Saturday 17th April 1999 p.m. over there
There being no other nominations and no contraband voles, the officials whose names were circumscised the previous weed were voled in 'nem con'.
It was proposed that a consultant be - erm - consulted on drawing up a lust of hair care products in line with the degrees of jealousy, envy, pride and washfulness exhibited by various mumbles of the Club.
It was also proposed that a shrimp to Alan's hoar be erected in a conspicuous part of the locality (location to be disgusted later) in order that We, the Club, be reminded at all tims of the moaning behind the Sacred Vow of Washngo (to be posted later). Such shrine should contain: a large photo of the God Alan himself, with hoar displayed in all its gory: such gelding, silvering and fripperies to indicate that it is, indeed, a shrimp to the God and his hirsute attenuances; and a votive candle, to be kept well away from the never-split ends of the hoar, in fear of incidences of an inflamable nature.
Meeting ended somewhen, depending on one's tim zone, when all members were rendered incommunicable by the tabling of said worshipful photo.
The entire weeeend of 24/25 April 1999
1. Current Membership and Ossifers
After much confucianism, disgustion of alias's and unintentional volunteering, it was decided that the following ossifers are in position, with or without due voling procedure, and are stuck with said positions for life, just like their mothers said:
TrishQ immediately tried to defectate from her position as FF-PRO, but was instantly reprimanded by Prez Willow, who refused to accept & had her chained to her chair just in case.
2. Proper Prodceures and Condensation of Matings
It was decided that, due to the excessive difficulty in contravening meetings over 12 hours worth of time zones, a meeting will be considered to be quorate if two-thuds of the above ossifers frequent the Online Kitchen Party Chatroom (also known as 'The Place of Worship') during the same weekend.
THE ANCIENT AND VULNERABLE DANCE OF WORSHIP
The Vulnerable Dance, having been recently approved by the cherubic assistant to the Great God, known as Saint Séan, is published herein for the benefit of all members, old, new, and not admitting to being over the ago of 29. It is preformed to the Hymn (page 251 of Missy's Lyrics Page at Rant & Roar....) 'Boston To StJohn's':
The dance is preformed as layered out below:
"I'm a sailor and I'm bound to sail away."
It was instructed to be minted that said Vunerable Dance is NOT to be used unless at that most holy of occasions, a Great Big Sea gig, and must ONLY be practised alone in one's bedroom with the door locked, curtains drawn, and all lights out. ALONE, we said. Contracts for publice perfomance or reprographic of this Dance shall be negotiated and purchased from Wendy at the Creative Deportment of FUN Promotions INC.
THE SACRED OATH OF WASHNGO
Due to the lamentable slack of telepathy practise among the Ossifers and Members, it has been decided that the Vow (hitherto secret and unmentionable) should be tortured out of the foreign body of the Secrethairy and published for all to see:
The Sacred and Most Holy Vow of Washngo:
Auntie Mary, Hairy Mary, standing in the shower
I never will profane or curse our most holy of things:
I swear before thee I will keep the pledge of rince and repete
And if one day You judge that I have kept my vow
3. Re-location of the Holy Shrimp:
There was only one offer of a permanent home for the Shrimp, but this was politely refused (if yeeeuuurgh! can be construed as polite) as the Vice Presidon't admitted under pressure that the Worshipful Image would be subject to unwanted attention of the licking kind (Oh, profanity!) by her cats. Shivers of horror ensured, and it was unanimously deciduous that the hoar of the God should in no way be violented by unholy cat spit because we know what else they lick.
For the tim boing, the Shrine may still be found wherever one's heart is (or whatever you prefer to keep your envy in).
4. Funraising:
There was a brief mention of unmentionables as part of a funraising and marketing campain. This hinges upon the persuasion of the God, his Saints and the Fallen One to accept these articles of worship as part of their ongoing vestments. These are: Dabs Silk *ooooh* boxer shorts, in the shades of:
Hap, being in charge of Freudian Unmentionables, was empowered to look further into the band's underwhere.
