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season four

go to episode

• It started out as getting the first episode from the US because we had no idea when E4 were going to show season four. And then, well, there wouldn’t be much point in only getting the first half of the season opener, so we got the first two. Oh, and rumours were that episode four was really good, so we should get that, and we can’t watch that without seeing number three. Anyway, eight episodes later and we now have to wait eight weeks longer before we see any new Smallville.
• testing again
• Americans get way cooler previews than we do, even if they do run them directly before the programmes, which seems rather pointless
• Chloe obviously had a lot of faith in the FBI then.
• If I was going to make a video like that, then I’d have to tell a few home truths as I did it. “Since I’m dead anyway, what the hell…”
• Oh, I hate people who drive and use mobiles at the same time
• She had to spell 'Kent'?
• There’s someone she can ring to ask for directions? She should use the AA’s website, they do good directions.  To be fair, Lois isn't being much help to the direction man. "I can see corn..."
• Remain in the car! I saw Richard Hammond get electrocuted in a VW Golf, I know it's the safest place to be
• Did Lois indicate as she careered madly off the road, or is that a lone hazard warning light?
• How lucky is it that Lois or her car aren’t damaged at all *and* she lands in a field with a naked guy?
• He doesn’t look particularly okay.
• Wow...
• “Look at his face...” There I was, sceptical about Lois Lane appearing in Smallville, and all it takes is one line for her to be welcomed with open arms. Look anywhere you want, don't waste the opportunity! You may never see someone that hot, naked in a cornfield again. Sorry, but you really wouldn’t be looking at his face. Not going to happen.
• That's Lana's new boyfriend? The Whitney Clone on the titles?
• Is this still Smallville? *Confused*
• Archeological!Lex , wow. I’ve had weeks to ponder about this and I still can’t think of anything more intelligent to say. That suit is just...wow.
• On behalf of the archaeologists of the world- Record! Photograph! Draw! Remove the mud with a brush not oily, sweaty fingers! Lex may look stunning in the suit, but he has no respect for context. Brush! Brush! Use a brush for god’s sake!
• Lex already has natives worshipping him.
• That blanket isn't covering much
• Lois has an approach to statistics I admire.
• Is everyone else imagining Clark as a lost puppy now? Clark does have a certain lost kitten air to him. You can just imagine him sitting in a cage with a bowl of water waiting for someone to come and take him home
• Clark has been in and out of that hospital constantly for the past three years, there must be someone there who can recognise him
• I love the shameless little old lady. That old lady is us in fifty years.
• Horribly jaunty music; warning, warning, Lana scene approaching.
• What a wonderfully fake Paris, with wonderfully stereotypical Parisians. I’m surprised there isn’t an onion seller wearing a beret in the background.
• Lana seems slightly less irritating in this scene than normal and I suspect it’s because of the giant picture of Lex in the background.
• All the best favours could get you arrested
• I suspect a "love at first crash" joke
• Run boy, run, while you still have a chance.
• They're going from Paris to Nice on a *Vespa*? Hire a car for god's sake! Surely it’d take the best part of a weekend just to get there.
• Ha! Lana went to Paris to find herself and what does she come back with? Another bloody boyfriend. Well, that was predictable. Nice to see that by "finding myself" what Lana actually meant was "finding another American football-playing boyfriend". It's good that she's growing as a person
• If I'm trapped in a coma, please *please* don't read me Mark Twain. I want porn and the sports pages and Umberto Eco novels. I suppose that Huckleberry Finn is about Jonathan's level in or out of the coma
• I have so many brain-dead Jonathan jokes... ‘Well, he’s been like that since I met him, it would be wrong to kill him now.’
• I'm amazed that any insurer would touch the Kents
• I'm becoming rather fond of pliant amnesiac!Clark
• Lois is giving out a lot of personal information just to fill the quiet
• Being lifted like that must actually be incredibly painful
• That doesn’t look very comfortable.
• Poor Martha, as if her life wasn’t complicated enough.
• Martha's still stuck on the 'naked' part of that sentence. “I found him naked in a field!” “Yes dear, that’s usually the way it works.”
• She actually backed!
• Take the stairs!
• Shouldn’t Lex have made that agreement first?
• That's a very large jet for a surreptitious mission. It's fairly well wedged in between those rocks too. How on earth is it going to take off?
• Oooh! Oooh! Naked Lex! Naked, sweaty, panting Lex in fact... Oooh. In the interests of variation, I’ve decided I’m going to obsess about MR’s chest this season.
• You’ve got to admire the doctor for lingering in the background, gently caressing Lex’s shoulder long after it was medically necessary.
• That seems an oddly sexy combination of clothes for Clark, considering his mother just chose them. Does he even have a shirt like that in Smallville or did she buy it specially?
• That’s an inadvisable hat for Chloe.
• I’m not sure I approve of Lex’s shoes.
• Now if Lex had packed that properly that would never have happened
• If Martha had known that Clark could take off like that she’d have had him up on the roof fixing things a long time ago. 
• I've believed some strange things in the course of this show, but asking me to believe the interior of Notre Dame is artexed is just a step too far
• I do like the idea of "brass rubbing" as code
• You  know the French tended to burn warrior women, not bury them in churches, right?
• Yeah, I'm echoing Lana's look of disbelief here
• So, by attending 'The Paris School Of The Arts' what Lana actually signed up for was a summer course on brass rubbings?
• "We"? Lana needs help to scribble on a piece of paper?
• They don’t let you brass rub ancient artefacts.
