On Firearms

This happened to me in a bar in King of Prussia which, for those of the less travelled, is a dormitory town north west of Philadelphia. The bar was called Lulu Wellingtons and is, alas, no more.

However, I was perched on a barstool having a Rolling Rock, which for what my opinion is worth is probably the best beer on the planet. But I digress. You don't have to utter more than a few words for the Americans to pick up the fact that you're a foreigner. Once that is established it seems to give them an immediate right to engage in conversation. I don't mind that, especially if I'm on my own. So I get talking to this guy and I don't recall how the conversation got onto firearms but I recall asking him if he felt it was necessary to carry a gun. Not only was he highly enthusiastic about this but to my alarm proceeded to pull an enormous gun from the holster under his arm.

"What the fuck do carry that for?" I enquired with incredulity. This piece would probably have knocked bricks out of a wall had it been discharged.

"Gotta protect yourself!"

I look out of window onto a sleepy village scene expecting to see large gangs of enraged youths ordark limousines speeding by spraying the bar with machine gun fire. But all I hear are the crickets.

"From what?"

"From whatever!"

I decided to leave that enigma and try another tack.

"Have you ever considered that any weapon you hold can be taken from you and used against you?"

"Yep! Got hat covered too!"

With that he hoists up his trouser leg to reveal another holster with a small gun in it. I look outside again nervously in case I missed something the first time. I glanced back at him with incredulity written all over my face. But before I could comment he lifted his other trouser leg to reveal a knife in another kind of holster strapped to his leg.

"Ever had cause to use this armoury?" I ventured.

"Nope. But I'm prepared."

I wondered if he was prepared to be shot simultaneously in the hip and balls while being knifed in the calf were he ever to fall over while having all this weaponry strapped to his body.