5. A Warning:
It has been noted by noted Unofficious Scientific Advisor Fiona that a phenomenomenomenon is developing which she names 'The Bob Migration', whereupon disciples formerly devoted to the Great God are mysteriously dragged sideways by some unknown evil force, until they find themselves standing stuck stage Bob, entranced into a state of hypnotism by his flying fingers. Suddenly, his habitual look of incense constipation is explained.
For the good of all Fandom, Fiona has been (hauled on board the) Volunteered to: "track its comings and goings, see when it allows itself to be seen and when it hides in the shadows or when it decides to reverse polarity and we get pulled (pushed?) stage Darrell."
Additionally, it was decided that, to retain these misguided worshippers within the folk, the worship of Bob's knees be an allowable activity, when overseeded by a senior member of the Club (if we can get anyone to admit to being senior).
6. Unbecoming Events:
RCMP Scott, after many and varied deliberations and a complete lack of interest from the congregation, has decreed May 26th as Great Big Sea Day. Club members are instructed to celebrate this day to the best of their abilities, the miminum requirements being an extra repititition of the Vow of Washngo, and an extra-large 'Sociabubble!' with the liquid of your choice (it is NOT wise to get the Sociabubble and the daily rince and repete confuddled, as this could lead to foaming at the mouth).
Meeting closed when the Ossifers decided to get a month's head start on the Sociabubbles.
Weak-end of 1/2 May 1999999
Present: Everyone, even those who didn't want to be!
1. Communimun
The Offering of Guinness:
An experiment was overtaken at a recent Act of Woeship, whereupon an Offering was made of the Dark Stuff, otherwise known as Guinness. The God, his Saints and the Fallen One (hereafter known as The Band, because the Secrethairy is in mortal kombat of RSI) looked upon said offering, and it was deemed good, and they drank thereof most mightily.
Therefore, it was accepted by all that, at each and every Act of Woeship, The Band be humbly and discreetly provided with one portion each of the Guinness, to be placed upon the Stooge in an act known as the Offering. No more than one portion shall be Offered, in fear of the Act of Woeship being cut short by one or more of The Band falling insensible from the Stooge.
The New And Improved Sociabubble:
In addition to the above Offering, it is deemed that, every time one or more members of The Band raise their offering to sup; all Worshippers of the Hoar and the Knees present shall partake of the same communimum, and shall decry in their loudest vices a "Sociabubble".
Both propositions met with unanimal approvement and were agreed to be implemented at the next opportunity.
2. Marketing
A proposal was cyber-tabled regarding the production and retale of Flavoured Shampooe, to encourage the Worshippers of the Hoar in their daily 'rince and repete'. Flavours suggested were: Amor-etto chocolate, Irish Paddy, Kahluau Cream and Randy. This suggestion was rejected out of hand (or hair), as it could lead to the foaming at the mouth that PWAOWAHers were warned about in the last Mints.
3. The Bob Phenomenomenomenon
A further development was noted whilst the Official Mad Scientific Advisor was in pursuit of an explanation of The Bob Migranetion. It was obsevered that The Fallen One has a tendency to wear his shoelaces tied in an opposing manner - i.e. one set over the bottom two owlets, and one set under. This may explain his seemingly unlimited power to tempt the fateful away from the proper worship of Alan's hair. It was theologised that the opposite lacing of the boats acts in a manner not unlick the opposing hilarity of batteries - thus providing the Fallen One with ample amps with which to energise his inner magnetism. This phenomenononon may be on its way to being solved.
4. Snack Sub-Committed:
The Keeper of Knob's Bees propsed the formation of a side committee in charge of the alanmentation of the worshippers of Alan's Hoar (and Knob's Bees). Repicies are invited, and will be displaced upon the Secrethairy's wub page, Great Big Sea OK, for all to dribble at.