• Lana’s art school requires her to use crayons!
• Why would Lana look askance at the brass rubbing? Does she not understand the process? Is her hand moving too quickly for her brain to catch up?
• What is Lois looking at there?
• They were an item for about an hour and a half.
• Despite it all, Martha is still strangely happy that a girl is interested in Clark
• And she’s keeping those images for later use.
• Please tell me they pick Clark up on one of those green circular radars...
• You'd hope a professional pilot cold tell the difference between "bird" and "plane" much more easily that that
• Not that I’m thinking of gratuitous nudity here, but wouldn’t the wind have ripped Clark’s shirt?
• Lex should just stop getting on aeroplanes. Lex should buy a really big boat and sail everywhere
• We haven’t had any horrific superimposition yet, Smallville is letting us down. We haven't, have we? Even the flying effect has been moderately convincing
• Martha called Dr. Swann?
• But there’s dusting to be done and Martha’s not going to leave it.
• There’s a very important lesson about plastic surgery if ever I saw one. What’s just as unnerving is that they’ve tried to give her the hairstyle and clothes of a younger woman, and it’s just not working.
• No it's not. It’s not ‘Crusade’! It’s the symbol for ‘Father’, we checked! Would the Kryptonians have the concept of a crusade? Are they religious?
• So she's still going to be facing him alone, just holding a big lump of rock?
• *Chokes on drink* It would be really wrong to be finding Lionel Luthor attractive wouldn’t it?
• Lex seems pretty unscathed for someone who's plane just crashed in the mid-Atlantic
• Lex always looks fairly pale, it’s the curse of the redhead; there are two skin tones you can have: Deathly white or lobster red.
• Lex has a plaster on his head! For some reason I find that unfeasibly cute
• I want someone to feel my wrath. Just once
• Lex seems to have grown some testicles in the last three months.
• That’s a very well decorated room for a poor art student. I'm not sure a student could afford a room in the middle of Paris at all
• "Are you okay?" "Yes, I don't know how I got here." Does that really sound okay to you?
• Oooh, pretty lights.
• There was absolutely no reason for Clark’s shirt to come off there.
• Where did Clark's shirt go?
• Martha hasn’t had sex in three months.
• Jonathan is so proud of that, he’s going to remind everyone on a regular basis.
• He meant anything bad, Martha.
• That’s exceptionally unfair. You just know that Clark has been throwing himself out of windows all morning trying to fly.
• I think Clark should just back away and let his parents have the hospital sex they so clearly want
• Oh god, they’re trying to shoehorn Lana into the mythology aren’t they? Although, Lex had to break open his artefact to find the interesting symbol, so maybe Lana will have to be disembowelled.
• Lana must have a very reliable shower as anyone else’s would have thrown out cold water first.
• Look at Lionel checking his hair for Martha. Should Lionel be allowed to have a mirror?
• Didn't Lois have to provide some kind of i.d.?
• That guard Lionel requested is taking his time.
• Inadvisable baiting of Lionel Luthor must run in the family.
• You should be able to take in bags of peanuts to throw through the bars
• St Chloe, patron saint of nosy journalists.
• What happened to Gabe? Wouldn’t he be buried next to his daughter?
• Who actually talks to gravestones?
• Don't people usually move towards that stage?
• Clark has so many best friends.
• There is a fantastic chemistry between Clark and Lois, which is such an enormous relief after three years of emotionless Clark and Lana
• Why x-ray the grave? What exactly is Clark expecting to see?

• Eeep! There are symbols on my video that have never been there before! I never even knew it had an 'EP' function
• The FBI really don’t know the meaning of the word ‘safe’. It’s completely isolated on the top of a hill; they may as well have painted a target on the roof.
• “Oh get over yourself”. Top advice for everyone there.
• That looks nothing like Chloe's safe house. It's not even on a road
• If the house was that comprehensively destroyed there may not have been anything to bury
• I know it's been three months, but the grass seems to have recovered very well
• Clark has truly gorgeous hair this season
• The ninjas seem a little out of place. That’s not a sentence one gets to say very often.

• The helicopter a) seems a massive over-reaction to two nosy high-school kids, b) isn't the best way of drawing attention away from the crime scene and c) arrived really, really fast

• Way to be subtle Clark

• Ah, even Smallville is being hit by military cut-backs, the helmets are so thin they can't even protect against a girl wearing trainers. It’s not very comforting that the US army can be taken out with amateur kickboxing.

• It’s obvious that his entrance later on is supposed to be a surprise, so why did they bother writing ‘Lane’ on his uniform?
• I'm sure they don't let Generals smoke cigars on duty. Oh great, a cigar-chomping general! I bet he’s hard-boiled, too.
• TI American TV needs to announce the end of its ad breaks. It's really hard to know when to press record again
• Oooh, unexpected wet!Clark; which is one step above expected wet!Clark.
• Aw, Clark thinks sharing a bathroom is a city-folk thing, rather than Lois trying to get an eyeful.
• I love the panicked eyeball through the curtain.
• Clark is so the kind of person who spends a long time in the shower. He probably shaves and exfoliates too
• Clark’s just shocked Lois got the name right.
• He didn’t complain when Lex was wearing his clothes.
• I'm not complaining, but that's a very small towel
• Lois must have gone and found a stool just so she could peek comically over Clark's shoulder
• Ah, this’ll be Paris then. I’ve heard of an establishing shot, but that’s ridiculous
• If you had a mysterious and unwanted tattoo, wouldn't you wear a top that covered it?
