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Instruction and Advice For the Young Bride on the
Conduct and Procedure of the Intimate and Personal Relationships of the
Marriage State for the Greater Spiritual Sanctity of this Blessed Sacrament
and the Glory of God.
By Ruth Smythers beloved wife of The Reverend L.D. Smythers, Pastor of the
Arcadian Methodist Church of the Eastern Regional Conference Published in
the year of our Lord 1894, Spiritual Guidance Press, New York City.
To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper upbringing,
the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and the most terrifying
day of her life. On the positive side, there is the wedding itself, in
which the bride is the central attraction in a beautiful and inspiring
ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to provide for all her
needs for the rest of her life. On the negative side, there is the wedding
night, during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing
for the first time the terrible experience of sex.
At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth. Some
young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity
and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband
can easily take advantage of such a bride.
One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE,
GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have been
a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust. On the other
hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme. While sex is at best
revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured, and has been
by women since the beginning of time, and is compensated for by
the monogamous home and by the children produced through it.
It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the groom
to forego the sexual initiation. While the ideal husband would be one
who would approach his bride only at her request and only for the purpose
of begetting offspring, such nobility and unselfishness cannot be
expected from the average man.
Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The wise
bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during
the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort
to reduce this frequency.
Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife's
best friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding, and bickering
also prove very effective, if used in the late evening about an hour before
the husband would normally commence his seduction.
Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods
of denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. A good
wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the
end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the
fifth year of marriage.
By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child
bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all
sexual contacts with the husband. By this time she can depend upon his love
for the children and social pressures to hold the husband in the home.
Just as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex as low as possible, the wise bride will pay equal attention to limiting the kind and degree of sexual contacts. Most men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting practices. These practices include among others performing the normal act in abnormal positions; mouthing the female body; and offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.
Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, viewing
photographs and drawings depicting or suggesting sex are other obnoxious
habits the male is likely to acquire if permitted.
A wise bride will make it her goal never to allow her husband to see
her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to
her.
Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced only in
total darkness. Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton
nightgowns for themselves and pyjamas for their husbands. These should be
donned in separate rooms. They need not be removed during the sex act.
Thus, a minimum of flesh is exposed.
Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the lights,
she should lie quietly upon the bed and await her groom. When he comes
groping into the room she should make no sound to guide him in her
direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement. She should let him
grope in the dark. There is always the hope that he will stumble and incur
some slight injury which she can use as an excuse to deny him sexual
access.
When he finds her, the wife should lie as still as possible. Bodily
motion on her part could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the
optimistic husband.
If he attempts to kiss her on the lips she should turn her head slightly so
that the kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek instead. If he attempts to kiss
her hand, she should make a fist. If he lifts her gown and attempts to kiss
her anyplace else she should quickly pull the gown back in place, spring
from the bed, and announce that nature calls her to the toilet.
This will generally dampen his desire to kiss in the forbidden
territory. If the husband attempts to seduce her with lascivious talk, the
wise wife will suddenly remember some trivial non-sexual question to ask
him. Once he answers she should keep the conversation going, no matter how
frivolous it may seem at the time.
Eventually, the husband will learn that if he insists on having
sexual contact, he must get on with it without amorous embellishment. The
wise wife will allow him to pull the gown up no farther than the waist,
and only permit him to open the front of his pyjamas to thus make
connection.
She will be absolutely silent or babble about her housework while he
is huffing and puffing away. Above all, she will lie perfectly still
and never under any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is in
progress.
As soon as the husband has completed the act the wise wife will
start nagging him about various minor tasks she wishes him to perform on
the morrow. Many men obtain a major portion of their sexual satisfaction
from the peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act is over. Thus the
wife must insure that there is no peace in this period for him to enjoy.
Otherwise, he might be encouraged to soon try for more.
One heartening factor for which the wife can be grateful is the fact
that the husband's home, school, church, and social environment have
been working together all through his life to instill in him a deep sense
of guilt in regards to his sexual feelings, so that he comes to the
marriage couch apologetically and filled with shame, already half cowed
and subdued. The wise wife seizes upon this advantage and relentlessly
pursues her goal first to limit, later to annihilate completely her
husband's desire for sexual expression.