Body Language

Many people believe that all they have to do to take on the appearance of the opposite biological sex is to put on a dress, use a little make-up and they are there. That is not the case and will cause somebody to be read easily. There are a combination of features that need to be used to reinforce people's idea that you are a woman. Speech patterns are important but one of the most important things is body language. If your body language is wrong then you are going to be read instantly.

There are major differences in body language between men and women. From time to time it will appear to converge because some men have innate feminine traits and some women have innate masculine traits. In General though, transsexuals need to have a slight stereotype in order to be unmistakenly taken as a member of the opposite birth sex regardless of what they happen to be wearing. For example, I am almost always taken for female even when wearing a sweatshirt and jeans. This, I put down to my long-time study of body language.

How do you start? Body language can't be learned overnight, especially if you have been in denial for long periods of time or you have tried to make yourself appear as masculine as possible. Genetic females have a lifetime to pick up the natural movements and body language - male to female transsexuals often have a lifetime of being brought up as male, learning male body language, and then wish to change to female almost overnight with sometimes, very little preparation.

The simple way to learn body language is to observe women closely. This may be easier said than done because if you stare you are likely to be noticed and thought of as a little strange. A thing that I used to do was to go to a public cafe, often with a newspaper and observe the female customers over the top of that newspaper. This way, you can observe the way a woman would hold a cigarette, or a cup of coffee. You can see how she interacts with other men or women, her hand and facial expressions, the way she sits. But it's important that you don't only observe one person. Many women have different body languages. Most of them are correct but they are different.

It's important to observe how somebody may smile, or flirt or laugh or yawn. A woman will often smile lots but when she laughs it will be a small laugh or she may laugh behind her hand. She doesn't have a loud belly-laugh as a man would do. Smiling may also be part of the flirting ritual too. A stereotype is that a woman will flutter her eyelashes at a man - not true. You need to observe it for yourself though. Just because a woman flirts does not mean she wishes to sleep with somebody. I flirt all the time and I'm celibate until after my operation.

You need to observe how a woman really walks, in flats, in trainers and in heels. Don't fall into the stereotypical trap of deliberately swaying your hips because you will only see that in films or on a catwalk and it's a dead giveaway in real life. Watch how a woman holds her arms when walking and watch what she does with her hands. Notice the differences when she is carrying a handbag, a bag of shopping or nothing at all. Watch her with children or with other adults and notice the differences in various age groups. Running is another way men and women differ. Watch how a female jogger runs or how a woman will run for a bus or a train. There are differences from the way men do it.

The most important thing of all is to practice what you learn. If you are out observing then copy the mannerisms but do it in a subtle way. Make it as natural as possible and practice often. Little mannerisms give the body language signals and regardless of appearance you will soon get called miss, madam, love, sweetheart, etc.

Body language can't be learned overnight and takes a lot of observation and a lot of practice. Don't copy from other transgendered people because if they make a mistake, you will learn the mistake and not the correct way of doing things. Avoid too much transgender stereotyping. A female impersonator rarely has the correct mannerisms and they use over-the-top stereotypes to reinforce their images of women which are often misplaced.

Finally, Don't think I AM MALE, think I AM FEMALE and you will succeed.

Copyright of Pamela Sexton, 2005.
Edited for Transsexual UK, by Krystyna Haywood

Courtesy of Pamela's Palace

Reproduced by kind permission of Pamela Sexton

All the information in this information sheet, including the web verions remains copyrighted by Pamela Sexton, with all world wide rights reserved.

This information sheet was edited for Transsexual UK by Krystyna Haywood, 2005.