• How did Lana get those pictures? Does Clark have a website?
• In fact, why the hell is Clark posing in front of the symbols anyway? That’s Kentian in its stupidity.
• That's an excellent stare
• It’s the inappropriate time of day which annoys Martha the most.
• Yeah, destroying one of their helicopters is going to *stop* them coming after you...
• Lois is quite a rude houseguest.
• Just because you’re trapped in a cage, it’s no reason to let your standards drop.
• Because there's bugger all evidence!
• That poor tailor has to keep following Lionel around the cell. “La la la, just ignore me,  I’m just going to take your measurements and try to ignore the thinly-veiled death threats…”
• Lex so nearly held it together then.
• And just as you thought the Luthors couldn’t get any more messed up, they explicitly threaten to kill each other.
• Is that a very large wine glass or is Lex very small?
• They really do think that dressing her in black and showing her shoulders is going to make her likeable.
• Lex always looks great, that's not exactly news
• We could have told you that Lana
• How can they be partners again? Lana has no money. Although that was true before and that didn’t stop the absurd storyline.
• "Rent the apartment" With Lex's money!
• Why is Clark sleeping naked on the couch? Clark is sleeping on the couch which means the Kents don’t have a spare room. When Lex stayed, Clark wasn’t sleeping on the couch. How long is the Kents’ sofa if Clark can stretch out on it?
• Lois is refreshingly direct.
• You’d be able to tell by the smell.
• She’s sitting on the coffin yet she was able to open the lid? Did Chloe have a split-opening coffin?
• She’s searching in her grave, I would’ve thought it was fairly obvious she has no idea where Chloe is.
• Personally, I would have gone for the shovel
• Terminator boy seems a bit of a pointless character. Of all the mutant gifts I've seen, I think his must be the most useful. You'd never have to struggle with shrink-wrap again
• Graveyard!Lana, that figures. It’s Lana, She-Who-Used-To-Be-Attacked-In-Graveyards
• A sensible person would do it at night... Hang on, why was Clark sleeping naked on the couch *in the middle of the day*?
• Only Lana could make a comment about gravedigging next to someone who is obviously covered in dirt, looks tired and sweaty and had a shovel conveniently near by.
• I love the way Lois says "It's my cousin's." As if that makes digging her up less creepy
• Ooh, manual!Clark! Martha is going to be angry that he’s doing that messy stuff in a white t-shirt.
• Even Lois knows Lana only went to Paris to find a new date
• Lois expresses the thought of the entire audience. “You two, really?”
• Ah yes, Clark and Lana is still tedious.
• So where has Lana been storing her $300,000 car while she's been in Paris?
• Clark has a typewriter in the barn, despite the fact he has wireless internet connection and a lap-top.
• Smart? Oh dear, Lois is losing her credibility here.
• It’s easier to finish people’s thoughts for them than to let them do it themselves.
• Where did General Lane come from? The helicopter hasn't even landed
• Martha’s got the good entertaining-a-military-officer china out.
• What else would Martha do?
• Jonathan is getting A Look from Martha there.
• Clark should never go into professional poker.
• Lex has a new simulation to play with!
• Uses for Lex Luthor’s head number 72.
• Lex should be snarky with Clark more often.
• It very obviously didn’t take out an acre.
• See? Didn't I say that?
• That's a super sidelong glance from Clark
• *Cough* *splutter* Eeeee! Make it go away! Oh God, my eyes…they burn…
• Good on JG for demanding to be naked like everyone else on the show.
• Lex had Lionel stabbed. That’s a very significant step he’s taken and they don’t seem to acknowledge it at all.
• Lois has a black ops outfit!
• Hey, his Dad did it, it's not that hard
• If he's going to be king, Lex should get a crown
• Which of Chloe and Lois's parents are related?
• People need to pick more random aliases
• "But she died 80 years ago..." Now Lois is really starting to worry about what her Dad does in his spare time
• Wall…laptop…yeah, Chloe’s nearby. I love that Chloe has to obsessively start a new wall wherever she goes.
• Lionel has a rather creepy relationship with the terminator boy
• Clark has absolutely no right to know. Firstly, he’s proved himself completely untrustworthy, and secondly, he’s been missing for three months.
• The underground railroad lined their tunnels with concrete?
• Look at Chloe refusing to be held captive. Bless her, that girl refuses to be held hostage. 
• Why does the "old" foundry still have huge runnels of molten metal and functioning machines?
• Isn't this foundry full of kryptonite?
• Lois took that very calmly
• I've missed those big fans, I haven't seen them on a set in years
• I love that Chloe is happier to see Lois than Clark.
• Three months, surely
• Why doesn't MR get a sexy walk-through advert?
• They can't convict him! There was no evidence!
• It seems strange they threw away the dramatic potential of the trial.
• Wow, a pro-Lex rant. Ah, the lease on the farm must be up again. Could Martha and Jonathan change their minds about Lex more often? We'll have to construct some kind of swing-o-meter to keep track
• He’s also just imprisoned his own father Clark, give him a break.
• Maybe his secret enemy is Lana
• Who wears make-up to go caving?
• Poor Clark.. He really has no idea does he?
• I do like the design of that tattoo
• They've paid a bit more money for this prison set. It has indoor barbed wire and everything (why not just make the bars go up to the roof?)
• Go Lex! Yay! Lex deserves a truly smug moment, it's telling that he had to achieve it by putting his own father in prison, but it's good to see nonetheless
• Oooh, look at the prisoners close in on Lionel.
• Cary Grant moment?
