On BMW                   (has replies - see end of rant.) updated 23.1.2003

Anyway, I was looking around a BMW dealership when I came across this piece of advice that I assume is given with each new purchase of this car.

Thank you for purchasing this BMW car. With it you show discernment of choice and are obviously a person of substance. To show our gratitude we would like to give you a free bonus: THE ROAD.

Yes, it's your's. You don't have to share it; it really belongs to you now. You may drive at whatever speed you like irrespective of others around you since they all know that they are trespassing and must give you priority. You may change lanes and make any manoeuvres you like without the need for indication. You no longer have to stop at red lights and you may park wherever you like.

Enjoy the new experience of being a proud BMW owner.

Thanks for the money! ASS HOLE!

Rain Dancer on BMW.

To say WE are insulted would of course be an understatement (I couldn't of course possible speak for the other drivers!!) It is very sad that you have obviously missed Rule Number One of the Road.

It belongs to the BMW driver...........sad I know that you have to sit on that Harley 'thing' in all weathers trying to re-capture a mis-spent youth, but then we all have our problems and crosses to bear!!

Speed, well that is par for the course.........that is why we have a well lubricated pedal among others things.....but I have no wish to be rude or offensive!

Why else have lanes unless for changing and variety, we and I mean the 'female we' need a change of scenery saves boredom setting in...........and that could be dangerous.......just imagine lubricated and bored woman!!!

Enjoy the cold wet winter days. I will think of you!!!

The Wolf responds

I have no more intention in getting into a flame war with this fabulous woman than I have of publishing a picture of her being debagged by one of my offspring! So to show good humour, I reply thus;

Dear Raindancer,

It is always heartwarming to hear from you. Many thanks for the very personal abuse you so generously passed my way. It gave me quite a thrill to think of you as well lubricated. It must be relief to your staff to have you back to your normal self after appearing relaxed for so long (3 days wasn't it?). I look forward to seeing you soon. Shall I bring the baby oil or have you your own supply? Keep up the fancy footwork.

As ever, your humble (I give great humble, ask Val) and obedient (if somewhat flipant) servant,

Wolf56

Rocky on BMW

 I too share your view, Wolf! on those arrogant little shits, driving around in those BMW's. If you ever see a BMW driver, crying by the road side, with a broken mirror, it may well have been a frustrated motorcycle driver, passing by and accidentally smashing their electric mirror off with a downward thrust of the fist. (i wonder why this sort of thing happens).

Any way! it's a shame that these morons don't show a little more patriotism towards there own country.(Yes buying British). I've been driving for 31 years, and enjoy driving my Triumph trident motorcycle, especially when I'm commanding the road, in front of the morons.

My passion, as you know, is sports cars. Having owned a Morgan previously, it now saddens me, to see the new Morgan, as pornographic as it is, has now got a desease inside it. Yes! the masters, have decided to plonk in a BMW lump, what a shame. Part of the new image, no doubt. I do hope this doesn't turn the much respected Morgan drivers, into the cretinus BWM image, that makes them so proud. It's great to have opinions about things. in it!.

And as for mobile phones, well! I haven't had time to read your comments fully. It does seem your views are matched with mine though. I know?, instead of using paintball guns to shoot BMW drivers, when they are misbehaving, why don't we just simply throw our mobile phones at them. Cool!

Rocky

The Man on BMW

 ...and I thought I was paranoid about these morons. Nice one Wolf and Rocky. I saw your reference to paint ball guns, well where I come from we can still pack a shot gun. Perhaps we can start a "get the fucking BMW" day. Sort of declare an open day on these inconsiderate self opinionated overpaid pissants.

Is that too strong for publication?

The Man

Andre on BMW.

By the way, I do drive BMW and indeed, do consider that the road is all mine and only wish BMW be enhanced by some KRUPP's technology to enforce this consideration. But those fucking leather-dressed motocyclists who seem to have the same claim about the road - they keep challenging my well deserved exclusivity! What about writing something about them? 

TALE OF A BMW DRIVER by Mr Orsm.

The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars.

First off, I couldn't Believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway (the driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.)!

Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane (why do underlings use this lane? Surely everyone knows it is for BMW drivers only?).

Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 176 km/h enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 120 km/h. Naturally, I got to within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane of my motorway and to get out of my way.

Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me! He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car.

Needless to say, I was eager oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast! Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to go to court and show them. The man also said if I carried on like this they would take my drivers licence away! Can you imagine no need for a drivers licence?

See, now THAT's the sort of respect you get when you buy and drive a BMW!