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Digstons Stores Group is proud to announce the launch of another branch of our popular computer chain aimed specifically at the affluent "Businessmen with more self-esteem than to call a sex-line" and "computer users with nothing better to do", social groups.
Or maybe you need a scanner to import high-quality imagery into your computer? Any of our female staff will be happy to demonstrate our wide range of scanners and digital cameras by posing for provocative shots in store. Prices range from as little as £45.33 (staff under 24 are not available for demonstration on budget models).
Computer Whorehouse is a specialist in all aspects of modern computing and
harlotry. We will endeavour to ensure that our customers are always satisfied
with our service; our staff go through a rigorous training programme with our
middle-management, before being granted a position on staff.
Computer Whorehouse cannot be held responsible should our goods fail to be up
to the operating standard of which they appeared in the shop. All systems are
for display purposes only, and are not meant to represent any function
available in sale systems.
All customers who purchase an item from Computer Whorehouse are entitled to a
free STD extension from us. Computer Whorehouse cannot be held responsible
should STD prove fatal or otherwise seriously detrimental to customers
health.
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Computer Whorehouse - The New Name In Technology And Brothels
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At Computer Whorehouse, our customers are our first priority, which is why we
can offer such a personal service; Keli (left) is our resident drive expert,
and she will be happy to offer you advice on all forms of read/write media.
She offers many services, including upgrading older systems. She is
particularly adept when replacing older components - she has been known to
make a floppy system hard within four seconds. And she'll fellate you when
she's finished installing your HD, for the all-inclusive price of £49.95 (HD
not included). 
Fancy a laptop? One of our most requested products is the excellent Yakamuto
Vera 550mhz system, which comes complete with Windows 2000, internal DVD/CD,
3gig
HD and 24megabytes of high-class pornographic pictures. People expecting some
kind of sexual connotation with the term 'laptop' will not be disappointed
either; our laptop specialist, Nikki is well versed in all innuendo potential,
and will happily perform any act (within the law) when you purchase the
Yakamuto Vera550 (only £2002.92). 
Laptop too small? Are you a power user? Then you want a
powerful, fast
system, such as the Conpac Impressivo 800mhz (£2855.27), as recommended by
our nubile
Denise, our power sales assistant. 
Not convinced? Perhaps it's just out of your price range? Well, Denise also
has a less-advanced machine, the Backward Fell 700, a 700mhz machine which
comes complete with a cheap headphone/microphone combo, a dangerously
kludged release of Windows98, and a 56k V90 modem (modem does not include
ability to dial or answer incoming calls. Drivers unavailable/unreliable).
Still not convinced? Then Denise will have sex with you LIVE, while
demonstrating webcams displayed on 6ft screens at the back of the shop. 
Perhaps you're a gamer? Our resident games expert Claire is famed for her
expert joystick-tussling, and will be happy to challenge you to any game
single-handed, while pulling you off with the other hand. And if you're not
completely satisfied, you get a free copy of the popular interactive
experience, Rising Knobrot (penicillin not
included). 