• Could the writers be any more blatant than playing ‘She Will Be Loved’ over the unnecessary Lana scene? She will be loved, damn it, even if we have to throw a brilliant show to the dogs because of it.

• This is a new episode, right?
• Whitney! I've missed Whitney. Whitney! I don’t feel I gave Whitney enough credit when he was around. Bloody hell, is he back again?
• That's a truly expert recreation of Clark's season one hair
• Dunk her! Dunk her! Go on, you know you want to…
• I have absolutely no idea what's going on now
• Oh well, if it’s a tradition that’s okay then. How come all of the football traditions seem to involve torturing someone or tying someone up?
• That's so obviously a really pretty girl with  prosthetic acne. The glasses and prosthetic overbite don’t help. 
• It’s very obvious her mother is a homicidal maniac; Abby should be more observant.
• I think the inner me is fatter and spottier.
• Needles!
• She's conscious while the hundreds of separate needles are driven into her skin? I'd refuse to even be conscious for the prop needles
• It's nice to know I'm not the only one who has a commentary in my head
• Clark is adorable because he’s a geek. Be a geek, embrace your nerdity
• Clark honey, one man’s outsider is another man’s geek.
• I'd say generals don't babysit, but I watch I Stargate, I'm surprised they don't carry rattles and diverting board games
• But Chloe stayed with Lois in her freshman dorms when Clark was in Metropolis.
• I love Clark’s reaction to Lois’ failure. I’d have hated to have repeated my upper sixth year. I think if I had to repeat a school year, that one would be the least painful. Although that may be because it was the year where I spent the least amount of actual time *in* school.
• Clark is much funnier around Lois than he is around anyone else
• Clark so thought that wolf-whistle was for him.
• What utterly impractical shoes
• That seems strange for Chloe’s opinion.
• Did Chloe just use the phrase "None of our business"?
• Why isn’t Lois staying with Chloe?
• Well take your hands off him then, you stupid girl.
• He took a job at his girlfriend's *school*? That's incredibly stupid, not to mention probably illegal
• And while kissing his illicit girlfriend he didn't bother to lock the door?
• There must be a joke about rotator cuffs...
• I guess Lionel's reference doesn't carry the weight it once did, "Well, this patricide I worked for once said I was extremely competent..."
• Ah, they’re in debt, this explains the turn around about Lex.
• Jonathan is so looking for compensatory sex.
• I like the potential of the locker room.
• Did Clark forge his permission slip then, or did Martha sign it?
• I get the feeling I'm going to become very annoyed about football montages this season
• That bra can't be approved games kit
• Boy’s? As in, the locker room belongs to one boy? If I saw something like that up in my school I’d be sitting outside it in a long-term protest to change the sign. Oh dear god, If they’re going to consistently refuse me a job petting MR, they can at least allow me to check for glaring grammatical errors. If they're only allowing one boy in at a time then I'm going to be very disappointed. What a waste of potential
• Is it a requirement this season to have at least one wet, naked man per episode?
• That was my reaction to him in the first place.
• “Who, Brad?” No, the other half naked wet boy being loaded into an ambulance.
• He was running around half naked and soaking wet because he was in Smallville.
• If he was checking for a penis, then she shouldn't be that flattered
• They are just the most incredibly tall, fit, mature-looking schoolboys I've ever seen
• Ooh! Parcels. And bubble-wrapped parcels as well. They're the best kind
• It was addressed to his business; that makes it his mail.
• What does Lana hope to learn from a selection of books written in Arabic? Did she have to use Arabic Amazon to order them? Is there an Arabic Amazon? She just saw the pretty picture and was hoping that Jonathan, master of all known languages, could help translate
• Lex is getting snarkier and I like it. “Must be the same project Clark is always working on.”
• We see the random emotional side an awful lot.
• Jonathan needs putting in his place more often.
• KK coped admirably well with nearly losing her underwear then
• "Promise me I can have your face when the breath has left your body..."
• He didn’t come to you for advice, you forced advice on him.
• If you’re going to blindfold your illicit girlfriend you shouldn’t be doing it on school premises. There is no way that any school would leave a space unused; if they did, then the students would use it for nefarious and probably nicotine-fuelled reasons.
• Of all the people I want to see blindfolded in a sexual situation, Lana is the one at the very bottom of the list
• Where did Jason go? If he left Lana there to look like a fool, he’s going up in my estimation.
• I'm fairly sure if I looked in a mirror and saw that I'd go "ew" and try to poke it experimentally, I'm don't think I'd run away screaming
• The polite thing would be to walk louder, and knock
• Another fantastic lurk by Lex.
• "I’m the new assistant football coach and I’m here in public declaring my undying love for a high school student."
• At least Jason's didn't have him poisoned
• I’m ignoring the Lex/Lana thing because a) It’s stupid, b) I’m hoping it’s a red herring, and c) Mmmm Lex.
• There are just too many things wrong with Lana for them to diagnose.
• How badly can you spell Seratonin?
• Lois has a mouse in her bag.
• It's always pretty people who say that
• Serotonin regulates mood; how would that explain the symptoms?
• Was Lois wearing the PVC underwear before the procedure?
• "I've been meaning to talk to you about that..." I'm starting to become quite fond of Jason. He does have his moments, doesn't he?
• Mostly it’s not the faces of cheerleaders people are looking at.
• I think you'll find it still is
• That’s exactly what adults in the Kent family do. It seems to be their defining characteristic.
• I love Jonathan and Clark being all manly together.
• I like Lois’ smile as she sees her by-line.