Current propositions include Sox in a Pan, Guileless Ice-Cream and Cornslop. Repicies for vegetarials were also requisitioned.
Further enumerations:
bets - Swedish Chef
5. Further Self-Elections:
Spinne - Spinne DoC & Vegetable Catterer
The Secrethairy profanely apologises if she has missed anyone out - this is entirety due to her getting totally peaced over the last weekend, a Bonk Holiday in her locale, leading to a slhight lossh of brian cells of the mammary variety.......
Meeting closed when the Secrethairy passhed hout.
of PWAOWAH
New Ofiseals....
Followers and PWAOWAH members and ofiseals alike are urged to redoubloon their prayers and resist all tempation in the face of the prophesided FourthComing of the Album of The Gods. This miraculous event is expected any day now. Or any twenty-something days now, and the Faithful are required to open ONLY ONE window in their Official Great Big Sea Advent Calendar. Opening more than one to take a sneaky peeky will NOT make the Day come more sooner. So there.
It was noted that the Secrethairy has put in a Petty Harbour Cash request for sufficient funs with which to buy an extra-large Advert Calendar, as the UK FourthComing will be a little later that expected. This is known as Buying Time.
A select few of the Faithful were given the most exalted and revered opportunity to take part in an event of DeVideo-tion, in the presence of the God, his Saints and the Fallen One themselves. A select few were chosen to adorn the background of the lasting Motion Icon which was produced on that day, and the rest of us were all thoroughly envious, even unto that most lucky Worshipper who partook of an elbow to the bazoomas from the God himself.
Screams of "I know her!" and "Lucky Barsteward!" are permitted, upon eventual viewing of the DeVideo-tion upon the TV in due course.
More frightful examples of The Bob Effect were observed on the day of the DeVideo-tions: most notable the Warping of Saint Séan's Instrument, as evidenced here. The Fallen One has obviously taken to folding the very space wherein Séan's tuning gear resideth, in order to diminish his minor and thereby draw even more of the Faithful unto Bob's unholy fiddle.
Another phemonenal was seen whereby The Fallen One doth seek to hide his visage from True Believers - and at the same time to magnify his magnefitism via a megaphone. This appears to be working, as his magentaism has been noted to have increased with the proof of various implements becoming stuck unto his Body.... a microphone, and his own fiddle bow being two of these. The Faithful are urged to bee on the lookout for more proof of his un-natural farce.
A Question has been posed unto the faithful: this is fit to be used for Mediation and other relaxation techniques, though it is NOT advised to fall asleep using this technique, as it may result in Great Big Nightmares:
"What it is about the "bassist personality" that renders Darrell a "vaguely familiar face" whilst Séan gets hollered down in D.C. side streets and Alan, upon wandering innocently into the fray, needs "rescuing" by his bandmates?"
This may be a scientologist phenomenommmm to rival The Bob Effect. Answers on a postcard, please.
That RCMP Scott hath named the 26th May as Great Big Sea Day, to be celebrated worldwide with dance, song, sociabubbles and variegated other Kitchen Party behaviour. Residents in easterly time zones get a head start on the Sociabubbles and the Offering of Guinness.
Abject apologies and thanks to those whose artworks I 'nicked' for these annals..... Hap and Fran!
Fifthth Minarets of the meetings
of PWAOWAH
New Offices:
Disciple of Sean's Divine 'dentations - *C*
Ofiseal With The Same Polar Charge As Bob. - MEllen
Americana Pooblicist and Keeper of Sean's Spittle - Sarah
CwbD. Ross. Pe&PfoPWAOWAE - Claudia
Chatelaine of Séan's Sweeties - Krysia
1. Turn of Events:
A Saint of the Lower Order from the 7th Heaven of Warner Canada did pay a visit unto the PWAOWAH Chapel (otherwise known as the Online Kitchen Party Chat) for the divine purpose of handing out freebies. Much exaltation, panic and overloading of e-mail boxes ensued, and it has been noted that competitors were noticable by their lack of fingernails, attachment to all variety of 'stress toys' and unusual ability to snap and grouch at family members for the next week or so. Whereupon the wingéd and haloéd Adrienne did put some of us out of our misery, and others deeper therein by posting the competition winners. Some competitors were not able to claim their prizes due to being taken away by the little men in white coats for screaming and babbling unintelliglibly in their places of work. There was much crying of tears, beating of teeth and gnashing of breasts from winners and non-winners alike.
