I was my parents' first-born child and their favourite for 15 glorious months until, on June 5, 1975, Janine was born and I was condemned to life as "second fiddle".

Janine was a very cute baby (obviously, being related to me).

And I had no problems settling into my new role as "big brother".

Janine settled into her role as "baby sister" a little too well, believing me to be some sort of domestic servant; whenever she wanted something, instead of asking my parents directly, she would whisper her request to me and I'd toddle off to my mum and dad to tell them what Sister wanted.

James Ledger

She did this so often that Mum and Dad were a little concerned that she couldn't talk properly and that their daughter may be a bit "slow". Hmmm…

Janine and I were bestest friends as children and had a great childhood together, playing all day long "Enid Blyton-stylee".
Favourite games included pushing each other around in a pushchair, curby, Action Man and Sindy doll, racing-cars on Squasher One, the "Teddy Bear Olympics" (held every two months until I left home to go to university), the Commodore Vic- 20 and death-defying scooter/bike races round and round the crescent. I challenge any of today's weedy "Sunny D" quaffing kids to get a half-tonne Raleigh Grifter up to speed!

Commodore Vic-20

It was great having a younger sister at school as you immediately had "legitimate cause" to roam the school, beating people up. My personal favourite was the lad who threw a board rubber at Janine's head and subsequently missed his bus while I beat him to a pulp because, of course, no-one was allowed to be nasty to Janine - that was my job!

Janine has been known by many pseudonyms over the years, including: Neen, Neeeney, Big Fat Neen, Pru, Prudence, Prudence Nausea, Ninky, Ninky-Nooh-Nah, Pinky, Pinky Plops, Pinky Plops-Poo-Poo, Lardy Cake, and "Favourite".

Anyone who knows Janine knows of her bubbly demeanour and caring selfless nature. So, instead of going on about her good side, I thought I'd share some insider information concerning the darker side of Janine's character.

Unstable at times, Janine chaired the 1942 Wannsee Conference and was spotted on the Dallas grassy knoll in 1963.

Bert and Osama bin Laden

She was instrumental in implementing Stalin's post-Kirov purges, was a founder member of the Al-Qaeda terrorist network and, perhaps most worryingly of all, is quite grouchy in the mornings.

Despite her many flaws, Janine has been like a sister to me over the years and it is fitting that she has now married Tim, who for the past six years has been like the brother I never wanted. Good luck to you both!

James Ledger,
Janine's brother and usher.