• Fan mail on pink notepaper...
• Now that’s hard to refuse.
• God I *love* this show! Cute, damp, ruffled!Clark in a wet t-shirt... That’s possibly the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.
• Oh, Chloe! Oh Chloe sweetie, still? He’s really not worth it.
• For a very average FOTW episode, that was a wonderfully bittersweet ending.

• He's enjoying the view of lots of boys in tight trousers. I just love that football players are usually portrayed as ultra-macho and homophobic yet they spend most of their time cuddling each other in very tight shiny trousers.
• Have we actually met Coach Quigley yet?
• Mandy needs to knee him in the groin
• Smallville should run a public health campaign about the danger of drinking glowing green things.
• Christ boy, don’t dribble! You can squirt it straight into your mouth you know.
• Yet another trip through the anatomically-incorrect internal organs of a Smallville teenager. How does something he drinks arrive at his *heart*?
• Oh don’t, I had a year ten class that thought that if you swallowed chewing gum it could wind around your heart. I had to stop analysing Act One Scene Five of Macbeth for that one. 
• He's going shopping *and* he's showering first?
• Cheerleaders invented something? Something that worked? Do you think that there’s a battered copy of “1001 Cool Things To Do With Those Green Rocks” that gets passed from graduating class to graduating class?
• As if Clark wasn't unpopular enough.
• Honestly Clark, just walk around
• I'm glad his natural geekiness follows him onto the field.
• That apostrophe is still painful. The Smallville production team's complete lack of grammatical abilities wouldn't be quite so tragic if they didn't insist on doing a close up of it all the time. Honestly, me, that sign and Toby’s marker pen. All it would take is ten seconds…
• Was he keeping that shotgun in his locker just in case he needed to blow someone away after the game?
• They really do have a nudity quotient this season don't they?
• It's important to get those 'ow's right
• Shouldn't he be treated by a nurse of some kind, not just Lana with a piece of gauze?
• I love the fact that Jason's reaction to Clark's abilities is to plan how best to use them on a football field
• "No, never, usually it's that coaches attacking the students"
• Because nothing is ever funny around Lana.
• He can still afford flowers! Jason's such a cheapskate
• I'm determined to like Jason in order to make these scenes more bearable.
• Wow. She should get at least one credit for using the word 'egregious' in context
• You look like an idiot Clark. It also clashes horribly
• Clark is just so much funnier around Lois. "In the future let's restrict our conversations to hello and goodbye."
• It only belongs to him because no one else wants it.
• That image is about as far away from feminism as you can get.
• Don’t cheerleaders have to wear, you know, clothes?
• I like the fact that holding a mirror is regarded as more bizarre than wielding a shotgun
• I do love Chloe and Lois' complete lack of regard for the football jacket.
• Clark's getting that on a plaque. "It's the school colours..." Never mind Clark, your mother will think you’re cute.
• Lois and Chloe share a private joke about tight ends. Did Lois just make a gay sex joke? I'm so used to picking them out of the subtext I get slightly thrown when they're that overt. No, even I got that one
• Clark's rather disappointed that hugs and kisses aren't part of the football experience
• It's Lex! In a room full of naked men! Oh my god, this is possibly the gayest moment *ever*. I'm virtually speechless...
• Okay, is Lex actually giving a romantic speech to Clark in a room full of naked men, or have I just slipped into my own imagination again?
• Lex actually just checked that guy out. Either their editor is blind or it's deliberate. And the blond one in the back is quite clearly staring at Lex's ass the entire time!
• Lex isn't trying to buy your friendship, Clark, he's trying to buy the friendship of the entire football team.
• Clark now has to run around with 'Property of Lex Luthor' stamped all over his football kit.
• Chloe should definitely know better than to drink the green stuff. I wouldn't drink anything that colour even if it wasn't obviously meteor-rock related. That stuff looks like Night Nurse
• Because Clark's a lying, untrustworthy, gay alien.
• Chloe must be under the influence, there’s no way she’d give up the Torch! 
• Lois has a very good point.
• If you dump your boyfriend because he shot someone, I think you can probably forego the official waiting period
• Lois is cheerleader-baiting and looks like so much fun. I wish there had been cheerleaders in school when I was young.
• Will they let her print the word "Bitch" on the front of the school newspaper? Since she’s the defacto editor now, I think she can publish anything she wants. Once, anyway.
• Only Clark could ask that- "Like what..?"
• Clark really has no idea how to handle women does he?
• His Mum still packs his P.E. kit?
• Assume she's been taken over by weird parasites, or drugs of magic of some kind. That's been the explanation every other time
• Notice Jonathan didn't detail exactly how he earned the respect of the entire football team.
• I’m sorry, Advanced Lit? Did she get lost on the way to remedial maths?
• It's impossible to make Lana happy. Either she wants public affection or she doesn't
• Oh Chloe... no... Seeing Chloe in a cheerleader's outfit is as bad as seeing Sam Carter in pink.When the green stuff wears off she’s going to have a hell of a lot of bad memories to repress.
• A tranquilizer gun would be good.
• Dear God, now Clark's drinking it? Shouldn't he have felt a little ill before he swallowed it? Shouldn't he be dead about now?"
• I'm worried about a system that allows teachers to encourage students to beat up other students. And not even for extra credit
• I do love Chloe's individual cheering.
• Yay for Lex getting to save someone else. Lex just won a fight! That was incredibly manly of him
• “Are you okay?” “Do I look okay?”
• Did that just come out of his nose?
