There has been a veritical explosion of new ofiseals this month. There will be another Unscientific Paper committed on whether or not obsession is catching....

Toe Cardinal of Comfortable Shoes (so They Don't Freeze Together in Little Beggar Shoes)	Eh Canadian
Spiritual & Scriptural Sibyl to the Oracle Of The Gods	Dr T
Excursion Around The Bay Watch Lifeguard	Mich
Designed Red VW Driver & Wardrobe Master of the Nun's Habits	U.S Sailor Fred
Phobic Phil O'Sopher, Scribner, and Keeper of Proximic Garments	Cheechi

1. Underwhere

It has come to the Offiseal's attentions that more than a few GBS Obsessives have had to be repreminded for the heinous act of going Margarita during Acts of Worship, thereby embrassing the God and his cohorts to such extent that they are unable to sing. And worse, artichokes of clothing have been aerobatically propelled into the close vicinity AND ONTO THE PERSONS OF the Gods! Worshippers are hereby requested to refrain from such acts in future – though some of us may harbour the fantastic of seeing Alan draped in womens underthangs, the rest of us could do without retiring for the night with that particular imago on our minds....

2. The Dao of Doyling

The quest for spiritual enlightenment continues. A panel of experts (and we use the term loosely) has debated endlessly (or so it seems) on the path to perfection through the condemnation of eternal truths. No-one could agree on this matter, as it seems that truth is entirely subjunctive. So, instead, the eternal alteration of truth was debated, described and delineated. The results are published offiseally in the Dao of Doyling, available for perusal through the PWAOWAH Headquarters. The Secrethairy disclaims all responsibility for overloads of a spiritual, mental, emotional or monetary nature relating to the studying of this – erm, document. This carries an advisory for people of a young or sensitive nature, and sheep.

3. Scriptural Interpretations

There have been several Scriptural Interpretation Sessions ongoing in the Temple, aka the Online Kitchen Party Chatroom, on the latest pronounciations from the Gods, known in common as “The New Album”, or “Turn”. Much have the meanings of the Chapters, or “songs” been debated, so far to no certain conclusion, other than the suspicion that Old Brown’s Daughter was not the saint she seemed, that Jack Hinks was really that brilliant, but was just another doyler. One definite conclusion was roached - that Saint Séan was definitively on the old black rum when he wrote "Feel It Turn", and that he does a great Rod Stewart impression. It was suggestived that in honour of this, all PWAOWAH members should procure spiky wigs, tartan scarves and spandex trousers, but we soon slipped some Valium in that misguided person's grog.

On a further scriptural note, the newly-appointed Phobic Phil O'Sopher, Scribner, and Keeper of Proximic Garments has inaugurated her offiseal-ness by digging through piles of thirty-something (possibly) year old manuscripts, eyewitness accounts and countless myths and legends to compile the Un-Offiseal Great Big Bible (St John's version).

4. Further Contagions

There has been a further and worsening outbreak of the Ebobla virus, whereby innocent persons who have not been in direct contact with any of the members of Great Big Sea develop a horrifying fascination with the Gods etc and their habits (nuns or otherwise). It has been proved that continuinging contact with a carrier of the virus (who shall henceforth be known as Typhoid Hap) can dramatically increase the symptoms in Ebobla victims of a tender age:

"When the family went swimming together in the ocean, and every one was good and wet, B. would cry out, "Everybody be Alan!!" And then the whole lot of them would bend over, dip their heads in the water, and do a synchronised Alan Hair Flip, the collective spray shooting up to the heavens!"

Indeed a tragic suitcase. Disciples of The Gods are urged to obtain spray canisters of the Ebobla virus with which to anoint any crowd into which they should happen to venture into. Further investigmata into the symptoms and progress of this appealing condition are now underway, and will be publiced in due course. Contributions to research are gratefully accepted.

Disclaimer: Any resembling to persons living, dead or nonexistent within this dicument are purely intentional. The Secrethairy claims exemption from prosecutioning on the grounds of diminutive responsibility.