"I am NOT an animal! I am a HUMAN BEING!", cried the Elephant Man, obliviously.

"But sir, I mean you no insults; it's just that you bear a striking resemblance to an elephant", Colonel Bumble said, politely. He pushed his glasses back to the top of his nose, a simple gesture which seemed to defuse the situation slightly.

"In what way do I resemble an elephant?"

"Well, for starters, you have a greyish, leathery skin," offered the Colonel.

"And that makes me an elephant, does it?"

"No, that would be absurd. But you do have unfeasibly large ears."

"I was bullied all through school for those. How can you be so cruel?"

"And then there's the fact that you have a trunk. A trifling fact, I know, but is does, nevertheless contribute to your elephant-like appearance."

"But Colonel, surely you wouldn't accuse a fellow human being of being an elephant, simply because their appearance is not what you would call normal? Would you really be so heartless?"

"No. You've got a tail as well. And four really thick legs."

"But does that justify you insulting me in such a way? I state once more, I am not an animal. I am a human being, and deserve to be treated as such."

The Colonel paused for a second, and reached inside his tweed jacket to pull out a small flask of whisky. He took a swig, offered it to his opponent, and, rejected, he placed it back in his pocket.

Stroking his moustache, the Colonel looked thoughtfully at the ground, calmly thinking how he could win this argument. After all, he had never lost an argument in his life.

"Lost for words, Colonel? Do you see now? Do you see? I am like you, although I may not appear beautiful, nor even acceptable, I am human, and I deserve the same respect as any other person."

Suddenly, the Colonel realised what should have been blindingly obvious.

"You ARE an animal, and I can prove it", he confidently cried.

"Colonel, your arguments are, at best desperate, and at worst, offensive. However, I shall indulge you. Please go on."

"This," the Colonel declared, triumphantly, "is a Zoo. And you are in the elephant enclosure. With the other elephants."

The Elephant Man stared straight into the Colonel's eyes, and said, calmly, "Yeah, OK, I admit it, I'm not a human. I am an animal, an elephant. Had you going though, didn't I."

And it was at this point, that the Colonel was suddenly filled with respect, for this dumb animal had engaged him in a deep and meaningful conversation on the merits of the perception of people based on their appearance.

He waved goodbye to the elephant, and walked away from the enclosure, pausing only to take one more look at the animal. He felt he had to tell others what this elephant had taught him.

Unfortunately, the nurses from the psychiatric ward found him at this point and sedated him, and his story went untold. Which is a great pity, as it really was quite a poignant, thought-provoking story.