• "I'm always here Clark... I just lurk behind a beam over there in case anything interesting happens"
• "It's every file I ever had on you...there's a truck bringing all the physical evidence that'll be round in a couple of days."
• Clark needs to stop starting conversations about lying.
• But Lex's dark side is so much more interesting that anyone else's .
• When Lex finds out Clark is a lying SOB it's going to hit him kind of hard.
• This is the only problem with Lois meeting Clark before Metropolis. There's no way she doesn't work out his secret.
• Luckily Lois doesn't have to imagine what Clark looks like in skimpy clothing
• They're doing this in the school swimming pool?
• I really don't have it in me to hate these cheerleaders. I'm trying, but they're just doing so well
• I do like the way Mandy gets straight to the point.
• Clark in flipflops is incredibly unsexy.
• How was that Clark's hand?
• If only someone would attack Lana with a giant wrench.
• "What's going on... why are my hands suddenly red and burned and why am I completely ignoring them?"
• Being cheered to death would be a horrible way to go
• If I had complete control of my boyfriend the first thing I'd do is stop them wearing Hawaiian shirts
• Well, that was convenient.
• That's a lovely sweater
• He destroyed the Clarkroom! I liked the Clarkroom.
• It seems odd that he went to all the trouble to spotlight the Porsche, and then just left it on a pallet
• They've been friends again for less than a minute and Clark is already asking for a bloody favour. Lex needs to start saying no. I love Lex's incredibly strained smile as soon as Clark starts asking for things
• Well, Clark only knows four girls and one of them is his mother.
• Jason's a much better liar than the rest of the town
• I love Chloe and Lois having no idea what to do.
• Lex went to watch Clark play! Lex came to the game! And sat in a stand! With normal people!
• Clark's shirt number changes for every game, does that normally happen?
• Lex has no idea of the rules does he?
• Come on Jonathan, smile just once.
• 500lb is quite small for an elephant
• Just stop leading her on, Clark.
• I want to see the white man power dance. We should have seen Lex do the dance
• No more Lois? I like Lois!
• Where exactly was Clark going? He's now stuck standing at the far end of the football pitch.

• Damn, that's not Lex's car, and I knew what it was without even looking it up
• It wasn't very threatening if it was
• Look! They're standing on level ground. That's definitive proof they're the same height.
• New prescriptions are good things. I'm always excited by mine
• I only have pink, white and brown ones, I feel deprived
• Jonathan and Clark should really have non plaid clothing to wear when they go out together.
• John Schneider is looking particularly sexy this week.
• 'Heartbeat' was kinda the wrong word to use then
• "Be careful... but happily accept his football tickets." Jonathan's out done himself on the swing-o-meter this week. He's insulting Lex at exactly the same time as holding the tickets to the game that Lex game them in his hand.
• I swear Kansas must have some of the worst drivers in the world
• Jonathan just attracts trouble, doesn’t he?
• That skateboarder didn't get far.
• Given all the outstanding medical bills the Kents must have, I doubt they'd let Jonathan through the door.
• I like a man who doesn't let heroism get in the way of petty theft
• Canadian adverts are really sweet. They're all for wholesome food and pick-ups
• Martha's never going to let Jonathan out of her sight again.
• Martha's has a very high opinion of Jonathan's ability to resist unarmed muggers, "Did he have a gun?"
• No. Report the stolen credit card now.
• Forget journalism, Chloe should make her future being a Private Investigator. 
• Martha was very obviously going somewhere.
• I love Jonathan's snicker when Martha says she'd love to 'drive on down to the lake'.
• If Lana managed it, how hard can it be?
• Is the fire necessary on what looks like a lovely day? Couldn’t they just shut the window if they’re cold?
• Well, this is riveting *yawn*. Breathe already
• Lana expected the man she was very obviously about to have sex with not to notice the strange tattoo.
• Had he seen her untattooed-back before?
• Mine happened because being jabbed repeatedly with sharp needles seemed far more tempting than the prospect of another day in the Classics Library
• Well, you usually ask everyone else for permission, so why change now?
• Yes, you are
• Any parcel that has to be opened with a crowbar is bound to be interesting.
• Lex has an incredibly shiny crowbar. Doesn’t he have a flunky to open boxes for him? Someone's already taken the nails out so he doesn't have to strain himself, but he likes to pretend he can do these things himself
• It's either something very mysterious, or a giant hamster. I hope Lex has ordered a giant hamster.
• Well he's going to have to pay for it now, seeing as Clark stopped him reporting it stolen.
• I feel they've missed an opportunity to put MR in lycra.
• Run Clark!
• Surely Clark could do that too? If he can't the worst that can happen is that he gets wet. It's a win-win situation
• That was a very cool, unexpected cape effect
• Now Jonathan is taking in waifs and strays too.
• They gave Lois a bed and a shower, and all she did was walk through the door
• Clark should get out more. That's very true, Clark hasn't looked in many other places
• He's not living on the streets. He's living in a very nice hotel room
• "Well, actually my Dad came and got me..."
• That's possibly the first time I've ever understood the word 'bling'.
• You have to admire Bart for getting two lovely Clark-insults in there without even blinking
• What on earth does Clark have Kryptonite in his desk for? Clark keeps that in the *loft*? He’s just as dumb as a box of rocks. Or rock.
• It's a pretty short story
• I'm not sure I'd describe either of them as a stud
• Don't put the cookie back! It's got teeth-marks in it
• People on this show have a weird tulip fixation. There’s nothing wrong with tulips. They happen to be my favourite flowers. There's nothing wrong with tulips at all, but on this show they're *everybody's* favourite flower, which strikes me as a little strange
• I really like this version of Flash. Once again, Smallville surprises me by portraying other DC characters well.