The Secrethairy had to be surgically removed from her letterbox after unholy delays on the part of the Royal Mail, and the Italian Chef applied for Petty Harbour Cash to cover her tissue expenditure due to emotional strain caused by reviewing TURN for the benefit of the non-winners.
2. Futher Scientific Papers:
The Spinne DoC and The inSecurity Person have both tabled scientific papers, on "Bob Magnetism" and "Outbreaks of No Consequence" respectively. In addition, further theories and symptoms have been mentioned:
The E-bob-la Virus: it has been observed that GBS Fever is contagious. The symptoms of addiction to Newfoundland folk music, Great Big Dreams and salivation over Rant & Roar have been passed to small people of a young nature who have had NO CONTACT with the band whatsoever. The vectors of this dis-ease need to be further investigated, and an anti-vaccine prepared.
It has also been noted that, during the Divine Ones' current Excursion, the number of Great Big Virginias has decreased noticeably, and the Followers of the Holy Ones are increasing expidentially.
The Eye Contact Effect: at various acts of worship, the powers and natures of The God, his Saints and The Fallen One have been further demonstrated and proved by the ability or lack thereof of their Disciples and Followers to maintain contact via the eyes (most disciples would prefer contact of a different kind, but this is not always possible).
To describe the effects: The God Alan, in all his kindness, is extremely easy to look in the eyeballs (for those who are aiming that high), due to his easy-going and friendly nature. Saint Séan seems to be still learning to manage his intensity, and followers have so far been unable to maintain eye contact for more than a few seconds at a time, without risking hormone burn-out. Saint Darrell has a similar nature to The God, but is more of the "I am what I am" type of divinity; and The Fallen One has only rarely been known to make eye contact, presumably in order to hoard his power. When he does make eye contact, it is to remonstrate with the followers of The God; one has stated that they have clearly received the message "What are you up to? Don't make me come down there!" while said follower was screaming prayers unto The God.
Investigation into these effects is ongoing. It's gonna be a LONG tour.
3. The Séan Sacrament:
A Miracle of a munchie nature was Witnessed at a recent Act of Worship. In the words of the Newly Converted and Ordained Chatelaine of Séan's Sweeties:-
"During one utterly amazing Act of Worship, shortly after the Offering Of Guinness took place, and in a lull between the shouting of Prayers at the God, just after someone made the Warding Sigh of the Bumblebee at The Fallen One, the following Miracle did happen.
Saint Séan was clearly seen to bestow blessings upon the Victuals of a group of Followers, in the following form: said "Hey, is anyone going to eat that chocolate?" . The answer was a reluctant negative, whereupon the Saint did magically transport the said sweetie unto his luscious lips, and did appear to be in Ecstasy therefrom, to the extent where The God was inclined to 'doyle' for a time to allow the Sainted Tongue to uncurl. Sounds of "mmmmmm" and "oooh" were heard to issue from said lips, and the rest of the Divine Ones were left to look upon the Miracle and despair."
In memoriam of this amazing Happening, a new Sacrament is introduced unto the Followers; that every member of PWAOWAH should carry, in a place where it is unlikely to melt, a Chocolate Truffle of high quality, in the unlikelihood that they should one day meet Saint Séan, that he not be disappointed and scorn their presents.
