TALES FROM SENEGAL FIELDS
The Millwall Fanzine
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TALES FROM SENEGAL
FIELDS Issue No 17
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Extracts from Issue No 17:
Hey this don't look like much, but click
above and laugh your rocks off!!
The South London Executive Education Committee has determined that different secondary Maths Exam are required for pupils in Peckham and New Cross. Below are the most recent maths exam papers for your reference.
MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS IN Bermondsey.
NAME_____________________________
NICK-NAME________________________
GANG NAME________________________
1. Shug has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Malkie for 300 quid and 90 grams to Gozy for 90 quid a gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
2. Elroy McKay pimps brassers. If the price is 40 quid a shag, how many shags per day must each brasser perform to support his 500 quid a day crack habit?
3. Whacker wants to cut the kilo of cocaine he bought for 7,000 bar, to make a 20% profit. How many grams of strychnine will he need?
4. Christy got 6 years for murder. He also got 350,000 for the hit. If his common law wife spends 33,100 per year, how much money will be left when he gets out? Extra credit bonus: How much more time will Christy get for killing the slapper that spent his money?
5. Bagga steals Dunky's skateboard. As Bagga skates away at a speed of 35mph, Dunky loads his brother's piece. If it takes Dunky 20 seconds to load the gun, how far will Bagga hve travelled when he gets whacked?
MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS IN New Cross Gate
NAME________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________ (if longer, please continue on separate sheet)
DADDY'S COMPANY_____________________________________________
1. Julian smashes up the old man's car, causing x amount of damage and killing three people. The old man asks the local MP to intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim and receives a payment of y. The difference between x and y is three times the life insurance settlement of the three dead people. What kind of car is Julian driving now?
2. Chloe's personal shopper decides to substitute genetic and own-brand products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course of a month she saves the price of the return ticket to Fiji and Chloe doesn't even notice the difference. Is she thick or what?
3. Roly fancies the arse off a certain number of tarts, but he only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconcious. If he has 14 Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two-thirds?
4. If Savannah throws up four times a day for a week she can fit into a size 8 Versace. If she only throws up three times a day for two weeks, she has to make do with a size 10 Dolce et Gabbana. How much does liposuction cost?
5. Alexander is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners. However, he only has access to the Hoover every third week. When does his Sunday Independent column start?
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