• Chloe is so hooked.
• Most parents would be worried by their child trying to befriend a criminal
• Lex actually has etchings to invite Clark to see now.
• Clark is getting really good at humouring Lex now. “It’s very nice. What is it?”
• That's a very fine Lexian line. Basically, if he's not keeping stuff in a special room, it's okay.
• I know nothing about Russian history, but I'd put money on them having made that up. Rasputin may have stared at it, but he was an unhinged lunatic with severe... problems. I wouldn’t use that as a basis for its importance.
• Yay! Scooby and Shaggy are back as a crime fighting force!
• Clark isn't allowed to talk to anyone else in the mansion. It's a little rule Lex has.
• Go on, tell Lex he's hearing voices...
• Jonathan is so excited about having a guys' night in.
• A map *of* what. Maps don't necessarily lead anywhere
• Can you traipse on a crusade? Crusading should involve moving in a much more definite manner
• Don't get pissy with Lex. How's he supposed to know he shouldn't have it?
• Clark's arrogance has reached new heights in assuming anyone's hands but his would be the wrong ones.
• He's got fifteen good ones. Sixteen if you count the one squashed into a cube
• Why didn’t he wait another day? He was going to go back anyway, and this way he gets to spend the evening with his dad. Silly impatient teenage boys. 
• That's Lex's security system? A siren and some big flashing lights? That's the funniest security system I've ever seen, and so very Lexian.
• Why doesn't Clark just run away?
• Oh, and Lex has come to tackle the intruder himself as well...
• He's never minded Clark wandering the halls in the middle of the night before
• You can see the little vein stating to pulse in Lex's jaw right now
• Well, that was definitely Clark's last chance as far as Lex is concerned. He's definitely keeping a record from now on.
• What exactly did Jonathan offer her over the phone?
• "God knows how you did this..." She didn't bother making a profit? She was only the Assistant Manager and Lex and Nell did all the difficult adding up?
• Stop telling your son's friend your personal problems!
• God spare us from trite-advice!Lana
• She could have gotten that kind of insight from Trisha
• How does Bart know the one fence in Metropolis with a knowledge of Russian etchings?
• Just a guess, but I would think he called the police
• Lex gets to kick ass! And he does it quite well. Watch action!Lex go!
• It didn't hurt anyone, that was Clark
• No, he really doesn't.
• Should Jonathan be up there?
• So the police arrived to find nothing but a completely unconscious Lex Luthor in the middle of a deserted warehouse?
• That's a short skirt for a respectable farmer's wife
• This is the funniest scene ever. Would it be wrong to want to see Martha hosing Jonathan down?  It's hard not to like a man who's sexually excited by soap
• For a set everyone on the show hates using, they come down to these caves an awful lot
• Her tomb was made of brass
• Would it be giving the writers too much credit to think they're trying to draw a parallel between the viewer's hatred of Lana and a saint who was martyred? Although, perhaps more importantly, Countess Theroux was burned at the stake, so as long as they follow that through they can make any point they like.
• Jason seems an odd person to bring into the alien secrets plot.
• 'And not breaking into my mansion and stealing my things.'
• Lex has a bruise!
• Okay, who else has Lex wearing a cowboy hat and boots in their head now? Mmmm... Lex in spurs...
• For a moment I thought that was going to be a fake
• It's taken me at least three viewings to realise that Clark just went to see Lex without at any point asking him for a favour... I'm putting that shocking lapse of attention down to being too distracted by Lex's spurs. It's the only explanation
• Clark must have world's least convincing inner criminal
• I love the idea that the Justice League was started because Flash wanted some friends.
• "There's me..." That's sweet Clark, but you're really not that interesting
• Clark has absolutely no idea where he is now

• They are some unbelievably tolerant cows.
• Why on earth isn't Jason mocking Clark mercilessly?
• Teachers don’t just go to pupils’ houses you know.
• I bet he kids about other things though.
• Jonathan and Jason seem very friendly all of a sudden
• Oh, that kind of noise is never a good sign.
• That's a very open visiting procedure. And why is Lionel (a convicted murderer) sitting at a table opposite one of the people he's tried to kill, when poor Clark and Jonathan, who hadn't hurt anybody, had to exchange their black power salute through toughened glass.
• I don't think Lionel realises quite how angry Lex is.
• Is he saying it now?
• Oh Lex... however hard he tries there's always going to be a bit of him that hopes Lionel is genuine.
• Extremely open visiting policies...
• Can't Clark ever do anything without being so dramatic?
• Why is Lionel green?
• Clark takes every opportunity he can to tackle Lex to the floor, he doesn't need a reason.
• Lionel's much better at implausible excuses than Clark.
• Is there anything more exciting than Lionel in Clark's body?
• Are they usually very chatty in the car? I wish we were privy to more of those car drive chats.
• Keep saying it Lex, you might just believe it.
• Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. It says so right above the door!
• Lionel should have a fan club. There should be badges and a quarterly newsletter
• Jonathan doesn't seem at all phased that Clark just vanished into thin air and Lex has driven him home two hours later. Considering how nervous he is of anything Lex-related this season he should be more concerned
• TW is doing a superb impression of JG.
• Jonathan is very keen for Clark to demonstrate his powers in the driveway where anyone could see.
• I think Lionel is more astonished at having to do manual work than being asked to lift the tractor.
