionel is dying, Lex has just shopped him to the FBI, and they still insist on wasting five minutes on this vacuous tramp.
Smallville does not do science fiction well.
Oh wow, Lionel wasn’t kidding. “Unspecified Terminal Illness” So the researcher couldn't be bothered to look up a real one then? There are so many to choose from. If it's an hepatic disease, then it has to be affecting the liver, it doesn't really need to specify that. Sorry, science!Diminuendo is in charge of the comments today
Is Lionel left-handed as well?
Go on Lionel, do us a favour and pull the trigger. Erm, that's not going to actually happen is it? Initially I though it couldn't because I'm certain Lex has to have a hand in it, but then Lex does have a hand in this doesn't he? Which means this could actually happen. Eeeep.
Reasons Lionel Luthor can't really be dead:
1) I like him too much
2) There's no way Lionel Luthor commits suicide, not unless he has a sure fire way of making it someone else's fault.
3) Lex has to have a hand in it. Other than the fact it's canon, the parallels between Clark and Lex's paternal relationship don't make sense unless Lex is also responsible for the death of his father in the same way Clark will be with Jonathan. (There is a small part of my mind telling me that Lex did have a part in this because he exposed the lab, but that would mean Lionel could actually be dead so I'm ignoring it.)
4) I don't think they're quite ready for Lex to start the real descent into evil, (even though I personally can't wait) therefore they need Lionel to play the villain a bit longer.
5) Lex will kill Lionel to protect Clark, (even if he doesn't know exactly why he needs protecting). I am absolutely certain of this, and will probably be quite disappointed if they don't go down this route.
6) The finale is called 'Covenant' and therefore if they're going to kill a father off it's probably going to be Jonathan, and they won't get rid of both in season three. Hopefully they won't get rid of either. There I feel better. Lionel is alive.

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