Social Phobia

I was prompted to write this by an article in tonight's local news; a cure has been found for 'Social Phobia', which is a condition where the sufferer is afraid to be amongst other people.
I don't suffer from it; I'm not afraid, I just don't like people. People in general, that is; not individuals, with whom I get on reasonably well.
For example, I become homicidal exactly five seconds after entering the local supermarket, annoyed beyond endurance by the prats who leave their trolleys unattended while they wander off (I sometimes move them to another aisle); by the mamby-pamby parents who let their children run amok and then utter empty threats (if you don't stop that I'll smack you. OK then, smack the spoilt brat. I'll do it for you if you can't be bothered); by the ignorant bastards who unload a wheelbarrow at the 8 items only checkout (they are probably the same people who must overtake one more car as the lane ends at roadworks); by the gorilla-like retards who shamble along at one foot per minute with their forearms resting on the handle on the trolley, neither looking not caring where they go; by the groups of empty-headed idiots who block a complete aisle while they have a chat; by just about anyone!

The following paragraph is a diatribe against dog owners. Don't get me wrong - I like dogs, dogs like me, and some of my best friends own dogs. I wrote it after an incident involving an old lady, an incontinent Corgi, and my front lawn. After some consideration, I decided that I maybe didn't mean everything I wrote, so I've hidden it. Click here to read it if you really want to.

People who talk loudly in public places annoy me. Why should I be forced to listen to their inane conversations? They are probably the same people whom you can hear for miles away on the hills, and who resolutely camp on the summit cairn, not allowing anybody else access to it.

Bill, Mark and Jerry share similar views (except for dog owners!), which is probably why we have stuck together all these years. We often talk about buying a pub between us, but then realise that we wouldn't allow anybody into it - not even ourselves!

There now; I feel better for having got that off my chest. And now that I've offended all my readers, I'd better start designing a new Web Site.