• Superpowers or not, the balance is all wrong. He really should be holding that in the middle or Jonathan is going to be crushed by a tractor.
• Lionel does remarkably well to resist the urge to drop that on Jonathan.
• Do they never check people's cells in this prison? Surely anything other that pictures of naked women would raise an eyebrow?
• What was the little guy going to say if it *was* Lex?
• So why has Lana got the water symbol tattooed on her? And why wasn't that stone inside her so they had to cut it out? Although if they're missing the fire symbol, it increases the chance they'll have to set her alight at some point
• Considering how bad Lionel's lawyers must have been for him to end up in there, I wouldn't give the little guy that much of a chance.
• Poor Clark having to deal with mortality and orange all at the same time.
• Lionel's checking Clark out! Well, we know what Lionel's going to be doing for the next half hour.
• Never complain when men look nice.
• You shameless bastard! I love Lionel asking for a hug.
• Clark/Martha was probably the only combination on this show I hadn't considered.
• Or maybe some water...
• Lionel so desperately tries to understand the manly patting.
• "You looking at me like you have absolutely no idea who I am..." Jason's incredibly perceptive for an inhabitant of Smallville. Obviously the local water hasn’t attacked his brain yet.
• I bet Lionel was the last kid to get picked for games at school.
• Call Lex! Lex can help!
• This prison only seems to house members of ZZ Top.
• There's a great mimic of a similar shot from the bar fight in 'Red' in that prison fight.
• Of course Lex changed the password.
• He wouldn't do much. She's not a threat now he's been convicted.
• I think everyone should have a Lionel Luthor alert.
• Wheee! Lionel never struck me as the kind of man who plays with his wheelie chair before.
• Lionel finds Chloe attractive? I don't know why I'm so surprised by that. Oh, that's exactly the same light Lionel has always seen Chloe in.
• That was magnificently evil of Lionel.
• That's not real research, that's just printed off the internet.
• You're in school: Stop doing that!
• Jason has his name on the door!
• Well, if they're dumb enough to make out in school they deserve to get discovered.
• Lionel can hardly hide his contempt for Lana.
• That's a great shot of Clark's ass.
• Lionel seems to have mastered Clark's powers a whole lot faster that Clark did.
• I can't believe Clark is still trying to deny it!
• I love the little pause after "friend". Lionel knows just who to threaten to get to Clark doesn't he?
• Clark just has no capacity to understand Lex and Lionel's relationship does he?
• Why leave the $2.79?
• "Oh, this one." Lionel nicely sums up the opinion of the entire audience.
• Jason did follow you back from Paris, but then he took a job in your high school; that doesn't suggest he thinks everything through particularly thoroughly.
• I like the idea of Lionel being congenitally unable to stop flirting with anyone who wanders by.
• Lionel is having so much fun.
• No, don't regret the loss of the beard.
• Sick on so many levels...
• Damn Smallville for making me think that story is cute.
• At some point Martha's going to realise just who she hugged in the barn last night
• Shouldn't somebody be worrying about Lex right about now?
• Clark has a purple shirt? Has Lex taken him clothes shopping at some point?
• And he only knows that because he's spent many, many hours considering Red!Clark.
• Lex nicely illustrates that Kal-El is scarily similar to Lionel Luthor.
• He's actually holding Lex off the floor!
• Can you snap a larynx? You can snap the hyoid bone. Isn’t that around there somewhere?
• Lex is way too used to this
• Now is not the time for nagging, Martha
• Don't wipe your neck with the teatowel! Jonathan can be so unsanitary at times
• They keep Kryptonite in the closet?! What kind of sick parents are they? Or is it just to prevent Clark from looking for his Christmas presents?
• Do they let people visit at all hours?
• Lionel has an odd obsession with bunnies. I have a rather lovely image of Lionel Luthor dressed as the Easter Bunny. He's carrying a basket.
• But you could disappear into the ether. Or he'll end up jumping back into a corpse.
• Clark started a prison riot by accident! Only Clark could start a brutal prison riot accidentally. That's what you get when you have an open-plan prison
• Oooh, that's a great shot of LionelClark through the bars.
• Lionel! Hang on, why am I feeling sympathy for Lionel? *Confused* Is Lionel actually crying? Was the burden of being young and attractive too hard to bear?
• If Lana and Chloe were that mad with him, then why did they come round at all?
• He heard it from the key as well, as did Jonathan.
• There's a frankly scary amount of naked Lionel this year.
• Well, I don't believe that for a second.
• Perhaps Lex could recommend a therapist.
• Why doesn't Clark just tell Chloe? She's seen far less explicable things than that, and he doesn't have to reveal any of his secret. Moreover, I'm not sure how they're going to justify Chloe ever speaking to Clark again.
• Here's a suggestion; stop talking about it loudly in the corridor!
• Don't get pissy with Clark. You were the one kissing a teacher in an *unlocked office during a school day*
• Poor Lex. That's the first time he's put the gun down all day, and Clark has to walk in.
• Aww! They have private jokes! I love that Lex and Clark have private jokes.
• Clark has his arms around Lex's waist; that's not a very manly hug.
• Why isn't Lex's neck all bruised?
• "You asked for $57milion." "Did I get it?"
• Why is Clark lying now? Lex knows what happened. This boy really needs to sort out the necessary lies from the unnecessary ones.
• Well, it wouldn't be a complete episode without Clark asking for a favour. I think I may have to start keeping record.
• Yes, but so do the innocent ones.
• Hmmm. That means Lex is in league with Dr Swann, doesn't it?