In the event that certain Followers do not have the Luck to meet the Saint or any other of the Divine Ones before the Expiration Date of the Truffle, it is permissible to partake of a nibble or two, providing Saint Séan is firmly in one's thoughts while one is so doing. Don't choke on the nuts.
4. The Imminence:
All Canadian Followers are urged to be on the look-out for The FourthComing of The Band That Never Ended, due any day now.
The Imminence of the FourthComing will be preceded by much impatience, speculation and queueueing in front of Record Stores by the Mulititude.
The ForthComing itself is prophesied to bring the Conversion of many GBV's unto the True Faith, and the filling to overflowing of Places of Worship at various times during the ensuing year.
Sighns of the Imminent FourthComing include the sudden appearance of small square plastic cases containing an Icon in the form of a small human being on a merry-go-round in that instant before he is to upchuck (a metaphor for The Great Big Tour?).
The Icon is artfully concealing a bright, shiny round metallic Relic, which, when placed in the Correct Equipment will emit a fascinating range of beautiful, charming and uplifting Sounds, which are said to be of great help in meditation and the Attainment of Nirvana for the Followers.
All Followers within the Realm of Canada and all who are within reach of that Realm should be on the look-out for the Sighns, and should reprot back to their Fellow Followers in the Chat immediament.
Sunday 18th April 1999 a.m. over here
Foundering Fetishisisht and Public Relatives Officer
TrishQ
Presentdid and Keeper of the Frame (see "Votive Candle of the Holy Shrimp")
Willow
Secrethairy, Foreignbody Office Supervisor (PWAOWAH-UK) and Cantor (see "Sacred Vow of Washngo")
Teddy
Vice-presidon't in charge of Puns, Dooble Attendance and Freudian Unmentionables
Hap
Vice-vice-squad in charge of Coffee, Twizzle Sticks and Bob's Knees
Jane in Virginia
Official pi- sorrry, peace negotiator and security guard (in case of further anti-obsessive attacks)
Tina
(arms in waving/circular motion extending to the left side...)
"I'm a rover, "
(hands on heart and body swinging to the right...)
"Can you love me anyway?"
(arms opening with inquisitive motion, face expressing vividly the uncertainty of the moment...)
I swear upon thy holy spray to keep this vow for ever:
That I wilt worship every day upon the Holy Shrimp
Whose place it changeth always, like bubbles in the sink.
The Chausible of Clairol or the GoodHair magazines.
I will exchange with others the Look of L'oreal
As had been taught unto us by our bestest Friend, Rachel.
Which maketh my follicles to shine and also to smell sweet.
At every sacred Gig, wherever it may be
I'll stand before my God and whisper "Why not me?"
I ask of thee just one thing only, if you will me allow:
That my hair will grow both long and strong if I have followed the Canon
And one day may be perfect, like that of the Great God Alan.
The Great God Alan:
Look-At-Me-Red, denoting the hot-bloodedness of his various female (and the occasional male) followers.
Saint Séan:
Violent Violet, which has become recognised as 'his' colour during one memorexable USA day of worship
Saint Darrell:
Leopardskin, because he doesn't usually get enough attention. He will now.
The Fallen One, a.k.a. Bob:
Black, in token of his fatal attraction of Alan's rightful disciples (see below). Besides, Bob in black silk.......
Alex - Italian Chef
Mari-Mac - Someone Very Important Indeed
Lara - Recruiting Sergeant Extraordinaire
Head Berry Picker
Becky
Chief Puck and Keeper of the Holy Goalie Gear
Rayna
Correction to last minuses (now the Secrethairy has recovered from her spreeee):
Fun-Raiser, in charge of Petty Harbour Cash
Mari-Mac
1. The FourthComing....
2. DeVideo-tions....
3. Further Examples of Bob's Magnetism....
4. The Zen of GBS....
5. A Fiendly Reminder....
(Chief-would-be-dancer, reporter on science-subjects and psychological excesses and proud founder of pwaowaEyebrows)
New Minutes
Back to Front Page
